My daughter Natalie attended a leadership conference for motivated music students yesterday. When she finally texted me to tell me it was over, I texted back, "How are you feeling?" I meant physically, because every time she steps out of the house to go anywhere, I worry just a bit. She texted back, "Good! EMPOWERED"
This just warmed this mom's heart. I don't have a ton of self confidence. In fact, I've often wondered how to raise leaders when you aren't much of one yourself. I usually "fake it til I make it" sort of thing when it comes to confidence. I've often worried that the girls would one day figure me out and be disappointed that I didn't do all the things I advise them to do now.
In fact, when she was going over some of the things we learned last night (until 11:30pm!), she said it's impossible to be a good leader if you don't believe in yourself. That explains it, doesn't it?? I cannot say enough that this conference was a God thing. I pray for this all the time. That my girls would pass and supersede me. Not stay stuck like I have been.
She was beaming and bubbling as she talked about all she had learned and who she had met. And ask I looked over at Serena, her face was just as lit up as Natalie's. What a cool moment.
Nat says, "oh, and I have a secret...maybe I shouldn't say anything. Then she said, oh, it's just you guys. I can tell you anything." To be honest, I didn't care about the secret. I was blessed by the fact that she feels she can share anything with us, her family. Just another way her surgery and recovery has blessed her and our family.
God knows what He is doing. He can build my daughters, and He can rebuild me!
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
You
There is an innate desire in each one of us to be liked by everyone. It's no wonder we walk around wounded so much. That's just not possible. Another thing that is difficult to do is to form thick skin. When I think of thick skin, I think of my daughter's 17" scar down the middle of her back. It took a lot of pain, a lot of frustration, and a lot of emotional toll to build that thick skin. And like she says now, "I am titanium." And as the popular song goes, "Shoot me down, but I won't fall. I am titanium."
Oh, to be strong like that and let no one's opinion of you even touch the surface! To be able to not only thumb your nose at it, but to not even notice it at all when someone is being rude or ambivalent about you. To be so rooted, so grounded in who you know yourself to be, that you don't really care what others think of you.
I don't get so annoyed when people I don't regard as friends anyway treat me as if I am invisible. I probably don't pay them much attention either, though I've been kind to those who treat me like I'm gum on their shoe. Those are people who must be very self-serving, because they only seek out people who can give THEM something. I don't have room for that. I have a lot to give, but I don't "throw my pearls to pigs". I get hurt easily because I take chances on people who don't appreciate it. Then I'm the one who feels bad. How many people have taken a chance on you? I'll bet you can count it on one hand. It's just the way we are as people. And it's sad.
Then there are those who claim to be all sister Christian and I love everybody, but when it comes to you....flat line. They seem to "like" everyone on facebook even! Except for anything you post. Oh, I know...it shouldn't matter, and it doesn't reflect what they really think...maybe they're just not on that much....or maybe they block you behind your back and are sweet to your face. The thing is, you never know where you stand with these people. Because they really don't care enough to show you. So, back to the first statement. Why do we have such a problem with not being liked?
Oh, it's not that I'm in a mood as I write this. It's that reality, even on a godly level, is not easy for anyone to swallow. Do we all need thicker skins? Probably, but sometimes I've seen thick skin that lets no one in, and that's worse. Some of us bring our childhoods into the future with us, and that can be a barrier to learning to love ourselves the way we are now. Some things are hard to overcome and it takes time. One of the reasons the Bible reminds us to put others ahead of ourselves IS because some of us are broken. It takes unbroken people to realize that, if they care. That's why it annoys me when people say, "oh, you have nothing I need, so I'm moving on." or "we have nothing in common. I need people like me around." It's pretty selfish to seek out friends based only on what you need instead of what you have to offer them.
That's exactly what leads to "cliques" in grade school, and yet we do it as adults too. Do you ever remind your kids or yourself to reach outside of their own circle? Why not? It is a risk. We don't want to get "dirty". We don't want to be let down. See? It turns into all about us. And yet Christ, in His perfection, reached out to those no one else would associate with. And He is WAY better than any of us.
So am I annoyed that "you" stopped following my blog because "you" think I have nothing to offer "you"? Yes. But it's because in your narrowness, you are missing something I actually think you lack. You think you have it. You don't. Learn from some of us "broken", we have more to offer than you give us credit for. Again, your loss.
Oh, to be strong like that and let no one's opinion of you even touch the surface! To be able to not only thumb your nose at it, but to not even notice it at all when someone is being rude or ambivalent about you. To be so rooted, so grounded in who you know yourself to be, that you don't really care what others think of you.
