I just finished yet another book that not only touched my heart but stirred my soul into action. In "Having a Mary Spirit" by Joanna Weaver, I learned that I am not alone in my struggles to do the right thing when I'd rather not.
Well-adjusted, Bible reading Christians faced with adversity have choices when dealing with conflict. They can respond correctly or react incorrectly. Seems easy to just have 2 choices, right? It's not.
This particular chapter, "Wearing Jesus" had a cute analogy I have been thinking a lot about these past couple of weeks as I've been forced to "bear" with an unbearable situation.
"if you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could get used to that. And another thing: before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. That wouldn't bother me either. If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business; you swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. Your husband expects you to growl when you wake up. He expects you to have hairy legs and excess body fat. He likes it. I wish I were a bear!"
(from bible.org...author unknown)
Or, you can go with God's Word...which says something a lot smarter, but not as funny:
"...Bear with one another and forgive whatever grievances you may have against another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."
Colossians 3:12
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
A Week From Heaven
If you read my last post, you probably have guessed I had a pretty rough one last week! Let's just say it was a week of many tests, beginning with some disturbing news that I can't share just yet.
It then progressed into a series of attacks by people I thought trusted me. By people I thought I trusted! The week continued to get hammered by right hooks, double crosses, and negative negative stuff. The week ended with me slumped in a chair, exhausted, bewildered, and drained.
It's not the details of all that transpired that are important. It's not even the outcome that matters. In sharing this, I hope to only show that what you learn while going through the fire is all that really matters. I am still learning! The ashes are still flying aimlessly around my head, I guess.
When faced with three unexpected and unsettling issues all in a matter of days, I did what most anyone would do. I got mad. I cried. I called my mom. I walked for miles in search of stress relief. I lost sleep. I affected my friends, who instead of getting smiley me got Job instead! I leaned heavily on my rock-solid, best friend of a husband, who steadied me with his calm and sensible spirit. He stood in front of me and took verbal beatings intended for me. While part of me wanted him to do some knock down drag out punching, the sensible me was thankful for his diplomatic maturity.
More importantly, I turned to God and I asked for things I don't normally want or even have to think about. I asked Hiim to help me turn the other cheek.I asked Him to guard my mouth so I wouldn't say things I would later regret. I prayed for my offenders. I trusted that His will was good where my unexpected news was concerned. I asked Him to help me humble myself, and I waited for Him to lift me back up. (James 4:10) I sang all the lyrics to the songs on my Christian station, calling out "AMEN!" when I felt particularly lifted. I sought out guidance from people I trust without feeling the need to blabber every detail in order to validate myself. (quite tempting when someone has thrown you under a bus)
I tried to remember that while the offense began with a person, there was a more dangerous force behind these attacks. I know we have a "roaring lion who seeks to destroy" all we hold dear, including our relationships. Especially our relationship with God. (1Peter 5:8) I know that certain people are a greater target than others, and whenever a Christian is getting somewhere with a non-Christian, trouble brews.
I found so much comfort in Scripture through it all. Probably one of the best Scriptures I turned to post-crisis was Psalm 119:66, and I just kept reading and standing on its truths.
I know God wants me to forgive those who came against me, but I can't do it without His divine help. This woman in the flesh (Flesh Woman) wants to replay it in her head over and over, while the Word of God eats it up like a Pac Man game. Flesh woman doesn't want to think well of them right now, but God's word says to pray for your enemies, and so I do. The more I let go of the offense, the better witness for Christ I will be, and so I let Him help me. My main concern through this whole thing was not to lose these people for Christ. I kept asking the question, "What will the eternal consequence be if you react the way your irishness is telling you to react?" If I "flesh this out" with them, will they see Christ in me at all? Will they see something they want for themselves? Probably not, and so I took off my "flesh woman" unhero costume and I put back on the armor of God.
Isn't it easy to be a Christian when everything is going your way? When you have everything you want and all your friends believe as you do? When it's all sunshine and rainbows and puppy dog tails? When you never have to stick your toe in a fallen world and your head is stuck clearly in the sand? Only in a polly-stinkin-anna world no one lives in for real.
When faced with trials, your true (and my true) character comes out. You can't help but let what's in your heart come out of your mouth. You just better hope what's in your heart is good and pure and not crap, to be honest. And if there's a little crap in there, then get on your knees (as I was on mine) and ask God to sponge you clean again.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything". James 1:1-4
So, did I have a week of this promised "joy"? No! But I did have a week like no other, spent with my Father, thanking Him for walking through the fire before me and with me. For allowing me to mature in Him, and for providing so many wonderful Christian examples who quickly came to mind that week. Each time I go through these things, I am growing and changing, and I know it's all for His good and perfect plan for me.
AMEN!
It then progressed into a series of attacks by people I thought trusted me. By people I thought I trusted! The week continued to get hammered by right hooks, double crosses, and negative negative stuff. The week ended with me slumped in a chair, exhausted, bewildered, and drained.
It's not the details of all that transpired that are important. It's not even the outcome that matters. In sharing this, I hope to only show that what you learn while going through the fire is all that really matters. I am still learning! The ashes are still flying aimlessly around my head, I guess.
