Strong

"No one knows you're even struggling. You look nice. You're pleasant. In control. No one would ever know..."

This quote from my mom, who does know at least some of my struggle. But she's right. I put on a good front! I always have. But isn't that how we survive? Do we want people to "feel our burdens" really? 

If we're lost in the woods- do we just sit down and cry until someone notices? Or do we wander, climb, and stumble until we see something we can recognize? Some of us try to find our way out of those woods alone- bitten and scraped, smiling, hopefully because we didn't see a snake! 

I don't find it easy to share this struggle on my blog. In fact, I kind of stunk up my blog with all the blather about my illness! Gone are the days where I went on and in about bad drivers and politics (dislike of all, btw). Now the focus is on me. 

We all want to appear strong and in control to others. We want to be seen as reliable, dependable, tough, and capable. People respect and admire strength. But when you start talking about the real hard stuff-sickness, death, loss, etc.- you lose them. Not only does it make them feel powerless because they have no answers, it makes them feel their mortality, their fragility. It makes them look inward. Who wants to do that these days?  Don't we all just want to hang out with all the "strong" people? 

Strong people. I could name a few, and most of them couldn't run if they tried. Might need oxygen to talk. Have lost and lost and lost but continue to live. That is strong. Pleasant? Who told you becoming strong would be pleasant? 

So that's what this challenge has become for me. I used to think dieting was hard. Until I got sick! What is hard for me now is to trust God each day that these "weird" symptoms don't turn into something weirder. That the medication works. That whatever this is won't shorten my life. That I can be patient while I wait for the answers I need so I 

Can return to "normal".  Normal. 

If I can do all of this with God's help, then I will become strong. If that's all I get from it, that's not a bad thing. Strength is an honor. Think David and Goliath!!  

This challenge has already revealed the wonderful, loving character of my husband. Ironically, he married me knowing I might have some medical issues and he didn't blink! He has taken care of me and the girls with a great attitude-doesn't complain at all. I could not be more blessed! I know this has affected him on a lot of levels, especially since I can't drive. I'm thankful that his boss understands that the health of his family comes first. So thankful for so many things. 

Getting tired....sorry for the long rambling post. Thank my new meds..,;) 

The Best of Times

Rainy days are good days for reflecting... Not really! Nothing reflects when the sun is hiding! 

Anyway, it's a weird, warm, wet, wondrous day in Wichigan. I mean, Michigan. 

And I am waking up..,little by little... Becoming me again...without help from mood-boosting meds! I have been able to leave the house without them without a problem. I had a houseful of people over on Prom day and took hundreds of pictures by myself. And I survived! 

This could mean a couple of things- one, I am In a "quiet" cycle, and no seizures ( if that's what they are) are happening, or I am responding well to the medicine. Whatever it is, I'm going to take it, because since March 12th, my life was turned upside down and backwards for a long time. I'll take a few good days! 

One thing I know for sure is that I didn't walk those days alone. God was with me each and every scary moment, calming my fears, giving me a firm place to stand, giving me his strength in place of my weakness. He brought me friends in unexpected places! Reassured me through the kindness of strangers who are now friends, gave me grace with each doctor visit and test, provided me with the faithful prayers of righteous people who care. 

Who am I to grumble about a rainy day or any day for that matter? 

God has been with me. It's been the best of times. 

Keepin' it Funny

I can feel clearly now, some fog is gone....

Today was the last day of the super strong tushy kicking seizure medication! Yes, hyphens are missing. I-care-not. 

Anyway, I don't know if it's a placebo effect or if I'm actually feeling better, but I'm definitely getting my "Irish" back. May not be a good thing for some! I guess just don't tick me off until further notice. :) 

I also just started the new medication, which will build up over the next few weeks gradually. So side effects could be delayed, or maybe they'll drive on by and miss me altogether. I'm actually looking forward to one side effect: weight loss! This drug is actually also used to help patients lose weight. Finally, a side effect I can use! I'm not depending on it, rather I'm depending on the fact that I feel better so that I can get back to some fitness level. And maybe Oreos and I will break up for awhile. It's not them...it's me...

