The 7th grade Lady Comets are undefeated!! Yesterday they took the title at our Conference Tournament in Vestaburg! We took on Sacred Heart with a final score of 31-30, so you can imagine the nail-biting going on in the stands! Natalie didn't expect to play much, but after 3 players were fouled out of the game (yeah, right ref!) Natalie jumped in with a few minutes on the clock. I'm glad she was on the floor when the clock ran out and our winning shot went in...it was so exciting to be in the mix! By the way, Sacred Heart is a Catholic School, but there is no mercy in the way they play!
We had one of our girls break her tibia in the first game, so that was scary and sad, but she's doing better now and we wish her a speedy recovery! In another game, the coach (of another team) got excessively angry at the ref (easy to do) and slammed a chair on the floor with an expletive attached. Oh, boy. We really felt for the poor girls he was leading, who chose NOT to follow their ranting coach into the locker room, but to stay on the floor and finish the game. What great sports these girls were! They had played back-to-back games with only 5 players, and were down to four after the same ref fouled them down to only 4. They still won! They were red-faced, teary eyed, and weary, but never gave up. I stayed and cheered them on, as did many. I certainly couldn't believe three of our own girls fouled out, including sweet Aieren, who plays like a butterfly! It was crazy to see three of our girls sitting out! We didn't have one player foul out our entire season! Crazy ref!! However, his decision was the reason Nat was able to go in. She was the last low post player on the bench! She jumped in, did a great job and got to be part of the win after all.
We are so proud of all of our girls, who play with sportsmanship and grace! Coach John was awesome in his leadership, and Natalie greatly improved her playing. It's all good. It's all over. It's time to rest awhile!
We're moving on to tennis, guitar lessons, and major biking this summer!
Congrats to the 8th grade girls too for coming in 2nd in the conference! They did a great job all season as well!!
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
They Ain't Heavy...
The Road is long
with many a winding turn
that leads us to who knows where
who knows where
but I'm strong
Strong enough to carry him
he ain't heavy, he's my brother
so on we go
his welfare is my concern
no burden is he to bear
we'll get there
for I know
He would not encumber me
he ain't heavy, he's my brother
if I'm laden at all
I'm laden with sadness
that everyone's heart
isn't filled with the gladness
of love for one another
It's a long long road
From which there is no return
While we're on the way to there
why not share
and the load
doesn't weigh me down at all
he ain't heavy, he's my brother
He's my brother
he ain't heavy, he's my brother
By The Hollies
lyrics written by B. Scott, B. Russell
Harrison Music Corp.
with many a winding turn
that leads us to who knows where
who knows where
but I'm strong
Strong enough to carry him
he ain't heavy, he's my brother
so on we go
his welfare is my concern
no burden is he to bear
we'll get there
for I know
He would not encumber me
he ain't heavy, he's my brother
if I'm laden at all
I'm laden with sadness
that everyone's heart
isn't filled with the gladness
of love for one another
It's a long long road
From which there is no return
While we're on the way to there
why not share
and the load
doesn't weigh me down at all
he ain't heavy, he's my brother
He's my brother
he ain't heavy, he's my brother
By The Hollies
lyrics written by B. Scott, B. Russell
Harrison Music Corp.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Moodbusters
I've posted my crazy "pick me up" lists before, and I hope I don't repeat them here, but if I do, then they must work really well!
Feeling a bit blue? Sort of like a stormy blue with whitecaps? Sometimes I feel that way! Here are a few of my tried and true "Moodbusters" to begin the cure!
1. Music! I can't say it enough. Music heals! Turn it on, turn it up, play it loud, sing it out! Blow a horn, belt a tune, yodel like a big baffoon!
2. Hello chocolate...a truffle a day keeps the psychiatrist away! Keep a few special chocolates in your purse (not your wallet, guys), your car, your nightstand, the bathroom! Keep some by your coffee or tea pot, and a few in your coat pocket!
3. Play with your kids (or someone's kids)! I have so much fun just blowing up a balloon and playing "Slam Bam Balloon Ball" in our house. Anything goes! Whap it, slap it, stuff it in someone's face, stuff it up your shirt and run around like a weirdo! Just have some fun!
4. Put on your kids' weirdest hat (mine is a Panda with eyes, nose, and 'pigtails') and nerd glasses. Smile pretty and snap a picture. Hang it somewhere where it will cheer you up daily. Make a wallet copy for your lovie, so he or she can remember how much fun you are!
5. Announce to no one what you are about to do. For example: "I am about to enter the kitchen! I am about to open the door! I am going to answer that phone! I am walking past my couch!" Hey, I didn't say it was a good idea. I just said it would make you laugh and it did, right?
6. Dance, dance dance! I prefer to Moonwalk for my dancing pleasure, but you can do the lawnmower, the sprinkler, whatever you're best at! Show 'em all your moves...someone will be laughing, I guarantee it!
I don't think it's any coinkydink that these suggestions are all designed for laughter. It really is the best RX for any poo poo mood. If you're in serious mood trouble, then go outside, wait for it, wait for it.....then sing into the end of your broom...." Satisfaction" by the Stones...I know, I know, but just try it. There's something very liberating about not only singing loudly outside, but there's something about yelling "I can't get no satisfaction" like a madwoman (or madman) that makes you just wanna crack up!! It sure cheers up Neighbor Bill is all I can say.
Be happy! And by the way, I do know "the joy of the Lord is my strength"!
Feeling a bit blue? Sort of like a stormy blue with whitecaps? Sometimes I feel that way! Here are a few of my tried and true "Moodbusters" to begin the cure!
1. Music! I can't say it enough. Music heals! Turn it on, turn it up, play it loud, sing it out! Blow a horn, belt a tune, yodel like a big baffoon!
2. Hello chocolate...a truffle a day keeps the psychiatrist away! Keep a few special chocolates in your purse (not your wallet, guys), your car, your nightstand, the bathroom! Keep some by your coffee or tea pot, and a few in your coat pocket!
3. Play with your kids (or someone's kids)! I have so much fun just blowing up a balloon and playing "Slam Bam Balloon Ball" in our house. Anything goes! Whap it, slap it, stuff it in someone's face, stuff it up your shirt and run around like a weirdo! Just have some fun!
