A Look at Life from a Swing

I took a little time out today. The girls were busy with their sale, and I was outside making sure the dog stayed out of hawk territory. I went out to the girls' old swingset, sat down and faced the woods, let the warm breeze caress my face and toss my hair, and for a moment I just forgot about life. Forgot the topics on the news every morning. Forgot about the bad news in the family. Forgot the disappointing let downs of the past 6 months. Forgot about my health. Forgot about problems I can't fix. For a little while, I just allowed myself to be surrounded by quiet. Angel responded to my peace by touching her nose to my leg with a hello kiss every now and then. Can peace be found on a swingset with a little white dog? Yes, it can. Because I let it happen.

I appreciated the beauty that surrounds me and how blessed I am to live here. I'm surrounded by the things I have always loved: trees, animals, nature trails, big open sky, and solitude, among other things nature provides. I looked around and saw the untouched beauty that was here before we built our home here in the middle of the woods, how it turned out that the trees we chose would end up surrounding us perfectly. Was it meant to be all along? I do believe in those things, yes.
As I sat on that swing, I thought of the walks I have taken here, how healing they have been and what I have told those trees. The secrets those squirrels have kept for me. The tears the pines have hidden as I waited for them to pass. The poetry I have written because of the time I have spent walking those trails and the ups and downs that life has helped me write.

And as I sat there thinking and looking up at the clouds I love so much, and the tops of the trees, I thought about the many times I jumped from swings as a child. I would swing as high as I could and just fly. I wasn't afraid, in fact, I wasn't afraid of snakes or bees or any other thing in nature. It's sad how I have limited myself with fear. Afraid to swing high. Afraid to jump. Afraid to take a step. Afraid to hang upside down and flip!  Jumping without looking, taking risks and going home long after the porch light was off...where did I go?

And just as I was about to think on that, I heard a beautiful sound coming from the deck. "Mom?" I smiled. "I'm out here, turkeys!" They both came running out to see me after their sale had closed for the day. One took the other swing and the other sat on the wooden bar. I looked at what I had helped create, and I thought to myself, they are the most fearless thing I've ever done in my life. I have been a mom to two of the most wonderful girls in the world. That is a huge risk, being a mom. I have dedicated my life to loving them.  I have done more brave things in the last 18 years than ever before, because I am doing something no one else can do for them. I am their mom.  That's where I've been. I've done things in spite of my fear. I think that makes me kind of  brave in a way.

Did nature just remind me that if I can raise two wonderful girls, I can do anything? I think it just did. I think I can get the swing going and jump. Or maybe not. I forgot that swinging makes me nauseous. Maybe I'll just take that step I've been thinking about, porch light on.

Gifts

Every night we spent at the lake, I waited in anticipation for the sun to set. It wasn't always a spectacular event, but to me, nature always gives me something to take away with me. This was no different. 

I always seemed to be by myself when chasing the sunset. Everyone was always off doing their own thing, and that was fine with me, because I always need my quiet time alone to just gather my own thoughts of the day before I settle in for the night. Photographing nature is my escape, and everyone knows if I am seen walking away with my camera, I need time alone. Usually. 

I showed my mom the photo above, and she said, "what is it?" I answered, "it's a wishing puff in the glow of the setting sun." "Oh," she said. "Hmm...it's broken." Smiling at her logical view, I shared my metaphorical one: "aren't all wishes a little broken? But still beautiful to think about, right?" I'm pretty sure I'm adopted, let go by some artist types...haha 

But this one caught her eye! Our friend, the eagle, had been eating something on our beach as we arrived, so we placed one of its feathers in the dock to let it know we had respect for it. That sunset glowing over it was a bonus for me. How I love the way the sun plays at the end of the day. 

It turns the lake into a beautiful reflective "golden pond", and the wildlife begins to quiet down, the soft songs of birds and the twang of frogs adding to the snaps and pops of our campfires. 

This is where peace is found. Where I most allow myself to relax, and let nature heal my heart and soul. On the night of the fourth, I gave up going to the fireworks again, because I just don't trust my seizure disorder just yet, handling all those bursts of light. So my dad built a fire, and he sat out there with me. Just the two of us. He joked about digging out some 20+ year old sparklers for us, and I laughed...haha, dad, I brought some new ones! Just then, the neighbors across the lake started shooting off fireworks and we watched for awhile. We talked and joked about nothing really. Dad got assaulted by a July June bug, and we laughed. Mom made dad come in because he was "out too late", so I teased,"haha, your mom says you have to go in!" Just a very odd but special opportunity to spend time with my dad. He makes me feel loved, for sure. 

I seize these times, and these moments with nature, and I feel I've missed out every time I miss a beautiful sunrise or a sunset, or a special person, because every day and every person I love is a gift. 

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I just found out this morning that my 57 year old brother-in-law, Vince, has stomach cancer which has moved into his liver and lymph nodes.  I can't quite process this yet. Please pray for Vince, my sister, Lori, and their combined families. We are all in shock.