I don't get so annoyed when people I don't regard as friends anyway treat me as if I am invisible. I probably don't pay them much attention either, though I've been kind to those who treat me like I'm gum on their shoe. Those are people who must be very self-serving, because they only seek out people who can give THEM something. I don't have room for that. I have a lot to give, but I don't "throw my pearls to pigs". I get hurt easily because I take chances on people who don't appreciate it. Then I'm the one who feels bad. How many people have taken a chance on you? I'll bet you can count it on one hand. It's just the way we are as people. And it's sad.
Then there are those who claim to be all sister Christian and I love everybody, but when it comes to you....flat line. They seem to "like" everyone on facebook even! Except for anything you post. Oh, I know...it shouldn't matter, and it doesn't reflect what they really think...maybe they're just not on that much....or maybe they block you behind your back and are sweet to your face. The thing is, you never know where you stand with these people. Because they really don't care enough to show you. So, back to the first statement. Why do we have such a problem with not being liked?
Oh, it's not that I'm in a mood as I write this. It's that reality, even on a godly level, is not easy for anyone to swallow. Do we all need thicker skins? Probably, but sometimes I've seen thick skin that lets no one in, and that's worse. Some of us bring our childhoods into the future with us, and that can be a barrier to learning to love ourselves the way we are now. Some things are hard to overcome and it takes time. One of the reasons the Bible reminds us to put others ahead of ourselves IS because some of us are broken. It takes unbroken people to realize that, if they care. That's why it annoys me when people say, "oh, you have nothing I need, so I'm moving on." or "we have nothing in common. I need people like me around." It's pretty selfish to seek out friends based only on what you need instead of what you have to offer them.
That's exactly what leads to "cliques" in grade school, and yet we do it as adults too. Do you ever remind your kids or yourself to reach outside of their own circle? Why not? It is a risk. We don't want to get "dirty". We don't want to be let down. See? It turns into all about us. And yet Christ, in His perfection, reached out to those no one else would associate with. And He is WAY better than any of us.
So am I annoyed that "you" stopped following my blog because "you" think I have nothing to offer "you"? Yes. But it's because in your narrowness, you are missing something I actually think you lack. You think you have it. You don't. Learn from some of us "broken", we have more to offer than you give us credit for. Again, your loss.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Major Life Change
I know I haven't mentioned our most major life change this year on my blog, but it's only because I've mentioned it to death on Facebook instead. On June 17th, Natalie, our 15 year old, had corrective surgery for scoliosis. A spinal fusion from T5 to L3. We went to the University of Michigan's C.S. Mott's Children's Hospital for the 6 hour long surgery. Longest day of our lives.
The longest week of our lives would follow, as she spent the next 6 days in the hospital. I am still hesitant to share even with those I am close to, the intimate details of those days. I guess it's not time. All I can say is that my daughter and I bonded in a way that can never be broken. I like to think of it as one day we saw each other's souls. There is no other way to describe the kind of strength I saw in her and the courage I found in myself. God. That's the word to describe it.
And so now we are nearly 3 months into healing and she is doing great. She is pursuing her music full force, as her physical condition no longer allows her to play the sports she loves the most. I am proud of her perseverance. So very proud that she has accepted this with such grace and dignity. She is far beyond me, even at 15. While I will pine for things I miss, she just finds new things to love. She has taught me more in three months than anyone could teach me in 20 years. She is truly inspiring and amazing.
This surgery and recovery has not been without its ups and downs, nor has it left any family member untouched. It has been a difficult road for Natalie, but we found out what a trouper she really is inside. This self-proclaimed "germophobe", who is terrified of pain, came through this so strong, I could only give the glory to God. We know He was with her, within her, around her, and with us the entire time. It's the only way I could explain the peace we all felt. Natalie, at peace as she's being prepped for surgery. Us at peace as they rolled her away. At peace as we waited 6 hours. At peace as we anticipated seeing her in recovery. At peace when the monitor alarms kept going off. Well, maybe not a lot of peace there...I wavered, I admit.
That was our summer. That was our daughter's 15th summer. She will never forget it and neither will we. It's hard to talk about, but I did join a support group in which we feel completely welcomed. It's a place to be open and honest, share our emotions, and know that people care. That way we don't have to be so hurt about the people who seemingly don't care or just don't get it.
All I know is we have a long way to go, but a lot of strength in which to carry this new challenge. My hope and Natalie's goal is to be a help for others going through this life change. We've already touched a few lives and are ready to touch many more.
The longest week of our lives would follow, as she spent the next 6 days in the hospital. I am still hesitant to share even with those I am close to, the intimate details of those days. I guess it's not time. All I can say is that my daughter and I bonded in a way that can never be broken. I like to think of it as one day we saw each other's souls. There is no other way to describe the kind of strength I saw in her and the courage I found in myself. God. That's the word to describe it.