4. Put on your kids' weirdest hat (mine is a Panda with eyes, nose, and 'pigtails') and nerd glasses. Smile pretty and snap a picture. Hang it somewhere where it will cheer you up daily. Make a wallet copy for your lovie, so he or she can remember how much fun you are!
5. Announce to no one what you are about to do. For example: "I am about to enter the kitchen! I am about to open the door! I am going to answer that phone! I am walking past my couch!" Hey, I didn't say it was a good idea. I just said it would make you laugh and it did, right?
6. Dance, dance dance! I prefer to Moonwalk for my dancing pleasure, but you can do the lawnmower, the sprinkler, whatever you're best at! Show 'em all your moves...someone will be laughing, I guarantee it!
I don't think it's any coinkydink that these suggestions are all designed for laughter. It really is the best RX for any poo poo mood. If you're in serious mood trouble, then go outside, wait for it, wait for it.....then sing into the end of your broom...." Satisfaction" by the Stones...I know, I know, but just try it. There's something very liberating about not only singing loudly outside, but there's something about yelling "I can't get no satisfaction" like a madwoman (or madman) that makes you just wanna crack up!! It sure cheers up Neighbor Bill is all I can say.
Be happy! And by the way, I do know "the joy of the Lord is my strength"!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Why?
Every mom knows what it's like to be questioned incessantly about every little thing. "Mommy, why that man do that?", "Mommy, why you have that?", "Mommy, why?", "why, why, why??" I never really knew 'why', did you? The worst question was "why is the sky blue?" Now, I passed science, but I couldn't remember exactly how to answer this question for a four year old. How I laughed the day my friend Glen answered his son in a complete, unabridged answer, and his son just said, "oh, okay." I tried to tell him they don't really always want the answer. They just like your attention as they pellet you with one question after another!
Well, my 13 year old sure has some doozies. I can't really share the nature of all of her questions because I respect her privacy, but I've had to do some heavy thinking, praying and answering. I sure long for the days of "mommy, why?" I'll take "why is the sky blue?" any day.
I have many questions of my own for my own Father, however, like my kids, I don't always get the answer when I exactly want or need it! I'm not always prepared to ask the question, and I'm certainly not always ready for the answer. Ironically, my biggest question is "why?", just like those little ones.
I know sort of why the sky is blue, but I have no idea how to answer some of the questions my kids pose now that they are older. Well, I know where to find the answers, but it doesn't make them any easier to explain, for sure.
Mommies, enjoy your little ones' questions now, because one day you'll be asked some pretty tough ones. Ones that you wish you didn't have to answer. Questions that even you don't know the answers to. Questions that make you cry and wish your child was still in the crib.
Enjoy them. Enjoy the "whys".
Well, my 13 year old sure has some doozies. I can't really share the nature of all of her questions because I respect her privacy, but I've had to do some heavy thinking, praying and answering. I sure long for the days of "mommy, why?" I'll take "why is the sky blue?" any day.
I have many questions of my own for my own Father, however, like my kids, I don't always get the answer when I exactly want or need it! I'm not always prepared to ask the question, and I'm certainly not always ready for the answer. Ironically, my biggest question is "why?", just like those little ones.
I know sort of why the sky is blue, but I have no idea how to answer some of the questions my kids pose now that they are older. Well, I know where to find the answers, but it doesn't make them any easier to explain, for sure.
Mommies, enjoy your little ones' questions now, because one day you'll be asked some pretty tough ones. Ones that you wish you didn't have to answer. Questions that even you don't know the answers to. Questions that make you cry and wish your child was still in the crib.
Enjoy them. Enjoy the "whys".
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Love Speaks
God's been pushing me around a bit lately, and whenever I'm being disciplined by God, I try to listen and listen good! I don't want to have to be told over and over! Sometimes he whispers, "hey, it's gonna be okay, girly!" Sometimes he yells, "Hey now, chicky, what was that all about!?" But most times he just hugs me and doesn't say a word. Those are the times I like best with my Father.
I'm reading Gary Chapman's "The Five Love Languages" again. I've had the book for a long time and I read it quite some time ago. Although it spoke to me at the time, I thought it would maybe speak to me differently years later, and it has definitely has. I was getting concerned that my feelings of frustration, sadness, and anger were getting in the way of loving my family properly. I needed to know what I could do differently, to take the focus off the way I was feeling. I began by tearing out some notebook paper for each member of my family and writing on it the following question: "What are five things I can do to love you better?"
I wish I could say I have 3 completed lists and I'm working on them, but they haven't returned them yet! Serena did list one thing, and it screamed "quality time". That is one of the love languages, as well as "Words of Affirmation", "Physical Touch", "Acts of Service", and "Receiving Gifts".
I've been reading the book as I wait for my kids to come out of school, and several times I have had major "a-ha!" moments. There is a chapter that talks about what happens when we don't feel loved. I had always related that to marriage, and for me, I've always felt loved by my spouse. I often wonder still, "what's my problem? I've got it made!" Well, it's not just the love of a spouse that we seek. We're incomplete. There are lots of relationships in our lives that require the security and significance that love provides. Parents, friends, family, kids. When one of those is off, we begin to try to fill that void. Plain and simple, we were made to love and to be loved.
While I believe that I am secure in the love of God, I know that there are relationships He wants me to improve, and so He probably won't give me peace there until I at least put forth some effort in that area.
It's amazing how God has been using this book to open my eyes to things I had missed before. All things come at the right time when you're allowing God to work in your life. This I know for sure. I don't expect an easy ride, but at least I trust the Driver.
If you haven't read Gary's book, and you want to improve the way you love and communicate what you need to others, go get it now!
I'm reading Gary Chapman's "The Five Love Languages" again. I've had the book for a long time and I read it quite some time ago. Although it spoke to me at the time, I thought it would maybe speak to me differently years later, and it has definitely has. I was getting concerned that my feelings of frustration, sadness, and anger were getting in the way of loving my family properly. I needed to know what I could do differently, to take the focus off the way I was feeling. I began by tearing out some notebook paper for each member of my family and writing on it the following question: "What are five things I can do to love you better?"