I still don't have clearance to drive, so that stinks, but having lots of acreage will enable Angel and I to do some walking. Guess I'll have to take my life alert necklace. I'm just kidding...but I do carry a whistle. Fun fact: it doesn't scare snakes at all. 

Survival means being able to find the humor in every situation. Believe me, this wasn't funny in the beginning when all the crazy stuff started, but now that I have at least some grip on it, I can make fun of it. What else is there? Boo hoo? Maybe I'll do that when for once I don't get a side effect I actually want! 

Until then, I will ride this out, find the good, find the funny, and keep my Irish polished and ready. 

Quick update

I finally met with the neurologist on Friday morning and in a word, I was disappointed. 

After reviewing my tests, he is not completely convinced that seizures are the problem. If that's true, it would be an answered prayer. However, it still leaves the question- then what is all of this? 

He adjusted my medication, weaning me off one anti convulsive and putting me on another that will hopefully serve a dual purpose-stop any seizures and treat my migraines. I go back in a month to see what the changes yielded. 

My migraines and I are way too familiar. We had them under somewhat of control, but since all of this started happening, they are back and worse than before. I feel I have taken a huge step back in time. Migraine history repeating itself. 

I spent all day and night yesterday with a horrible migraine, but today it is better. I am grateful for that at least, because today is Natalie's first prom and I want to enjoy every minute. 

I will share my deeper thoughts about the doc visit later. I am putting that aside for today! 

Success?

How do you define success? 

If you're struggling with a disability, whether it is physical, mental, learning, or otherwise, does that mean you'll never be a so-called "success"? 

I sure don't believe that. I also don't believe that just because one holds a title, degree, or money that he or she is an automatic "success".  Though I value people with the drive for education and betterment, I will never think they are " better" than anyone else. Sorry... 

True success doesn't need money, recognition, muscles, prestige, things. It needs a heart that loves God and because of that, loves others. It's a person who knows humility, not the world's definition of greatness. 

So you who consider it a success just to put your feet on the floor each day, or wake up without pain for the first time, YOU are the real champions. You're not tooting your own horn, but I know you. Your horn is solid gold!! 

Don't let anyone try to tell you you're not enough because of where you go to school, what your job title is, what your kids do or don't do. That is of the world. We don't all get the same advantages in life and I am grateful for that. My struggles and my family struggles have made me who I am today. My family may not be full of titles and "successes", but one thing we have is love and openness. We care about each other and know what's going on in each other's lives. We also share the bond of knowing and loving God. To me, success. 

I was given health struggles all my life. Few people have understood or even tried to understand. The few that did and still do are my dearest friends and family. It's a small number. For me, success. I don't need a large number of anybodys to feel important in life. Just real ones. 

Some still define success by the world's shallow definition. That's sad to me to be chasing after something that may not even be meant for you because you think your value is in it somewhere. 

No, your value is there already. It has never left you. You were made by God for a purpose, and it will be a success by His standards. 

It won't matter if the world "gets it" or not. 

Blessings to you! 

Oreos, Candy, and Me

I'm pretty impressed with my friend Angela. She has a life-altering illness, but manages to keep a positive attitude, and has recently celebrated a 40 pound + weight loss! And I think we're about the same age. Now you know it's you, right Angela? You rock!  

I, on the other hand, left my healthy eating plan in the Oreo dust when I started having issues. Not only did I gain back the weight I had just lost, but I gained a few more! So I started the medication in early April and learned quickly that "loss of appetite" is a side effect. Drug companies, hire me. No joke, I get every side effect you throw at me without even reading the printout. Score? Um, no...

