The Making of a Strong Girl

After a recent "turn the other cheek" episode in Serena's life, we've been addressing some hot-button issues regarding friendships. We've struggled with friendship issues since about 1st grade, sadly. It seems some girls want to have only one friend, and some of those girls want to be friends with Serena. Only problem is, Serena likes to have many friends. Next problem, her friends like her, but not each other. They gossip about each other, getting mad at Serena when she doesn't join in. It's been a roller coaster, to say the least.

So, she's in a classic "friend in the middle" situation, and it drives her insane. She seems to get pulled in many directions, not knowing how to handle the emotions around her, let alone her own. She feels she has to be responsible for how everyone feels, yet she's hurting too. She takes the blame where there is none, just to keep the peace. Is she a saint? Of course not, but one thing I know about her is she just wants everyone to be happy and get along.

I realize that I can't fix everything for her, so I have had many conversations with Serena about trusting her to do what's right. She knows I won't (God forbid, but moms do this) call the other moms and make their daughters behave! She knows I won't swoop in and rescue her or speak for her. She does know that I have every confidence that she can be who God designed her to be, whether her friends (or their mothers) like it or not. She knows that this is temporary. That one day she will find a friend who accepts her for who she is. Who doesn't try to pull her down. Who respects her desire to be a Christian. Who is just kind and fair and gentle with her. Just like she wants to be right back.

I reminded her that some of my best friends today are NOT the friends I went to school with (although I have kept in touch with one special friend from high school). I have Patty, who was 2 years older, and several friends who are both older and younger. None from my class anymore! This put perspective on it for Serena, who of course, thinks nothing will ever change. I reminded her that some of her best friends may just come from church. There are several really good girls in the grade below her at church, and I'm hoping (as is she) that those friendships will grow in time.

Serena and I also talked about making this final year of Elementary school the very best ever. To be the best student she can be. To make a new friend (her grade or otherwise), to do the best on all her projects, and to set goals for herself. I feel that if she is focused on her studies, she won't have time to hear all the blabber going on around her. Or if she does hear it, she'll have the strength to tune it out. Those are my wishes for her. Those have been my prayers for her these past few years.

And to think, school used to be about school! I know that all of the drama has distracted her the past couple of years. I find it interesting that kids these days aren't allowed to figure out their own problems anymore. It's like moms want to be on the playground, orchestrating everything. It's no wonder that the girls don't know how to act sometimes. I think it's sad. If they would spend that time being encouraging, maybe those girls would change. Maybe the confidence would come from within and it just might turn out okay with the daughter in control. Just my thoughts, opinions, and judgements, I guess.

I just want my daughter to be able to handle what comes her way. I can't always be there. I can't always whisper the answer in her ear. I have to trust her with herself because that's what's best for her in the long run. Frustrating? Yes. Especially when I see her do the right thing, and she doesn't experience satisfaction or reward. With kids, that's what they expect. Not so in life, I remind her. Doing the right thing rarely comes with an immediate reward!

And, I ask her, "where do our rewards come from?" She answers, as always, "God."

Amen.