Just popping in because I miss "real writing". Facebook, though I've given it the college try and enjoyed some of the stuff, truly, it hasn't been good for me. It brings out a side of me I don't like! It irritates me most of the time. Turns me into "judge judy", though I do enjoy her. I try to post positive things and sometimes I post something after a conversation with a certain person just to let them know I'm still thinking of them. That part of it seems okay so far.
Somehow being "included' on Facebook actually makes me feel more isolated. I can't explain it, but it doesn't meet a need in me. It creates a void. My favorite part of Fb so far has been being able to interact with my family more. My sister, aunt, cousins, nieces, and nephews....one of which I've never met, but he"friended" me. Maybe that's why I won't delete my account. It's at least a bridge to maybe having a relationship with a brother I haven't seen since I was about 10....and his 4 beautiful children I've never met. Have I ever told you how much that hurts? Maybe I just can't...I loved being an aunt to my other nieces and nephews. I say that in past tense because it's been so long since they've "needed" me. Those years of being the "favorite aunt" are long gone, and they went too fast. (I became an aunt at 11, hardly time to do what I would certainly be able to do today) Maybe Facebook makes me see what and who I've missed...what I wish I could have done...maybe I'm just going through my "change", as my mother likes to point out often. No, mom, I'm pretty sure I'm just deep.
Facebook serves to "unite" people, but somehow it makes me feel divided. Who is "friends" with who, who hasn't "friended" you, who you are trying to "hide" from your timeline.... (I had to do this....it was so annoying...I'm sorry) And what about those high school friends? I don't know about you but I am NOT the same person I was in high school, so I actually feel like I have no friends left from high school. In the last few years I have listened to God's leading as far as who should be in my life and who should not, and it's not always easy to see that face popping up on my screen. No, I don't want to friend you right now. Or ever.
Is that healthy? Is it Godly? Hmmm....I know, I know, I know....mercy, love, gentleness, kindness....and all the virtues I strive to develop. Sometimes you have to toss the things out that don't allow you to be what you want to be. I think I need to either limit my facebook time or get off altogether because it seems to do more harm to my spirit than good. Is it facebook's fault? Of course not, but it has been linked to depression. Having gone through that before, I can honestly see where that can happen, especially with teens.
A long time ago, I felt God directing me to be more "myself". And since then, I have lost friends! It was a real time of feeling rejection from people. It's hard not to. Rejection has been in my life for as long as I can remember, and it is a stronghold for sure. You have to be deliberate about the situations you get into. Careful about the people you allow into your life and heart. Always checking yourself to make sure you stay rooted in Christ. It's a big job, and right now, Facebook isn't helping me. But I have to say, I would rather be "me" than have a bunch of phony people around me.
Sigh...was this post about facebook? I don't know.....
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