So, loss of appetite usually means an opportunity to lose weight! Unless you're stressed, and then the only food you want is the stuff your mom gave you when you were sick as a kid! Creamy Mac and cheese, fries, donuts, cookies, and my go-to fix-all- candy. Chewy sprees got me through a rough time, man. :) 

I've also hit the bottle pretty hard-the coca-cola variety, that is. Full sugar, full caffeine, brown food color and all. And do I regret this? A resounding NO! 

Survival sometimes requires that you "do what ya gotta do to get through." 

Side effects of a new strong drug usually take about 4 weeks to subside or move in, whichever it wants, I guess. So I figure I have a couple more weeks of double stuff Oreos and candy before my body says, "great ride, but let's move on!" According to google, caffeine may or may not be good for seizures. Clears that right up! Also according to google, I should give up rock and mountain climbing, soccer, scuba diving, and boxing. Probably should google " cage fighting" just to be sure. I pretended to be all upset about not being able to swim underwater anymore....Natalie called me out. We both know all I do is float and sip Shirley temples in the pool. I really did want to either surf, ride a camel or dolphin, and walk the Appalachian trail. I'll ask the doc on Friday about the status of my camel riding license. Can't drive a car... Or a golf cart. So not fair. Maybe a Fred flintstone car? 

See, I have all these important decisions to make. That's why I need chocolate! 

I keep forgetting the point of this post. Oh... It's coming back to me. There is no point. Sometimes you have to take some time, find your humor, tell your serious self to "chillax", or whatever my kids are saying these days. Sometimes you have to remember that life is short, you are human, this too shall pass, and it is what it is....for now. 

God gave me a twisted sense of humor- wicked, my dear hubby tells me. Now is the time to be my most crazy. 

I can always blame it on my brain! 

Pain in the Membrane

Well, I made it to Rena's track meet finally! I got to see her high jump and run a relay....which they were later disqualified from their 2nd place standing. And it was 43 degrees and stinkin' windy!! Brrrr! 

I had to psyche myself up all day for this. 4 of my seizures happened in public places. They are preceded by an "aura", much like you'd experience before a classic migraine. My vision and speech are affected, but I also get a very terrifying panicky feeling and will get this strange ice cold feeling in my body. My heart races and in some cases my blood pressure soars. I never know what's going to present, so I've become anxious. I am on the highest dose of anti convulsive medication, a side effect being anxiety! Oh, isn't that smart of the scientist making that drug? 

Anyway, I now have to take Xanax just to leave the house. I'm not very appreciative of people who make fun of Xanax or other anti-anxiety meds. If you've ever experienced a true panic attack, you would respect the drug. It works, however, it also lowers the threshold for my seizures. I hope it's temporary! I finally see the neurologist on Friday morning. This is where I will see the " abnormal cerebral dysfunction" on paper. I can find out exactly what part of my brain is affected (I'm guessing temporal lobe), and hopefully we can dial down the anti seizure ( zombie makers) drugs. 

We make a lot of seizure jokes around the house and I figure I can blame everything on my malfunctioning brain! Burned dinner? Dang brain! Forgot your birthday? Misfire in the membrane! 

Most of all, try to stay positive and let God do His thing through me! 

Push. Pull.

Do you remember playing "Tug of War" as a kid/teen? It was so much fun! It took every bit of energy you could muster up, lots of determination to win. And sometimes it took  a little skin too! Whether you won or lost, you were proud of your efforts. 

It's much more fun playing with a rope and a team helping you pull. It's more satisfying because you know the push-pull struggle only lasts a short time. Win together or lose together. 

Life tug of war isn't so clear cut! I've spent the last month feeling pushed and pulled by a disease I can't conquer alone. My "team" of medication sabotages me on a daily basis. Win one day. Lose the next. 

My week is a push-pull week. Too much going on and not enough of me. So tired and drained, yet irritated and restless. Push. Pull. Lose skin. 

I want to enjoy Serena's track meet, Natalie's NHS induction and her first prom on Saturday. I have medication induced anxiety. I can't drive. The boy's mother ordered flowers that don't match nat's dress. Little things, but magnified when I have no control. Push. Pull. Trying not to slide. 

