Girl Down

Ugh...what will it be next? About a minute and a half into our basketball game last night, Serena got tripped, sending her to the floor. She landed on her "good" ankle, making it now her second "bad" ankle. Sigh....why is it always MY kid?  Two days into the season, we were already in the doctor's office ordering x-rays on her left knee. One day after the x-ray, she fell during practice, smacking both knees on the floor and skidding awhile. She got the ball! And a heart shaped gym floor rash to match.  So, she spent last night and all of today on ice for the ankle,  and we are heading into town to get her a set of crutches. Who knows if she'll finish out the season. Frustrating for all. Serena is so good at her position and she LOVES to play. It's so unfair! So, wondering if my girls will EVER get to participate in the things they love. Sometimes life makes absolutely NO sense.

Sorry, but I've kinda just had it lately!

Reality Spites

I can't figure out my blog questions half (most) of the time, but TV seems to be offering me all kinds of information these days. So I did a little flip through of my onscreen guide and now I know all about junk. Storage Wars, Pawn Stars, American Pickers, Hoarders, and Double Divas (junk in the front). I am not smarter on any of these subjects other than I can now say "YUUUUP" with much more conviction.  I think i am a pretty good mom, but now I know what not to do  after watching Toddlers and Tiaras, America's Supernanny, Dance Moms, Cheer Perfection, any of the Housewives shows, Wife Swap, Honey Boo Boo, and World's Strongest Toddler. Mind you, I didn't actually watch most of these shows. I simply learned all I needed to know from the title alone. There is also some kind of fascination with creatures these days. Gator Boys, Swamp Wars, Swamp People, Finding Bigfoot, Hillbilly Handfishin', Wicked Tuna, are just a few of the most interesting documentaries ever! All I want to know is, Why is tuna wicked? And who would want to stick their hand in that? Why would you want to find a bigfoot if one really existed? How can a 9 foot tall "monster" sleep in the top of a tree during the day and we can't see it? How do you know what a female bigfoot sounds like when it screams if you've never actually heard one? Why are you sticking your hand in that gator's mouth anyway? Nothing better to do?
 
On to bigger and better subjects, like fashion and style! If only I had watched "Say yes to the dress" when shopping for my gown years and years ago. Perhaps I  could have had 17 opinions and caused myself an anxiety attack. That sounds like fun! Instead I simply found one I liked and bought it. How boring! But if I want to know "What not to wear", I just have to trust this couple to tell me everything in my closet stinks and I need to go shopping. Duh!  Project Runway...what do I even say about that? Men wearing floral tank tops with boots and short shorts...only on Bravo. Moonshiners. Now that's a show about something I've actually heard about, though only in history books. I'm not sure why a banned substance would be something you want to advertise?? Amish Mafia. Two words I never thought I'd hear in the same title! Amish:Out of Order. What's next? Amish Divas?  I also "met the "hutterites"" and I'm still wondering what that means. Shipping Wars, Barter Kings, Duck Dynasty, Gold Rush, Ice Road Truckers, Alaska State Troopers, Flying Wild Alaska, My Big Redneck Vacation, Buckwild, Total Blackout, and on and on the so-called "reality shows" go. You can watch all about food, all about big people, little people, taboo people, cat people, dog people, out of control people, singing people, dancing people, designing people, home-buying people.....maybe my biggest question is....

Who Cares?

Unfollow Advice Needed!

I've been to lots of so-called "answer" websites, "blogger help", and "google", and no one can help me. So I'm turning to my smart readers in hopes that you have the answer I desperately need! I am trying to unfollow some blogs that are inactive. It's driving me crazy that I follow the "directions" and it doesn't work. I am going in circles it seems. So, if any of you smarty pants has some blogger advice, I would be most appreciative! Thank you....and no, it won't be you that I unfollow....

Number 31

As I dropped Serena off at her game today, I told her one thing. I said to her, "Don't you worry about a thing. I got you and your team all prayed up. It's going to be great!" And great it was! It was their third game but their first win! Now, we know it's not all about winning, and when I prayed it wasn't about winning at all. What I saw was great teamwork and lots of effort and hustle! They deserved that win for sure. Serena had many opportunities to shoot and she scored! She told us she tries not to smile as she runs back down the court, but that girl just can't help herself. She is finally learning to use her height to her advantage, and she is getting more and more aggressive (in a good way). We're glad she enjoys basketball because we really enjoy cheering for her every chance we get!

That's our girl, waiting for the tip-off. Gee, wonder why she gets chosen for this?? :) You would think our nickname for her would be "Kareem", but actually I call her "Ali" as in Muhammed Ali, since she "floats like a butterfly, and stings like a bee"!

