Mom Sermon

It's not fun having to blog on my iPhone, but the evil laptop leaves me no choice. We are through!  Hence, there will be no cool highlighting, no bullet points, no bold print, no awesome spacing, nothing to making you go, "wowwww"! Nope. I'm having a laptop breakdown breakup. It hates me and I am done trying. Okay, my snit is finished...for now. 

So my kids, including my borrowed one, are trapped, I mean, riding, with me in the van 10 minutes each morning. Sometimes that time is filled with their chatter or the business of breakfast-eating, but sometimes, I get the floor. 

Today was one of those days. I used to call these talks "Mom Sermons", because I talked and they listened. I didn't mean for it to be that way today, but that's what happened. Here's why...

It all started when I shared with Serena that her friend's mom was getting married this weekend. This particular friend was involved in a serious accident with his dad 2 years ago. The accident left his dad traumatically brain-injured and unable to return to "himself". Her friend sustained broken bones, and after a lot of surgery and therapy and healing, he was able to recover well. After awhile he moved away, but they kept in touch once in awhile. These two particular guys, father and son, were always together. I had the pleasure of going on a 6th grade camping trip with them, and anyone could see what a special bond they had together. And nice! Incredibly nice-both of them. The boy's mother too. 

So I said I was sad that although he still had his dad, he wasn't the same dad he remembered and spent time with as a son, but that he would now be getting another chance with a stepdad. It is bittersweet. None of us can even imagine or even try to understand having to go through something so hard, and he was only 12. The van was quiet. 

Then Natalie said, "Is that like----?" And she named her classmate and friend whose mom passed away of brain cancer while he was in the fourth grade. Before I could answer, she asked, "what was she like? Does he look like her?" I went on to describe her...

"She was one of the nicest preschool moms. While some of the others ignored me, she made a point to not only talk to me, but to include me in her conversations. She told me how cute you were and how she thought her son might have a little crush on you. How she could see why. She offered to sit with you on the preschool float and keep you safe and help you throw candy. And later she told me she snuck a couple bit-o-honeys out of your bag because they were her favorite. She was a beautiful woman. She had pretty brown eyes, a sharp nose like her son, a ready laugh, and she was always dressed for a party." 

"And when she was stricken with cancer, I didn't even know it until I ran into her at a t-ball game and she didn't look the same. But her eyes and smile were the same. And her kindness was still there."

"And yes, her son looks like her. When he is sweet and he hugs you, it's her. When he's kind, it's her. He is blessed because he's part of her." 

Then the cracked voice (which rarely ever cracks, by the way) said to me, "mom, we need to stop talking about this..."

My voice was cracking too and the windshield was getting blurry..must have been the rain...and I finished my piece for the morning...

"Appreciate the people in your life. Maybe your parents aren't perfect or they make you mad sometimes, but be grateful that they are still here to tell them that! Love your annoying siblings. Someone wishes they had what you have."

As we arrived at the school and they prepared to "disembark the mom bus", I heard, "thanks for the uplifting talk, mom"

Sarcasm...yeah, that's how I stuff my emotions too, dear ones. You learned that from me. So in return, I said, "get out of my van and go change the world!" 

They always smile when I say that. 

Tears and Baby Steps

Yesterday I picked up a van load of teenage girls and took them to our house. This is kind of a normal thing, as I am a bit of a "neighborhood mom" of sorts. I will pretty much take in anyone's kid at any time, as needed, especially if it means keeping them from being home alone after school! One of them is a "regular". Her mom is a single mom and they live in another town. She brings her daughter to our school, feeling it was the best choice for her, and it has worked out great. We offered to take her to school in the morning and she hangs out here after school until her mom gets out of work. It has been a blessing for all involved. We now love her like one of our own and she calls us her second family. 

Yesterday I noticed one of my daughters had disappeared with one of my borrowed teens. I soon discovered the borrowed teen was in tears after a disturbing phone call. My daughter did her best to console her, but also had to leave for a class, so I felt terrible having to leave her at such a bad time. 

Fortunately, my other daughter was making French fries and doing homework and took over the consoling. Tag-teaming tears, I suppose. I left to drive my girl to class in my old cotton pants, even older sweatshirt, the slides I wear to take the dog outside, and my hair in a bit of a mess. That will be significant in a moment. 

