2 Timothy 1:7

When I first started attending CWC, it finally made sense why God moved us from FUMC. Sorry for the abbreviations. It doesn't really matter, though. I had felt nudgings for months before we finally left, even though we were standing on the ledge, readying to jump into the youth ministry. We were teaching Sunday school to a great group of 4th-6th graders, who we had become pretty fond of. It just didn't make sense why God was moving us, but it felt right and we felt at peace after deliberating for hours. After the goodbyes and a few tears, we took some time to pray about where we'd go now! After all, we were on our second church in a few years and just hadn't found home yet. We prayed that God would lead us to a church where we felt loved and could give love in return. Oh, how he answered. And fast too!

This verse followed me around in those early days at CWC....

For God did not give us (me) a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7.

Where did THAT come from? I'd never heard that one....

Loosely translated: When we allow people to intimidate us, we neutralize our effectiveness for God. The power of the Holy Spirit can help us overcome our fear of what some might say or do to us so that we can continue to do God's work.

Oh, how some tried to intimidate me into staying where I didn't belong because it was inconvenient for them for me to leave!

Oh, how some couldn't have cared less that we left at all because they'd never taken the time to say hello!

Oh, how we just never seemed to "click"!

Oh, how I let that bother me WAY too much back then!!

Yes, God knew my thoughts were turned the wrong ways and he knew how much I was hurting. He brought me to a place where maybe not everything is perfect, but so so much clearer now. He gave me new friends, new family, and an ability to finally let go of the hurts from before that were holding me back. He showed me how to grow in Him, and to let others show me what walking with Christ really means! He taught me to let go of my expectations and just let things simply be.

It's been a few years since we left, but I still feel that old familiar tension sometimes. Nattie's old friends are there, and since we left, she's not part of the group so much anymore. They're nice girls and still include her from time to time, but the disconnection is hard and I won't deny that.

I think that's why God keeps that verse right in my ear at all times. I also learned something very important about churches in our quest to find our home church. It's not always the church's fault, the pastor's fault, the board's fault, the congregation's fault that we have issues. Sometimes it's our own insecurity and our own spiritual immaturity that keep us from having a full life with Christ.

Because the Holy Spirit resides in me, I have the power to let things go, and I have love and self-discipline to keep me growing in Christ. I have not "arrived" and probably won't until I die, but I will keep my eyes up and not look back on those old days of uncertainty. I won't let old feelings fester and take root in me because there is no room in me for that! There is only room for growth and forgiveness and an ability to start over from wherever I happen to land when I fall.

I love ya, CWC! You and God made a difference in me!!