Life Adjustments

In the last decade, my life has changed quite a bit. I didn't notice it much, as it changed so gradually, but somehow, my kids grew up, I got older, and things just changed. Sometimes it hits all at once. The change in me, the change in our life, the change of our parenting, the loss of two close family members, and yes, the growing up of our babies. BAM! WHAMMO! KABLOOEY!! What the heck happened here??

I am slow to change, and it doesn't always serve me well emotionally. I tend to want to hold on a little longer, and sometimes it just feels like a slow band-aid removal. Sometimes I wish I could just rip and roll with it. Some things I can do that very well. Others are slow and painful! I don't want to wallow in grief, or be too resistant to change, so I try to blow through situations and feelings in hopes of a good outcome. What I've learned is that sometimes I avoid the fire, and what burns is the wait.

Dealing with things head on is something I believe in logically. However, it's not always that easy. My brother, fresh out of rehab, is living with his son, my nephew. It's not going so well. What needs to happen is the hard decision. What he needs won't be easy to give. What makes US feel better should not be the solution. And yet, we avoid the fire. Why? Because it is that painful and our family relationships hang in the balance. As it stands now, his alcoholism stands to destroy several of them. It is so unfair, because he sits there while we all worry and argue about his fate. You really can't understand the words "enabler" or "codependent" unless you have been one or been in the company of one. Don't judge unless you have been. It's a lot more complicated than you might think. My brother will most likely die of his disease and it will have been his choice. Frustrating, sad, indescribable.

So while some may think politics are the hot issue right now, I can't even think about any more adversity. I have to find ways of keeping my peace and contentment no matter what is going on. I have my relationship with God, my family, my friends, my old dog, and a beautiful place to call home. My job as a wife and mom is to keep my head and heart clear of junk so that I can perform at topnotch quality for them.

Sometimes that means I fall out of society for awhile. Sometimes you have to make those adjustments so you can stay focused on what matters and not be distracted by what doesn't. Life is an adjustment every day. Sometimes it's a battle, and there will always be a fire.

I hope I'm ready.