I wish I could say I have 3 completed lists and I'm working on them, but they haven't returned them yet! Serena did list one thing, and it screamed "quality time". That is one of the love languages, as well as "Words of Affirmation", "Physical Touch", "Acts of Service", and "Receiving Gifts".
I've been reading the book as I wait for my kids to come out of school, and several times I have had major "a-ha!" moments. There is a chapter that talks about what happens when we don't feel loved. I had always related that to marriage, and for me, I've always felt loved by my spouse. I often wonder still, "what's my problem? I've got it made!" Well, it's not just the love of a spouse that we seek. We're incomplete. There are lots of relationships in our lives that require the security and significance that love provides. Parents, friends, family, kids. When one of those is off, we begin to try to fill that void. Plain and simple, we were made to love and to be loved.
While I believe that I am secure in the love of God, I know that there are relationships He wants me to improve, and so He probably won't give me peace there until I at least put forth some effort in that area.
It's amazing how God has been using this book to open my eyes to things I had missed before. All things come at the right time when you're allowing God to work in your life. This I know for sure. I don't expect an easy ride, but at least I trust the Driver.
If you haven't read Gary's book, and you want to improve the way you love and communicate what you need to others, go get it now!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
I'm Not Superwoman
Whew! I made it through the last two days. Natalie's birthday started out with a text from one of her friends at 2:42am...just minutes after her actual birth time. I thought it was so sweet of her to remember that! Natalie has such a great group of friends! They sang to her in 2 classes, then again at Basketball practice. I'm so glad she had a wonderful birthday!
I, on the other hand, was home struggling!
I had no plan for her cake. I knew Spongebob was going to jump out of it, but I had no idea what it was going to look like. It would be better to post a picture of the finished product, but it's still a no-go with this laptop. Anyway,I ended up frosting it ocean blue, adding a "wave-like" border, making sea weed and pink flowers here and there, and I made a paper-pieced Spongebob, in his shirt and tie, jumping out of the top, surrouned in confetti. Steve just didn't like the underwear idea. Natalie said, "Dad, I've seen Spongebob in his underwear lots of times!" I was pretty pleased with the cake and so was Nattie. I decked out the table in a summery theme, with pineapples, leis, and paper lanterns. It only took about 5 trips running up and down the basement stairs to find everything I needed, of course.
She loved her gifts, including a chandelier for her room from G & G! More add-a-pearls from G& G R, and DJ Hero 2 for Wii. I also picked up some cute accessories from her room and added a voucher for more later on. Surprise Steve! Serena is so thoughtful shopping for her sister. I think she wanted to spend ALL of her money on Nat! I finally talked her down to a smaller amount and she was very thoughtful in her gift choosing.
Steve rescued my dinner plans by offering to bring home China Palace takeout!! Oh, thank you, wise one! It really cleared up a huge part of my day since I had to take Serena back to the doctor at 3:30, and pick Nat up from practice at 5. I kept wondering how on earth I would get dinner put together in time.
As it was, it took me all day to make the house presentable, wash all the cake mess dishes, wrap presents, decorate the cake, wash practice clothes, and take care of Sophie. She was needing more of my attention today, of course. I was completely frustrated at least 5 times today! By the 4th time I lugged Sophie outside, I was ready to give up. I looked up to the sky and said, "OKAY! I'm NOT superwoman!! I just have the tee shirt! I get it!!"
I don't know what I would cut out in order to make my life simpler. I really enjoy making birthdays special for my girls. We're making memories! I know it takes a lot out of me, especially when I'm trying to keep so many other things going at the same time. The other night I was talking to my sister-in-law, and she said, "Oh, you always seem to be so together and have everything so organized and up to date." I laughed. "Oh, you are SO mistaken about that!" I told her how I thought I had ADD and therefore, I never seemed to accomplish anything! I'm just juggling the balls and trying not to drop any! She replied sweetly, "Oh, I've had 10 balls hit the floor before. I just try not to trip over them!"
I will remember that!
I, on the other hand, was home struggling!
I had no plan for her cake. I knew Spongebob was going to jump out of it, but I had no idea what it was going to look like. It would be better to post a picture of the finished product, but it's still a no-go with this laptop. Anyway,I ended up frosting it ocean blue, adding a "wave-like" border, making sea weed and pink flowers here and there, and I made a paper-pieced Spongebob, in his shirt and tie, jumping out of the top, surrouned in confetti. Steve just didn't like the underwear idea. Natalie said, "Dad, I've seen Spongebob in his underwear lots of times!" I was pretty pleased with the cake and so was Nattie. I decked out the table in a summery theme, with pineapples, leis, and paper lanterns. It only took about 5 trips running up and down the basement stairs to find everything I needed, of course.
She loved her gifts, including a chandelier for her room from G & G! More add-a-pearls from G& G R, and DJ Hero 2 for Wii. I also picked up some cute accessories from her room and added a voucher for more later on. Surprise Steve! Serena is so thoughtful shopping for her sister. I think she wanted to spend ALL of her money on Nat! I finally talked her down to a smaller amount and she was very thoughtful in her gift choosing.
Steve rescued my dinner plans by offering to bring home China Palace takeout!! Oh, thank you, wise one! It really cleared up a huge part of my day since I had to take Serena back to the doctor at 3:30, and pick Nat up from practice at 5. I kept wondering how on earth I would get dinner put together in time.
As it was, it took me all day to make the house presentable, wash all the cake mess dishes, wrap presents, decorate the cake, wash practice clothes, and take care of Sophie. She was needing more of my attention today, of course. I was completely frustrated at least 5 times today! By the 4th time I lugged Sophie outside, I was ready to give up. I looked up to the sky and said, "OKAY! I'm NOT superwoman!! I just have the tee shirt! I get it!!"
