The Magic of Birds and Socks

  It has been a crazy week, to say the least! I'd rather not talk about the election and all of that, though. Haven't we heard enough? The amazing thing about this week has been that summer seems to have returned to my part of Michigan and I've been able to enjoy some sunshine, fresh air, and a surprise! 

I was sitting in my living room folding clothes and happened to spot a brightly  colored bird in the hydrangea bush right outside the window. Knowing I'd never seen that type of bird before, I struggled to get my camera activated on my phone! My daughter is an avid bird watcher and I started calling to her to come quickly! I got up slowly and found a whole flock of these beautiful birds streaked with yellow and gray, both male and female, eating the black oil sunflower seeds I had haphazardly scattered from my leftover cup earlier that day when filling the feeder. 

It turns out they were evening grosbeaks, and they rarely visit this area of Michigan, but upon researching, apparently there are a few bird varieties that are making their way around Michigan and they are one of them. Well, whatever the reason, I was blessed by their beauty and their amazing song. If you've never heard the songs of several grosbeaks (not sure if that's the correct pluralization) google it and have a listen. 

I've also been doing some closet and drawer organization after I finally opened up my book, "the life-changing magic of tidying up"-the Japanese art of decluttering and organizing, by Marie Kondo. (all in lower caps, in case you were wondering) Okay, so I realized I have a lot of socks. But I now have a delightfully organized sock drawer and the rest of my dresser could pass military standards! I'm working on my closet and discovered it's been awhile since I've worn a lot of my clothes. Hello, Pandemic problems. I live in joggers and other comfy options.  The book is interesting, though I won't be taking all of Marie Kondo's advice. It's a bit extreme, though helpful in some ways. I will not be talking to my clothes any time soon, though I'm sure they may enjoy it if I do. 

I have a written plan for the basement next, and oh goodness will I ever need a lot of time and patience, but mostly a lot of pain-free days. That's another issue. I hit another IC flare a few weeks ago and I've had roughly 2 days of halfway decent health in order to accomplish these tasks. I use the Amigo my father-in-law gave me so I can enjoy our property a bit more, but I mostly want to get back into my walking and exercising! Who knew a little thing like a bladder could dominate so much of your life? People with bigger handicaps can do so much more than me, but this is why it is even more important not to compare and judge others with physical handicaps and chronic illnesses. We see those beautiful smiles and outsides and make a lot of assumptions. But we don't know how hard it was to get there, do we? 

That's probably what has been on my mind the most lately. We sure don't know what is behind someone's smile, just like we don't know the chaos behind closed basement doors, crammed dresser drawers, and cluttered unhappy hearts with big warm hugs. Life is kind of a walking contradiction at times, where we want to be who we are, but if we admit it, someone is sure to judge us. But if we aren't who we really are, someone will judge that too. Thank God we have Someone who loves us for who we are inside and out. God knows all of our heart, all of our mind, all of our feelings and everything our eyes say. He will never leave us hanging and never make us wonder if He is really there for us. Praise God. 

Blessings to you as you enter the weekend or the week, wherever you find yourself and know that you have Someone on your side rooting for you. 

Surrender

 Isaiah 41:13 

For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear, I will help you. 

Yesterday didn't go as planned. I had a list on my kitchen counter of several things to finish and many calls and appointments to make. I still haven't finished my absentee ballot and I had clothes in a basket and clothes in the dryer from the day before. We had been visiting both sets of parents the evening before and I came home tired, ate oatmeal for a late dinner, left the dishes and went into a TV coma the rest of the night. A migraine would start off my day and even with medication, heat packs, and a nap, I could not shake it. I folded two loads of laundry, cut up a few vegetables for dinner that night, cut two matted balls of fur off the dog, fed the birds, and that was the extent of my accomplishments for Monday. My migraine did not cease until late that night. Today I woke up with bladder pain, which is no surprise, but frustrating nonetheless. I am tired of dealing with some kind of pain every day of my life, despite the things I do to prevent it physically, mentally, spiritually and every other -ally I can think of. I had already spent Saturday with terrible bladder pain, worried that I wouldn't be able to fulfill my commitments of making lunch for everyone plus helping with the leaf removal at my mom's house on Sunday and baking bread for Steve's parents.

 It seems whenever I make commitments to help others, my body is attacked even more. Sometimes I just want to give up or cry or both. I'm just being honest. A person can only be strong for so long before the cracks start to show. Sometime on Saturday I checked the weather forecast and was somewhat grateful for a 90% chance of rain on Sunday to give me the reprieve from the lunch and the leaves, as I didn't have what I needed to make the lunch and would have had to go shopping. Steve also felt sick on Saturday, so my backup was out of commission too. In fact, I had spent Friday night taking care of him. Saturday was just rough. Mom was disappointed that we couldn't all come because she is lonely. She misses church and bible study and feels everyone has deserted her and I agree. Whatever happened to taking care of the widows and the orphans? I think that only applies when people don't have to wear a mask to go and see her. She served her church for many years, but it just doesn't matter. See, these are the things you think about with a 12 hour migraine. Injustices, the lost, the lonely, the misguided, the unfairness going on right now, the friends who just aren't really your friends anymore. Things just don't feel "right" right now, and it isn't just the pandemic. But the pandemic certainly isn't helping. It's the election, the difficulty in even having a discussion with anyone and having to tiptoe because you know you're on opposite sides and don't agree on anything with certain people.  It's not fun to disagree and it certainly has been a unique time in history where people of the church have taken politics into God's house and pastors are quitting. But that's another issue.

1 Peter 5:7 

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 

As I write this from my card table chair on my card table in my bedroom, my husband is using my small desk chair in my old craft room/writing room because his desk chair finally bit the dust. The tile for our kitchen sits behind him on my scrapbook paper cubbies, and his awards for excellence sit on the windowsill with some family pictures. Every now and then the internet goes out right in the middle of something he is doing or he gets the blue screen of death on his work laptop. Sometimes his dad calls in the middle of the day and needs something. When I need to take or make a call, I no longer sit in the living room on my couch, but I try to find a quiet, private place so I don't bother him. He shuts his office door frequently when he's in meetings, probably because we are way too loud! Of course we are glad he's not one of the millions unemployed or one of those trying to work outside of our home while there is still a virus out there. But working from home has its challenges too. Lots and lots of things have changed. Having a daughter in college among an outbreak, having a graduated daughter trying to figure out what she's going to do about getting a job while companies are either shut down or not hiring-these are not just our challenges, but the challenges of many. Add to that health problems, mental health issues, family issues, and the unspoken issues many of us are keeping to ourselves. It's been a pressure cooker. A pressure cooker with many blessings, praise God. 

Truth be told, I don't want to make any of those calls. I don't want to go to any of those appointments. I don't want to dry my apples, make applesauce, freeze all that squash, fill out my ballot, run to the township office, give the dog a haircut, NONE OF THEM. My body hurts, my mind hurts, my soul is tired, and sometimes I just want to surrender. Today is that day. I'm here to tell you that sometimes I can only do things after I give them up. I finally say to God, I can't do any more things. I hurt everywhere. It's too much. My mind is overworking again. My spirit is weak, and I feel alone. Take this burden from me because I don't want it. And He will take it. All the political garbage, all the physical pain, all the frustrations, and all the noise of my "to-do" lists. Because only God can make things right when nothing feels "right".  And I will guarantee you, He won't say, "You should be thankful because someone has it worse than you." He will say instead, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11-28-30 

Blessings to you as you navigate your path with God. May you see your blessings in your challenges as we do, but also know that it is okay to feel powerless and want to give up sometimes. Simply reach up and ask God to be your power source. He is more than ready to listen and help. 

On the Trail to Love

 Love one another 

John 13:34

In my quest to love better, I have found myself among the lesser traveled, more challenging trails of my own heart. I am both checking myself and checking my relationships to see exactly what I and they are doing in terms of loving. It's easy to love people who love you back, isn't it? It's simple to give out blind trust to those who are trustworthy. You don't even give a second thought to the ones who always seem to respond when you reach out. They are just "easy to love", aren't they? They do all the "right" things. Even if a mistake is made between you, because there is security in the way you feel about each other and treat each other, it's really not a big deal to just talk it over and move on.  I love and relax in those kinds of relationships and I want to be that person to those special people for whom I care.  

They seem to just love you when you need to be loved, give you praise or honor when you need to be lifted up, respond in truth when you need a response, commit to you in whatever way you have asked them, show up when you ask them to show up, offer help when you need them and often before you need them, and a whole host of other "loving" behaviors that just tell you, "I don't need to wonder. This person just loves and accepts me." My mom recently told me that my sister said she adores me. That just warmed my heart. To be adored by anyone is a blessing, and I adore her as well. I love my family and my close friends. 

