Daniel

Resolve. When you make up your mind unequivocally that  you ARE going to do something and stick to it. That's what Daniel did when he resolved not to bend to the orders of man and followed God instead. It was not easy, but in the end, he was blessed and his courage and commitment were rewarded by God. 

I started studying Daniel when I felt led to learn about resolving to do something. The word, "resolve" kept spinning in my head. I even found my study notebook, and there was the word and definition in bold print. Apparently, God wants me to learn a little something about resolve. Ya think?

So I began making my notes about Daniel and one that stood out was that he was committed. Enough said. He didn't waver. He didn't wonder and blunder. He committed. Just like I am committed to my husband, my kids, my family, my shower every day. Some things just never waver with me. 

Oh, but some things do, and those are the things God is taking issue with when it comes to me. Am I committed to Him? In faith, yes. In attending church? Lately, no. I have been praying about where God wants us to be, and I don't have an answer, but how committed am I to getting the answer? Probably not enough. If I was completely honest, which I am and it bugs people, I really don't miss a lot of things about any church. It's not the church, it's me.

I complain that I don't know what my purpose is. How committed am I to seeking that purpose? How committed am I to taking risks and trying new things? Not enough. Have I resolved to do anything that I know I need to do? When it comes to physical tasks, probably. Spiritually, no.  Why? Commitment issues.

This is why God kept bringing the word "resolve" to my mind. He wants me to get going on something. I don't know what it is. He is starting with small commitments like cleaning and organizing the basement project I keep putting off. He wants me to be more efficient in my filing of our home papers. He wants me to start with little things so that I can recognize the resolve, and take it to bigger things. 

I equate this with disciplining my own girls, when I am trying to get them to do something without being told. I want them to commit to doing it, then resolve to do it. No questions asked, no forgetting. It is getting done without me. And God asks the same of me, only He will actually help me. 

What do I need to resolve to do? It may seem simple. It may seem obvious, and to our heads it usually is. I need to resolve to know that without fail, God loves me unconditionally. Why do I know this? Because people are still making me feel inadequate. I know I am too focused on people and what they think of me. God wants my eyes on Him and Him alone. He wants me to know I'm forgiven, redeemed, loved unconditionally, no matter what any person may say, not say, do or not do. He wants me to resolve to KNOW I am loved without any person ever validating it. He knows this is the area in my life that I fight the most, and so this is the one He has asked me to change.

Big stuff for me. It will lead to lots of prayer, study, contemplation, and accepting something hard for me to accept.  I've tackled it before, but obviously was not successful. Being successful will mean I will finally feel free of condemnation. I will stop feeling invisible most of the time. I will stop criticizing myself and others. I will be satisfied with the people in my life instead of looking past them for something better to come along. I will stop questioning "why" and finally just know I am where I am for a reason. I will be at peace with the injustices of my past and be able to move on and be purposeful again. 

All of this is so familiar to me, because I've said it all before. I've spoken it, intended it, but didn't resolve hard enough to do it. So, it's time to pull up my Daniel pants, prepare to be thrown into the fire, and rely on God to see me through.