I don't know what I would cut out in order to make my life simpler. I really enjoy making birthdays special for my girls. We're making memories! I know it takes a lot out of me, especially when I'm trying to keep so many other things going at the same time. The other night I was talking to my sister-in-law, and she said, "Oh, you always seem to be so together and have everything so organized and up to date." I laughed. "Oh, you are SO mistaken about that!" I told her how I thought I had ADD and therefore, I never seemed to accomplish anything! I'm just juggling the balls and trying not to drop any! She replied sweetly, "Oh, I've had 10 balls hit the floor before. I just try not to trip over them!"
I will remember that!
Monday, February 14, 2011
Busy is as Busy Does
I'm a bit busy, so I'll try to make this short and sweet!
Today is Valentine's day...I don't really care about it, but some people do, so I'm making French Onion Soup for dinner...the table is all decked out in Valentine cheesiness, the kids Valentine's are on their plates....Steve's love letter is written and ready for his pretty blue eyes to read.
Natalie's super sweet 13 is tomorrow, so I'm baking the cake today...a tiered strawberry cake that looks all sweet until Spongebob jumps out of it in his underwear. That is my daughter in one sentence. I have to find some time to decorate it while doing Valentine stuff, a basketball game, and my normal stuff too. It could get a little dicey around here.
Home game tonight! So while my soup is on the backburner, I will throw on my Comets shirt and jump in the bleachers to cheer on #5!
Tomorrow is Nat's birthday, of course, so I have birthday dinner to throw together, a house to prepare for company, a doctor's appointment after school, a practice pick up at 5, dinner at 6, cake at 7. I collapse at 8!
I don't remember birthdays being this crazy when I was a kid. Of course, none of us were born around holidays either. Both of my girls were. Double whammy! It is hard to balance it all, especially when everything seems to happen on the same day.
After my "lunch" of a handful of doritoes and some strawberry cake batter, I'm headed to try to make myself look like a Valentine instead of a wash woman. That could take all day!!
Enjoy your "hallmark" holiday whatever you do! I know, I sound like a man when I say that, don't I? I'm sorry, Valentine's Day is every day to me. I'm tired of people telling me when to celebrate Love!! I eat chocolate every day too, so there!
Today is Valentine's day...I don't really care about it, but some people do, so I'm making French Onion Soup for dinner...the table is all decked out in Valentine cheesiness, the kids Valentine's are on their plates....Steve's love letter is written and ready for his pretty blue eyes to read.
Natalie's super sweet 13 is tomorrow, so I'm baking the cake today...a tiered strawberry cake that looks all sweet until Spongebob jumps out of it in his underwear. That is my daughter in one sentence. I have to find some time to decorate it while doing Valentine stuff, a basketball game, and my normal stuff too. It could get a little dicey around here.
Home game tonight! So while my soup is on the backburner, I will throw on my Comets shirt and jump in the bleachers to cheer on #5!
Tomorrow is Nat's birthday, of course, so I have birthday dinner to throw together, a house to prepare for company, a doctor's appointment after school, a practice pick up at 5, dinner at 6, cake at 7. I collapse at 8!
I don't remember birthdays being this crazy when I was a kid. Of course, none of us were born around holidays either. Both of my girls were. Double whammy! It is hard to balance it all, especially when everything seems to happen on the same day.
After my "lunch" of a handful of doritoes and some strawberry cake batter, I'm headed to try to make myself look like a Valentine instead of a wash woman. That could take all day!!
Enjoy your "hallmark" holiday whatever you do! I know, I sound like a man when I say that, don't I? I'm sorry, Valentine's Day is every day to me. I'm tired of people telling me when to celebrate Love!! I eat chocolate every day too, so there!
Friday, February 11, 2011
Psalm 23:2-3
"He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul."
I don't know what I'd do if I didn't know the promises of God! In the midst of stressful situations, turmoil, and daily annoyances, God still promises to calm the waters!
He restores my soul by bringing peace, which could come in the form of laughter, a phone call from a friend, a smiling baby, a sunrise, or a hug from my hubby and kids. Peace. There is nothing like it.
I have to work at giving myself over to peace. While I can get caught up in the "white water" and the "rapids" of my stream sometimes, I sure can't wait to go over the falls and back into the calming lull of the stream.
I sometimes fight the waves with everything I've got! Sometimes I throw in the paddle and just float aimlessly. At times I've fought the current, getting myself even farther from the goal. Sometimes I just jump out of the boat into the water and try to swim my way out in my own strength! I'm not much of a swimmer (terrible lungs), so that's never a good idea. It's only when I simply paddle in a nice left-right-left pattern that I get to where I need to be. Focused. Calm. Controlled. Trusting God for direction.
As I sit in the green pastures, God is restoring me from inside out. He's replacing my worn-out parts with fresh new ones. He is calming me, gently lifting me back to my feet, placing me carefully back in the boat.
And when the storm threatens to come again, this time maybe tossing my boat out of my control, I can close my eyes, knowing I'll be ashore in no time at all.
I don't know what I'd do if I didn't know the promises of God! In the midst of stressful situations, turmoil, and daily annoyances, God still promises to calm the waters!
He restores my soul by bringing peace, which could come in the form of laughter, a phone call from a friend, a smiling baby, a sunrise, or a hug from my hubby and kids. Peace. There is nothing like it.
I have to work at giving myself over to peace. While I can get caught up in the "white water" and the "rapids" of my stream sometimes, I sure can't wait to go over the falls and back into the calming lull of the stream.
I sometimes fight the waves with everything I've got! Sometimes I throw in the paddle and just float aimlessly. At times I've fought the current, getting myself even farther from the goal. Sometimes I just jump out of the boat into the water and try to swim my way out in my own strength! I'm not much of a swimmer (terrible lungs), so that's never a good idea. It's only when I simply paddle in a nice left-right-left pattern that I get to where I need to be. Focused. Calm. Controlled. Trusting God for direction.
As I sit in the green pastures, God is restoring me from inside out. He's replacing my worn-out parts with fresh new ones. He is calming me, gently lifting me back to my feet, placing me carefully back in the boat.