How many of those people do you have in your life? Are you a person like that to someone else? Is there anyone in your life who just gives you unconditional acceptance? Someone who you just don't have to jump through hoops for? Someone who just looks at you just the way you are and says, "you know, you are just amazing and I can't imagine my life without you in it." I have a limited amount of those people and I have people I look at that way, thankfully. But I know I can do better and I know I have "danglers" in my life where there are some uncertainties about my place there or what they are doing here. Do you have anyone dangling around that you are not sure of? 

In having conversations with others, I sometimes hear, "This person just rubs me the wrong way every time I talk to him or her. I just always seem to get my feelings hurt" or "I try to communicate with him or her, but he or she shuts down and won't respond so we never get anything resolved. I don't know where I stand. I keep bringing things up so I become like a nag to this person and I'm not like that with anybody else. It's frustrating!" Why is it in certain relationships, we try so hard and it just seems fruitless and in others it is just so effortless? The biggest question is why are we letting it bother us so much? Can we learn to just let people do what they need to do and we can just move on until they do? Or is it not that simple? It must not be, because relationships are a big source of contention with many people. To me, the common thread is love or a big lack of it. 

Are they "hard to love" or are we having a hard time loving? I don't like the term "loving the unlovable" because I feel everyone is in some way loveable to someone and to be honest, some days I just feel unlovable myself! But just like not everyone will like us, we may not ever be able to fix a relationship to the point where love becomes natural or "easy". We have to know one thing going into any relationship with any person: we are not always "easy" either. Someone has had to "work" at loving us at some point because we gave them a run for their money too, or maybe we are right now. 

As I've pointed out before, God commanded us to Love one another. It wasn't a request because He knew we would struggle with this. Some of us would not be raised in healthy loving environments and would take those unhealthy habits into the next relationships. Some would take their rejected hearts and go and reject others, wondering why they always feel rejected. Some would take their self hate and pain and project it onto others. All of these things and more create all kinds of unhealthy situations, making it more and more difficult to love and be loved. But God knew this ahead of time, and so He encouraged us to love anyway, and especially those who need it the most.  This is why it's so important for us to just take a minute and put our "God goggles" on and look at people and try to understand them before we decide they are terrible, mean people. Most of the time they are just misguided, misdirected, angry, confused, hurt, bad communicators, or they have just never experienced compassion. You get to decide if you go around hugging porcupines hoping they soften or if you want to protect yourself from them. 

When you hear the phrase "Hurting people hurt people" I will bet that someone came immediately to mind. Maybe it was yourself. I know that I thought of a couple people, but I also remember a few things I have done, said, or thought and maybe even recently that were the cause of my own personal pain.  I failed to pray or take my pain to the Lord first and reconcile it with Him before I hurt another person with it. We all do this at some point and it can help us to understand others who also hurt themselves this way. The answer is God's way, which is to love them as they are and give them the same understanding you need when you're being a pain-in-the-porcupine. 

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 

Colossians 3:12

 When we are full of love and compassion for others and ourselves, we become powerful. When we are powerful, we can choose to not allow the careless words or others to get to our hearts quite so personally. We can understand that "it's not always about us" though it's okay to have feelings and deal with them in a healthy way. It is with compassion that Jesus healed the people. We can be helpful healers of people as well when we show compassion to them instead of anger or bitterness when they make mistakes or let us down. We can also help heal ourselves when we are tender toward ourselves and our own mistakes. 

Jesus had compassion on them and touched their eyes. Immediately they received their sight and followed him. 

Matthew 20:34 

One of the brambles in my less traveled jaunts is the fact that we throw the word "love" around so easily, but yet it's a very powerful word. To really love someone is a commitment, and I don't mean just the marital type of commitment. I have been told countless times by individuals (hint, I just called them "individuals") those words, "I love you", but did I feel loved by them? No. They were just flippant words. Love requires many things, and not all of them are sweet and rainbow-filled. I lost many "friends" who spoke words of love, but disappeared when the clouds came. Love is being secure, being at peace, being mindful of another, feeling valued and protected, feeling cared for, and the list goes on according to the type of love. If you are evaluating relationships and you find you are valuing people who don't value you, giving care and protection to those who are not caring for or protecting you, not providing you with emotional or even physical peace, I'm not sure how that can be called "love" at all. Trust God to show you who should be in your life by praying for the uncertain people in your life. 

My dear friend Norm Sawyer (sirnorm.com)has taught me many things about friendship, and the differences between friends and acquaintances. This is not good news for the danglers. I just smiled at that statement and I'm going to bet he did too. Sometimes we keep people in our lives for the wrong reasons. We think "But God says I have to love everyone" or "I've had this friend forever" or the one I've been telling myself, "at least this friend stays in touch. It's more than I can say for the others." But those aren't reasons to keep people in your life. Especially if they are a source or a reminder of pain for any reason or if every time you talk to them, they bring out a side of you that is not kind, peaceful, or secure.  We can care about people from a distance, we can forgive them and not have them in our lives, and we can trust God to bring in new people that will treat us better, and pray that God will give them new friends to help them too. But what we can't do is "fix" people, become codependent on them and call it "love", stick around only because you're hoping they'll eventually change and be the person you thought they were, or stick around because you hope they will eventually give you closure and apologies and "make it right". News flash, they probably won't do any of those things as long as you are there, making it easy for them to dangle around getting whatever it is they get from you. It's just not healthy. Get out of the brambles and get back on the trail. 

There are people in our lives who will be there for us no matter what. Those are friends. That may be just one friend and that's okay. Then there are people who will only be there once in a while and they are great people, we just won't connect on a deeper level, and that's fine too. Those are acquaintances, and we shouldn't take it personally when they don't choose us as close friends or choose others instead. Again, when we choose to love ourselves and others and show compassion to ourselves and others, we become powerful. We can then give ourselves and others the freedom to do what we and they need and want to do without conditions. We always need to trust and thank God for the people He has provided in our lives for our benefit and thank Him for the ones he removed too! Both are a blessing even if it hurts like nobody's business to lose someone you thought cared for you or you considered to be a close friend forever. 

This is why letting go is such an important part of love. I don't want to let go of my "dangler" (sorry for this term, but at this point it's working and I'm owning it), but it doesn't really love me. It is simply dangling me around, and I think God has me here for a better purpose than to just be kept hanging around. If at some point this person is open to listening to me, conversing with me on a more personal level, or including me and supporting me and caring about me on a normal level as a true friend, I would be open to that on my terms. But until then, I need to follow God's leading on forgiving this person for the part played in hurting me and forgiving myself for the part I played in returning the hurt. Sometimes we hold on too long and we need to trust that when we finally let go, God will help us move on and heal our hearts. 

 Loving does involve wanting what is best for others-even people we don't like, people who hurt us, people we see as frenemies, because when we are softened by love and compassion, we can be open to accepting the art and blessing of forgiveness. We also need to realize that sometimes we have to take a good look at ourselves and ask God to "fix" the things in us that haven't been working so well for awhile and that involves asking God to reveal some things that maybe we haven't been doing right or well with others. Love takes action and it takes truth if you really want to have relationships that matter and create powerful changes in yourself and with others. 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Be blessed! 

Love in Action

 Let us not love with words or speech but only with action and in truth. 

1 John 3:18 

I've been marinating on the topic of love for quite some time, wondering how to tackle this seemingly easy topic and how it manages to become a huge challenge sometimes. I gotta say, friends, I love most people so easily! I really do. Even when I'm mad at you, I probably still love you bucketloads. It's just the way I'm wired. And I know God wired me to love, and He wired you to love too! So, why are so many people angry at each other all the time? What is making it so hard for people to love people? Is it the state of the world? Is it all the disagreements over politics and the virus?  Is it "them"? Is it "us"? And then it slowly started to hit me. "Them". "Us". There was never meant to be a division of them and us at all, but somehow people are dividing themselves. And  I was starting to divide people too. Us, them, good people, bad people. Those labels don't really exist at all, only in an unloving, fearful state of mind. When we start thinking in terms of "Us" vs. "Them", we're already headed for trouble, especially when we're all trying to reach the same goals. Whether it's a marriage, a friendship, a sports team, or a country, it has to be a "one team" mentality or it's doomed to fail. 

We are in the sixth month of a pandemic, and the strains of relationships are showing. It has become a very "us" vs. "them" society in many ways, creating even more divisiveness than we were already experiencing. The problem with that is that we were not created to be divided. We were created with love by God with the purpose of loving him and others. 