I'm trying to function normally, but there is no normal yet. 

I'm in the desert some days and on the mountain the next. 

The Lord is my strength. He's on my team, pulling. He is in the valley and on the mountain with me. This I know. But I am human and I fear the unknown. I have to continue to repent this fear daily and reclaim my faith. Push. Pull. Hold on tight. 

Clean

My mom has been informing different family members about my new condition. One of them was my brother Jeff. He's 6 years older, so our time at home as brother and sister was short. I was an only child by the eighth grade! Note to late in lifer parents-have two instead of one! 

Anyway, she was telling him about me, and he abruptly said, "now, see, THIS is what makes mad!! She's never done anything to anybody! That's just wrong!" It impressed my mom that he had this emotional reaction. He keeps it close to the vest- all of it. You never know what he's thinking, and when he finally does--listen. 

His 50th birthday was a few days ago so I sent him a text. He replied back that he felt bad about my condition and added, " I guess we lived our lives too clean"! That statement really resonated with me over the last few days. 

Yeah, I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't smoke, I don't even curse! I'm no Pollyanna, but I'm pretty clean I guess! But does that exempt a person from illness? Tragedy? Death? Of course not! When you are a human, you are susceptible to lots of bad things because we live in a world where bad things lurk. Bad people use free will. Illness destroys. 

But that is worldly, fleshy thinking. And that kind of thinking only magnifies worldly problems. 

If I choose to say, yes, I have seizures, but God is helping me. He will use this for good. My good, someone else's good, His purpose...then seizures don't seem so sinister anymore. 

If I chose to think I was being punished or harmed or doomed or limited, then what would that make me? A victim. And a victim of evil to boot. 

No, Easter just reminded me that God loved me ( and you) so much that he gave the life of his son so I could live. Not live with fear of death, but to live with the promise of eternal life! 

His son didn't suffer so I could suffer. He suffered so I wouldn't have to. 

Why me, my brother? Because though God did not sicken me, he will be magnified through my praise and adoration of Him as I heal. Yes, I will heal! And while I wait, I will show God's grace and amplify his provision. This is what he desires! That one of His would persevere under pressure and come out stronger than before. It's why we needed the cross, and it's why we thank him for it daily. 

Why NOT me? 

Blessed Day

Happy Easter to my  friends!  May God's blessing of forgiveness and redemption touch your hearts today and always. 

And to those who still believe....or just enjoy the bunny fun.... You are loved! 

Grateful

I did it! Steve took me Easter shopping today and it went really well. No auras ( like panic attacks) and no other issues. Praise God! We even stopped for a quick lunch and explored a pet store. It felt so good to be "normal" and out and about in a beautiful day. 

Thank you for your prayers and encouragement Sir Norm and Angela and for inviting others to pray for me. I felt them today and I am so grateful! 

Oh...the orange "donut" was in my pocket to squeeze in case I felt uneasy. In my other pocket was Scriptures and some medication just in case! 

These seizures don't know who've they've messed with! I can conquer this. God promised! :) 

Blessings to you all. 

Miracles

My brother, the one with the heart condition, recently went for another checkup. My parents always take him and listen to what the doc has to say. Once again he was told that the fact that he is sitting and breathing is nothing short of a miracle. 3 other doctors have told him this very thing. The doctor added, "God is really looking out for you." 

I have been sending him notes, but due to my own illness, I have fallen short. I will make sure to keep that going. God IS working in Tim. I know this!! 

Our family has seen miracles in the past couple of years, things that we know are only of God. How this has blessed me and developed my faith-I can't even tell you in words. 

My brother is still sick and has not been healed yet. But, clearly he has been given the gift of time. That is the miracle for now. 

The Word is the Word

I've had a lot of down time on my hands, and I get tired really fast. So I've been looking for productive things to do while sitting in my chair. 