When faced with three unexpected and unsettling issues all in a matter of days, I did what most anyone would do. I got mad. I cried. I called my mom. I walked for miles in search of stress relief. I lost sleep. I affected my friends, who instead of getting smiley me got Job instead! I leaned heavily on my rock-solid, best friend of a husband, who steadied me with his calm and sensible spirit. He stood in front of me and took verbal beatings intended for me. While part of me wanted him to do some knock down drag out punching, the sensible me was thankful for his diplomatic maturity.
More importantly, I turned to God and I asked for things I don't normally want or even have to think about. I asked Hiim to help me turn the other cheek.I asked Him to guard my mouth so I wouldn't say things I would later regret. I prayed for my offenders. I trusted that His will was good where my unexpected news was concerned. I asked Him to help me humble myself, and I waited for Him to lift me back up. (James 4:10) I sang all the lyrics to the songs on my Christian station, calling out "AMEN!" when I felt particularly lifted. I sought out guidance from people I trust without feeling the need to blabber every detail in order to validate myself. (quite tempting when someone has thrown you under a bus)
I tried to remember that while the offense began with a person, there was a more dangerous force behind these attacks. I know we have a "roaring lion who seeks to destroy" all we hold dear, including our relationships. Especially our relationship with God. (1Peter 5:8) I know that certain people are a greater target than others, and whenever a Christian is getting somewhere with a non-Christian, trouble brews.
I found so much comfort in Scripture through it all. Probably one of the best Scriptures I turned to post-crisis was Psalm 119:66, and I just kept reading and standing on its truths.
I know God wants me to forgive those who came against me, but I can't do it without His divine help. This woman in the flesh (Flesh Woman) wants to replay it in her head over and over, while the Word of God eats it up like a Pac Man game. Flesh woman doesn't want to think well of them right now, but God's word says to pray for your enemies, and so I do. The more I let go of the offense, the better witness for Christ I will be, and so I let Him help me. My main concern through this whole thing was not to lose these people for Christ. I kept asking the question, "What will the eternal consequence be if you react the way your irishness is telling you to react?" If I "flesh this out" with them, will they see Christ in me at all? Will they see something they want for themselves? Probably not, and so I took off my "flesh woman" unhero costume and I put back on the armor of God.
Isn't it easy to be a Christian when everything is going your way? When you have everything you want and all your friends believe as you do? When it's all sunshine and rainbows and puppy dog tails? When you never have to stick your toe in a fallen world and your head is stuck clearly in the sand? Only in a polly-stinkin-anna world no one lives in for real.
When faced with trials, your true (and my true) character comes out. You can't help but let what's in your heart come out of your mouth. You just better hope what's in your heart is good and pure and not crap, to be honest. And if there's a little crap in there, then get on your knees (as I was on mine) and ask God to sponge you clean again.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything". James 1:1-4
So, did I have a week of this promised "joy"? No! But I did have a week like no other, spent with my Father, thanking Him for walking through the fire before me and with me. For allowing me to mature in Him, and for providing so many wonderful Christian examples who quickly came to mind that week. Each time I go through these things, I am growing and changing, and I know it's all for His good and perfect plan for me.
AMEN!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Divine Intervention Defined
For me to ask people for advice or to pray for me, I have to be pretty desperate. I don't usually ask for help at all. I'm not even sure if the person who called me even reads my blog, but she helped me a great deal that day. Here's what happened after my post:
* My husband texted me two Bible verses, both of which were perfect for what I was feeling. Not only is he a sweet blessing, but having him deliver God's Word to me at that time was even sweeter. And no, he hadn't read my blog yet that day. For you curious ones, it was 2 Thess.1:6. and Psalm 55:22.
* I dove into the Word of God that day and found knowledge and peace. I copied down verses. I sang along to a song that seemed to be written for my exact feelings. I read James 4:10- "Humble yourselves before the Lord and he will lift you up."
* I prayed and I felt I was being heard. My words were not my own.
* I prayed over an object of Natalie's before I picked her up at school.
* Leaving details out, Natalie told me some surprising things that had happened that day. I was amazed and when I told her about my day with God, she was amazed too. We were both a bit verklempt.
* Because I confided in a friend, not worrying about what she'd think, she and I have become closer friends! Also an answered prayer.
* The prayer that I spoke that day asked for things that most of us don't want to do or admit. I prayed for those who hurt me, I prayed for humility, and I asked for forgiveness for my anger, and I prayed a blessing over the whole situation.
Let me just say that God reads my blog. He comments too. He is my Ultimate Friend and I am His follower. I praised Him all day for the many blessings He freely gives, and for the answered prayers in such a short period of time. I thanked him for pulling me near by allowing crisis in my life. Not an easy one at all.
The situation as a whole may or may not change, but I've asked God to keep my attitude the same no matter what. I will do as I did for my daughter and picture his beautiful face and hands spread out over every place she puts her feet. I will raise my girls to know where to turn when no one else may "get it".
And now on to the next crisis, right? It's just the way life is. And thank God that we're not alone through them all. And I thank the dear friend who reminded me, "Bury it and don't go back and dig it up!"
