Change

In the past, I used to speak a lot before I'd think. I used to get myself in some doozies! I look back now and it's a bit embarassing to think of some of the things I've said. Kind of like toothpaste out of the tube, words just don't get "put back". They are "out there" for as long as people choose to think about them. The only way to "undo" something you wish you hadn't said is to apologize (if possible) to them, apologize to God, and stop doing that altogether. I had to step back and ask myself why I felt the need to open my mouth in the first place. A lot of times I was trying to gain favor with someone (kind of a funny way to do it now that I think about it!), trying to seem a certain way, or I was trying to control a situation. Really, it was never from a good place! And most of all, it was inauthentic, because it wasn't my heart. It wasn't until I found a safe place to share my heart that I began to feel accepted for the flawed person I was. My safe place, I will always say, was a good God-loving friend who saw all through my facade, and put up with my words! She knew better and soon, I began to know better too. I watched her and I began to "get it." The reason I bring up this story is not to claim that I've arrived in some way, but I do know I've had some victory in this area. It takes work to keep that victory! Sometimes I still catch myself slipping. So the reason I revisit this is because it has enabled me to be a better friend to those who don't always say the right thing at the right time. The friend who gossips a bit, the one who judges harshly, the one who puts down the woman at the store, the one who criticizes EVERYTHING all the time it seems. I have become more patient with them. More tolerant of the behavior, and more understanding of where it may come from. I want to be that "friend" who knows their heart is better than that. She didn't correct me with words. I don't correct with words. When someone is saying something inappropriate to me, I picture that I am talking to my old self! In other words, don't forget, YOU USED TO DO THAT TOO!! And as I think about that, I just act better and hope she sees. And while I claim my friend showed me the right way, I know that it was God all along, answering my cry for help. "Show me a better way. Bring me better friends. Make me better.Help me be more like you." And then it's no surprise that God would be helping me to help someone else. It's just the way I've seen it work. You want to be better? The only one who can make you better is God, but you have to recognize your weaknesses that trip you up or cause you to harm others. Then you have to admit you need help. God's help. Then you listen and do what He says. Hopefully He will provide you with a beautiful friend like mine, who came at just the right time. Thank you Sara. And thank you God.