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 

 I believe the strain and the pain we are feeling is because we are outside of that purpose. We are fighting when we are supposed to be at peace. We are arguing with people we are supposed to be loving. In fact, many people have attacked their very close friends and families over something that will one day be old news. I keep waiting to wake up to find out it was all one big nightmare, but nope, this is all really happening, and people really are doing what they're doing. And even as I write this, I want you to understand that we all have our own perceptions of things. How I perceive what is going on in the world may be very different from how you see it and vice versa. People react and respond based on how they perceive situations and we won't always agree on perception. Being sensitive to how others might see things is a humble way to love someone with whom we don't agree with at this time. Most people understand that we don't have to agree with people to love them, but I am occasionally surprised by the people who don't get this and have parted ways. 

When we start thinking our politics and policies are more important than the way we treat people, we need to start asking ourselves what we are here for. If the people you know don't feel better for knowing you and me, then we had better be figuring out what we are doing wrong, because life is short and some things are just not worth losing our minds and our loved ones over.  We need to start asking God to humble us and help us be the one to stir up peace and help unite. We need to be the one to set aside any opinions and differences or judgments we may have and put people first instead. In other words, be an example of the love God shows to us, because we are certainly never without flaws and dirt.

 What is more important to you as it applies to your personal relationships? To get your opinion heard (which most likely won't change anything) or to share your heart instead and get your love heard?(which can change everything!) Because I can tell you, what I need from people right now is life-changing love, and what I can offer you is my heart. I am keeping my opinions close to the vest right now. Why? Because they don't serve a purpose to anyone but me. They won't change your life, your mind, or your heart, and unless you ask for it, I'm not sharing. That's how opinions work. Other than this blog opinion, and I pray it helps in some small way. I hope it brings you joy or help, and if it brings you neither, it has wasted your time and I'm sorry. But I still love you and I hope that matters. 

Why ARE we so quick to jump on someone else's opinion just because we don't agree? Why do certain things get certain people so fired up? Fired up to the point where they are spewing anything and everything on anyone? Why are people attacking each other so viciously over politics and masks and other hot button issues? I believe we are letting our fears and emotions override our sensibilities and take over our relationships with people. Even strangers in a grocery store. We all need to do better. Maybe you're doing all the good things, but we also need to show love to the ones doing the bad things. It's the only way they'll see the way God has changed you and the way peace (and love) can change them. It's easy to lose our cool when someone is being rude to us, but it's much more powerful and courageous to stand strong and hold your fire against someone who is being unreasonable. Most hotheads just don't know what to do with themselves when their wrath is met with complete silence. 

The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues. Proverbs 17:27-28

We are either motivated by love or motivated by fear, and there are a lot of scared people in the world right now. It is palpable. The fear reminds me of September 11, 2001, to be quite honest, with the exception that Americans came together in love to help one another become strong again. It may sound cliche, it may sound like a John Lennon song, but love really is the only thing that will bond any people together again for any purpose to accomplish any good thing. 

The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these.

 Mark 12:31

There's nothing wrong with being annoyed with rude people. But there is something wrong with treating others with disregard or disgust because you don't agree with them. You can step away from people without interacting with them negatively. You can choose to see a person as acting with bad behavior, but not as a bad person. You can choose to see every person the way you choose to see yourself. A person created by God, loved and forgiven. A person who makes the same mistakes you do. A person who has the same kind of passion and beliefs you do. And a person who loves like you do too. You just may not ever agree on anything and that's okay. 

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Colossians 3:12 

Like the mom who created the "get along shirt"-a giant shirt meant to be worn at the same time by two feuding children until they get along,  God knew we would have our troubles getting along too. Our get along shirt is the command to love one another. It's not a suggestion and it's not a shirt we can take off later when we behave better. Love is not pretty words and speech, it's a choice and it's putting another person's needs above your own, whether you feel like it or not.  When I feel overwhelmed by angry or confused people or I get angry or confused myself, I am going to choose to be quiet, and offer what God offers me in that time of confusion or anger. He offers me his peace. In that time of quiet, we can give others what this crazy world cannot. 

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. 

Matthew 5:9 

A Writer's Musings

 Blogging is a hobby I started when my kids were young, and sharing the happenings in our daily lives was a fun outlet for me. I didn't set out to teach anything to anyone. I wasn't trying to open the window to my perfect "neighborhood", as the name at the time implied (Mrs. Rogers' Neighborhood). I certainly wasn't trying to inspire anyone to decorate, cook, exercise, grow, or improve in any way, though I may have tossed those topics in now and then.  I was just simply sharing whatever was on my heart or on my mind. Whatever was happening outside my windows, in the lives of my young children as they grew, and sometimes I would share personal situations if I thought it might spark another person's story. Sometimes I was the one who needed the insight.

 My blog and writing have pulled me out of many dark days and times, whether anyone ever put their eyes on my words or not. In fact, I would make jokes on this blog that I was speaking to my one or two readers because my statistics were basically stagnant. Are you a writer if no one reads? Yes. I'm still writing whether or not anyone is reading, but that does need to change soon. I really do write to share!I remember being stopped many times on my way out of church by people who were entertained by or somehow supported by something I wrote. One young woman would always raise an eyebrow and say, "you always say what I'm thinking, but I'm afraid to say it!" Ah, yes, there were those types of posts too, where I just spoke my mind for fear it would somehow come out of my mouth or show on my face instead if I kept it to myself too long. I miss seeing the effect my writing had on people, and with the loss of church and many of those people from my life, it seems I am in search of a new audience, a new purpose, and it appears God is letting me know it is time to use my writing in a new way. 

Writing can be cathartic and it can be very truth-telling. Some people won't be able to handle your honesty, but one thing I've learned is that just like everything else, we have a choice whether or not we want to accept what we've heard, seen or read from another. Another person's truth can be uncomfortable if you have not yet accepted your own. Another person's depth can be foreign if you are not ready to share what is inside of you. Sometimes it's very difficult to understand concepts that just have not applied to you yet and so we gloss over them, judge them, or sometimes even misunderstand. But the beauty of hearing something that makes us uncomfortable, something that makes us confused, something that we don't quite relate to yet, is that we are opening ourselves to learning, and that is always a positive thing. It is never a good thing to shut something out because we simply don't relate or understand. We lose the opportunity to gain wisdom, and we lose an opportunity to connect with another person, and we fail to realize our sameness and our abilities to help each other as humans. 

 As blogs waned in popularity with the arrival of facebook and other modes of social media, my voice became less and less significant to those readers. Easy come, easy go, as my dad would remind me. My dad was my biggest fan, I should say, having been the one who would not only read my blog each week, but would print them out for my mom to read. He kept my blog address written among the many "www.coms" on his computer desk. It always gave me a smile that my dad took the time to read what I would write. I always felt that my blog was a way for others to get to know me, and a helpful conversation starter. My dad was getting to know a whole new me by entering my world of writing, and it felt pretty special. As most writers will understand, we write better than we talk, and some of us are sometimes on the quiet and contemplative side. We let our stories do our talking for us. So when people stop reading, it's like they stop wanting to know who we are, in a way. Writers can be a sensitive type, you might say, and if you have a writer in your life, consider yourself blessed. A sensitive person with a thoughtful mind is a gift.  A writer will often reach out to you in words rather than in speech, and when they do, they will say everything they've always wanted to say to you, whether that's in a few words or a hundred depends on how well they think you will receive it. Believe me, they will have thought about it more than you could imagine. 

Some of you reading this may already be blessed to know my friend Norm Sawyer, whose 6th (correct me if I'm wrong. Is it 7 already? 8? 9? 10? He just keeps going!) book was just published, and I was honored and privileged to have been a part of that wonderful work! I have gone from being quoted in one of Norm's books, to being asked to write a foreword for another, and then being asked to include two of my blog posts in his latest book, Coming Out of the Swamp. (check out Amazon for your own copy of this and Norm's other books. Info will be provided below) Now what comes next? Norm has let me know it's up to me, but he is encouraging me to write my own book, as others have throughout the years.  Though my father has been gone for 3 years, I know he would be behind this 100%! 

With God's help, and a ready pen, I will see what the future has in store for my writing. I will pray for direction and follow where He leads. As with everything else in my life so far, it's not always where I think it's going! I do know I have a voice that is better heard through writing and I do have things to share that I believe will help others along in whatever journey they may be facing in life. 

All of Norm Sawyer's books can be purchased at www.amazon.com  or through his blog at www.sirnorm1.blogspot.com . Be ready for some amazing, life-changing reading! 

Thank you for reading! Be blessed! 