As my daughter and I talked on the way to town about the reason for the tears, my heart sank. I won't give the reason here, but it moved me to do something I haven't done since March. Since seizures. Since medication. Since panic attacks and the ER visit that led to more anxiety...not since then have I gone anywhere alone. (Except for school)

I started to drive the 10 minute drive back home and I pulled off to call home. My daughter answered and I asked, "is she still there?" Yes, she was. I continued my drive, and as I did, I counted the change in my wallet, and in the door of my van. I never carry cash! I had just enough for what I needed. As I approached the little country store near my house, with the needed item in mind, a thought occurred to me. I haven't done this. My heart fluttered. My mind tried to talk me out of it. Anxiety threatened. You can't go in there! I shook it off. Yes, I'm going in there. With my crappy clothes, my messy hair, my weird shoes, my $2 in quarters. I'm going in there. And I'm going to buy my sad borrowed daughter her favorite thing- a Mountain Dew. 

And I did. I shuffled in there, because it's very hard to walk confidently in those slidey shoes, I walked the full length of the creaky wood floor. I opened the cooler, grabbed her drink, made small talk with the nice clerk lady, and left. Success!! 

The best part was when I walked into the house and saw her helping my daughter with her homework, eyes all red from crying, but that smile when I put the pop in front of her. I didn't say anything. She put her hand to her heart and just said, "aww, thank you". 

When her mom came to pick her up later, she clearly felt bad about what had happened. She was stuck at a doctor's visit and couldn't leave at that time, and It was just a private family matter, so all I said to her was that we love her daughter, she's part of our family, and that I got her a Mountain Dew. She got the biggest smile, and said, "oh! That is her favorite! Thank you so much!" 

No. Thank you. Because those tears, though I am sorry for their reason, made me do something big. And because of that I put some cash in my wallet in case I want to venture out a little farther next time. Baby steps. Baby steps that allow me to help others. 

Praise God. 

Basementpalooza

Well, we may not be moving to Georgia, but my ready-to-go mindset has spurned on a need to get organized! 

Last week as I contemplated moving our physical belongings to another state, I realized we have acquired way too much "stuff" through our 20 years together. It sure doesn't look like we've given away a ton of things. (we have) it doesn't look like we've had garage sales. (We've suffered through those too)

Our basement has become quite a "catch-all" for everybody's everythings! The girls have made quite a pile in the storage room. And maybe pile is not a big enough word for the amount of stuff in there...whoa! Two girls means two of everything...times two...maybe ten, by the looks of things! 

The family will be so excited to be invited to my "Basementpalooza 2014 Extravaganza"! I will be setting up a few tables for organizing all that "stuff", and another table with some yummy snacks to keep the mood happy, not snappy. 

After all that fun, we'll take a trip to the local Goodwill. By the way, I'm sure you, my dear reader don't do this, but I don't like it when people only donate their "junky stuff" to Goodwill. I recently read an article on the subject, and the cool fact I took from it was not to throw your old clothes in the trash. If they are clean and not grungy or stained, they can actually be repurposed or upcycled into other items like quilts. Those quilts could be used for lots of good things! Also, it keeps the non-biodegradable stuff out of our environment. I can't believe this recycling, composting girl hadn't thought of that! No more shirt-tossing for me! Anyway, I donate good stuff to the people in need and I'm sure you do too, because it would be what I would want for my kids or my job interview or whatever. 

I love to organize and purge, so it will be good to get going and tackle this project. Then if we are ever called to move, it will be a lot less to pack! 