* My husband texted me two Bible verses, both of which were perfect for what I was feeling. Not only is he a sweet blessing, but having him deliver God's Word to me at that time was even sweeter. And no, he hadn't read my blog yet that day. For you curious ones, it was 2 Thess.1:6. and Psalm 55:22.
* I dove into the Word of God that day and found knowledge and peace. I copied down verses. I sang along to a song that seemed to be written for my exact feelings. I read James 4:10- "Humble yourselves before the Lord and he will lift you up."
* I prayed and I felt I was being heard. My words were not my own.
* I prayed over an object of Natalie's before I picked her up at school.
* Leaving details out, Natalie told me some surprising things that had happened that day. I was amazed and when I told her about my day with God, she was amazed too. We were both a bit verklempt.
* Because I confided in a friend, not worrying about what she'd think, she and I have become closer friends! Also an answered prayer.
* The prayer that I spoke that day asked for things that most of us don't want to do or admit. I prayed for those who hurt me, I prayed for humility, and I asked for forgiveness for my anger, and I prayed a blessing over the whole situation.
Let me just say that God reads my blog. He comments too. He is my Ultimate Friend and I am His follower. I praised Him all day for the many blessings He freely gives, and for the answered prayers in such a short period of time. I thanked him for pulling me near by allowing crisis in my life. Not an easy one at all.
The situation as a whole may or may not change, but I've asked God to keep my attitude the same no matter what. I will do as I did for my daughter and picture his beautiful face and hands spread out over every place she puts her feet. I will raise my girls to know where to turn when no one else may "get it".
And now on to the next crisis, right? It's just the way life is. And thank God that we're not alone through them all. And I thank the dear friend who reminded me, "Bury it and don't go back and dig it up!"
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
"Check ABS System....Soon"
I'm not a typically angry person. At least I didn't think so until recently. I'm usually pretty level-headed. I don't think I have a short temper. Turns out, I'm a hothead AND I'm delusional about it.
I was never a hothead until I had children, and before you think I'm going to blame my kids for tossing me over the edge, they play into it in a much different way altogether. (Run-on sentences. Make me so mad!)
Without telling you the details, I will say that situations that involve the unfair treatment of my kids is what triggers this hidden anger. As it turns out, my anger is just repressed hurt feelings. Yep. I admitted it. My anger is just me being hurt. And years of pushing it down and ignoring it or moving on without dealing with it have turned me into a sparkplug, just waiting for my ignition flame. Though I've never unleashed the beast on a person, my poor family has to endure the fallout that is me high on pain.
I thought about this as I left the school today, annoyed that Serena wanted me to move my van three times before she chose the spot in which she wanted to be dropped. I heard a couple bells go off in my van. Yes, real bells. I looked down and this was my message, "Check ABS System". While I'm sure my van meant for me to check my anti-lock braking system, I thought to myself, "I need to put on the brakes in myself". It's me. I'm the one who needs the tune up.
I wasn't angry at Serena, yet my anger over the past week has built into a solid pile of steaming poo, making me sensitive to anything annoying. I usually pray in the car on the way home, but today my lips stayed in a firm line as I actually made fun of the overly cheerful radio announcer on my Christian station. Surely she doesn't have the problems I have, I thought. Wouldn't it be nice to just hide out in the safe radio booth and be all happy all day? Why, she probably doesn't even have kids yet! What does SHE have to worry about? The world isn't pooping all over her kids, right?? Right??
It's that kind of stinkin' thinkin' that keeps me in chains. And yet, I continue to make the same mistakes, letting my mind take over the truths that are in my heart. I turned to my Bible last night in Romans (no coincidence) and I was reminded again, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." (Romans 12:2) And then again in 12:14..."bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse."
Tears came to my eyes as I thought about my outburst reactions to the same problem this past week. I did some cursing alright, and I don't mean the curse word type. In my anger I wanted justice! I wanted those who were being unfair to us to be treated unfairly so they could know how rotten they are! I was mad that the same things keep happening and we always seem to be on the short end of it! So unfair! Shouldn't they get theirs?? Can I see it when it happens, if it happens? And when? Come on!!
Then onto more verses in Romans...17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18 if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "it is mine to avenge; I will repay, says the Lord."
Again, I spoke out in part frustration, part flesh, and I said, "Yeah, I know. I have to be a Christian. I have to take the high road. I have to be Christlike. I have to be an example. I have to, I have to, I have to"...and then it crept in again...what about them??
So you see, anger has its ugly hold on me. It's going to take a lot more than just a few verses in Romans to straighten this hothead out. It may take tears, forgiveness, acceptace, humility, brownies, and lots of listening to God. He's the potter and I'm the clay, and I'm a bit hard to work these days, evidently.
If I've done anything right in this situation, I've admitted that the feelings I have over this particular issue are rooted in love and justice. Love for my daughter and what is important to her. Wanting her to be treated fairly. I have a great responsibility as her mom, and I want to help her in every possible way in every possible situation. She has taught me plenty by being gracious, thankful, and keeping a sweet and positive attitude through it all. It makes me cry to see that even though I'm an angry dope, my daughters are nothing but loving and kind. Not angry at all.