Alaska Dreams

Here it is...my cabin in Alaska. Well, it WOULD be if it COULD be anyway!  I have had big dreams of going to Alaska, living in Alaska, all things Alaska for the last several years. Like many, I am fascinated, enchanted, and drawn to this beautiful moose-filled state!

One day I hope to visit....or stay...however the road may lead. I have books on Alaska, watch reality shows about Alaska, and have the whole collection of "Northern Exposure" episodes on DVD. (about Alaska, though filmed in Seattle...) I've looked at real estate, even jobs! I'm also currently looking for blogs about Alaska living too.

I am now watching the RFD channel on Fridays because they have a show called "Alaska Magazine". I watch the descriptions of House Hunters to see if there is an Alaskan episode! Today I watched the Travel channel highlight "Alaskan Adventures". I think I might want to whitewater raft, rip around on a 4 wheeler, and climb a glacier...all in my dreamy Alaska!

When I can't sleep, my mind goes to Alaska...to a little cabin surrounded by snow-capped mountains, clear cold streams, and big scary bears. I'm watching the Iditarod and casting my pole...filling my fireplace, and eating salmon. It's a simple life, a nature-filled life, and a place where God's presence must be at an all time high. Best of all, I'm in my plaid, my flannel, not worrying about anything.....except for maybe being eaten by a bear...or a moose...or worse...probably should learn to shoot a gun while I'm at it.

One day...maybe in my retirement, maybe by some stroke of chance I will get my goal of being in Alaska fulfilled. Until then, I will dream...and dream....and dream....

Front Page Girl

http://www.ourmidland.com/news/article_feaf5266-766d-5418-83f9-9863749e0f9d.html

That's where to find our latest star! Congratulations to Serena for winning second place in the "Patriot's Pen" Essay Contest.

As always, we're very proud of her! It was a nice treat to see her in the paper, receiving the award from my childhood neighbor, Mr. Robinson!

We haven't had a chance to properly congratulate Serena as she went home with a friend yesterday, but she'll be treated to something special for sure!

Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow

"Happy is the person who knows what to remember of the past, what to enjoy in the present, what to plan for the future".  --A. Glason

I suppose I could apply that saying in many situations, but today I'm thinking about forgiveness. Forgiveness isn't about forgetting what someone did or said. It's about choosing not to hold it against them anymore. So, for the present time, am I able to enjoy my life, knowing I have forgiving to do , and can I plan for a future with no baggage attached?  Can I use what I learned from the situation to grow and see better around the many curves of relationship "roads"? How do you know you've really forgiven someone? Well, for one, you probably don't have the urge to pound them every time you see them or "accidentally" leave a banana peel in their path...or strap some dynamite to their backs...ok..too much Roadrunner for me. Anyway, I think it's a process of choosing to let it go every chance you can and not in your strength, but with God's and His grace. Trust me, you can't do this alone.

You may never like that person again. You may never respect that person again. But you can forgive them. It's really the only way to completely cut the person out of your life if that's what you choose to do with it. Otherwise, it's in your past, it's in your present, and it will most certainly be in your future.

Just something to think about.

The Trouble With Teens

December 27th, 2012 was the last day of my life. Well, life as I knew it, anyway. Then "it" happened. My baby, my youngest, my little blue-eyed baby turned into a monster. I mean, a teenager, of course.  She has turned me into something only my mother has been before- a mother of teenagers! My sister in law recently said to me that turning 30 was no big deal, even 40 never bothered her. It was when her youngest turned into a teen that she began to feel old. Washed up. Dried up. Burned out. Well, maybe I'm embellishing a little. She also watches those "Housewives" shows just so she can turn to her husband and kids and say, "See, I'm a nice lady!" I love it...cracks me up.

Anyway, my first teen has been a breeze. In fact, although she is "ultra cool", she still likes to hang out with her dad and I and visit. She's open to my suggestions about lots of things, still likes to sit with me and watch a movie, and answers my questions with full words and sentences!  Serena, on the other hand, would like to vaporize us and have the house to herself! She answers every question with "fine" or "I don't know". It's quite exasperating. I think she likes me, but I'm not sure sometimes. She pushes the limits way more than her sister. And although I know I should not, cannot, and really don't want to compare them, it's hard not to. It's those times of me trying to put them in a neat little box that I know I'm making this all about me and my comfort level. Busted!