A Friend Named Grace

 I have learned a lot of things throughout this pandemic, and one of them is that I thrive on what I have come to call "aloneship". I believe God has prepared me for this time of quiet and solitude (which are not the same thing) by showing me little by little that people will not always be by your side, stay by your side, or even want to be by your side.  Sometimes God shows us this so that we can remember that He is to be first in our lives, and that He is always by our sides. While it is okay to be alone, we still need others.

For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone. Romans 14:7

This is by no means a "calling out" of anyone or a shaming of behavior, but simply an observation of the past few years of relationships and things I have learned about them and about myself. People are unpredictable. God is not. I am wavering in emotions. God is not. People won't always be there for you. God always will. But we could all use a little friend named "Grace". 

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

I think about the people who used to say to me, "you're so important to me", "you're such a blessing to me", "I love your kids like they're my own", "you're such an inspiration to me", and so many phrases which would make me believe I meant something to them, and I look around me today, and these same people are 1. gone from my life 2. unfriended me on Facebook 3. given me a cool reception when I've reached out to them 4. have completely changed their way of interacting with me like a Jeckyll and Hyde. Okay, that kinda hurts, I'm not gonna lie. 

Now, you're asking yourself, "what kind of terrible person is Jami Rogers??" Well, I went through my own self-destructive time of self-blame and attack as well, and I found it very unproductive and useless, as I learned sometimes people are just going through their own issues and they have nothing to do with me. I didn't have to DO anything for those things to happen and it was quite hurtful to put myself through the paces of trying to "figure out" what others are thinking. Does this mean I don't take any responsibility? Of course not, but if I have done anything I am unaware of, I certainly can't fix it if someone isn't bringing it to my attention. Last time I looked in the mirror, I didn't see a scary monster, so I think I'm pretty approachable. I haven't always taken very easily to criticism, but I'd like to say I've grown. As I've always said, people who care ask questions. I've been pretty busy with my chronic illness, my kids, my extended family, and life in general. I don't have time or interest in hurting feelings or people. 

Well, here are my own questions: can you be accepting of a friend who can't always show up at exactly the time you need them? Because that could be me. Can you still love a friend who may cancel at the last minute? That could also be me. Can you be friends with someone who doesn't always agree with you but will tell the truth with respect? Because that is also me. Can you have a friend who will not talk politics with you because she feels there are far more important life subjects to discuss and things to learn about each other than fleeting subjects such as government officials? Because that is SO me.  Can you accept that I may not be like you? If you can't accept me, then I guess it's okay that you walked away when you did. Life is too hard to have people around who don't extend understanding or grace as I hopefully have done for you. If I was the one who made you feel this way, I would be open to hearing from you so we can resolve it. 

Something I have always told my daughters is that they will most likely never have a bunch of friends and to never take it as a personal defect. A true friend who stands with you is actually a pretty rare thing! God has a way of removing people from our lives that He feels are not good for us to be around for whatever reason He sees fit. It doesn't mean someone is better than another. It just means we are being moved or they are being moved and as hard as it is to accept sometimes, it will happen over our entire lifetime. It never gets easier, especially if you have a big ole soft heart! That's okay. Caring about people is a good thing and wanting relationships to last and be positive is normal. But staying where you aren't respected or valued is not healthy, whether it's a friendship or other type of relationship. It's important to remember also, that sometimes our soft hearts can be sadly mistaken. Sometimes people are just really busy with their own lives in some way and their leaving has nothing to do with us. Sometimes we are the one who drifts away and we don't mean any harm. Life has a way of looking a certain way when really it wasn't that way at all. Grace is so valuable in these situations. 

Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. Proverbs 17:9

The best intentions and the best behavior will not change what God has planned for us in our relationships. We can desperately want a friendship to work or for that person to act in a way that best serves our own agenda, but if God doesn't approve, well, then we need to let it be. We may never get the explanation, the apology, the conclusion, or the closure that we think we need or deserve in order to move on, but when someone is clearly giving us cues that we are not welcome anymore, we need to leave with dignity. 

The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still. Exodus 14:14 

I would often pray that God would make things right with the people who didn't treat me well for whatever reason. That he would work in my favor and they will one day figure it out, but my even bigger request was that I truly wouldn't care if they ever did. That God would give me the assurance that even if the whole world were to turn against me, I would still trust God for peace. And sometimes God just needs to bring to our minds that grace is the gift we need to give ourselves. To be able to allow others to feel the way they feel, regardless if we think they are "right" or "wrong" about us. To allow others to move on from us whether we want them to or not, and to extend that acceptance and understanding that not all relationships are meant to last forever. Some things just need to hurt and we need to give that hurt to God and let Him heal our hearts. People are just going to do what they are going to do and there isn't a whole lot we can do to change that sometimes. And that's okay. We can still be okay. 

I don't believe that any of these people who have "left" my life were "bad" people. I have no idea why some of them didn't choose to stay on the path with me. But I've stopped blaming them and myself and I hope that if you've seen yourself in this type of situation that you'll stop blaming too. We haven't all learned to love, socialize, and make friends in the same way. People have very different perceptions of events, words, situations, and even you! There are just some things we can't control. Some of us learned some unhealthy habits, some of us have unlearned those and the people who left have no idea that we are now healed and vice versa. Some of us are loners and that's okay to function with just a couple of friends. Some of us have a lot of friends that we aren't very close to and that works too. God wants us to love people and not hurt them and do our best to apologize and make up for the hurts we cause others.  We can pray for them and we can let them go. Our hearts will make room for others. Relationships are important to God because that's one of the best ways we show His character to others. How we act when we are disappointed is just as important as how we act when we are pleased. 

How good and pleasant it is when God's people live together in unity! Psalm 133:1 

What is the character you want to show of yourself? A person who holds on to anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, old wounds, or other unhealthy soul-sucking devices? It's time to free yourself of self-blame, blaming others, self-destruction, or whatever it is that has been dragging you down. Ask God to take this baggage from you. Heal these broken places in you, take these broken relationships, ask God if there is anything He wants you to do to heal them, and do as He asks. Free yourself of the constant questioning, doubting, and peace-stealing actions and open yourself to who God wants you to be and who He has in store for you. Trust Him for the people in your life for you to bless and to bless you and pray for those He has yet to bring into your life. I am grateful that though I have made many mistakes in the past with people that God sees my potential and my heart and continues to bring me wonderful people to love. That is the grace we can all depend on. Let's be that graceful person. 

Blessings to you! 

For What it’s Worth

 Life is short. It’s too short to be worried about what people think. Yet I find myself a bit annoyed anyway at the irony of things sometimes. I spent the last four years patiently and quietly enduring the rants and savage posts of people on various social media platforms. They went on and on about how much they hated this and that about this particular person or particular political party. They posted videos about several subjects, rarely fact-checked, in efforts to expose those they were trying to discredit. I ignored it to the best of my ability. After all, everyone has the right to say and do whatever they want and I have the right to continue scrolling. They were warmly welcomed by me into my home, invited to my parties, treated kindly by me and my family. I still considered them my friends. 

But something I don’t do on social media is share my opinions openly about politics or other hot point issues. And the reason I choose not to do this is because it most likely isn’t going to change your mind, and it’s usually just an outlet for me to vent or an invitation for others to argue. I go back to this every time- is it helpful? Is it necessary? Is it kind? Is it thoughtful? Is it for the Kingdom? Is it serving anyone at all except for me to say it?  I truly believe we as people have more important things to learn about one another than who we support or don’t support in politics. But that’s just me. 

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. Philippians 4:8

I guess what has disappointed me the most is the fact that when I finally have shared my thoughts, feelings, and opinions out in the open by way of this blog or through word of mouth, I’m not received as warmly as I received them. I’m not accepted. Suddenly my blog is not worth reading. I’m not as sweet and kind. People will only love you as long as they THINK you agree with them. But what they didn’t understand was that I was simply agreeing to disagree and accepting our differences. They were assuming my silence was agreement. As my wise mentor pointed out, “they weren’t your friends. They were your critics”. 

 As my oldest daughter says in her silly way, “oh, how the turns have tabled!” And yes, they sure have. I will no longer be silent about who I am. If this pandemic has taught me anything, if my parents have taught me anything, it has been to remain true to myself. If I don’t care for the job our president is doing, it is okay for me to say so! If I don’t like the quackery videos people are sending me, they will be getting something I believe in in return! Just as I have not been rude or withheld friendship from them, I expected the same in return. I am surprised and saddened at what I’ve seen. 

People are going after people and getting riled up over all the wrong things. These are not the people I once knew, that’s all I can say. I pray and hope God breathes life back into all of our hearts and souls and gives us all the grace we desperately need. None of this is worth losing the love of people over. Not a politician. Not a virus debate.  Not an election. Nothing. 

God save us all. 