So today as I pull out my fall decorations, finish off my birthday cake, and smell the lovely Downy wafting through my backyard, I will again open my heart and let God work in me. Good thing He's not too busy. We'll be having quite a long appointment today.
Love you, my friends, and please learn from me. If you have any advice on how you deal with injustice(particularly with kids) and anger, please share either here or privately. I learn so much from you. If you have no advice and I still come to your mind, please shoot up a prayer for me. Thanks....I really need the help.
I was never a hothead until I had children, and before you think I'm going to blame my kids for tossing me over the edge, they play into it in a much different way altogether. (Run-on sentences. Make me so mad!)
Without telling you the details, I will say that situations that involve the unfair treatment of my kids is what triggers this hidden anger. As it turns out, my anger is just repressed hurt feelings. Yep. I admitted it. My anger is just me being hurt. And years of pushing it down and ignoring it or moving on without dealing with it have turned me into a sparkplug, just waiting for my ignition flame. Though I've never unleashed the beast on a person, my poor family has to endure the fallout that is me high on pain.
I thought about this as I left the school today, annoyed that Serena wanted me to move my van three times before she chose the spot in which she wanted to be dropped. I heard a couple bells go off in my van. Yes, real bells. I looked down and this was my message, "Check ABS System". While I'm sure my van meant for me to check my anti-lock braking system, I thought to myself, "I need to put on the brakes in myself". It's me. I'm the one who needs the tune up.
I wasn't angry at Serena, yet my anger over the past week has built into a solid pile of steaming poo, making me sensitive to anything annoying. I usually pray in the car on the way home, but today my lips stayed in a firm line as I actually made fun of the overly cheerful radio announcer on my Christian station. Surely she doesn't have the problems I have, I thought. Wouldn't it be nice to just hide out in the safe radio booth and be all happy all day? Why, she probably doesn't even have kids yet! What does SHE have to worry about? The world isn't pooping all over her kids, right?? Right??
It's that kind of stinkin' thinkin' that keeps me in chains. And yet, I continue to make the same mistakes, letting my mind take over the truths that are in my heart. I turned to my Bible last night in Romans (no coincidence) and I was reminded again, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." (Romans 12:2) And then again in 12:14..."bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse."
Tears came to my eyes as I thought about my outburst reactions to the same problem this past week. I did some cursing alright, and I don't mean the curse word type. In my anger I wanted justice! I wanted those who were being unfair to us to be treated unfairly so they could know how rotten they are! I was mad that the same things keep happening and we always seem to be on the short end of it! So unfair! Shouldn't they get theirs?? Can I see it when it happens, if it happens? And when? Come on!!
Then onto more verses in Romans...17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18 if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "it is mine to avenge; I will repay, says the Lord."
Again, I spoke out in part frustration, part flesh, and I said, "Yeah, I know. I have to be a Christian. I have to take the high road. I have to be Christlike. I have to be an example. I have to, I have to, I have to"...and then it crept in again...what about them??
So you see, anger has its ugly hold on me. It's going to take a lot more than just a few verses in Romans to straighten this hothead out. It may take tears, forgiveness, acceptace, humility, brownies, and lots of listening to God. He's the potter and I'm the clay, and I'm a bit hard to work these days, evidently.
If I've done anything right in this situation, I've admitted that the feelings I have over this particular issue are rooted in love and justice. Love for my daughter and what is important to her. Wanting her to be treated fairly. I have a great responsibility as her mom, and I want to help her in every possible way in every possible situation. She has taught me plenty by being gracious, thankful, and keeping a sweet and positive attitude through it all. It makes me cry to see that even though I'm an angry dope, my daughters are nothing but loving and kind. Not angry at all.
So today as I pull out my fall decorations, finish off my birthday cake, and smell the lovely Downy wafting through my backyard, I will again open my heart and let God work in me. Good thing He's not too busy. We'll be having quite a long appointment today.
Love you, my friends, and please learn from me. If you have any advice on how you deal with injustice(particularly with kids) and anger, please share either here or privately. I learn so much from you. If you have no advice and I still come to your mind, please shoot up a prayer for me. Thanks....I really need the help.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Home for Another Day
This world is just not for me. Though there are some things I'm quite fond of, I could take this world and leave it. Before you think I'm suicidal, I'm just referring to another concept in the book I'm reading. I always thought it was a bit weird of myself to be thinking that way. I thought "there must be something wrong with me!"
I have a longing for heaven, that's all. A place where there is no pain. Where comfort will be given. Where I can either dance or cry in appreciation with my Creator. I don't like it here. Too much trouble. Too much pain. Too much injustice. Too stifling. Too "worldy".
While it may sound suicidal, it's perfectly normal to have a longing for heaven. After all, that is where we originated from in the first place. We just want to go home. Home is a place you feel loved, safe, secure, and understood. Heaven. Our original home. Our original Father.
Until then, I will just enjoy the beauty my Creator put here on earth for me to enjoy until I go "home" forever.
