Graduation Validation

It was a beautiful weekend of spending family time together, sharing baseball games, gardening, time with friends, and ending with Natalie's graduation.
The day started out with me waking very early and seeing a text Natalie had sent me late the night before that I hadn't seen. I felt bad that I had missed it, because she was feeling bad about something, and needed my reassurance. I started praying because I couldn't get back to sleep. I have been praying about some very specific things since her school year started to change last fall.
While things may have appeared to look one way on the outside, they were in fact very different on the inside. This is the way things go sometimes when you don't go around defending yourself from all the untruths that are said about you, or all the assumptions that are made about your actions. Sometimes people treat you poorly for a very long time and you put up with it without saying too much because you're trying to be kind, but after awhile, it gets to be hurtful, and so you start to pull away. It's only then that the person begins to be offended by the very thing they were doing to you in the first place, and somehow you become "the bad guy", and people turn on you. Not just people, but friends you've known for a long time. And somehow, the truth can't be seen because the power shift is way too strong in one direction, and if you cross it, you become a target too. You know, this can happen in adulthood too. This is bullying in it's sneakiest of forms.
And the funny thing is, as unfair as it all is, and as much as it hurts, somehow, I believed that it would all work out in the end without her having to say a word. She grieved over doing "the right thing" when the wrong thing was being done to her. She worried about appearing bad when the bad things were being said about her. She overcame the temptation to vindicate herself because it would have made someone else look bad, even though it was the truth. She admitted her wrongs to the person, admitted her weaknesses, and then was crushed when the person simply ignored her efforts and wrote , I'm not sorry, and I have no regrets. The person simply wanted nothing to do with her, continued to blame her, and  then made her miserable afterwards for months. This is bullying in its most outward forms.
And all along, I prayed for reconciliation, for a softening of hearts, so that this could be resolved in a peaceful way. It didn't look like it was every going to happen, but I kept watching. I kept encouraging. My daughter kept coming home in tears. And she kept quiet. And God provided new friends who came alongside and continued to support her. He brought old friends who reminded her that her value is not based on the failures in relationships, but in those people who continue to stay in your life when you need them most. When you're depressed. When you are struggling. When you need help. Those are the friends that get to tell us the truth. Those friends are few.
Natalie worked on her valedictory speech last week, and she struggled with it, because it hasn't been the most positive year for her. She just wanted school to be over. She said, how can I convey anything positive when I just want to get out of there? I asked her what the most important thing was to her. She answered. "I just don't want to make the speech about me. I want to give something to my class to take away. I want them to know that they are all important. Especially the ones who were ignored for 4 years." I smiled. Because that's exactly what life is about. Being kind. And this year of struggle has taught her how she doesn't want people to feel. Left out, left behind, excluded, talked about, dismissed, or unimportant. So the topic of her speech became a quote that she loves. "Stay humble, Work Hard, Be Kind".
As she spoke quietly, she gave her speech humbly, and in the words that she chose. To remind her class to use the gifts that they have been given, no matter what they are, to give to the world. That they are important, and that they should work hard, and by doing these things, they will continue to inspire others to do the same. She made us proud, and many people came up to tell us what a beautiful speech it was. I was impressed by the many things she knew about each and every one of her classmates. Not just the athletes and the "smart kids", but the kids who knew how to fix things, or knew everything about the weather, girls who could braid and do make-up really well, and play bass guitar. So much talent, and not everyone was a top student, but they all have something to offer. She didn't include all of the examples in her speech, but what a blessing it was for them to hear that coming from one of their valedictorians. You are ALL important. What you have is enough.
We drove home from graduation, and I thought of all we had heard at graduation. I looked at Steve, and I said, "God moved today, and he gave Natalie the validation she needed all along. While she couldn't speak, He spoke for her, and this is the way He chose to work today." He agreed, and while nothing else changed, hearts changed. The hearts that have been trying to change all along. I'll keep praying for the rest. Because God cares about them all. He wants all of us to graduate to bigger and better things for today, and the future.
Be blessed.