Leaves and Georgia on My Mind

I never thought I'd be thanking God for the ability to rake leaves, but lately I've been doing just that. I've also been thanking God for sore muscles, and for fatigue caused by work-related issues and not for sick-related issues! I have a mostly-raked yard and several trimmed shrubs, and lots of sore muscles, and lots of yawns. Praise God.
I'm not sure I'm happy about having to rake, but since our lawn mower died last summer, we also lost the ability to bag our leaves, so out came the rakes and the manpower. I realized quickly that I missed raking. Sounds strange, but I used to love raking when I was younger. It's much like mopping a dirty floor, I suppose. Each swipe of the rake yields a patch of clean green grass. It's addictive, really. I just can't stop until it's all green! Or until my shoulders start to sing...or it gets dark...or I just cant go anymore! It's therapy too- great thinking time. It's monotonous, quiet, methodical, lulling, peaceful, almost meditative. Until I see a spider. Then it's something entirely different! But the great thing is that it returned a bit of me to myself and for that I'm grateful and I have lacked that bit of "me" for so long that I wondered if it was ever coming back. A bit of my old driven style of work had returned, and it gave me hope! There's nothing like a little physical labor to give you your spirit back and get the gears turning again. Oh, I'll pay for it in my body a bit, but my spirit will thank me for that cost, I'm sure. Now, the weird thing is, I may not feel like doing it in 2 days. But that's how it's been going. So, I've learned to appreciate the good days and use them in the best way I can.
Now on to other things...Yesterday I was talking about a "possibility". Well, I have heard back on the answer, and I was quite surprised at my reaction. I can give details now because it's "out", but the business Steve works for in the company is moving to another state. Some of the people associated with that business were already relocating to that state without much notification. When I first heard that we could also be a part of this relocation, naturally I was a little shocked. But honestly, as the idea wore on me and we began to really try it on and talk out the details and the ramifications of school and such, I began to see it as a real positive change. Not that I had hopes for this change, but I had settled it in my mind that we would be ready to take this challenge head on and make it a great thing for our family. Realizing it's not just about a job, but that Steve's job is the mainstay of our family, it has to take precedence over pretty much everything unless he were to choose to leave that job. As the week went on and I began to pray about it, I felt God giving me peace about it either way. The old me would have been clinging to this place by the fingernails, scratching to hold on to the old, good for me or not.
Well, apparently I am not the "old me" anymore, because I was ready to be a peach. A Georgia peach. Spiders, hot weather, and maybe even sweet tea. (yuck) I was ready to pick up and move my life. Make some friends, find a church, write my book, have neighbors, connect with a community, give my girls some new experiences, visit Disney (because it would be closer!) Live in a new place, grow new roots, meet new people, hear new stories, reinvent myself, and see my family doing the same. Because I realize more and more that I am not happy here. What a sentence that is, but it has been true for so long. I keep trying to ride a dead horse. Trying to rejuvenate a dead life in the same place.  Kind of like keeping dead batteries and continuing to stick them in the flashlight, expecting them to work...yeah, like that.
So a change will come, as I said in my last post. And apparently I will have to make it here, in the place I have been for my entire life. Sigh. I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I love my home and where it sits. I love my parents, my husband's parents, don't get me wrong! I'm not running "from", but rather running "to" ...... to what, I will probably never know as long as I am here.
I think Steve was pretty surprised with my disappointment last night, but I finally poured my heart out to him last night about the way I've been feeling. He gets it. I'm a host. I make things possible for him, for the kids, but things feel impossible for me. Does that mean I need a different place? Well, considering other factors, yes, it could help. But it's not everything. Good health, and a decision to put myself a little higher on the list perhaps might work as well. A new church would help, with good fellowship. Some new friends would be nice. All things that good health might yield as well.
And just Who can I trust with all this new stuff on my list? God Himself, who makes all things new and Who just this morning I said, "Not my will, but Yours, God....whatever you want for me...it'll be good..."

Change?

We've got a little possiblity hanging around. The fact that I'm calling it a possibility and not some negative term is an improvement in my thinking for sure. Don't get me wrong, I'm not hoping for this thing to come to pass, yet I'm not as in fear of it as I thought I would be. 

It's a big life-changer, yet lots of things are life-changers, so that's not really saying a lot, is it? I think that's how I've been able to reduce this "possibility" to a do-able thing, if in fact we are asked to do this thing. 

I used to cringe and shrink in fear at the thought of having to climb out of my safety zone. Maybe I still shrink a bit..,but I'm better. I look at life with bigger lenses now. I ask myself bigger questions. I look at the bigger picture. I look at perhaps the biggest factor- what is God doing in this situation if it comes to pass? And if it doesn't, what changes should we implement based on all the "what-if" thinking we did during this time? 