I have a longing for heaven, that's all. A place where there is no pain. Where comfort will be given. Where I can either dance or cry in appreciation with my Creator. I don't like it here. Too much trouble. Too much pain. Too much injustice. Too stifling. Too "worldy".
While it may sound suicidal, it's perfectly normal to have a longing for heaven. After all, that is where we originated from in the first place. We just want to go home. Home is a place you feel loved, safe, secure, and understood. Heaven. Our original home. Our original Father.
Until then, I will just enjoy the beauty my Creator put here on earth for me to enjoy until I go "home" forever.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Talk about your "Longings"
It's Friday night. Steve's making yet another batch of salsa verde while watching the latest football game. The girls are sprawled out in various directions watching Spongebob, much to my disappointment. Marathon football. Marathon Spongebob. Marathon boredom.
And what am I doing? I've been waiting for this night for 7 whole days. I long for Friday nights when the school week is done and I have the weekend in close view. I have all these visions of the perfect Friday night, and none of them involve sitting at my computer blogging. And none of them involve watching sports or spongebob on tv. Believe me.
So while I'm talking about longings, my own have been coming into sharper view. I'm really tired of the same ole same ole that I live each and every day. Though I appreciate my life, I do ask that question, "is this it?" I'm getting older by the minute. Shouldn't I be having some fun? Whoopin' it up? Wearing cute jeans?
Is God using this longing of a more exciting life to draw me to Him? Probably. He's saying, "There's not much in this world that tops Me, my dear. Not football, not Spongebob, not a night out on the town, not a new pair of jeans. Just me."
So while I long for more fun on my Friday nights, God wants me to long for Him. God wins again.
I do long for Him. I long for Him to speak to me in a voice I can hear. To put my heart at ease when I'm having a restless night. To give me a passion for Him that matches nothing else in this world. And so I blog. And I long. And I wait for the holes to fill. With nothing but Him.
And what am I doing? I've been waiting for this night for 7 whole days. I long for Friday nights when the school week is done and I have the weekend in close view. I have all these visions of the perfect Friday night, and none of them involve sitting at my computer blogging. And none of them involve watching sports or spongebob on tv. Believe me.
So while I'm talking about longings, my own have been coming into sharper view. I'm really tired of the same ole same ole that I live each and every day. Though I appreciate my life, I do ask that question, "is this it?" I'm getting older by the minute. Shouldn't I be having some fun? Whoopin' it up? Wearing cute jeans?
Is God using this longing of a more exciting life to draw me to Him? Probably. He's saying, "There's not much in this world that tops Me, my dear. Not football, not Spongebob, not a night out on the town, not a new pair of jeans. Just me."
So while I long for more fun on my Friday nights, God wants me to long for Him. God wins again.
I do long for Him. I long for Him to speak to me in a voice I can hear. To put my heart at ease when I'm having a restless night. To give me a passion for Him that matches nothing else in this world. And so I blog. And I long. And I wait for the holes to fill. With nothing but Him.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Longings
Don't ya just love it when someone's all into some book they're reading and they go into these long lectures all about the book and how great it is? Well,if you don't "just love that", then stop reading now. That was your one and only warning today, my friend.
I'm making my way through chapter 3 of my Fresh Brewed Life book that I mentioned the other day. The title of the chapter is "Listen to Your Longings". These aren't your chocolate brownie longings, longings for thinner thighs, or a perfect internet connection. Oops...maybe I was a bit too honest there.
Nicole Johnson, the author, says some pretty important things about those longings we all have. Listen to this:
"God has designed us to want more out of life, and we won't be satisfied until we get it. We cry out to God over this, "how long must I wait, O Lord?" Still, we are left longing. This feels like a no-win situation. Are longings one big cosmic set-up for frustration? Perhaps, if we view them as something to be overcome or eradicated. If we spend more time trying to get them "filled up". But if we lean in close, and put our ears to the chest of our soul and listen to our longings- they can teach us to understand God and ourselves in a way that would not happen if we were to be permitted to have everything we long for. It's true. What we don't have shapes us more than what we do have. We are like Swiss cheese, and those holes are actually supposed to be there. The holes are the things that make us who we are. The holes are the places God has reserved in us for Himself! The longings identify our real hunger. A hunger that drives us to Him to be satisfied. If...big if...we listen."
So what's a longing anyway? The author defines it as an empty place in your life that hasn't been filled. It may be a longing for more enjoyment, more passion, more love, more hope, more rest. What they tell us is that there isn't enough on this earth to fill us up. That's why a vacation only satisfies us for a short time before we're in desperate need for another.
Ignoring those longings can change you in a way that makes you pretty unrecognizable to yourself and others. This was my own observation, based on what the author desribed in the book. Someone who is afraid to follow their longings becomes more of a spectator than a participant in her own life. She may become critical, jealous, envious, fearful, disappointed. The thing about longings is that they don't go away on their own. We have a choice. Deal with them or shove them away. Risk the pain that may come with them or run from it.
It's okay to have longings. It's okay to want more. It's okay to pursue them. It's the way we're made.