I've taken to looking up certain Bible verses and writing them in a journal. As I've searched out the verses that inspire me, I've realized how many I've memorized without really trying. I never wanted learning a verse to feel like work. I've always wanted to truly absorb it and make it a part of me. I'm inspired to keep this up. It has been inspiring and comforting to write these words in my journal and plant them in my heart. I love the Bible, though I admit I'm no scholar of it. I'm not familiar with dates and places, rather I'm familiar with people and the teachings of Jesus. 

I love the Truth it provides in every life situation, including my current health situation. 

These words in my journal are promises to me. 

Here's a favorite: 

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

Right hand! Good stuff. And that's a promise! 

Walls

How quickly tears flow when you go back in time....my feelings as I unpack boxes of framed photos of our family. 

This June, Steve will lose the 4 walls that he earned in all his years at his company. He's not losing his job, thank God! He's moving across town to a new building. However nice the new building is, there will be no walls. It's an open concept-no privacy but for some conference rooms. The biggest problem won't be the noise and lack of ability to nap at his desk! It will be the loss of his 4 wall gallery we've built in 16 years. 

This "gallery" of pictures of us, his family, have given him comfort, peace, joy, reminders of gratefulness, and purpose. We've all smiled on him as he struggled through a rough call, annoying outcome, rude person. He has looked to those walls and said, " this is who I work for", and it has kept him sane. 

So, to save some company dollars, they decided to move his department. Can I just say that maybe if they didn't give the top execs underground parking and the most elite homes, that maybe the "little guys" could keep their well-earned walls? 

I know, I know. Life isn't fair and we work as if we're working for The Lord, not men. And the walls God provides for all the comfort, peace, and gratefulness that we need are limitless. 

Steve is a humble guy, hardworking, diplomatic and has the biggest heart of anyone I know. He'll be fine without us, and he'll be happy to come home each night, where the walls embrace him. 

Shroom Boom

Blogging is helping me stay sane, so bear with my frequent posts and crazy topics, please!  I will feel so much peace when I finally have my neurologist appointment at the end of the month. I have so many questions! 

So on to my crazy topic of the day. This is my jetted tub. And in my jetted tub are three plastic bags full of boiled straw and mushroom spawn. Doesn't that just sound awful? Well, if you love oyster mushrooms, it's not awful at all! We put the bags in the tub, then run a small space heater in our bathroom to encourage the spawn to turn into mycelium, which will eventually turn into edible oyster mushrooms. Hubby has made a hobby out of growing several varieties of mushrooms, including shiitake, my favorite! He has also learned how to identify edible mushrooms in the wild. More common than you'd think. We do have the famous morels around here "somewhere", but as any mushroomer will tell you, no one gives up their secret spots! :) 

So, there you have it. We grow mushrooms in our bathtub. So...guess you don't want to hang out with us anymore, right? :) 

Michigan weather

Come on spring! You can do better than this! Everyone will see the hidden Easter eggs! Let's get this melted and get on with it! 

Spring Torture

This is the river across the road. Normally we can't even see it from the road unless we look down the high banks. It's a bit high and has already made it's way across a neighboring road, causing it's yearly closure. Adding to that annoyance has been our power outage. It's one thing that threatens my sanity! I suppose there are more things on that list, but not having power unhinges me in a whole different way. I didn't get to sleep until after 2:30am, and I really need sleep right now. So, spring, hurry up. Do your damage and bring us summer. Hurry!

Welcome

My front door, ready for spring! 

Trio

This was Rena's (in middle, on tenor) first time participating in Solo & Ensemble. They didn't get a lot of good practice time since the girls are in different grades and don't have band class together. So, although they did okay, more practice time would have made it great! Regardless, it was a joy to attend and to watch band students excel and be passionate about music! 

The judge apparently did not have his wheaties that morning and was quite harsh with his judging. Remember, these are junior high students, many of them first time performers. Our girls received the lowest rating of a 3. They were disappointed, but their band director stood behind them and told them they deserved a 2! The judge gave out many 2's and even more 3's. He dished out criticism to the 2 girls in Serena's group, but said nothing to her. No praise. No critiques. So, not what we were hoping for, but still a good learning experience. 