I'm a big believer in making everything mean something. If this possibility doesn't happen, I'm going to make changes anyway. Some new seeds were planted that required new thinking. They don't just die because the change didn't take place! They just need to be applied somewhere else! 

Either way, a change is going to come. God's purpose for us and for me will be revealed either way. 

The Battle

Well, here it is. My fourth attempt at this post today. I will not go into the details of all the snafus today because I won't give the enemy the pleasure, but I will say this: get behind me.
So, a verse has been in my mind a lot these past few days, and it even came across my Pinterest "wall" the other day, so I looked it up and wrote it down and paid it more attention.
2 Chronicles 20:15  has been reminding me...
The battle is not mine. It belongs to God.
Well, isn't that simple? I'll just give up worrying about everything and trying to control everything and hand it over to God and relax. As crazy as that sounds, that is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. I heard myself telling my friend this very verse the other day as she was telling me of a situation that had her in complete anguish. I said to her, "this battle is not yours. I know you think it is and you feel like it is, but it is God's battle." I believed it when I said it, and it helped her, but oh, how I felt her pain, because I feel that way too from time to time. Someone is sick and just gets sicker...someone is addicted and won't get help...someone is angry and won't listen to reason...a job is changing and we must change or lose it...the horse is thirsty but it won't drink! And on and on the list of problems go that are out of our control!
Because we weren't meant to control them. We weren't meant to carry that load. Problems are meant to bring us to our knees because it's only then that we say, yes, God, I need you. I can't do this and I need you to help me. He knows us better than we know ourselves.
I've realized more and more lately that I control next to nothing. I might control where I sit in my house. What I eat for the day. What I watch on TV. But I can't control anything or anyone. The minute I pick up my own sword and think I can fight my own battles is the moment I begin to fail and lose that so-called "control". What I lose is my peace.
On my windowsill is a verse I read out loud today:
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled. Do not be afraid.
That is a lot of  'Do nots" right there. Do not be troubled. Do not be afraid. I do not give as the world gives. And at the end of it, we are guaranteed peace. How do we end up with peace? Have you seen the news? Have you done a check with your friends and family lately and heard what they are all going through? It's not all rainbows and sunshine, is it? Peace? Where?
But a true believer in Christ walks in peace! He walks securely in Christ, knowing his or her needs are met, no matter what the circumstances are. Remember Paul? I love Paul. I think we would have been friends. I think of him often and sometimes I say out loud, "I remember your chains, Paul".  In fact, he spoke my favorite verse in the Bible:
Philippians 4:13  I can do everything through him, who gives me strength.
It's not our circumstances that give us a measure of peace. It is God's view. It is following His lead. We have peace because we are reassured that He is working for the "good of those who love Him" (Romans 8:28). We get to "Be still and know that he is God". (Psalm 46:10) and many many other Scriptures of reassurance that He is working toward our good and we need only be at peace.
And while circumstances surround us that might threaten to tie us up in knots or change our lives, we need to remember that the battle belongs to God. Our job is to stay in peace and to be a calming influence to those around us who may be looking to us for help. I could easily be a stick of dynamite with a half-lit fuse. I have that tendency to me, but God is working in me. I walk around the house, feeling anxiety, but claiming the joy of the Lord that consoles me. I might be fearing something, but I claim that God is making me courageous. And while we all want to think we're powerful and mighty, the fight belongs to God. He'll let us know if He needs us on His battlefield. Until then, we are to be strong in our meekness. At least that's the way I interpret the Word in my life. It's how I interpreted the answer to my prayer this week when I heard,
"It's not your battle. It's mine. Be still".  Yeah, I get that a lot. It doesn't surprise me at all. One day I'd like a better message. I'm on my way.
Blessings. I sure hope this post makes it to you. You wouldn't believe the trouble it put me through and it's missing so much of what I originally wrote. SIgh.....

Setback: Opportunity

Brother had a setback today with dangerously low blood pressure. Apparently he reacted to one of the medications in much the same way Natalie did after surgery. Very scary day. 

Everyone is dealing with some problems of some kind and lots of prayer is needed. What started out as a peaceful day didn't end that way. 