Adjust Your Vision

Twenty/twenty vision is something I always admired in my spectacles-free friends. I’ve had to wear corrective lenses of some kind since I was very young, and I was always envious of their freedom to swim, cartwheel, and wake up at sleepovers without a pair of glasses to constantly guard. To be able to see unhindered was just a mystery to me, and it must have been glorious. Those were my 12 year old thoughts. 

As I think of the term “2020” now, and linking it to “perfect vision”, it’s certainly ironic. This year has been clouded and muddied with not just a deadly virus, but with arguments and constant insults surrounding it. I myself have been the target of such insults, cold shoulders, and judgments for simply defending others or standing up for myself. We can’t be fighting each other! Name calling, finger-pointing, gossip-spreading, and then also say we spread the grace and light of God. We know better. We know how Satan works! Don’t help him! 

Whether you agree with the leadership or you don’t, agree with their choices or not, prefer to follow instructions or not, one thing is absolutely clear. We are not in charge. Not one of us. Regardless of whether or not you think you are right. Someone else is holding the vision. Someone else has the spectacles perched perfectly. Someone else has the light on and has made the picture clear. Someone who is not political, the only One allowed to make judgments, and the only One who knows the outcome and the purpose for all of this. 

So we can continue fighting with our friends, or now former friends, as some may call them, because that’s what it has sadly come to, or we can trust that God has the answer and we don’t. We can choose to put our trust and our vision in God and ask the Holy Spirit to lead our thoughts, words, deeds, and bodies. At this point, the humans are proving we aren’t doing so hot on our own. Imagine the picture God sees when he checks us out. Every one of us can do better.

My friend, Norm says in his book, Secrets Have Weight, “Remember who you are! Darkness may bleed, but you are the light of the world.” “We are the Lord’s hand extended in this dark world. Grace must be the balm anointing our hands as we reach out in the love of God. We are to hand out the bread of life to those who are hungry for righteousness and offer the salt that causes a thirst for the love of God”. 

You are the light of the world-like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. Matthew 5:14

Let’s adjust our vision to God’s vision and start looking at things His way. 

Pandemic Pen Style

It has been a challenge to write lately. Not impossible, but a challenge. Steve is still working from home and it looks like he will be here for the long haul. As it should be, he has taken over my former writing room/family office/craft room/put it here if you don't know where it goes room. My computer is set up on a card table in the bedroom. The home internet has to be disconnected in order for his work computer to recognize internet, because it will only work from the hotspot on his phone. So.....I often don't have internet from the convenience of my computer, which is my writing device. The last couple of times I have posted were from the fun tiny keyboard of my iphone, using my cell phone data. Insert all laughing to crying emojis here.  

I haven't had my physical therapy since March, when the virus started, and then when the flood destroyed the roads and the hospital closed for awhile, it was delayed even further. Now that I can return and one of the roads is open, I really have no desire to go back. I've become quite a homebody and I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing yet. I'm embracing the long, wild hair look now, and I no longer wear shoes. Society may not accept this. Ha Ha....  

So while it seems I am complaining about rooms and computers, I'm simply stating that sometimes life is a challenge and we can't return to the way things were. Surprise! I used to get annoyed with my parents for telling me as a frustrated young adult, "you need to be flexible". As a "gymnast", I took that literally, because OF COURSE I WAS. But on their terms, I used to be so mad when they would say that. Kind of how my young adults are with me now when I utter the same phrase to them! 

But we do. We need to be patient. We need to roll with the bumps life gives us or we will forever be fighting against every big and little event we can't control to no avail. Oh, but I still hate bending to this day. I don't always like my plans messed with, and when I drop things, sometimes they stay there a few days. 

One thing I know I could probably do without a problem is list the problems without stopping for a full ten minutes. Personal problems. Other people's problems. Community problems. Friends' problems. Family member's problems. National problems and international problems and on and on. Even my dog has problems. I could even find a problem with the word problem if I googled it or asked Siri, and don't get me started on Siri, because he is a definite problem. I could do this singing loudly or in Shakespearean form. However the form, there are always going to be problems. 

But I can also talk non-stop about blessings, and good things and good people. I can shut a bad conversation down with a good topic in no time flat. All it takes is a shift of conscience, a change of heart, and an intention to focus on being grateful. Don't feel particularly grateful at the moment? It's not a feeling, and I'm thankful for that! It's a state of your heart. It's knowing that no matter how you feel, you can still be thankful because there are so many blessings in your life. All you have to do is take the time and talk about those for awhile. Thank God for them. If all you did was get out of bed today, that's a big enough reason to thank the Lord. Do it. 

 

Sometimes on a bad day, I just thank God for the beauty outside my window, for my family, my sweet dog, and whoever might check up on me that day. Sometimes it's just my husband or my friend, but it's so much better than being alone. And I try to remember that even on my worst day, my life would be a blessing to someone else. I've also learned that even at my worst I've still been able to bless someone else. They just might not know it yet. That's okay. They will come around eventually. 

It's too easy to start grumbling about the state of the world, the political stuff, the weather, whatever someone did or didn't do, but if being grateful was our default heart choice, that stuff wouldn't even matter. We'd be too busy realizing that all the complaining in the world isn't going to change the status of the political climate, the weather, or anyone's mind. We'd be getting busy blessing and being blessed. So today, while my house is a balmy 80 degrees inside and it's threatening to rain again, I just might try to jump in the pool to cool off between the raindrops. We have had several weeks at over 90 degrees and no rain, so we are beyond grateful that it rained last night and today! It will be a break from watering all the plants today. Hopefully the snake that scared the bejeebers out of me on my patio will be satisfied with the rain and will also return to "far far away"too. 

I hope you don't mind my laid back writing style today. I'm calling it my "Pandemic Pen Style". A little peek into my brain and kind of like a diary entry. I'm just going to roll with it for awhile. Because I'm flexible that way! 

Blessings to you! 

What a World

There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him; haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a man that stirs up dissension among brothers. 

Proverbs 6:16-19

I've been in kind of a weird head space lately, and I'm not quite sure how it can be described. I'm trying to carry on and live my "normal" life, all the while balancing moments of joy and despair within my own personal world with those of the world around me. It's a lot like trying to be happy about a new life being born into a war situation. My heart is in a constant tug-of-war between trying to find the good in every day, and seeing the evil in every day, wondering when the other shoe will drop and which will finally win. I think this is what it feels like not when hope runs out but when circumstances truly are beyond our control. It's not that I don't believe God is in control or that something evil is coming for me. It's just that the world is looking more and more tattered every day and that in itself is so disheartening. It's hard to keep your joy when there is so much pain everywhere and so little you can do to help or foster a change.

I've found myself getting quieter and quieter, which is my classic move when I am beyond overwhelmed. I've been doing a lot of listening and observing and maybe too much in some areas. I've gotten very annoyed with the temperatures of others and I wish they would become quieter too. Today I heard Pastor Rick Warren's podcast titled, "A Faith that Shows Respect to Everyone", and I picked up on why that might be true. Rick says, "when people are under stress for a long time,it tends to bring out the worst in us. We become more irritable, more impatient,more self-centered. We become more protective of ourselves. We look for scapegoats to blame. They become more wary and fearful of people not like themselves. When you're under stress, your natural biases tend to rise." 

 In this divided world we seem to be living in right now, people seem to have taken very clear sides. Whether it is the side of "Covid-19 is a hoax/Covid-19 is real", "Republican/Democrat", or more recently and sadly, "Black/white". None of this is okay with God. Okay, I know His Son personally, and I know He's not okay with all this division! He's not okay with those creating discord among his people at all! God doesn't think any partiality is okay. All partiality is a sin to God. Partiality is what has led to many of the sins in our headlines today. It's why people go around thinking they are better than others. What are some examples of partiality? I'm glad you asked. Rick gave just a few examples:

-are you quick to judge people with hairstyles you consider "weird"?

-how about people with piercings in different parts of their bodies?

-what about people who are fat or skinny?

-people that dress differently than you?

-people with a different religion?

-what if they're an immigrant?

-what about people younger than you? older?

-what about others who make more money? others who make less?

You and I both know this is just a partial list. I can think of many others and I know you can too. Let's not find ourselves on this list. 

Deuteronomy 10:17 

For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of Lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and takes no bribes. 

Chronicles 19:7

Now let the fear of the Lord be upon you. Judge carefully, for with the Lord our God there is no injustice or partiality or bribery. 

Rick pressed his point by adding, "God doesn't tolerate such things and we shouldn't either. Why? Because all three are unfair, dishonest, and unloving and the opposite of integrity, generosity and humility."