She will be attending a specialty camp at CMU this summer for sax players. I am so excited to see her develop. She's really good! :) spoken like a mama, I know. I generally don't like to boast about my girls, because it annoys people, but it is okay to be proud and praise them to them directly, so I do! The world will see what they can do. I won't need to advertise! ;) 

Roller coaster

I'm having a down in the dumps kind of day. My doctor told me it could be 6 months before I can drive again. My medicine makes me either anxious, tired, or irritable. Sometimes all at once. I was glad to be able to attend my daughter's band competition this morning, but it was difficult to be out and about and trying to function. To top it off, a friend of mine was there with her son and didn't give me the time of day. She has to know what's been going on, as our mothers are good friends. Her icy treatment of me has been going on for some time, but today was it. She showed me how much she was checked out when I barely heard from her last summer after Natalie's spinal surgery. I guess I am done with phony fair-weather friends for good. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. 

I've been really struggling. I have felt alone, though my family is here with me. I am disappointed to learn people don't really care when you're hurting as much as you think they will or need them to. I have found that I really am going through this alone. Yes, my family cares and a couple of friends check up on me, but at the end of the day, I am alone. My thoughts invade, the aura feelings invade, I start to wonder if I'll be ok again...feel like "me" again. I go from claiming my faith and trusting in God to pure fear and  confusion. Feeling loved one moment to feeling alone the next. 

Welcome to the roller coaster of chronic illness, I guess. The good news is that tomorrow I will feel better. 

When a friend joked that she was feeling "old" (she's 10 years younger, gimme a break), I told her that none of this really makes me feel old. It makes me feel things that are harder for me to process- vulnerable and fragile. And that stinks because I think I'm a tough cookie. 

And the answer to all of these feelings? ( which are valid, as I reminded my hubby) God will work this out for my good because I love him and have been called according to his purpose. Good news from Romans 8:28, I am more than a conqueror. 

Which is why I will feel better. 

Thanks for listening. 

Best Day Ever

Angie lives for car rides...and a plain cheeseburger, which she is anxiously awaiting! 

First Track Meet

Serena went out for track for the first time this year. She has only high jumped a few times but did pretty well! She ran a couple of distance races and did well too. I'm sorry to say I had to miss it. I woke up not feeling well at all, and spent the day feeling rotten. Thank God for Steve being able to leave work to go and support her, and for my parents, who took Natalie and spent 4 hours in the cold bleachers to show their love! 

Rena came home sore and starving, but ready to get back to practice tomorrow. I'm praying I can go cheer her on for all the rest of the meets this season. It's hard enough to be a busy mom, but a sick mom? Not fun at all. This sickness has to go! It has no claim to me or my family and I can't miss any more moments. Trusting God that I won't. 

Prayer of Healing

Thankful

I'll be following up with my regular doc this week, to talk about the "abnormal cerebral dysfunction". I gotta tell ya, those are some nasty words to say "sick in the head"! :) I just heard back from the neurologist, who can't see me until the end of April. So, on with the strong meds until then. What can I do? It's tough to be at the mercy of others and have to trust in the medical process. So, I trust God with my results. That's what I have to do. 

I don't like not being able to drive and feeling dependent on others. A fairly private person, I not only don't share a lot of my news, I censor it so people don't worry and fuss. But I do need people. I'm thankful for the small handful of real people in my life. Ever so thankful for the dog in my lap too! 

This is my test. Everyone gets one, sooner or later. Mine is on. It's a chance to learn that I'm not a Lone Ranger and it's not healthy to be one. A chance to spend my whole day relying on Gods strength for mine. Another opportunity to tell others what He is doing with this mess to make it His message. To know that I may feel empty and somewhat useless, God still deems me worthy to use as His vessel. 

