Things I Need to Say

Hmmm....what can I say that you haven't already thought, read, heard, or wondered out loud lately? Every time we turn around it's Corona this, Corona that, and this time I'm really disappointed we're not  huddled in a bar talking about the beer. Yes, we're in some weird times, all of us going through our very first pandemic together. I can only speak for myself, but this is downright frightening, sad, alarming, eye-opening, and so many other words I can't seem to find right now. If I could find a word for the way my chest feels every day or the way my heart flips every time I wake up and remember this is real, I would speak it. But there just aren't sufficient words for the kind of emotions this has reached in me and maybe in you.

For the way my faith has been stretched and the struggled reach of my optimism, I feel myself going to a new level even while my emotions haven't yet caught up. This writer has been left wordless. This heart speaker has been rendered slightly timid as I try to navigate exactly what it is this body, mind, soul, and heart is dealing with. I guess that's what people mean when they say, "this is so surreal." It truly feels like this is happening to someone else and I am just feeling the waves crashing around me.

For days, especially while my youngest was trapped in Peru, I was dealing with a rash that suddenly broke out around both of my eyes. I would wake up each morning with swelling and redness that just got worse as the days went on. My eyes were itching and burning all day and night. As we waited to hear news of her proposed flights coming home, we were let down over and over again by delays and then cancellations. Though my daughter was remaining strong and capable, I was unable to rescue her. Unable to just get in my car and go get her, no way to just call someone and yell at them to fix it! I was useless and so I sat and sat and could do nothing but pray for God's protection over her and pray she would get home somehow. But that rash was telling. My body betrayed the calm I was wearing on the outside. I couldn't sleep. Eating was a joke. And in the middle of it all, a pandemic hits. No one is prepared for this. I wasn't prepared for that. I don't want to be prepared for disasters. Who am I when I'm prepared for disasters? I was made for peace. God told me so.

Who can really wrap their minds around this? In this generation of  Americans, we've never known this kind of war or hardship on our own soil. We don't know what it's like to not get what we want when we want it. We don't like to be told we can't go where we want when we want to. WE are the land of the free and the home of the brave. The greatest country. And yet we can't fix this with our greatness. We can't fix it "united". We can only help it by uniting separately, and some people don't want to do that! I don't know why it's so hard. I really don't get it. It's life or it's death. I choose life, but if someone beside me doesn't care, my choice is gone. That's not the America I know and love.

None of this makes common sense in so many ways. People fighting over whose fault this is. People hoarding toilet paper and other necessary supplies. People still meeting when they are told exactly how this virus spreads and why contact is forbidden. It's sad and out of control and again, my body says heart flip, heart flop, neck tight, head bang, sleep, sleep, sleep, not....

My eye rash disappeared the very day we went to pick up my daughter, and even after I knew I'd be exposed to whatever she was exposed to*, I ran to hug her. I ran. She said, "Mom, why are you running?" I didn't tell her, but when you don't know if you'll ever see your kid again, you run when you do. And you hold them tight no matter what. I'll always run to the ones I love.

And that's what we need to do. Hold each other tight. Tell your friends you're sorry for whatever you did to hurt them. Make amends with your spouse, parent, with whomever you need to make peace. Not because we're all "gonna die", but because life matters and people matter and it's best to let them know now and not make them wait years to hear it. Help wherever you can, and watch for the blessings, because they are sure to be everywhere. I have been seeing them. Through the rashes on my eyes and through the clearing of them, I've seen people helping people,and I've watched love win over and over. There are miracles within the disaster and there is peace within the storm. These aren't just words. This is the other side of our reality. It is ugly and it is beautiful all at the same time. And that is the America I know and love.

I choose to trust God with the outcome of this situation, though seeing the daily death toll hurts my heart tremendously. Knowing people are sick and dying alone, being buried alone, and people are left to grieve alone, are things too heartbreaking to describe. I pray every day for this virus to end and healing to begin. I pray for all of you that took the time to read this, that hope will invade your soul, peace will win over your fearful thoughts, and God will favor you and your families. Blessings and love to you. Please be safe.