And when the storm threatens to come again, this time maybe tossing my boat out of my control, I can close my eyes, knowing I'll be ashore in no time at all.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
The Background
I have a sister who is several years older than me and left home when I was 11 years old. She was a teenager and I was just a kid. We had nothing in common except the mother that we shared. We never really had a chance to bond like most sisters do. We shared a room, but not our lives. We're still not close today, though we do try to find things we share in common. My older brothers weren't around for very long either. One went home to live with his mom when he was 14, and the other left at 18. The first one has not been around since. My third brother left home when I was 13, going off to college. I remember the day he left. My mom had taken me to the mall to get my ears pierced for my 13th birthday. She thought the tears were for the pain of the punch. I looked up during lunch and just said, "He's gone too." My final chance at a family had just walked out the door and left me for good.
So, as my daughter turns 13, I was thinking of myself at around that age. I had 2 married siblings, one in college, and the first grandson, my nephew, died unexpectedly at birth on my brother's wedding day. My parents were going through a lot of grief and shock at that time. I remember telling my teacher some of the things I was feeling, and she said something like, "oh, my that's terrible" and that was it. There were no social workers back then to help kids in obvious emotional need. Thank God that has changed for the kids in our school today. I never approached my parents with my thoughts because they appeared to have enough to deal with at the time. I chose to just "be good" and stay out of the spotlight. I decided I had to be "the good kid", never making the mistakes that would tear my parents apart or make my mom cry.
I was a sad little girl in a tight cocoon for a very long time. Inside I had ideas of what "family" meant. Unfortunately, it was the Brady Bunch! Divorced, of course, but no one seemed to notice that at the time! It's not that I didn't have siblings. We just grew up very separately, making it seem as though I was an only child. Weird, I know. You don't miss what you don't have, so had I been an only child, I think I would be just fine today. I think it's like having your nose pressed up against the glass, seeing what you could have, and knowing it's not yours to have at all. Whether it was the divorce situation or just the age differences doesn't really matter. It's just the way the dynamics were back then and the way I processed it was probably the reason I struggled with it for so long.
A that young age, I processed it as rejection. That's a pretty significant and powerful emotion for a kid not equipped to handle that. I bottled it up inside, never expressing what it was that was bothering me. You have to understand that there were things going on around me that I had no understanding of at all. I became the invisible child, running off at the first sign of distress, escaping into my books and my quiet room. Things were not explained to me. They thought I was too young to understand. I cried for a whole day at school, thinking my dad was going to die. He had gone through back surgery, lost a great deal of weight and looked like death. Everyone seemed worried. I just shut my mouth. The day I spent crying was a school day. The teacher, thinking I was being overly sensitive about something else, made me read an entire chapter aloud to the class. I was sniffling, siphoning, and sobbing as I read. I rode the bus home that day with a sick headache, feeling less than an inch tall.
When I see my daughters, well-adjusted,happy, smart, talented, kind, loving, thoughtful and positive, I just can't believe it. They are the closest of sisters, just like I'd always imagined before we even had them! All I said was, "I want them close in age so they can grow up together." I'm thankful that God honored that all-important request for me. Because he took me down all those painful roads, I was able to overcome. Sure, there are scars, but God heals them all in His perfect timing.
The light at the end of my tunnel is being the mother of these girls. They are my saving grace. They are the family I always wanted, needed, and dreamed of. Don't misunderstand. I love my extended family today. God put us all together for a reason. I don't blame them or hold unforgiveness toward any of them. I do believe it's worth sharing in order to work through some of the things that plague me today. There is always room for healing. And there is always room for more pain.
So, as my daughter turns 13, I was thinking of myself at around that age. I had 2 married siblings, one in college, and the first grandson, my nephew, died unexpectedly at birth on my brother's wedding day. My parents were going through a lot of grief and shock at that time. I remember telling my teacher some of the things I was feeling, and she said something like, "oh, my that's terrible" and that was it. There were no social workers back then to help kids in obvious emotional need. Thank God that has changed for the kids in our school today. I never approached my parents with my thoughts because they appeared to have enough to deal with at the time. I chose to just "be good" and stay out of the spotlight. I decided I had to be "the good kid", never making the mistakes that would tear my parents apart or make my mom cry.
I was a sad little girl in a tight cocoon for a very long time. Inside I had ideas of what "family" meant. Unfortunately, it was the Brady Bunch! Divorced, of course, but no one seemed to notice that at the time! It's not that I didn't have siblings. We just grew up very separately, making it seem as though I was an only child. Weird, I know. You don't miss what you don't have, so had I been an only child, I think I would be just fine today. I think it's like having your nose pressed up against the glass, seeing what you could have, and knowing it's not yours to have at all. Whether it was the divorce situation or just the age differences doesn't really matter. It's just the way the dynamics were back then and the way I processed it was probably the reason I struggled with it for so long.
A that young age, I processed it as rejection. That's a pretty significant and powerful emotion for a kid not equipped to handle that. I bottled it up inside, never expressing what it was that was bothering me. You have to understand that there were things going on around me that I had no understanding of at all. I became the invisible child, running off at the first sign of distress, escaping into my books and my quiet room. Things were not explained to me. They thought I was too young to understand. I cried for a whole day at school, thinking my dad was going to die. He had gone through back surgery, lost a great deal of weight and looked like death. Everyone seemed worried. I just shut my mouth. The day I spent crying was a school day. The teacher, thinking I was being overly sensitive about something else, made me read an entire chapter aloud to the class. I was sniffling, siphoning, and sobbing as I read. I rode the bus home that day with a sick headache, feeling less than an inch tall.
When I see my daughters, well-adjusted,happy, smart, talented, kind, loving, thoughtful and positive, I just can't believe it. They are the closest of sisters, just like I'd always imagined before we even had them! All I said was, "I want them close in age so they can grow up together." I'm thankful that God honored that all-important request for me. Because he took me down all those painful roads, I was able to overcome. Sure, there are scars, but God heals them all in His perfect timing.
