Back to Basics

When I first started blogging back in '08, it was because I was interested in writing and thought it might give me a good outlet for my thoughts. At that time, many people were reading my blog and giving me lots of positive feedback. Somewhere along the line, those same people who "loved" my blog and "loved" my writing have disappeared! Some have stayed, of course, but my blog doesn't get much traffic these days. Isn't writing meant to be read? Of course, but I no longer care about "how many" are reading and "who" is reading. If not one person reads it but me, I'm okay with that now. I don't keep a diary or a journal. I just can't keep up with those things, but this blog has become those very things. One day my girls will read the words I have written here and they will laugh, cry, turn shades of red, think, question, and maybe even be a little proud of me. So who do I write for now? My girls, myself, and my husband. And if you happen to enjoy reading it, then it's for you too. But I can't worry about my "popularity" or my "followers" when really that's not the reason I write. I read to be entertained and to learn, and so I write for the same reasons. I always thought I would publish something one day, but I haven't slowed my life down enough to live it just for me yet. My time has not come yet. I do believe that if God wants me to do it, then He will open up that time and opportunity for me. I have much to share, but it will be for Him to decide if and when and in what way I share. A lot of things swirl through my head at night when I can't sleep...a lot of blog topics come to mind when my husband and I are on a long drive somewhere...I have a lot of things I would love to delve into...when the time is right. I used to censor myself a bit when I knew a certain person was reading, and I would always worry about how this person would perceive what I say. Not anymore! A writer needs to be honest, authentic, true to himself, and open. Not everyone will like what I say. I don't like everything other people say either. I have had people tell me that I say the things they wish they could say...that I express things that some people don't like to talk about. I don't know what those things are specifically, I'm just being me. One thing I am learning as I've gotten to the ripe age of 43 is that I can't care about how everyone receives what I say or how I say it. If I know in my heart that I am being fair and honest and respectful, then I've done all I can do. The rest is up to them. Like I will take responsibility for what I say, I also take it for how and what I hear. So with the new year comes a new me. I will probably go back to my original blog style of telling it like it is. I will probably talk in more depth about what's been bugging me so much these past few months and why what's happening in June is way more important than any of that. It will get back to honesty for me, if not for a bunch of readers, then just for myself, and one day my beautiful family.