There is Power in Forgiveness

In my journey toward learning to accept myself, I have done a lot of reading. I know what some of you will say...."start with the Bible"--and I agree with you. I've been relearning what the Bible says about how much I matter to God and all that comes with it. Someone may even say to me, "you don't know who you are in Christ if you don't accept yourself," and I suppose you're right about that. Some Christians mean well, but they sometimes spew out Scripture instead of giving out a hug! It's okay to be in crisis sometimes and have to be reminded of who you are in Christ. Maybe it's one of those times for me, and I would expect my Christian bros and sisters would understand, as I would for them. No judging. Just loving!!

So, in my reading, I came across a really helpful chapter in one of my books. In "The Ultimate Weight Loss Solution", by Dr. Phil, he talks about "Healing Feelings", and it's not just where weight loss is concerned. I found it interesting that he would talk about the power of forgiveness and how it can unleash you from "emotional prison". Here's just an exerpt:

"...without forgiveness, you are destined to lug around your emotional burdens, and suffer emotional and physical consequences as a result. You may believe right now that you are justified to hate, or harbor rage, against someone who has hurt you deeply enough to create these emotions. You may believe that they deserve it and should be made to suffer by your hatred of them. But to carry these beliefs is to pay an unbelievably high price, because those feelings can become so pervasive as to contaminate every element of your current life. When Leonardo da Vinci was working on his masterpiece, The Last Supper, be became angry with a certain man. As his temper flared, he spewed out bitter words to the poor man. Afterwards, da Vinci returned to his painting and tried to work on the face of Jesus, but was so consumed by his anger that he could not compose himself for the meticulous work that was required. Finally he laid aside his painting tools, sought out the man, and asked for forgiveness. The man accepted his apology and da Vinci was able to finish painting the face of Jesus."

He goes on to make this statement that reached out and grabbed me:

" Everything they have done to you, they have already done to themselves. If you allow people who have wronged you to keep you imprisoned, then they win. Don't worry about when or how they will "get theirs". Their judgment will not come from you, but ultimately from God, who settles all accounts."

"Everything they have done to you, they have already done to themselves". Just that sentence made me feel compassion for those who have wronged me. They're already broken! They need God too! They need a break too! In some cases, those who wrong you are misunderstood. You're the one expecting something they have little or no capacity to give. We have the choice to let something go, and not make a big deal out of every mistake someone makes toward us! Yes, that's in the Bible too!

I can tell you through reading the Bible and this chapter, I found out who it is I need to forgive. I found out who hurts me the most. I learned who is keeping me in an emotional prison, and perhaps it's the hardest person to forgive.

That person is me. And even as I admit it, there is part of me that wants to highlight and delete that whole sentence! But I will not, because it's true. It makes me say to myself, "who do you think you are that God forgives you, but you don't? Are you more powerful than God?" Oh, no, not at all, that's why it's a bit intimidating to admit in the first place.

I know Biblically and in my head that I am forgiven by God, but there is a broken part of me, blocking my ability to take that knowledge and truly "get it". There is a part of me that won't give me the breaks that I am willing to give others. Only years of therapy would probably explain why!

I can't be the only one who struggles with this concept of forgiving herself, and I know that it is just a matter of time before I do "get it". So many great Christians have told me that everything happens in God's time, and sometimes He just wants us to hold on a little longer before the healing is complete. Trust. Have faith. Hold on. Easy Peasy!! Hmmm...not so much. But I'm a work in progress, as all of us are.

Power in forgiveness? Yes. And power from God to truly accomplish true forgiveness. For others, and in some cases, ourselves.