The light at the end of my tunnel is being the mother of these girls. They are my saving grace. They are the family I always wanted, needed, and dreamed of. Don't misunderstand. I love my extended family today. God put us all together for a reason. I don't blame them or hold unforgiveness toward any of them. I do believe it's worth sharing in order to work through some of the things that plague me today. There is always room for healing. And there is always room for more pain.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Divine Discipline
I got my "irish" up a bit on the way home from the Montabella basketball game tonight. Some jerk had the nerve to flash his brights at us not once, not twice, but three times!! Here's the news flash...we didn't have our brights on!! He waited til the last possible second to flash his lights at us just as he passed, which of course, blinds you as you drive. In that instant, I wanted to unleash my "irish" on that idiot driver. See, I'm not proud to say I have a bit of a nasty streak. Had I been driving, I would have turned my lights off and pretended to swerve, causing the oncoming driver to pee himself a little. You think I'm kidding?? I've said it before, I'll say it again. DO NOT MESS WITH THE MOM VAN. That's my new bumper sticker. That driver could have been a nice old man, but it allowed me to vent some anger that was already there. Not such a good thing as it turns out.
Lately, with my cabin fever, I've been a bit more frustrated than usual. I'm taking care of our wonderful dog that requires more than I feel I have to give sometimes. I'm trying to juggle all of my duties and feeling like I'm dropping the ball too much. This weather is driving me nuts, and I'm more tired than normal! In short, I'm letting it "get to me"!! I'm your classic slow boiler-turns-to-volcano example!
See, God's been shaking my tree a bit lately. Oh, it's okay. I asked Him to. I've asked for all kinds of wisdom, strength, peace, direction, help, etc... and He is delivering in the most interesting ways. He knows how to get to me. I cannot be hand-fed like a kitten. I need my dinner tossed to me like a tiger with a 'tude. I'm a tough sell sometimes. I get in my own way. I'm stubborn, which is one of my most popular excuses. The other is that I'm irish. Oh, I have plenty of them. Push me to my limit and all of them come out!
God is trying to show me in so many ways how my thinking is getting in the way of my own success. He keeps pointing things out to me(keeps flashing those headlights!), which at the time, really gets me mad! Then I realize what it is He wants me to learn. Kind of like how I train my own girls. They really get tired of hearing me tell them the same things over and over. They really get mad when I allow the consequences of their actions to really sink in. Hmm...Why would I be surprised then when my own Heavenly Parent disciplines me this same way?
Even as I've been sitting here writing, I have become angry 3 different times. I have little or no patience with the silliest things. The phone rang and cut off my internet connection. Some stupid telemarketer who dares to interrupt my life with garbage I don't want. Steve asked me where the check registers may be from 2 1/2 years ago! I don't know! Then I find out that the only day we have off...the day I just scheduled all three of our desperately needed hair cuts..that's the day they just rescheduled one of our away (farthest drive so far) games on a day we don't even have school. So much for a break! I just can't seem to win one here!
And speaking of break, do I sound like I need one? I really do. After hearing that my hair stylist is going on yet another Mexico vacation (after returning from Disney), and two of the moms at the game talked about their recent vacations to Mexico and The Bahamas (of course), that was just the last straw! I just want to get out of this house. Period!
(in-out-breaaaathe....that's the sound of me trying to calm down!)
So, if you're expecting me to be all sweety sister Christian all the time, I've got news for you. I don't feel like it right now! And if you're honest, some days you don't either. Do I know scripture and what it says? Yup a roo. Do I know better? Sure nuff. Can I do better? Uh-huh! Do I have bad days...weeks...months? Oh, yeah, baby. I do. Do I know God has my back in ALL circumstances? Yes I do. And when I allow His grace to cover me, I feel at peace.
Did you catch that? WHEN I ALLOW HIM TO. Like I've said before, I have a long road ahead. All I know is that when my world gets shaken by the Lord, only the best results have come from it. I know this for sure, and yet I fight the change like the spitfire Irish girl I am inside.
God wants my junk. He really does. He wants my bag of rejection. My anger. My losses. My fears. My hurts. My injustices. He wants it all. Maybe I'd stop being such a stinker if I'd finally give it away without keeping a little for myself. That little bit is awful heavy,and my arms are getting tired.
I share this with you, whoever you are, because it is important to know that we don't all "have it together" while you are "falling apart". If I have to expose my weaknesses to do that, then so be it. I have nothing to lose. Not even my pride. Confession is good for the soul and it's what connects people together. I'm not looking for your help or your insight. I need nothing from you. It's like forgiveness. I can forgive you without you even knowing or caring because it's what we're called to do. We're supposed to be helping each other in this big crazy world.
We're not a bunch of perfect plastic people, and if we think we are, then that is the real problem, isn't it?
Yeah, it is.
Lately, with my cabin fever, I've been a bit more frustrated than usual. I'm taking care of our wonderful dog that requires more than I feel I have to give sometimes. I'm trying to juggle all of my duties and feeling like I'm dropping the ball too much. This weather is driving me nuts, and I'm more tired than normal! In short, I'm letting it "get to me"!! I'm your classic slow boiler-turns-to-volcano example!
See, God's been shaking my tree a bit lately. Oh, it's okay. I asked Him to. I've asked for all kinds of wisdom, strength, peace, direction, help, etc... and He is delivering in the most interesting ways. He knows how to get to me. I cannot be hand-fed like a kitten. I need my dinner tossed to me like a tiger with a 'tude. I'm a tough sell sometimes. I get in my own way. I'm stubborn, which is one of my most popular excuses. The other is that I'm irish. Oh, I have plenty of them. Push me to my limit and all of them come out!
God is trying to show me in so many ways how my thinking is getting in the way of my own success. He keeps pointing things out to me(keeps flashing those headlights!), which at the time, really gets me mad! Then I realize what it is He wants me to learn. Kind of like how I train my own girls. They really get tired of hearing me tell them the same things over and over. They really get mad when I allow the consequences of their actions to really sink in. Hmm...Why would I be surprised then when my own Heavenly Parent disciplines me this same way?
Even as I've been sitting here writing, I have become angry 3 different times. I have little or no patience with the silliest things. The phone rang and cut off my internet connection. Some stupid telemarketer who dares to interrupt my life with garbage I don't want. Steve asked me where the check registers may be from 2 1/2 years ago! I don't know! Then I find out that the only day we have off...the day I just scheduled all three of our desperately needed hair cuts..that's the day they just rescheduled one of our away (farthest drive so far) games on a day we don't even have school. So much for a break! I just can't seem to win one here!