And so now we are nearly 3 months into healing and she is doing great. She is pursuing her music full force, as her physical condition no longer allows her to play the sports she loves the most. I am proud of her perseverance. So very proud that she has accepted this with such grace and dignity. She is far beyond me, even at 15. While I will pine for things I miss, she just finds new things to love. She has taught me more in three months than anyone could teach me in 20 years. She is truly inspiring and amazing.
This surgery and recovery has not been without its ups and downs, nor has it left any family member untouched. It has been a difficult road for Natalie, but we found out what a trouper she really is inside. This self-proclaimed "germophobe", who is terrified of pain, came through this so strong, I could only give the glory to God. We know He was with her, within her, around her, and with us the entire time. It's the only way I could explain the peace we all felt. Natalie, at peace as she's being prepped for surgery. Us at peace as they rolled her away. At peace as we waited 6 hours. At peace as we anticipated seeing her in recovery. At peace when the monitor alarms kept going off. Well, maybe not a lot of peace there...I wavered, I admit.
That was our summer. That was our daughter's 15th summer. She will never forget it and neither will we. It's hard to talk about, but I did join a support group in which we feel completely welcomed. It's a place to be open and honest, share our emotions, and know that people care. That way we don't have to be so hurt about the people who seemingly don't care or just don't get it.
All I know is we have a long way to go, but a lot of strength in which to carry this new challenge. My hope and Natalie's goal is to be a help for others going through this life change. We've already touched a few lives and are ready to touch many more.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Onward and Upward
Sometimes I wish I could have "hand-picked" the family in my life. The possibilities are endless. And friends! Wouldn't it be awesome to just pick some out of a book and have them all be perfect too?? And a dog that never barks, while I'm at it! And what if we never had to feel loss or rejection again?? Whoo hoo to that!!
I picture all this perfection and I know why I don't have it! Because if everything in my life was "hunky dory" all the time, I would have no need for God. No humility, no weakness, no one to be grateful to.
His purpose far exceeds what I can understand. I don't just question my life, I question everything around me. We live in a fallen world, for sure. We have an enemy lurking who would love to see us fail. I've seen people fail for lack of faith in God. I've also seen people who lack God have tremendous "luck" and "prosperity". I'm not foolish enough to believe it...it comes with a cost. I may get down and I may have times of hard "luck", but I know His purpose for me will prevail, no matter how the circumstances appear.
So, onward and upward, imperfections and injustices in tact! Onward and upward with hurts, rejections, disappointments, invisibility (apparently my superpower), and so-called "failures". I always thought God gave me more "troubles" so that I would be sensitized to the feelings of others and be able to help them. Maybe that's true, but it's hard even to help a hurting person when you want to be alone with your own wounds. And that's makes the enemy's work way too easy. Get us alone.
God doesn't want any of us to be alone, to even feel alone. He wants our eyes on Him, not our troubles, not our feelings, not our weak flesh, and not on others. It's His challenge to me to focus focus focus on good. Learn about His love for me all over again. Learn how to share His love again, and learn not to look back. To be genuinely in love with life, not just going through the motions.
To genuinely want to share the unique person He made me to be. The person only He can see right now.
This one's for us, Angela!! Let's figure this out together!!
I picture all this perfection and I know why I don't have it! Because if everything in my life was "hunky dory" all the time, I would have no need for God. No humility, no weakness, no one to be grateful to.
His purpose far exceeds what I can understand. I don't just question my life, I question everything around me. We live in a fallen world, for sure. We have an enemy lurking who would love to see us fail. I've seen people fail for lack of faith in God. I've also seen people who lack God have tremendous "luck" and "prosperity". I'm not foolish enough to believe it...it comes with a cost. I may get down and I may have times of hard "luck", but I know His purpose for me will prevail, no matter how the circumstances appear.
So, onward and upward, imperfections and injustices in tact! Onward and upward with hurts, rejections, disappointments, invisibility (apparently my superpower), and so-called "failures". I always thought God gave me more "troubles" so that I would be sensitized to the feelings of others and be able to help them. Maybe that's true, but it's hard even to help a hurting person when you want to be alone with your own wounds. And that's makes the enemy's work way too easy. Get us alone.
God doesn't want any of us to be alone, to even feel alone. He wants our eyes on Him, not our troubles, not our feelings, not our weak flesh, and not on others. It's His challenge to me to focus focus focus on good. Learn about His love for me all over again. Learn how to share His love again, and learn not to look back. To be genuinely in love with life, not just going through the motions.
To genuinely want to share the unique person He made me to be. The person only He can see right now.
This one's for us, Angela!! Let's figure this out together!!