My friends, I will not tolerate bigotry, injustice, or blind following of anyone who participates in this kind of thinking or life-leading. If God doesn't tolerate it, I won't tolerate it either. If I invite you to a dinner at my home and there is seated at the table an immigrant, a homosexual, a pierced individual, a person with a different religion than yours, and a homeless individual, and you can't be kind and loving at my table, YOU are the one who won't be welcome. That is my position on that. 

Part of what has been bothering me so much lately is all the discord being spread around everywhere I look. All the scapegoating. All the blaming. All the judging. All the hating. All the "it's her fault", "it's his fault", "it's their fault", and it's insane. Do I expect better? I guess I do from certain people, and I am flabbergasted and done listening to the gibberish and the smack talk and the nonsense and the garbage mouth all over social media. None of it is based on actual facts or intelligence and trying to find a news media with a talking head with a non-biased brain is impossible today. They are all showing partiality of some kind and therefore have nothing important or newsworthy to say. 

Thus, my quiet head space. By being quiet, I humble myself to what God wants me to hear and what he wants me to say. Right now the world is noisy and people are hearing what they want to hear and saying what they want to say. It is hard to be heard among those who don't want to hear anything different. As I am reminded daily, "People hear what they want as long as it fits their narrative of beliefs and opinions." I equated at least part of what is going on in the world with a child experiencing a divorce between parents. Mom is pulling on the child, dad is pulling on the child, and in the middle, the child is saying, "you're both ridiculous and I don't want to live with either one of you!" And the therapist says, "He's right, and he shouldn't have to make a choice.You're both idiots. Figure it out and grow up." 

Please grow up, America. Work together and figure it out. For a country based on choices, lately it seems we don't have any worth making. Our leaders are confused and emotional and refusing to comply, leading to people who respond in kind. Until we start using our own brains, minds, and hearts to see what God is asking us to see, we will remain blinded by what we want to see and how it fits our own agendas. The thing is, it's not about us and it never has been. When we all figure that out, what a world it could be. 

Blessed Freedoms

In this country, we are blessed with many freedoms. I think it is wise to remember those freedoms before we complain about what we have and don’t have, can and can’t do, or who is or isn’t in charge. Freedom isn’t dependent on whether or not you’re content with the way things are. I think those concepts get a little confused sometimes.

When my youngest daughter was studying abroad in Peru back in early March, the coronavirus was just making its way across the U.S. I was very nervous about her being in another country anyway, but with an uncontrolled virus situation unfolding quickly I unraveled quickly too. My instincts told me the group should get a flight home a week early, but the university’s travel director assured us they were not in any imminent danger. I didn’t agree, but there was nothing I could do. My daughter would stay. Thankfully she was in a group with her professor, another professor, and a group of students. Thank God she wasn’t alone, or I may be telling a whole different story here.

Just a week after this, a pandemic situation was declared in America. Travel bans were being put in place. I became even more concerned. To make a long and complicated story shorter, the day she was to fly home came and went. More days of scheduled flights out would come and go. The president of Peru decided last minute, while the group was at the airport to ban all travel in and out of the country at midnight. Again, they were not able to leave due to this decision. There was no warning, no backup plan, no help, and chaos at the airport.

They suddenly had to find another hotel, and by this time, their country was in lockdown. This is much different than the “lockdown” my fellow Michiganders we’re describing on their social media. In actual lockdown in Peru, they were confined to their hotel. They could only leave for essentials, and as they left they were stopped sternly by police officers who yelled at them, and if they chose to, would send them back to their hotels, no explanation necessary. My daughter and a friend attempted to get some food at a store nearby and were forced out and into the street by an officer pointing and yelling at them. They were allowed in the store only after they were given permission. Can you imagine this happening in America? Cue the angry Facebook posts now. THIS is what it’s like to be in a country that is not a democracy. The fact that we have been asked and it has been suggested to distance and wear masks and stay home is still a great mark of freedom. People do not understand this unless they’ve never lost their freedoms or they simply don’t think about how other countries are run.

On the day my daughter and her group were finally able to leave, which was two weeks after her intended departure date, things got hairy. Our group and the university’s international  travel director had spent countless hours and money trying to figure out ways to get the group safely home. When efforts seeking help from our own government became fruitless, they found ways to get the kids out and together, which was no easy task. My daughter described that whole experience as exhausting, scary, and confusing. Walking miles with all of her luggage in the rain, sitting on a hot, crowded bus for hours, waiting in a crowded airport, listening for their names to be called out and hoping they all got called or none would fly, waiting under a tarp-covered area in metal chairs while soldiers with big guns and drug-sniffing dogs surrounded and intimidated them for 2 hours as they sat completely still. All of this just to get Americans home from Peru. At one point her big light pink suitcase fell over, and she sat there wondering if she should pick it up. She decided just to leave it. She wondered if the dogs would hit on some beef jerky she had in her carry-on bag. She entertained herself with that for awhile, but truly hoped she wouldn’t get in trouble.

We appreciated the efforts of their Spanish military that traded our Americans for their Peruvians. We appreciated the diligence of her professor and the international travel director at her university who kept us in constant communication and provided all of the extra expenses for the additional time they were there. We appreciated the contact from the few representatives of our state who returned the desperate calls to our group. Most of all, grateful to God who kept them all safe and brought them home healthy and without incident. But no credit will be given to our president who simply said, “they missed their flight. They were late.” Then claimed the military was helping, but in fact they were not called to at that time.

When she finally arrived safely, she was a stronger version of her former self and I was too. She had nothing but wonderful things to say about the people of Peru and the beautiful country. Her experience humbled her to the rights and freedoms she has appreciated as an American. I was proud of her the entire time she was there. She emerged as a leader who kept herself calm and under control, bringing peace to the rest of the group.

Being able to see the differences between where you grew up and how others live is how you expand your thinking and your growth. We can’t continue to grow if our minds stay small and limited to only what we know. Maybe we can’t travel, but we can read and we can learn from others. We can open our minds and accept that maybe we don’t have it so bad after all. Or maybe in some ways we do, so we look and see where we can make a difference.

The world gives us opportunities every day to be a change-maker. We’ve been watching a lot of protests, some rioting, some looting, a lot of political battles. What can we take from all of that? What can we learn? Where can we help? Those are the questions we need to ask ourselves. And always check ourselves at the door. What am I grateful for? Am I being open-minded here? Am I listening more than I’m talking? Do I appreciate where I am and understand that not everyone feels the same as I do? Can I accept others who think differently than me? How can I be a peacemaker right where I am, even when it seems the world is on fire around me?  How can I, just one person, be a positive influence on everyone I meet? Maybe it sounds trite and cliche, but change does begin with us.

It begins at home with your kids, teaching them to appreciate their families, homes, belongings, and extending love and acceptance to ALL people, not just people who look like them, talk like them, worship like them, live like them. It starts when they are small. Because as we’ve been watching, there are some really messed up adults with some really skewed values, morals, and beliefs out there hurting people and in turn, our world.
True freedom starts with us, realizing that we are trapped by our own shortcomings, hate, and refusal to expand our hearts and horizons to include others.

My current “mailbox heart” says it all right now, and the construction barrels are still out there forcing people to slow down so they have to read my signs!

Chronic Illness, The Teacher

When this pandemic arrived and we were somewhat confined to our homes, people were inconvenienced beyond their own imaginations. Suddenly schools were closed and the children were home. Offices shut down and some were forced to work from home with said children underfoot. Some continued to work, while figuring out many complicated details. Some found themselves suddenly unemployed.

While I can’t speak for everyone, of course, I can say that I was probably more prepared than most for a “shelter-in-place”. I didn’t panic or become frustrated over not being able to go where I wanted to go when I wanted to go, or complain that I was feeling imprisoned. I didn’t lose my mind every time the governor extended the stay-at-home order, and not being able to get my hair cut for a few months was no big deal.

The biggest inconvenience was finding that people were panic-buying the one item that all of us need-especially those of us with chronic bladder disease-toilet paper. Sigh...oh people.
See, those of us who have a chronic illness already know what it’s like to “shelter-in-place” and “stay at home”. We know what it feels like to not see friends or family for months at a time, or even go out for many weeks at a time. After spending 22 days on the couch in January, in horrible pain, prison may have been an improvement!

To hear people complaining that they were on “lockdown” after really knowing what chronic illness does to your previously free, unencumbered life was pretty frustrating.
There were times I wanted to ask them how it felt to be able to go for those walks at sunset every day.
How it felt to be able to exercise in their homes without pain. Go to work. Do the things they’ve been taking for granted for years. And still were.

I know what it’s like to give up my mobility, my choices, my flexibility, my activities, my social life, my time, my body, my freedom to be myself or have a job at all. I was prepared for this crisis because my body betrayed me, not coronavirus. Not a governor. Not any dictator with two legs.