*Peru had a much lower rate of coronavirus cases than the US. When Serena left here, Peru had 0 cases, and the US had just a few. Obviously that changed very quickly. Peru took a very aggressive approach early, and she was placed on lockdown even before we were, protecting her from others very early. When she flew home, the plane was nearly empty, and she was with her group, who all got to sit where they wanted to, several seats apart. The airports and flights in the US were deserted as well. This gave us a lot of peace, knowing she was most likely not exposed at all.

Bloom Where You Are Planted

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven..."

 Ecclesiastes 3:1

(today's post is dedicated to my dear friend Pam's late mom, Phyllis Ferguson, whose favorite quote was "Bloom where you are planted". A beautiful lady who is making heaven beautiful with her kindness and her smile)

I have many wild violets growing in my landscaping around my house. The house was built in the middle of a forest, excavated many times, filled in and driven over, seeded and scraped. I have called these my "warrior violets". They just keep blooming everywhere-up through the cracks in the cement, fighting up through the 4 inches of bark we put in the landscaping each spring, in the compost pile, the fire pit -everywhere. They make the best of their harsh environment and they just bloom wherever they land. They don't stop and think, "is this a good place to bloom?"

We should live like those wild little violets, making the most of every situation, regardless of its challenges. It's possible you may not be in your ideal place and you may be itching to get out of there. Whether it's a job, home, career, situation beyond your immediate control, we all have faced some situation where we just feel trapped or incapable of "blooming" into who we thought we would be or where we thought we'd end up.  I know I have, and it's not always my first instinct to simply "bloom where I am planted". I've always thought  if I got  too complacent or too comfortable, that means I'd be in danger of staying stuck in a place I don't want to be. The problem was my attitude. We can change our whole outlook with one question. Am I stuck or can I be a blessing here?

 Sometimes we are right where we are meant to be, for a greater purpose, or for someone else.
Choosing to bloom where we are planted helps us to accept that we may not be where we want to be, but that we can still achieve great things right where we are. We can have a positive mind, set and achieve goals, and keep pressing forward, believing we are strong enough to  accept whatever circumstance comes our way. In a way, it's a phrase that just means "faith". It also acknowledges we should count our blessings first and not focus on the negative aspects of the situation. It is setting our "selves" aside and asking ourselves what in this situation do I need to learn or what do I have to give at this particular time.

I'm not always where I want to be, and it's not where I planned I'd be, but life is just that way sometimes. Surprise!  It's not always going to go the way we plan. But if everything goes the way you plan, how do you ever learn how to handle adversity? Without adversity, you won't find out how strong you are. Without strength, you don't grow, and without growth, you just stay stuck in a little cocoon. While some days that sounds pretty inviting, grown ups just aren't attractive whining about everything that's gone wrong in their lives and how it's everyone else's fault. Changed plans and rough roads make us learn more about who we are, and hopefully the twists and turns help us to dig deeper. Twists and turns can also lead to beautiful destinations, interesting opportunities, huge blessings, and even fun. It's all in how you decide to view them.

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. Philippians 4:11-12

When you're scattered in tough soil like those little violets,  you have to extend your roots even deeper, learn to go without the nourishment you need, and reach for the sun even when it's hiding behind the clouds. And when it rains, stand in it, and let it pour right into your soul. Those tiny violet stems are some of the strongest roots I've seen! And whatever you do, don't give up!

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

Bloom where you are planted. You might be at that job or in that area for someone else's sake. Someone might need your smile, your expertise, your input, your prayers, your positivity, your grace, your joy, your great attitude, or the way you make the best of every situation you face. And when you feel you've soaked up as much as you can and you've done all the transplanting you can do, move on to where you feel called to be, knowing you made the best of every moment you were given. Decide if you are "stuck" or "blessed" to be where you are and wait to see your outlook change. I can do it, even with a chronic, unpredictable illness. I can say I am blessed. I am learning to bloom. I've watched others blooming in cracks, bad soil, and horrible conditions. I can do it too.

Just another word about all those wild violets. Last summer, my nature-loving oldest daughter decided to pick as many as she could find and she made a batch of wild violet jelly. Not only was it a beautiful color, but she said it had an interesting grape flavor as well. Everything has a purpose, no matter where it grows. Nature teaches us this and we would be wise to treat ourselves with the same kind of love, care, and respect.

Be blessed and flourish, wherever you are blooming.