(From the author again) "At this point, some people would say, "DIE TO YOURSELF! THAT is the Christian thing to do!!...It's funny that women want to go straight to "die to yourself" without knowing what "self" they are even dying to. Then it isn't a laying down of their lives, but a complete avoidance of pain. God gave us longings to DRAW US TO HIM. He does not intend to cut us off from them." Oh, that passage just sang to me.
When I think of my own list of longings, I realize that achieving just one could bring me closer to the purpose that God has for me. When you look at it this way, pursuing your longings is a direct connection to what God has planned for your life, not just a self-driven goal. Why is it just because you want something, you feel selfish or guilty about it? And why are there people who want to make you feel that way? If God gave us longings, he had a good reason. Maybe instead of pushing what we want away, we should match up what we want with what we know God wants for us. See if they fit. If it doesn't, let it go. If it does, pursue it with passion.
Longings can become a stronghold or a fixation, for sure. They can make us crazy. The author defines them as "inconvenient, uncomfortable, embarrassing at best, uncontrollable, revealing, terrifying, and potentially devastating at worst. They cause us pain and fear. The interrupt our lives with their nagging and persistence and keep us from feeling contented with what we have...but longings are part of being alive. When we try to cut them off, we are trying to keep ourselves safe from life."
I like this author. I like that she's not all buttoned up and polished, carefully choosing her words to please the average Christian. I like that she's brutally honest with the reader, but mostly herself. She reveals how journaling brings out the raw honesty in herself, not that smiling polite Christian we often see at church or in the mirror. When we're honest about who we are, primarily to ourselves, we become clay all over again.
This book opens my eyes better than a strong cup of joe. I hope you'll stick with me on this one!
I'm making my way through chapter 3 of my Fresh Brewed Life book that I mentioned the other day. The title of the chapter is "Listen to Your Longings". These aren't your chocolate brownie longings, longings for thinner thighs, or a perfect internet connection. Oops...maybe I was a bit too honest there.
Nicole Johnson, the author, says some pretty important things about those longings we all have. Listen to this:
"God has designed us to want more out of life, and we won't be satisfied until we get it. We cry out to God over this, "how long must I wait, O Lord?" Still, we are left longing. This feels like a no-win situation. Are longings one big cosmic set-up for frustration? Perhaps, if we view them as something to be overcome or eradicated. If we spend more time trying to get them "filled up". But if we lean in close, and put our ears to the chest of our soul and listen to our longings- they can teach us to understand God and ourselves in a way that would not happen if we were to be permitted to have everything we long for. It's true. What we don't have shapes us more than what we do have. We are like Swiss cheese, and those holes are actually supposed to be there. The holes are the things that make us who we are. The holes are the places God has reserved in us for Himself! The longings identify our real hunger. A hunger that drives us to Him to be satisfied. If...big if...we listen."
So what's a longing anyway? The author defines it as an empty place in your life that hasn't been filled. It may be a longing for more enjoyment, more passion, more love, more hope, more rest. What they tell us is that there isn't enough on this earth to fill us up. That's why a vacation only satisfies us for a short time before we're in desperate need for another.
Ignoring those longings can change you in a way that makes you pretty unrecognizable to yourself and others. This was my own observation, based on what the author desribed in the book. Someone who is afraid to follow their longings becomes more of a spectator than a participant in her own life. She may become critical, jealous, envious, fearful, disappointed. The thing about longings is that they don't go away on their own. We have a choice. Deal with them or shove them away. Risk the pain that may come with them or run from it.
It's okay to have longings. It's okay to want more. It's okay to pursue them. It's the way we're made.
(From the author again) "At this point, some people would say, "DIE TO YOURSELF! THAT is the Christian thing to do!!...It's funny that women want to go straight to "die to yourself" without knowing what "self" they are even dying to. Then it isn't a laying down of their lives, but a complete avoidance of pain. God gave us longings to DRAW US TO HIM. He does not intend to cut us off from them." Oh, that passage just sang to me.
When I think of my own list of longings, I realize that achieving just one could bring me closer to the purpose that God has for me. When you look at it this way, pursuing your longings is a direct connection to what God has planned for your life, not just a self-driven goal. Why is it just because you want something, you feel selfish or guilty about it? And why are there people who want to make you feel that way? If God gave us longings, he had a good reason. Maybe instead of pushing what we want away, we should match up what we want with what we know God wants for us. See if they fit. If it doesn't, let it go. If it does, pursue it with passion.
Longings can become a stronghold or a fixation, for sure. They can make us crazy. The author defines them as "inconvenient, uncomfortable, embarrassing at best, uncontrollable, revealing, terrifying, and potentially devastating at worst. They cause us pain and fear. The interrupt our lives with their nagging and persistence and keep us from feeling contented with what we have...but longings are part of being alive. When we try to cut them off, we are trying to keep ourselves safe from life."
I like this author. I like that she's not all buttoned up and polished, carefully choosing her words to please the average Christian. I like that she's brutally honest with the reader, but mostly herself. She reveals how journaling brings out the raw honesty in herself, not that smiling polite Christian we often see at church or in the mirror. When we're honest about who we are, primarily to ourselves, we become clay all over again.