I truly believe that this will make me stronger, more appreciative, and closer to God. While I could waste time asking "why?" Or saying "again?" I am blessed to know that this thinking would be counterproductive to my healing. Some people just don't have it "easy". Some get life-altering sentences. Some don't get to be "normal". We all know life isn't fair. But it's what we do with what we're given that changes us and others for the better. 

A young man from our church was laid to rest after an "unfair" life and an "unfair" diagnosis, and an "unfair" end. But he touched more lives with his disability in 38 years than some people do with a " normal" long life. My neighbors lost their precious 50 year old daughter to cancer this past week. Senseless cancer. But a beautiful woman who lived a life of purpose, even for this short time. 

No life is lost in vain, not a life who loves The Lord. These two lives changed the way I saw my diagnosis last week. I may have a life-altering situation, but I know how to use it. Thank you to all of you who know how to persevere, appreciate what you have, and allow The Lord to use you. What a blessing you are to others and to me. 

Calming Things

Angel, my sweet and adorable pooch, has been my constant companion this week. She has not left my side! She has given me so much love and comfort as I've struggled with the auras caused by my seizures. Add to that my dear hubby, who not only takes care of me, but takes care of everything and everyone else! I've been well loved. 

I have a few dear friends praying for me and help this week getting the girls where they need to be. I will not be able to drive for awhile. My doctor's office is trying hard to get me an appointment with a good neurologist so I can get on with a good treatment. 

Blessings are everywhere, in spite of my circumstances. I will do my very best to count them instead of my troubles! 

A Present Help

Overcoming

I said this yesterday as we were reviewing a tense week full of serious illness and death. I reminded my family that sometimes when a lot of bad things happen at once, we take our eyes off our blessings. Our blessings will always outnumber our bad things. And even the bad things give us a chance to see blessings and to become overcomers. 

As I spend my 2nd day stuck in bed, affected by the strong side effects of my anti-seizure medication, I am forced to think beyond my circumstances. I will think like an overcomer. 

Some Answers

I got a call from my doctor's office today and they gave me some news regarding my crazy health issues. My brain EEG shows abnormalities consistent with a seizure disorder. As my friend put it, knowing is half the battle. Yes, I now know. Steve, being the awesome husband he is, has been doing everything he can to help me get through all this. Today he drove me to one of my favorite stores, Hobby Lobby, to let me poke around. It was there that I started having problems again and ended up in ER for the afternoon. Note to self: buy cuter socks in case of emergency. On the good side, they were clean. 

So the news is that my seizures are preceded by an "aura", which is basically a horrible rotten feeling that you are about to die, or close to it. I guess it would be the equivalent of a panic attack. Anyway, I'm in the car headed for home. Hubby bought me some Oreos and picked up my anti seizure meds until I can get in to see the neurologist. The girls have no knowledge of this yet. I hope to find some words to explain that won't scare them. 

God is good. All the time. I'll be fine! My faith is bigger than my fear!!

Security

LOVE please!!!

Someone special has passed away. He was too young to leave this earth for sure. He loved God with all his heart. He would help anyone who asked. He loved his family. Cherished his friends. He had no idea that his recent hospitalization would lead to his early death. His mother and family is completely heartbroken and shocked. He was a part of the church I attended and served wholeheartedly. 

So, what's more important? To take some time and honor him or continue to bash our president on Facebook? 

I'm just really annoyed today. If our Chrstian priority is LOVE, then spread that, not hate. It really flips my lid.

I spoke with his brother, my friend. What a beautiful tribute he gave of his brother. One thing he said was that people with special needs or disabilities were a gift from God. He was in awe of his brother's bravery through all the invasive testing. And that after each difficult procedure, he said the same thing to each person, " thank you." My heart was filled with love, hearing him speak about the love he felt for his brother. 

So, pardon my rudeness, but it just makes every other complaint seem really small, petty, and useless. Politics especially. I hope you are not offended, but mostly, I hope you take some time to share love on Facebook as well as your opinions. 

Grace

Powerful Words