And because of my auto-immune and immune-compromised, opposing though apparent things in my body, a deadly virus would affect me differently than it might in an otherwise healthy individual. Maybe. We actually DO NOT have all the science on this yet. Nor do we know if we can build immunity yet. But we sure have a lot of junior and senior braniac experts emerging on Twitter that can save the world! Not. Oh, people, sit down.

Chronic illness, the teacher. The one with the eraser who says, turn around and sit back down. Wait your turn. Stay in your seat. Don’t talk to your neighbor. Stay in line. No talking. I’m in control, not you.

More people ought to know what it really feels like to be under a dictator. Then they might actually appreciate those long walks at sunset.

Get it Together

It's been awhile since I've been here,expressing my thoughts,and that's for a good reason. If I had expressed my thoughts a couple of weeks ago without consideration,it would not have been a wise choice. One thing I have finally learned in my few years of life is to know when my words will help and to know when to stay silent. 

We are in "uncertain times". I keep hearing this phrase over and over. Well, when haven't we been in uncertain times? As far as I see it, nothing has ever been certain or guaranteed. We act as though the sun will rise tomorrow. We buy as if we will have money tomorrow. We live as if we have many years left, but do we? No one really knows. A pandemic comes and we act like we're the only people who have ever lived through this! This is not a shock to me at all. I have read the history of pandemics. Have we forgotten our ancestors? I've probably lost a few this way, and it probably wasn't always because the water was bad or they were poor or some other third world reason. 

We've become complacent in our expectations of ourselves, but when it comes to others we are holding them to the fire! We've become comfortable in our needs and wants being met and when they are not, we come unglued. We've become fluent in speaking our minds whenever and wherever we feel it is warranted, and sometimes when it is not. When we are told to be quiet, we act like it is our God-given right to be unruly instead of maybe listening for a change. Listening. Or maybe learning the proper way to handle a grievance.There is a concept. We've taught our kids to listen and to speak with respect. Interesting what our kids are observing in these "uncertain times".

What is my message? It will depend on where you stand. Perception is everything these days. No one is agreeing on anything, which is why solutions won't be found. Have you ever tried to fold a large tarp with someone who keeps going in the opposite direction as you? Or park a camper with someone who doesn't know their right from their left? Have you ever tried to discuss something with someone who has their mind all made up? You realize very quickly that it's like throwing your words to the wind. 

And I wonder if that's how God is viewing us at this time. Watching the division, the arguments, the lines in the sand. The people who stood in church, shook hands with their neighbors in front and behind them, regardless of belief system and said, "Peace be with you." Peace. He didn't say, "if" you agree on your political party. "if" you agree with whatever theory you subscribe to. "If" you agree at all. He simply wants us to live in peace with one another, and I believe it's so we can accomplish His will, not ours. 

I see a lot of division on social media. A lot of "get it together, people...we are sheep being led to the slaughter". This really rubs me wrong for many reasons, I guess because the One who was really led to the slaughter was Jesus. And he died so that all of us could have freedom. So all of us could "come together" for Him. And all of this division and fighting hurts the hearts of people who follow Christ, and it deters those who are looking at Christians for some kind of answers. Yes. Get it together, Christians. Get it together. 

And to the ones who are still faithful, still spreading the message of hope and peace, God bless you. I don't mean to disqualify anyone. I'm just personally tired of getting lumped into a group of people where I don't fit because of my title of "Christian". I am not a Republican. I am not a Democrat. I am an Independent. Both in politics, which I loathe, and in thinking, which I excel. Love and blessings to all, if you're still my friends. If not, love and blessings to all. 

Things I Need to Say

Hmmm....what can I say that you haven't already thought, read, heard, or wondered out loud lately? Every time we turn around it's Corona this, Corona that, and this time I'm really disappointed we're not  huddled in a bar talking about the beer. Yes, we're in some weird times, all of us going through our very first pandemic together. I can only speak for myself, but this is downright frightening, sad, alarming, eye-opening, and so many other words I can't seem to find right now. If I could find a word for the way my chest feels every day or the way my heart flips every time I wake up and remember this is real, I would speak it. But there just aren't sufficient words for the kind of emotions this has reached in me and maybe in you.

For the way my faith has been stretched and the struggled reach of my optimism, I feel myself going to a new level even while my emotions haven't yet caught up. This writer has been left wordless. This heart speaker has been rendered slightly timid as I try to navigate exactly what it is this body, mind, soul, and heart is dealing with. I guess that's what people mean when they say, "this is so surreal." It truly feels like this is happening to someone else and I am just feeling the waves crashing around me.

For days, especially while my youngest was trapped in Peru, I was dealing with a rash that suddenly broke out around both of my eyes. I would wake up each morning with swelling and redness that just got worse as the days went on. My eyes were itching and burning all day and night. As we waited to hear news of her proposed flights coming home, we were let down over and over again by delays and then cancellations. Though my daughter was remaining strong and capable, I was unable to rescue her. Unable to just get in my car and go get her, no way to just call someone and yell at them to fix it! I was useless and so I sat and sat and could do nothing but pray for God's protection over her and pray she would get home somehow. But that rash was telling. My body betrayed the calm I was wearing on the outside. I couldn't sleep. Eating was a joke. And in the middle of it all, a pandemic hits. No one is prepared for this. I wasn't prepared for that. I don't want to be prepared for disasters. Who am I when I'm prepared for disasters? I was made for peace. God told me so.

Who can really wrap their minds around this? In this generation of  Americans, we've never known this kind of war or hardship on our own soil. We don't know what it's like to not get what we want when we want it. We don't like to be told we can't go where we want when we want to. WE are the land of the free and the home of the brave. The greatest country. And yet we can't fix this with our greatness. We can't fix it "united". We can only help it by uniting separately, and some people don't want to do that! I don't know why it's so hard. I really don't get it. It's life or it's death. I choose life, but if someone beside me doesn't care, my choice is gone. That's not the America I know and love.

None of this makes common sense in so many ways. People fighting over whose fault this is. People hoarding toilet paper and other necessary supplies. People still meeting when they are told exactly how this virus spreads and why contact is forbidden. It's sad and out of control and again, my body says heart flip, heart flop, neck tight, head bang, sleep, sleep, sleep, not....

My eye rash disappeared the very day we went to pick up my daughter, and even after I knew I'd be exposed to whatever she was exposed to*, I ran to hug her. I ran. She said, "Mom, why are you running?" I didn't tell her, but when you don't know if you'll ever see your kid again, you run when you do. And you hold them tight no matter what. I'll always run to the ones I love.

And that's what we need to do. Hold each other tight. Tell your friends you're sorry for whatever you did to hurt them. Make amends with your spouse, parent, with whomever you need to make peace. Not because we're all "gonna die", but because life matters and people matter and it's best to let them know now and not make them wait years to hear it. Help wherever you can, and watch for the blessings, because they are sure to be everywhere. I have been seeing them. Through the rashes on my eyes and through the clearing of them, I've seen people helping people,and I've watched love win over and over. There are miracles within the disaster and there is peace within the storm. These aren't just words. This is the other side of our reality. It is ugly and it is beautiful all at the same time. And that is the America I know and love.

I choose to trust God with the outcome of this situation, though seeing the daily death toll hurts my heart tremendously. Knowing people are sick and dying alone, being buried alone, and people are left to grieve alone, are things too heartbreaking to describe. I pray every day for this virus to end and healing to begin. I pray for all of you that took the time to read this, that hope will invade your soul, peace will win over your fearful thoughts, and God will favor you and your families. Blessings and love to you. Please be safe.




*Peru had a much lower rate of coronavirus cases than the US. When Serena left here, Peru had 0 cases, and the US had just a few. Obviously that changed very quickly. Peru took a very aggressive approach early, and she was placed on lockdown even before we were, protecting her from others very early. When she flew home, the plane was nearly empty, and she was with her group, who all got to sit where they wanted to, several seats apart. The airports and flights in the US were deserted as well. This gave us a lot of peace, knowing she was most likely not exposed at all.

Bloom Where You Are Planted

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven..."

 Ecclesiastes 3:1

(today's post is dedicated to my dear friend Pam's late mom, Phyllis Ferguson, whose favorite quote was "Bloom where you are planted". A beautiful lady who is making heaven beautiful with her kindness and her smile)

I have many wild violets growing in my landscaping around my house. The house was built in the middle of a forest, excavated many times, filled in and driven over, seeded and scraped. I have called these my "warrior violets". They just keep blooming everywhere-up through the cracks in the cement, fighting up through the 4 inches of bark we put in the landscaping each spring, in the compost pile, the fire pit -everywhere. They make the best of their harsh environment and they just bloom wherever they land. They don't stop and think, "is this a good place to bloom?"