This book opens my eyes better than a strong cup of joe. I hope you'll stick with me on this one!
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
"Bat to School"
The first day of school started out June Cleaver-style,of course. Lots of singing, a beautifully prepared breakfast, 2 shiny-faced, smiling girls in plaid skirts and sparkling shoes. And here's where you hear the proverbial record scratch sound...SCREECH!! And hit replay...
The first day of school started at midnight, because Serena was having trouble sleeping, of course. So, morning came with 2 sleepy-faced girls in pajamas. No singing. No plaid. Bare shuffling feet.
Natalie had asked me to double french braid her hair so it could be "kinky" in the morning. A style we have done many times over the summer, making it a sure thing that it would turn out, right? Wrong. Not when you're 13 and life depends on the perfect hairstyle for the first day of school!! After missing her hot breakfast, she spent the next 30 minutes lamenting over her hair, tears in her eyes to boot. We left the house with straight hair, running 10 minutes behind schedule. It was all I could do to keep myself from saying all the things that were in my head. I kept my travel mug full of coffee, dreaming of the peace I'd find at 8:30 when I arrived back home. Alone.
I spent my day doing my usual housekeeping, including a chocolate chip cookie baking session, a tradition for the first day of school. Nothing a little cookie dough can't fix in a harried mom, right? Talked to my friend for a very long time, did a little exercise. Ahhh...who needs Calgon anyway.
At the end of the school day I picked Nat up first, anxious to hear about her day. "Everyone loves my hair!" She exclaimed, before saying anything else. Oh, to be 13 and have your life be all about hair. I miss those days. Oh, wait, I didn't care about my hair until....well, maybe I never did. She then went on to tell me how great it was to sit at the "round" tables this year, and who sat with her, who this and who that. And how is "actual school", I asked. "Oh, it's the same as last year." And the "who's" aren't?, I secretly wondered.
Serena's pick up was a bit more exciting. She jumped in the van, wearing her black motorcycle jacket, a consignment find that "blew her mind". "How was the first day of sixth grade?" I asked with a mom smile.
"oh, it's the same as last year," she replied, adding, "and everyone loved my hair!" not knowing her sister had just said that same thing. Then she went on to tell me some exciting news.
"Mom, we were just sitting there in homeroom, and all of the sudden, Mrs. X went to her knees, covered her head, and yelled, "AHHH..it's a bird!!" The kids looked around in confusion, then one kid called out, "No, it's not a bird. It's a BAT!" Somehow a bat had made its way into a kid's locker. It then was awakened by that kid, causing it to fly into the hallway and into Serena's homeroom . The janitor came, trash cans in tow, hoping to catch Batman's best friend. Serena laughed as she told me how he chased it around the class, swinging the trash cans in the air. The kids watched in enjoyment rather than in fear, as their teacher cowered under her desk, leaving them to fight for themselves!
And so it goes, we are back to school. Back to crazy schedules. Back to studying. Back to sports, grades, and homework. And me? I'm back to being by myself. Eating bon bons. Watching soaps. Talking on the phone. And pulling all of your legs.
The first day of school started at midnight, because Serena was having trouble sleeping, of course. So, morning came with 2 sleepy-faced girls in pajamas. No singing. No plaid. Bare shuffling feet.
Natalie had asked me to double french braid her hair so it could be "kinky" in the morning. A style we have done many times over the summer, making it a sure thing that it would turn out, right? Wrong. Not when you're 13 and life depends on the perfect hairstyle for the first day of school!! After missing her hot breakfast, she spent the next 30 minutes lamenting over her hair, tears in her eyes to boot. We left the house with straight hair, running 10 minutes behind schedule. It was all I could do to keep myself from saying all the things that were in my head. I kept my travel mug full of coffee, dreaming of the peace I'd find at 8:30 when I arrived back home. Alone.
I spent my day doing my usual housekeeping, including a chocolate chip cookie baking session, a tradition for the first day of school. Nothing a little cookie dough can't fix in a harried mom, right? Talked to my friend for a very long time, did a little exercise. Ahhh...who needs Calgon anyway.
At the end of the school day I picked Nat up first, anxious to hear about her day. "Everyone loves my hair!" She exclaimed, before saying anything else. Oh, to be 13 and have your life be all about hair. I miss those days. Oh, wait, I didn't care about my hair until....well, maybe I never did. She then went on to tell me how great it was to sit at the "round" tables this year, and who sat with her, who this and who that. And how is "actual school", I asked. "Oh, it's the same as last year." And the "who's" aren't?, I secretly wondered.
Serena's pick up was a bit more exciting. She jumped in the van, wearing her black motorcycle jacket, a consignment find that "blew her mind". "How was the first day of sixth grade?" I asked with a mom smile.
"oh, it's the same as last year," she replied, adding, "and everyone loved my hair!" not knowing her sister had just said that same thing. Then she went on to tell me some exciting news.