I think the delicate dance of parenting involves knowing when to take things personally, and knowing when it's not about us at all! It's ALL about them at this point, even their brain development is pretty close to that of an out of control monkey at this age. I know this to be true. I was once a teenager. However, I lived in fear of pushing limits!  My fears are probably the same as any other caring parent...will our kids behavior get them in trouble? Are they going to attract the wrong crowd? Will they forget all they have been taught? Will all of my efforts have been in vain after all? See, hard not to make it about me....see what I did there?? :)

Anyway, I can't wrap this post up in a neat little bow with a nice little resolution, because I'm the mother of teens, and both of them are likely to keep me guessing. And graying...and crying...and questioning...and most of all...praying! As much as I can, I will share about the fun and challenges of parenting, because as a mom, it's what I need from other moms too. The truth hurts. Parenting is quite the job. We make mistakes. We learn from others. We hold each other up and we don't judge when one of our kids does something really dumb. Well, maybe in secret some do....anyway, I'm hanging on by a thread...wish me luck!

A New Sunday

Today was our first official day back to our church. I say "back", because we left for a time. We felt a bit shaken after our pastor was asked to resign, which to me is always a nicer word than "fired", but it feels the same sting.  Ironically, we didn't feel the instability just because he left, but because of how it all spiraled downward together and exploded at the end. I remember hearing a TV preacher say "when the shepherd flees, the sheep scatter". I felt I needed to scatter. I didn't care about the "why".  I only cared about the "who" and standing up for the person who stood up for me when it counted. It was about loyalty and making sure the person I trusted was treated fairly and with respect. I was responding to the only side I knew. The fact that it all got explained to me later didn't seem to help. All I could say was "and what did you do to help?"
 It's not that I needed to place blame, I just needed to put it in perspective. I wasn't "mad" that our pastor left and decided to "punish" the church by not coming (not that we could anyway!), but we needed time to find out if we were in the right place. I can't tell you how many people explained that "no church is perfect", as if that was really my issue. True, no church is perfect. But it is up to each person to know which church is right for them, and at the time, it didn't feel right for us. We're not the type of people who go to church, warm a seat, smile at the people around us, call it good and go home. We really take it to heart. We really try to figure out where God wants us, what He wants of us, where He wants to use us. Sometimes those questions lead to a little chaos in us. And feeling chaos makes us want to find a place where we can just blend in! Problem is, God provided the stirring in our hearts, and He's going to keep stirring no matter what building we choose. 
So we begin again. New pastor, who, by the way, is a wonderful pastor and we like him very much. We will support him in the same way we supported our last pastor and the one after this.  God moves in interesting ways. He makes sense when nothing else does.  We searched out churches and asked lots of opinions, but God brought us back to this one. He gave us a new mission, and we have a new attitude. It will definitely be different for us, as we have changed our outlook and even reassessed what it is we need from a church. We used to seek fellowship and feel disappointed when relationships didn't seem to "click" the way we'd hoped. We now seek more  knowledge of God and if we get some fellowship, that's okay. We used to want to get involved and be a part of things, and we will be pulling back from that for awhile or until God moves us back. This time it's all about Him and not about what we need. It's about remaining loyal to Him, not a building, not the leader, and not even family who begged us to come back almost weekly. It's about not letting distractions take us from what our great purpose is, and not letting anyone's rudeness keep us from being where others may need us to be. 
And for the record, our former pastor is a good person who we still respect and will continue to support as a friend. Because that's the way it is when you're in God's family. Amen?

Tropical January

I entered an alternative dimension this morning when I got up, looked outside, and May was here already! Wow, where have all those cold Michigan months gone? Maybe to California?? Anyway, it gave me quite the "spring fever" if even just for a day. You know what they say about Michigan weather...if you don't like it, just blink. So, I blinked and got to enjoy a beautiful warm, but windy day.

Hubby decided to break out some tools and work on our deck. Late last summer we decided to downsize the giant deck because we weren't using it as much, and staining that big thing is a j-o-b.  So we tore a big section out, leaving a big ugly spot of sand. More landscaping to do...

And then, of course on a nice warm day, what do you feel like doing? Grilling out, of course!

Chicken just doesn't taste right on a gas grill, so we dusted off the Weber for this very occasion...it's almost ready!  Throw on a few fresh cut apple twigs, and it's delish!

Steve and I also took a nice walk. Upon stepping out the door, I let out a big "Whoo Hoo!" and Steve followed, my dear mockingbird that he is! So what, who cares...we have nothing but wildlife for neighbors, right? We also took a nice drive-windows down!  Found some swans and ducks enjoying some open water in the sun....ahhh

I hear the weather will change yet again tonight, bringing us back to the stark cold reality of January in Michigan, but guess what? Carpe Diem. SEIZE THE DAY, and those cold days won't matter nearly as much!

