A Picture Says A Thousand Words

The girls and I spent some time at G-ma's on Friday, trying to help her with some Christmas decorating. When all the family comes home, we gather in the "rec room", so we were down there decorating the tree and putting some stray things away. I came across a photo that made all of us smile.

This was a picture of 3 of my older siblings, my mom, and me at about age 10. I think we got the picture taken at the church we attended at the time. My dad chose not to be in the picture back then, and I remember thinking it was strange to be going without him. It's just how he was, I guess, but then again, maybe it didn't feel complete to him with his own son being "out of the picture". He was living with his mother, being taught to dislike our family, and it showed.

My dad, though he raised my mom's three kids (4, 5, and 6 at the time), never felt like their "dad". They had a biological dad, and he wanted them to have a relationship with him, though bio dad was full of his own issues. I guess he felt he may hinder that possibility somehow, and so he kept somewhat of a distance. The story is much deeper than I can share here, but at the time, it was the right way to handle it. My mom often says that they didn't have the resources we have today to deal with the kinds of problems that went on back then. It was so true.

And so I studied this old picture. A seemingly happy mom and her 4 kids. Two boys, attractive and smiling, sporting very curly do's. A beautiful young teenage girl with brown eyes and a big smile. A freckle-faced, smirking, big-eyed girl, wearing blue and green plaid pants. Hence, the smirk. :) Little would anyone know, the beautiful teen would soon be pregnant and married with a long and winding journey ahead. One boy would become an alcoholic with a difficult road ahead. One boy is still out of the picture. The other, successful in all he has set out to do. And the little freckle-faced girl somehow made it out okay too. The mom in the picture is beautiful and smiling, proud of the brood around her. She had no idea of what her future would hold as a mom. Having been through a painful divorce, she thought the worst was behind her. Worse things would happen.

So, as we gazed upon this family photo, my girls saw 4 smiling kids and a Brady Bunch type mom. They laughed at their mom's silly blue blazer, blue plaid pants, and silly smirk. They really laughed at their uncle's naturally curly hair! They were amazed at how young their Grandma looked and how pretty she was.

And I was amazed at myself, that I was able to talk about the good times, even though that particular time in our lives was very hard to remember. I was able to recall happy Christmas mornings, funny family traits, and bring up the positive times in all of our childhoods. More importantly I was able to remember that although some memories are difficult and painful, we can always choose to remember the joys too. We can see the smiles and leave the rest behind. We can live in the present and let the past go.

And what we learned from our mom was just that. You deal with what you've been given. You learn from your mistakes. You don't live in the past. You keep your chin up. You love and you smile. And just keep on going. When my mom looked at the picture, she just saw her beautiful kids. Not the things they would do wrong. Not the bad cards they too were dealt. Not the mistakes and the arguments. She just saw her kids. The ones she'll always love no matter what. And what did she tell my girls about their mom?

"Your mom was so cute and so sweet. She didn't give me any trouble at all. She was so helpful and quiet. Just look at how cute she was!" Well, as I said before, "worse things would happen!" :)

Never judge a book or in this case, a family, by it's cover. Every family has its secrets and crosses to bear. But one thing we know for sure is that God put us together for a reason. And he did the same for you.