And speaking of break, do I sound like I need one? I really do. After hearing that my hair stylist is going on yet another Mexico vacation (after returning from Disney), and two of the moms at the game talked about their recent vacations to Mexico and The Bahamas (of course), that was just the last straw! I just want to get out of this house. Period!
(in-out-breaaaathe....that's the sound of me trying to calm down!)
So, if you're expecting me to be all sweety sister Christian all the time, I've got news for you. I don't feel like it right now! And if you're honest, some days you don't either. Do I know scripture and what it says? Yup a roo. Do I know better? Sure nuff. Can I do better? Uh-huh! Do I have bad days...weeks...months? Oh, yeah, baby. I do. Do I know God has my back in ALL circumstances? Yes I do. And when I allow His grace to cover me, I feel at peace.
Did you catch that? WHEN I ALLOW HIM TO. Like I've said before, I have a long road ahead. All I know is that when my world gets shaken by the Lord, only the best results have come from it. I know this for sure, and yet I fight the change like the spitfire Irish girl I am inside.
God wants my junk. He really does. He wants my bag of rejection. My anger. My losses. My fears. My hurts. My injustices. He wants it all. Maybe I'd stop being such a stinker if I'd finally give it away without keeping a little for myself. That little bit is awful heavy,and my arms are getting tired.
I share this with you, whoever you are, because it is important to know that we don't all "have it together" while you are "falling apart". If I have to expose my weaknesses to do that, then so be it. I have nothing to lose. Not even my pride. Confession is good for the soul and it's what connects people together. I'm not looking for your help or your insight. I need nothing from you. It's like forgiveness. I can forgive you without you even knowing or caring because it's what we're called to do. We're supposed to be helping each other in this big crazy world.
We're not a bunch of perfect plastic people, and if we think we are, then that is the real problem, isn't it?
Yeah, it is.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
The Winter of My Healthy Discontent
I listen to Dr. Randy on 99.7 on my way to pick Nat up from practice each day. It's my time to be ministered to a bit while I drive. Something he said the other day really hit me. He said that not being content about your life is okay as long as it is a "healthy discontent". So I considered all the areas in my life, some of which I'm not happy with, and I analyzed them further. Some of the things I'm not satisfied with are things I'm doing something about. That is a healthy discontent. If I'm sitting around complaining about something and doing nothing about it, well, obviously that's an unhealthy discontent.
What really helped me was to not feel guilty for feeling discontent! How can I be content with something that I'm trying to change? And some things can't be changed by me and me alone. There are some things I don't like to admit that I'm unhappy with because it makes me feel ungrateful. I'm really glad Randy's message came when it did because I've really had enough of the guilt factor. I can be grateful and in need of change too.
Speaking of change, Steve starts playing ball this Saturday. I'm very glad that he has finally found a group of men to do things with. It is difficult when you work all the time, and have little or no connections anywhere else. In other words, odd man out. I'm a pro at that too for some reason. Anyway, it's ironic and somewhat not ironic that he will be playing on a team with several guys from our old church against several guys from our current church. Hmm....funny that would come to mind considering my title.
Serena's basketball team will be playing against the moms on Friday night. I sure wish I was physically able to play. I would really get 'em!! I will be there to cheer them on. I came into her team knowing just a couple of the parents and have found that they're all a nice group to be around. Friends aren't always where you expect to find them!
Our 7th grade Lady Comets beat Sacred Heart AGAIN last night! Man, what an exciting game!! The final score was 23-18. Close game and lots of awesome playing on both teams! Nat didn't get to play much, but she did well when she got to play. It doesn't seem to bother her, so it doesn't bother me as much anymore. I just think it's important for all of them to play, and not just to win. Then again, I'm not a coach. I'm a mom!
Steve announced that his job will be changing again and I was very excited, hoping maybe it would mean a move to a warmer state! No chance this time, but it is a good change, so I'm happy about that. I keep hoping, much to the dismay of my parents and the lady at the post office. :)
I'm discontent with certain areas, and maybe if you're perceptive enough, you can figure out where! :) More importantly, figure out where yours are and give yourself a break. Now I know that I'm getting to where I want and need to be, it's just not the track I had wanted to follow initially. Seems to be the story of my life. There must be a reason.
There always is.
What really helped me was to not feel guilty for feeling discontent! How can I be content with something that I'm trying to change? And some things can't be changed by me and me alone. There are some things I don't like to admit that I'm unhappy with because it makes me feel ungrateful. I'm really glad Randy's message came when it did because I've really had enough of the guilt factor. I can be grateful and in need of change too.
Speaking of change, Steve starts playing ball this Saturday. I'm very glad that he has finally found a group of men to do things with. It is difficult when you work all the time, and have little or no connections anywhere else. In other words, odd man out. I'm a pro at that too for some reason. Anyway, it's ironic and somewhat not ironic that he will be playing on a team with several guys from our old church against several guys from our current church. Hmm....funny that would come to mind considering my title.
Serena's basketball team will be playing against the moms on Friday night. I sure wish I was physically able to play. I would really get 'em!! I will be there to cheer them on. I came into her team knowing just a couple of the parents and have found that they're all a nice group to be around. Friends aren't always where you expect to find them!
Our 7th grade Lady Comets beat Sacred Heart AGAIN last night! Man, what an exciting game!! The final score was 23-18. Close game and lots of awesome playing on both teams! Nat didn't get to play much, but she did well when she got to play. It doesn't seem to bother her, so it doesn't bother me as much anymore. I just think it's important for all of them to play, and not just to win. Then again, I'm not a coach. I'm a mom!
Steve announced that his job will be changing again and I was very excited, hoping maybe it would mean a move to a warmer state! No chance this time, but it is a good change, so I'm happy about that. I keep hoping, much to the dismay of my parents and the lady at the post office. :)
I'm discontent with certain areas, and maybe if you're perceptive enough, you can figure out where! :) More importantly, figure out where yours are and give yourself a break. Now I know that I'm getting to where I want and need to be, it's just not the track I had wanted to follow initially. Seems to be the story of my life. There must be a reason.