Blessed

How wonderful it was today to receive a 5:30am phone call and have it be good news! No school today! And a Friday, at that! It was even better news than I originally thought, as neither one of the girls is feeling very well right now. Since they both don't like to miss school, this was a blessing. 

So they spent the day lounging...in fact, Serena hasn't left her bed much at all. Sometimes you just need a day like that, ya know? 

Last night we enjoyed a basketball game. It's not that I'm that much of a fan of sports, but i love the atmosphere of a hometown game. The students, the band, the sound of squeaky shoes on a gym floor. Brings back memories of being young and carefree. As Nat said on the way home, "mom, my cheeks hurt." I said, "from playing your sax?" "No, from laughing so much with my friends!" That's so cool, and she does have wonderful friends!! It was nice to sit by one of the dads of her friends. We've spent years sitting near them in the stands while our daughters played side by side. Now that Natalie is unable to play sports, we miss that. Turns out "friend's dad" misses us too. Nice to know. Natalie really misses playing sports and spending that time with her classmates. It seems unfair to me, I guess, looking at it from a human perspective. She wants so much to do the things she enjoys, but her body says a big fat "no".  And yet, there remains a purpose.

That, and many other questions plague our minds as we face the upcoming surgery in June. She asked me just today if I'd be willing to pay the "pay to play" fee in order for her to be an honorary teammate sitting on the bench after her surgery. I got to thinking, of course we would do that. But why not also be believing that her body will one day again allow her to participate in sports? We have a big God, right? I'm believing! 

And who can forget that God has blessed her with a musical gift? She is self-taught, which amazes me every day! She learned the Charlie Brown theme on piano just for me this Christmas!! I love hearing her pound it out for me every chance she gets. BLESSED am I and BLESSED is she. She is also singing more and more and is developing her range. A "shower singer" myself, I don't know much about singing to teach her, but I know my ears are happy! 

So on this day, I've enjoyed spending time with my pajama-clad girls, my snoozing pup, and my homemade bread. Thankful for a recent financial blessing which answered some prayer. Thankful for my dad's bread recipe! Thankful for warm weather in January that gave us a "weather day".  Just plain thankful. Just plain blessed.

Good Enough

I love my conversations with my girls on the way to school. Sometimes they're just silly, but sometimes they are eye-opening, like this morning. As Nat sipped her "breakfast credentials", she accidentally said that instead of "breakfast essentials", too funny...anyway, she said to me, "Hey mom, not to be judgy or anything, but why do people in tiny houses have such giant televisions?" I laughed. See, I notice this stuff too, I just don't say anything! I always wonder the very same weird things! So, my matching pea in a pod and I had a discussion about such nonsensical things on the way to school. Only it wasn't such nonsense after all...I answered, "I don't know. Maybe when you don't have a huge house payment (like we do), maybe you can afford those fun things like gigantor TVs." Still thinking of my "gigantor" house payment, I added, "Ya know, Nat, I'd rather be a big giant person with a great spirit than a physically perfect person with a rotten spirit." She wasn't quite all the way awake anyway, but she still gave me the "huh?" look I often get when I have these grand "revelations." So maybe it's not so much about the outside of our houses (our bodies) that really matters so much. Maybe it's the stuff we keep inside them...not televisions, but other important stuff. Like, I don't know, a love for others? A forgiving spirit? (still chuggin' along on that one) Perspective on what really matters in life? Kindness? Generosity? A big heart with a big screen? I don't know, maybe it made more sense to me when I had a little coffee in me.... Anyway, we had a great discussion this morning, and it made me feel blessed again to be a stay at home mom (of teens!). There is so much ground I can cover just because I am present. Just because I don't have my head in a million other things. Because I have time to analyze, study, and think about the things I want to pass on to my girls. Because I look at this as my 24/7 full time, all benefits paid job/career. Does it look good on paper? Nope. Does it impress a room full of attorneys, pharmacists, pre-med students, naval academy football students, and people who speak 2 fluent languages, have 2 homes, and travel everywhere? Absolutely not. Do I seem like a crazed lunatic mom sometimes? Yup. And I'm not going to change a thing. I earned my credentials, I got my essentials, and being a mom is presidential. Good enough for me.