We should live like those wild little violets, making the most of every situation, regardless of its challenges. It's possible you may not be in your ideal place and you may be itching to get out of there. Whether it's a job, home, career, situation beyond your immediate control, we all have faced some situation where we just feel trapped or incapable of "blooming" into who we thought we would be or where we thought we'd end up.  I know I have, and it's not always my first instinct to simply "bloom where I am planted". I've always thought  if I got  too complacent or too comfortable, that means I'd be in danger of staying stuck in a place I don't want to be. The problem was my attitude. We can change our whole outlook with one question. Am I stuck or can I be a blessing here?

 Sometimes we are right where we are meant to be, for a greater purpose, or for someone else.
Choosing to bloom where we are planted helps us to accept that we may not be where we want to be, but that we can still achieve great things right where we are. We can have a positive mind, set and achieve goals, and keep pressing forward, believing we are strong enough to  accept whatever circumstance comes our way. In a way, it's a phrase that just means "faith". It also acknowledges we should count our blessings first and not focus on the negative aspects of the situation. It is setting our "selves" aside and asking ourselves what in this situation do I need to learn or what do I have to give at this particular time.

I'm not always where I want to be, and it's not where I planned I'd be, but life is just that way sometimes. Surprise!  It's not always going to go the way we plan. But if everything goes the way you plan, how do you ever learn how to handle adversity? Without adversity, you won't find out how strong you are. Without strength, you don't grow, and without growth, you just stay stuck in a little cocoon. While some days that sounds pretty inviting, grown ups just aren't attractive whining about everything that's gone wrong in their lives and how it's everyone else's fault. Changed plans and rough roads make us learn more about who we are, and hopefully the twists and turns help us to dig deeper. Twists and turns can also lead to beautiful destinations, interesting opportunities, huge blessings, and even fun. It's all in how you decide to view them.

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. Philippians 4:11-12

When you're scattered in tough soil like those little violets,  you have to extend your roots even deeper, learn to go without the nourishment you need, and reach for the sun even when it's hiding behind the clouds. And when it rains, stand in it, and let it pour right into your soul. Those tiny violet stems are some of the strongest roots I've seen! And whatever you do, don't give up!

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

Bloom where you are planted. You might be at that job or in that area for someone else's sake. Someone might need your smile, your expertise, your input, your prayers, your positivity, your grace, your joy, your great attitude, or the way you make the best of every situation you face. And when you feel you've soaked up as much as you can and you've done all the transplanting you can do, move on to where you feel called to be, knowing you made the best of every moment you were given. Decide if you are "stuck" or "blessed" to be where you are and wait to see your outlook change. I can do it, even with a chronic, unpredictable illness. I can say I am blessed. I am learning to bloom. I've watched others blooming in cracks, bad soil, and horrible conditions. I can do it too.

Just another word about all those wild violets. Last summer, my nature-loving oldest daughter decided to pick as many as she could find and she made a batch of wild violet jelly. Not only was it a beautiful color, but she said it had an interesting grape flavor as well. Everything has a purpose, no matter where it grows. Nature teaches us this and we would be wise to treat ourselves with the same kind of love, care, and respect.

Be blessed and flourish, wherever you are blooming. 

Love Better

"Whatever you focus on, you become." -Pastor Rick Warren

What are you focused on? What is consuming your thoughts on a daily basis? These are good questions to ask ourselves in relation to how we are spending our time. Rick's podcasts have been all about love, which has also been my topic of focus lately, and I find it interesting that no matter what topic I am thinking of in my mind, it involves love in some way.

...Love keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Corinthians 13:5

If we are focused on things that happened in the past, we become our past. If we focus on resentments, or hurtful things others have done to us, we become the walking wounded because we never let anything go. Whatever we begin to repeat in our minds will become who we are, no matter how hard we try to fight it, simply because we are giving it power in our minds day and night.

He who covers over an offense promotes love,but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. Proverbs 17:9

The good news is, we can also focus on positive things, such as our own potential, our own future, and God's promises for our lives. We can change the focus in our lives no matter what happened in the past, no matter who has hurt us, and no matter what is happening now.

As I listened to Rick put all of this in perspective,I thought of the areas where I have fallen short. Every time I have held a grudge, any time I have discussed a matter with a friend instead of the person I have the issue with, (this is gossip, by the way) any time I have not talked to God before I talked to my husband or my kids about an issue, every time I've been tempted to speak before I think. The times I've been irritable when I could have just been patient. The times I put my own feelings ahead of someone else. That's just a short list of times I've failed to apply love.

Every time we judge before we ask questions, carry resentments over things we don't try to resolve, don't apply tenderness and gentleness with our speech, whether in person or online. We don't try to understand situations, don't apply compassion, give too much credence to certain things and not others, give excuses for "I'm not perfect" or "this is just how I am", but definitely not enough love and not enough tenderness in so many areas. So much concern to get our own points or beliefs across, but not much concern for the way we are delivering them.  As Dr. Phil would say, "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" In this case, how well are you loving people for the sake of being "right"?  Even if you are right, and it's for the sake of God, even God wants you to deliver His truth gently and not in a rude,obnoxious, hit-me-over-the-head-way!

All I can say about love is we have to do better. Love better and put love first. I have failed at this and will probably fail again, but it is in my heart to do better.

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. Ephesians 4: 2,3

Blessings and love to you...

Can I Roll With the Changes?

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

There was a time I was living in what I like to call "the sweet spot". Our parents were living vibrant busy lives, our kids were little and we were always on the go and discovering fun things with them. Our health was pretty good and not too much was getting in our way. Our home was full of laughter, Disney movies, family parties, backyard picnics, play dates with friends, and quiet nights on the couch. No one moved away, the church was full of all the same people, and all was as we like to say "right with the world". I don't think I've said that in a really long time. Have any of you? It's quite a world out there these days.

The thing about the progression of life is that when we are living in that so-called "sweet spot", we don't even define it that way.  There are kids with fevers, bills to pay, unexpected deaths, disappointments, and lots of rainy days on those picnic plans. It's only when we are struggling in the "now" that we tend to look back and think "those days were surely easier, better, slower, more fun, and just sweeter somehow."  Sadly, one of the reasons we are so busy thinking things will "one day get better" is because we aren't living in the present. We are always thinking about the days we think were better, or the days in the future that will surely be better.

Change isn't always good and it isn't always easy. It can be difficult to still see life as "sweet" when many things are coming at a person to sour things up. An ill parent who is struggling with memory issues, another with mobility issues. Another who lives alone. A nest that is nearly empty, but not quite, and so all that goes with that is both financially and emotionally taxing at times. All I find myself saying about these seemingly rapid changes all at once is, "what the heck?" because sometimes I just can't keep up with all the surprises! I find it difficult to stop and "live in the present moment" sometimes. I'm always thinking, "when we get this paid off, or get the girls through school, or when I feel better, or when this happens or that happens.....things will be so much better..." Sometimes it is just hard to stop, be present and say, "today is a blessing just because it is today, and it's not going to be today again." One day in the future I am going to wish I was this age, doing this thing again!

I am a person who needs some things to stay the same. I kind of like that comfort of sameness, at least somewhere, but I'm learning that sameness doesn't really exist anymore, and time is flying by as I keep searching for things to stay the same. What I'm realizing is that I'm becoming a prisoner of my own past by not stepping into these changes, accepting that some things just have to progress, evolve, move on and change, in order for me to grow too. I may not like it, but I need to start seeing changes as God's way of moving things forward. His purpose and plan for others sometimes doesn't coincide with my plan for them. LOL

 I often ask God to help me accept the changes in my life with grace and give me the strength and courage to face the things to come. The reason I like things to stay the same is because change is sometimes really scary. It is unknown. It is putting your foot in a lake and not knowing if it will be a wonderful experience or if something will come up and bite off your toes! But resting in God's perfect peace gives me the comfort of knowing that any changes coming will have his stamp on them. Whether or not we survive the change depends on our willingness to depend fully on God for everything we need.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8

Sharing a song that I love today. Google and listen. It's my empty-nester anthem. 

Landslide 

by Fleetwood Mac/Stevie Nicks

I took my love, I took it down

Climbed a mountain and I turned around

And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills 

'Til the landslide brought me down 

Oh mirror in the sky, what is love?

Can the child in my heart rise above?

Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?

Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Mmm

Well, I've been 'fraid of changin' 

'Cause I built my life around you

But time makes you bolder 

Even children get older

And I'm gettin' older too

I'm gettin' older too

Ah, take my love, take it down

Oh, climb a mountain and turn around

And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills

Well, the landslide will bring it down