There always is.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Just Hit "STOP"
It's so funny how I never know what I'm going to share with you until I actually sit down here in my little writer's corner of the living room. Run on sentence, oh my goodness....I gotta watch my dangling participles, slang, and use of "etc.." too, but for now, I will just break all da rules.I is who I is after all.
It's true that I've been struggling a bit this winter with the condition of my thinking. Sometimes I fall victim to the negative thoughts in my head! I actually begin to believe what they say, and let me tell you, they are not nice things at all! Sometimes I can even find evidence that makes them seem somewhat true! I convict myself of those things, feel guilty or bad about them all over again, then I'm back at square one. Well, isn't that a bummer?
Okay, so stinkin' thinkin' has never worked for me before, and it won't be working now either. No matter what the recording in my head begins to say, I will press "STOP" instead of hitting "REWIND"- "STOP"- "PLAY". For you young'ns, those are terms that refer to a dinosauresque creature called a "Cassette player". They were big in the 80's as well as the hair bands. Not the ones you put your hair up with, mind you. Hair bands...you know, grown men with women's hairstyles?? Well, anyway... sometimes I miss seeing the remnants of an old cassette tape strewn across the highway. You just can't do anything crazy with digital stuff, know what I mean?
Okay, so on to more important news:
1. Serena is better! That little trooper can't be kept down for very long. SHe's back at school and she looked so cute today! It's nice to see that bright blue spark back in her eyes!
2. American Idol is bringing our family back to the couch! My girls and I settle in on the couch to watch with a bowl of popcorn and a blanket. We did this all the time when they were 'little', and I love the chance to do it again! And yes, I like the judges in case you were wondering.
3. My back was killing me yesterday for some unknown reason, and I had to do a walk around the outside of the house to check our exhaust vents. I stepped off the cleared trail and sank knee deep in snow. I just laughed out loud, there by myself, as I carried the broom to steady myself. By the time I got back in the house, my back pain was gone! Considering the exertion I put out just to blaze my own trail, I was quite impressed by that. I stopped to write some messages to my family in the snow with the end of the broom handle. I can't wait until they find them!
4. Speaking of snow, yes, we have a lot, so who cares, but I've been telling my girls about the fine art of doing "donuts" or "brodies" in the parking lots. Since my grocery getter is a big ninny, I am forced to just drive erratically down the long driveway, busting through small piles of snow. The fun part was cranking up the crazy rock music while I did it. I learned this from my mother, who would purposely drive over big piles of snow on every corner. With a station wagon, no less!! Rock on, snow killin' mommies!! My kids love every minute of it, by the way.
5. My official blog followers could be in the millions (tee hee), but the count on my page hit double digits!! I'm so excited! I always get so disappointed when someone stops following or follows anonymously so I don't get to see their cute little picture! Anyway, yee haw...I got ten!!
6. It's pizza night, and diet or no diet, I eat pizza!
Some things in life warrant a "STOP"- "REWIND"- "PLAY", like fun times with my family, American Idol, and pizza night. I hope you will remember to hit the right buttons and once in awhile, just take a pencil, rip out that ancient cassette tape, and let 'er fly out the window...while doing "brodies", of course!
It's true that I've been struggling a bit this winter with the condition of my thinking. Sometimes I fall victim to the negative thoughts in my head! I actually begin to believe what they say, and let me tell you, they are not nice things at all! Sometimes I can even find evidence that makes them seem somewhat true! I convict myself of those things, feel guilty or bad about them all over again, then I'm back at square one. Well, isn't that a bummer?
Okay, so stinkin' thinkin' has never worked for me before, and it won't be working now either. No matter what the recording in my head begins to say, I will press "STOP" instead of hitting "REWIND"- "STOP"- "PLAY". For you young'ns, those are terms that refer to a dinosauresque creature called a "Cassette player". They were big in the 80's as well as the hair bands. Not the ones you put your hair up with, mind you. Hair bands...you know, grown men with women's hairstyles?? Well, anyway... sometimes I miss seeing the remnants of an old cassette tape strewn across the highway. You just can't do anything crazy with digital stuff, know what I mean?
Okay, so on to more important news:
1. Serena is better! That little trooper can't be kept down for very long. SHe's back at school and she looked so cute today! It's nice to see that bright blue spark back in her eyes!
2. American Idol is bringing our family back to the couch! My girls and I settle in on the couch to watch with a bowl of popcorn and a blanket. We did this all the time when they were 'little', and I love the chance to do it again! And yes, I like the judges in case you were wondering.
3. My back was killing me yesterday for some unknown reason, and I had to do a walk around the outside of the house to check our exhaust vents. I stepped off the cleared trail and sank knee deep in snow. I just laughed out loud, there by myself, as I carried the broom to steady myself. By the time I got back in the house, my back pain was gone! Considering the exertion I put out just to blaze my own trail, I was quite impressed by that. I stopped to write some messages to my family in the snow with the end of the broom handle. I can't wait until they find them!
4. Speaking of snow, yes, we have a lot, so who cares, but I've been telling my girls about the fine art of doing "donuts" or "brodies" in the parking lots. Since my grocery getter is a big ninny, I am forced to just drive erratically down the long driveway, busting through small piles of snow. The fun part was cranking up the crazy rock music while I did it. I learned this from my mother, who would purposely drive over big piles of snow on every corner. With a station wagon, no less!! Rock on, snow killin' mommies!! My kids love every minute of it, by the way.
5. My official blog followers could be in the millions (tee hee), but the count on my page hit double digits!! I'm so excited! I always get so disappointed when someone stops following or follows anonymously so I don't get to see their cute little picture! Anyway, yee haw...I got ten!!
6. It's pizza night, and diet or no diet, I eat pizza!
Some things in life warrant a "STOP"- "REWIND"- "PLAY", like fun times with my family, American Idol, and pizza night. I hope you will remember to hit the right buttons and once in awhile, just take a pencil, rip out that ancient cassette tape, and let 'er fly out the window...while doing "brodies", of course!