But God is still in control and we can still have peace because He gives us His peace, His strength, His grace, and His mercy. 

May our family feel that peace as they all lay their heads down tonight. Tomorrow is a new day of healing and a new sunrise. 

Hope in a Sunrise

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."

Lamentations 3:23 NIV

This beautiful sunrise made me take a detour on my usual morning route from school. It beckoned me, and I'm not one to turn down a sunrise! 

I turned the corner to head home and saw this view as well. 

Here's the kicker. Every morning after I drop off the 3 girls (one is a borrowed daughter), I pray for my family. As I was praying, I actually said, excuse me, God, but this will have to be continued because that is one righteous sunrise you made and I must stop and appreciate it! 

So I did just that. I sent a picture if it to Steve and told him it made me think of him too. Now if that doesn't make his day...;) 

I continued on with my prayers and felt so uplifted and energized and peaceful today. Nothing has changed, circumstance-wise, but God continues to plant seeds of peace in me every morning. Today He gave me hope in a sunrise. 

Are you watching for what He is giving you? 

Update on Tim: He is doing pretty well now that they have his pain managed better. They had him up and walking a bit. He still needs prayer for peace. This will be a long recovery and will require a lot of patience. Something he has never attained. I am praying for him to find God through his healing, but I will not push. God has assured me that He is in control and all I have to do is love him. Whew! 

Blessings! 

Update on my Brother

Thank you to those who are or were praying for my brother Tim. He underwent surgery today at the University of Michigan for a triple bypass. It wasn't a typical procedure, as his blood vessels were compromised such that the heart could not be removed from his body as it normally is in this surgery. Strangely, one of his arteries showed the blood flowing in the complete opposite direction of which it was designed to do. It made it a difficult decision to even attempt this procedure, but the surgeon felt he could be successful. 

I just got a call from my dad and the surgery went well. Praise God. He is still in recovery at this time (Tuesday 11:42am), and may not be conscious for another hour. Of course, docs have to warn of risks involved, but I am choosing to believe that God is bigger and that he will enjoy a full recovery, complication-free. As I tell him, he has more to do here in earth. 

Again, thank you for lifting him up with me to our Father in heaven. It is a beautiful thing to not only pray for someone, but to also let someone know you've prayed with them for the desire of their heart. It's what makes us brothers and sisters in Christ. Amen. 

Daily RX

I've been struggling. So this is my medication...

Every day, dose as needed...

Mice...Eek!

This is a cute mouse. 

The half-alive one I found in my cabin? Not cute! 

I had planned on cleaning the cabin a bit yesterday, but lost my nerve quickly when I opened the door. Ugh. Whoever left the giant black plastic spider in there is on my "list"! 

There is a reason I married a big strong, afraid-of-nothing man. Mice, spiders, snakes, and all things ooogy. 

This is not going to be pretty. The cabin that was once beautiful and new has sustained water and mouse damage from being left open to the elements too long. 

I wonder if there is a hazmat suit for yucky writer's cabins on amazon? Hehe..

Prayers Needed

In the midst of my happy cabin-moving, life continues to move on. 

On this coming Tuesday, my brother Tim will undergo a life-threatening operation on his blood vessels and heart. The docs don't sugarcoat. I will leave it at that. 

While I leave him in the hands of God and trust that God knows what is best, it doesn't erase my fear. I want my brother here with us. I want him to have more time to fulfill his purpose here on earth. 

If we cross your minds, please be in prayer for my brother, his physicians and team, his wife, his 2 children and grand babies, his parents, siblings, and for anyone else who loves him. We will all be praying. Some of us will be there in body and some will be in spirit. 

May God be with us all. 

A Writer's Dream

I couldn't wait! I went out in the rain this morning and snapped a few pics of my new "castle".

It sure looks like it's nestled in the woods, but in reality, it's not far from the house at all. For one, I wanted access to our wifi so I could look things up as needed when I write. For another, I am a self-professed chicken who doesn't like coyotes or other bumpy things of the night. 

That is the view from the front door! 

If I can't concentrate and get some writing done in there, well, I'm in trouble! 

But some changes and repairs are on the list first! 

