Mama Steamroller

My girls and I had been doing a little "head butting" right before Christmas. It seemed all they wanted to do was be lazy! They were even being a little sassy, which just does not fly with me well at all. Sassy! Oh, really? I don't think so, girls. That's a call to action, for sure.

It was December 23rd, around 9:30am, and I decided the girls had slept in long enough. I had been picking up their little messy piles here and there and had myself worked up into a lather. I didn't feel like going all the way upstairs, wading through the sea of junk to rattle them at their bedsides, so I thought of something better!

I love my stereo in the living room...it's got really great speakers. "Bose" speakers, capable of waking the neighbors a half mile away if necessary. See where I'm going with this yet? (Maniacal laughter) I pulled out my stash of Christmas CDs, hearing the angel choir as I found my Mannheim Steamrollers Christmas. Perfect! I popped it in, cranked it up and smiled mischievously to my sleeping dog. JOY TO THE WORLD!!! cranked out in a crazy pop techno instrumental that honestly hurt my ears, but it was great! Nice and loud. I laughed out loud to myself and decided to sing along...I waited...any minute now....hmmmm...nothin'.

I progressed to my other favorite Christmas CDs, keeping my eyes glancing upwards toward the stairs, waiting for my victims, I mean, children, to come down. It wasn't until the glorious "Christmas with the Chipmunks" bellowed out that I got my desired result.

The girls came shuffling downstairs, hair messy, eyes puffy, looking at me like I had just hit them with a bright spotlight. "Good morning, girls!" I announced way too cheerfully. "What brings you down here so early?" Serena, that funny chick, said the golden line. "Um, I heard some really bad drums and out of tune music playing. I thought I was having a nightmare."

"Oh, no, that was just my Christmas music, silly. I was trying to get us in the spirit!" Natalie, a little wiser to my ways, said, "Really? I thought you were just trying to get us up."
"Who, me? Goodness, no, silly. I was just celebrating a bit. Glad you're up, though!" I laughed possibly a bit more maniacally than I had planned, but they didn't seem to notice.

The girls wanted to go shopping for Christmas that day, and I knew it was going to take a lot to get them out the door. So, I devised yet another plan. "Hey, girls, you want to go shopping, right? How about this....you sing me a Christmas song, do the motions to it, and we'll go. You don't have to do chores before we go. It'll be easy. I"ll pick the song." Of course they didn't agree to it, so I said, "let me show you what I mean!"

I popped in a very old Brenda Lee song called, "I'm gonna lasso Santa Claus", and proceeded to pretend to ride my horse, swing my lasso, squirt Santa, tug his beard, tickle his tummy....all the while singing at the top of my lungs!! Though I'm sure I was laughable enough, what really cracked me up was the look on my darling daughter's faces. Still sleepy-eyed, slack-jawed, messy-haired, and now shell-shocked too. It was too funny and I couldn't stop laughing. They thought I was laughing at myself, which was even funnier!

The phone rang at that moment, and the girls most certainly thought they were off the hook, but I said to them, "Keep practicing, girls. I'll finish up with this call and then I'll watch your performance." I think I heard one of them say, "Is she nuts or what?", as I went to catch the ringing phone.

"Hello? Oh, hi honey (hubby)...what am I doing? Well, I'm torturing the kids again. Yup...they don't want to do their chores, so I'm making them perform a Brenda Lee song for me...yeah, I know it's a little crazy..yup, well, I really have to go, but I'll call and let you know how it turns out. I have to stick to my guns today or I'll lose 'em." Stickin' to my guns, mama cowboy style!

Ultimately, the girls refused to do the song, citing "ridiculousness" as their reason. I was sorely disappointed, but I sent them to do chores instead, cranking up a little Johnny Mathis as they left the room. When the girls announced that my music was "weird", I threatened to put on the Disney Christmas CD, and would put Tigger's song on "repeat" for the rest of the day.

Who would have thought raising pre-teen girls would be so much like a variety show, right? Some days the show is a hit, some days it just has to go on, no matter what! Some days are harmonious, and some days are clinkers. Most days I am Carol Burnett, some days I am Carrot Top, minus the red hair on both counts. No matter what kind of day we have, whether everyone is doing their part, or no one seems to be helping out, the show does go on! And at the end, I get to sing!


** This post is lovingly dedicated to my Grandma, Mamie Brown, who passed in her sleep as we attended a children's Christmas program on the morning of December 23, 2007. Enjoy the angel choirs, Grandma! We miss you! **