"Mom, we were just sitting there in homeroom, and all of the sudden, Mrs. X went to her knees, covered her head, and yelled, "AHHH..it's a bird!!" The kids looked around in confusion, then one kid called out, "No, it's not a bird. It's a BAT!" Somehow a bat had made its way into a kid's locker. It then was awakened by that kid, causing it to fly into the hallway and into Serena's homeroom . The janitor came, trash cans in tow, hoping to catch Batman's best friend. Serena laughed as she told me how he chased it around the class, swinging the trash cans in the air. The kids watched in enjoyment rather than in fear, as their teacher cowered under her desk, leaving them to fight for themselves!
And so it goes, we are back to school. Back to crazy schedules. Back to studying. Back to sports, grades, and homework. And me? I'm back to being by myself. Eating bon bons. Watching soaps. Talking on the phone. And pulling all of your legs.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Shoot
On Saturday, we went to get more corn to freeze and to scout out more photo shoot locations. Our nephew James was coming on Sunday for me to do his senior pictures, so I wanted to have an idea of where to take them. Serena was my willing subject, so we spent a somewhat rainy afternoon shooting pictures in many locations.
Sunday was spent with James and his mom, going from place to place, shooting all kinds of pictures. When all was said and done, I took over 300 pictures! He's quite athletic (ripped, I guess they call it), so we took lots of "muscle poses". It was fun for me, having shot mostly girls so far. It was a 6 hour photo shoot, though, and I was whipped at the end of it. Steve was my trusty assistant. In fact, he was the one who inspired me to get into photography years ago when his own photos blew me away! He took lots of great pics of James too...and captured him well.
The most important thing was that we all had a laughter-filled day, and James loves all of his pictures! I have enjoyed getting to know our nieces and nephews by being allowed to photograph them. It really is a great way to learn their personalities. It was great practice for me too. I've been told many many times to make it my profession. I don't know...I think I like having fun with it and not calling it a "job" so far.
Sunday was spent with James and his mom, going from place to place, shooting all kinds of pictures. When all was said and done, I took over 300 pictures! He's quite athletic (ripped, I guess they call it), so we took lots of "muscle poses". It was fun for me, having shot mostly girls so far. It was a 6 hour photo shoot, though, and I was whipped at the end of it. Steve was my trusty assistant. In fact, he was the one who inspired me to get into photography years ago when his own photos blew me away! He took lots of great pics of James too...and captured him well.
The most important thing was that we all had a laughter-filled day, and James loves all of his pictures! I have enjoyed getting to know our nieces and nephews by being allowed to photograph them. It really is a great way to learn their personalities. It was great practice for me too. I've been told many many times to make it my profession. I don't know...I think I like having fun with it and not calling it a "job" so far.
Friday, September 2, 2011
A Fresh-Brewed Life
I'm reading a new book! Okay, it's not so new. In fact, it was published in 1999, but it's new to me! It's called Fresh-Brewed Life (A stirring invitation to wake up your soul) by Nicole Johnson. I actually purchased it at a friend's garage sale, and was drawn to the steaming coffee cup on the cover!
I'm still a fairly new coffee drinker, having only been drinking the stuff for maybe 2 years now. Some days I still taste it and go, "AAAAACK! Why do I drink this stuff??" Some days I wrap my hands around my mug, hunker down in my chair and let it soothe me with it's creamy vanilla-ness.
So this book is a big metaphor, one of them being that we are the coffee beans, life is the grinder, and God is the water. I'm kind of a sucker for neat metaphors, so this one has my full attention. It's funny too that some days my coffee is perfect, and some days it's toilet water, just like life at times.
One of the points that "woke me up" in Chapter one, Surrender to God, was that "Christian life is not about trying harder. It is not about keeping it all together. It is about trusting in the One who can keep it all together." And yet another point reminds me that we are loved, for reasons we don't even know, but we don't have to DO anything to be loved. If God loved us because we were smart, then we'd be trying too hard to be smarter. If he loved us because we were beautiful, we'd be trying too hard to be pretty. Nope. He just loves us. And we don't know why. Isn't that a kick?
Well, sometimes coffee can be a kick too. I'm still not 100% in love with Juan Valdez, but I'm really liking this book!
I'm still a fairly new coffee drinker, having only been drinking the stuff for maybe 2 years now. Some days I still taste it and go, "AAAAACK! Why do I drink this stuff??" Some days I wrap my hands around my mug, hunker down in my chair and let it soothe me with it's creamy vanilla-ness.
So this book is a big metaphor, one of them being that we are the coffee beans, life is the grinder, and God is the water. I'm kind of a sucker for neat metaphors, so this one has my full attention. It's funny too that some days my coffee is perfect, and some days it's toilet water, just like life at times.
One of the points that "woke me up" in Chapter one, Surrender to God, was that "Christian life is not about trying harder. It is not about keeping it all together. It is about trusting in the One who can keep it all together." And yet another point reminds me that we are loved, for reasons we don't even know, but we don't have to DO anything to be loved. If God loved us because we were smart, then we'd be trying too hard to be smarter. If he loved us because we were beautiful, we'd be trying too hard to be pretty. Nope. He just loves us. And we don't know why. Isn't that a kick?
Well, sometimes coffee can be a kick too. I'm still not 100% in love with Juan Valdez, but I'm really liking this book!