Spiritual Resolution

I heard something interesting on the radio this morning....people are so concerned about making resolutions about their weight or fitness, but they don't seem to be as concerned about their mental fitness. Hmmm....if it was me, I'd be more concerned about my spiritual fitness. In fact, I am a bit concerned about it. Not because I'm lacking in faith, but because I don't always exercise my faith the way I should. I let doubt creep in....I let anger take over...I get spiteful....I feel..I feel...I feel...fill in the blanks. "Feelings" get me in trouble! Truths never do! And where is truth? In my Bible, sitting there in my bedroom. What my Bible is saying to me is "I miss us", "Where have you been?" "I'm dusty", "Hold me", "Take me with you!", "Don't leave!", "What about me?", "Are you going to spend time with me today?" And what I've been saying is..."this laundry! Oh, I'll never see the bottom of it!", "Out of milk again? One more trip to the store..", "basketball practice...hmm..what does she need for that?", "What? You're sick, what can I do hubby?", "Sure, I'd love to bake for that bake sale", "Ooh, I love that show!", "I'm tired", "Ugh..I should do those dishes", "A hallmark movie? Count me in!", and on and on my excuses/reasons go. Sure, I pray and have long talks with God. I listen for His voice every day. I watch for Him to move, but if I don't know enough about Him, I'm going to miss something good! In fact, I'm missing a whole lot of good. I know this because my life lacks peace in a few areas. You too? Oh, sister/brother, you're not alone. Don't ever think you are! Last night as we were sitting in the Meijer parking lot waiting for a prescription (over an hour), I turned on Family Life Radio (which I love) and what were they talking about? Tithing. Something that has been heavy on my mind since our finances have gone south. (big surprise? No, reality for many...most in fact) Anyway, it got me to thinking about some things I need to resolve to do spiritually, and I don't need to pray about it. It's what the Bible tells me to do. And God will make it possible, as the speaker on the radio reminded me. One thing I know for sure is that God will ALWAYS help you if your desire is to GLORIFY Him. I can try (again) to lose weight and try (again) to get fit, but I don't want my spiritual life to take a back seat. It's the battery of my whole being! Without it, I am nothing. Literally. A shell. Without purpose. So in 2013, I'm not making resolutions. (I never do) I am going to pick up that Bible and I'm going to spend time in the Word again, the way I used to...back when I was more peaceful. I am going to begin journaling again, because what I've written in those journals have been mind-blowing to me! God may not have said it that way in His Word, but He really can "blow your mind" if you want Him to! I want Him to blow my mind and I want to please Him in all I say and do. Now THAT is something that is worth my time. THAT is a resolution He will help me to achieve.

Back to Basics

When I first started blogging back in '08, it was because I was interested in writing and thought it might give me a good outlet for my thoughts. At that time, many people were reading my blog and giving me lots of positive feedback. Somewhere along the line, those same people who "loved" my blog and "loved" my writing have disappeared! Some have stayed, of course, but my blog doesn't get much traffic these days. Isn't writing meant to be read? Of course, but I no longer care about "how many" are reading and "who" is reading. If not one person reads it but me, I'm okay with that now. I don't keep a diary or a journal. I just can't keep up with those things, but this blog has become those very things. One day my girls will read the words I have written here and they will laugh, cry, turn shades of red, think, question, and maybe even be a little proud of me. So who do I write for now? My girls, myself, and my husband. And if you happen to enjoy reading it, then it's for you too. But I can't worry about my "popularity" or my "followers" when really that's not the reason I write. I read to be entertained and to learn, and so I write for the same reasons. I always thought I would publish something one day, but I haven't slowed my life down enough to live it just for me yet. My time has not come yet. I do believe that if God wants me to do it, then He will open up that time and opportunity for me. I have much to share, but it will be for Him to decide if and when and in what way I share. A lot of things swirl through my head at night when I can't sleep...a lot of blog topics come to mind when my husband and I are on a long drive somewhere...I have a lot of things I would love to delve into...when the time is right. I used to censor myself a bit when I knew a certain person was reading, and I would always worry about how this person would perceive what I say. Not anymore! A writer needs to be honest, authentic, true to himself, and open. Not everyone will like what I say. I don't like everything other people say either. I have had people tell me that I say the things they wish they could say...that I express things that some people don't like to talk about. I don't know what those things are specifically, I'm just being me. One thing I am learning as I've gotten to the ripe age of 43 is that I can't care about how everyone receives what I say or how I say it. If I know in my heart that I am being fair and honest and respectful, then I've done all I can do. The rest is up to them. Like I will take responsibility for what I say, I also take it for how and what I hear. So with the new year comes a new me. I will probably go back to my original blog style of telling it like it is. I will probably talk in more depth about what's been bugging me so much these past few months and why what's happening in June is way more important than any of that. It will get back to honesty for me, if not for a bunch of readers, then just for myself, and one day my beautiful family.