Seal up the cracks, finish the shingles, put on another coat of stain, repair the door, level the foundation, remove the deck railing, and clean. And my favorite part, of course, decorating and cozying up the space to make it writer-friendly! 

 

Cabin Moving Day

Cabin moving day! 

Everything went pretty well with just a few challenges, as with any big project! 

It got stuck making a turn, but the guys quickly righted it and it was on it's way! 

It took a couple hours to get it into position. Lots of patience! Lots of retries! Lots of hooking and unhooking of chains, and getting on and off the tractor. You would never guess my father in law has been dealing with the effects of MS for years, would you? He's pretty tough and pretty persistent! My dad put in several tiring hours as well yesterday. We nearly wore these guys out! But they are just tough guys and never give up! 

I am so grateful to our two dads and to Steve for getting the cabin moved. It was too dark to get the picture of it in place. In fact I was chasing them around with a lantern so they could work! 

Tomorrow...a new picture and maybe some cleaning. And then this writer girl gets to work!! :) 

Down Came the Cabin

It rained cats and cows today, but the dads and hubby were able to fix and lower the cabin today! 

They lowered it by 6 inches at a time using jacks and 2x4's and lots of patience. I heard the chainsaw going too...

By the late afternoon, my cabin was sitting on the ground, but it was pouring rain and too dark to photograph! The next photos will hopefully be the cabin being moved into place! 

It is so nice to be excited about something again... :) 

My New Cabin

The treehouse was once a popular and fun getaway for the girls in their younger years...

They played for hours in it, even needing a lantern to find their way back to the house! 

But as they got older, the presence of mice, and well, getting older, got the best of them...and they stopped hanging out in the treehouse, making it very sad. 

It's heart just broke...

And broke. Until one day, I said...

"That treehouse is mine! We spent so much time together building it! So much money and I can't stand to see it falling apart like this anymore! Fix it!!"

And today began the fixing... 

Both dads came out to put it back together, and tomorrow it's coming out of the trees...

And will be placed in a very special spot that took me a long time to choose. 

Tomorrow it becomes my writer's cabin! 

:) 

Love Takes Time

"Meet me at the picnic table," I said to hubby...

I set up a quick little snack in the middle of a busy Saturday on a beautiful Fall day. 

Because I love to spend time with him. Even if it's just a little Mexican layer dip and chips and a fuzzy white dog begging at our feet. It's always the best time! 

Love is Action

Day two of anniversary celebrating yielded some grocery shopping and Chinese takeout from our favorite place. I am both surprised and happy that Steve is taking some time off this week to just "hang out". We both need just regular old  time together. 

Yesterday a friend offered to bring our girls home, which gave us a little extra time. Today the girls had a meeting after school, so we got another hour. It seems The Lord is really blessing us with time. Something that doesn't usually happen around here. Although I have been very tired, I have felt well enough to enjoy my time with him. What a blessing. Tomorrow the kids have a scheduled day off, and that will be a nice family day. 

Love is an action, not a fluff word. Married for 20 years, parents of teens, we know this is true. Marriage and parenting are 24/7, sweaty hard labor jobs, requiring every bit of your mind, body, and sprit, among other things! And it's also rewarding, gentle, sweet, and the soft place we all fall when the world wounds. And it will wound. Time and time again. Marriage will test. Children will test. But love if it's real, will stand all of them. Thank you Lord, for being at the head of our marriage, and the Father of our family. Life would be impossible without you. 

Love: 20 years and counting....

Went for a lovely long drive with hubby and Angel today, and had a tailgate burger at a park by this river. 

Steve and I were married 20 years ago today, and we are spending it low-key, together, enjoying us! 

I love him, he loves me. We agree that is the best thing about us... :) 

Moments of Blessings

Had a much-needed nice alone day with hubby yesterday. We went for a long hike through our woods with Angel and enjoyed the peace of falling leaves and quiet! 

Came back and fired up Steve's new smoker for some ribs...

He helped me set up our autumn display out front too...

It really made me smile that Angel sat there long enough to have her picture taken! 

The girls came back from a fun day with Grandma, dug some fingerling potatoes out of the garden with daddy, and we had a fabulous meal together. 

I cherish these days. And I need more of these moments for sure...