Reflections of Change

 Welcome back if you are joining me. Grab your favorite beverage and stay awhile, because I hope together we can have a real discussion. 

This past year has changed me as a person. But if you told me you made it through 2020 unchanged, I would be shocked.  I wasn't feeling all "Happy New Year" at all as 2021 arrived, and neither was my small family as we sat together thinking about who we were missing. We have missed several holidays with our family, and the opportunities to gather with others. However, we were very aware that so many people have lost more precious things and the most important of those were the lives of family members and friends. 

 I don't remember the last time we gathered as our original family of four on a New Year's Eve, but we sat together blessed, thankful for where we are, even as questions about our futures remain. We were sad for those who mourn their lost or had no chance to say goodbye. Sad for those who are still sick, sad for those who are alone. We still have each other. We are not a perfect family, but we have a great need for each other and we love each other no matter what. There is no greater blessing than a family who loves you. I pray each one of you reading this has someone you can call family. If not, I will call you mine. 

I've missed many things in my friends' lives as they have also missed out on mine, as I found myself retreating from Facebook in May. The intensity of the constant and sometimes vicious political banter put me in a place where I just felt constant stress every time I visited my timeline. At a time when stress was already at an all time high, I chose to limit those things that invited or tempted me to react. 

I was doing okay with that until I decided to revisit my Twitter feed and found that there were a lot of political discussions there. My anger boiled over several times over many of the issues I still feel passionately about but don't have much support with over on facebook. I found more support on Twitter from strangers and suddenly my concerns were validated. For awhile that worked for me and I was able to vent my feelings and thoughts to strangers. In other words, I was reacting to things out of my control in a way that had no way of helping me, but had a short term "feel good" effect. 

If some of you have been following long enough, you've heard me say that I don't like to discuss politics with friends. This past year really changed what "discussing politics" really entails. I won't apologize for seeing things differently. I won't apologize for loving people of all races, creeds, and preferences, because I was raised to love and I believe God is love and He is the judge, not me. Some of these discussions can be had and some cannot because people have to be willing to listen and share and all of that just went out the window when the pandemic arrived. 

The element missing here is that we are not "othering" very well. We are losing our ability to tolerate others, whether they are not wearing a mask or wearing a mask, what they believe or don't believe, what they say or don't say, and on and on. We are not just polarized, we are divisive, and I could feel this happening even before it happened.  Who likes divisiveness? Satan. And what can he do when he divides people? Anything he wants. So when I see people feeding into it or believing lies, I am actually fearful for what must be going on in their minds. I'm not as angry as I am concerned that they are allowing divisiveness to rule in their minds and in their hearts. Just like it did with me on Twitter, just in a different direction.  I've been asking God for all of our hearts to change. For all of us to listen. For ALL of our eyes to be wide open. We don't have to like one another and I'm sure of that, but we do have to love one another, even when it's hard. We have to work together. If this pandemic taught us anything, it's that we as Americans have not learned that it will take all of us working together for this to end. 

 I got some of that anger out on my Twitter and those palpitations even stopped for awhile. But the bad thing about that kind of anger is it really never goes away. It just manifests into something else. I've noticed my Irish has been up a lot more than normal and my tolerance level is a lot shorter.  And if I, a reasonable person, can feel that out of control and that angry, then what can it do to someone who just doesn't check themselves at all? We've seen it if we've been watching the news media. People are losing their minds. 

God dealt with me as He always does. He told me I was better than that. He told me I was going to hurt myself and others with my words. And believe me, there are a lot worse words than mine out there. And he said to me, Stop! You were made for more than this. 

I was convicted in that moment that there was a better way to share truth. I will find a more noble, excellent, admirable, and praiseworthy way to share that truth. (Philippians 4:8). And in a time when Christians are being ridiculed and embarrassed and looked upon as being "all the same" and "fake" because of a few bad eggs, those of us who want to be an example for Christ just can't engage in negative behavior. We can't encourage others to want what we have if we're walking around angry and spewing creative insults at politicians or ranting on facebook about the other party. It's just not doing anybody any good! Nobody! The next time you want to go off on Republicans or Democrats on social media, ask yourself why you are doing that, who it is helping, and if you are part of the solution or part of the problem. It's what I am going to do and if you catch me on Twitter ranting again, call me out. 

So what is the solution if I can't vent on Twitter? Well, I've been praying a lot more, which should always be the first solution! God, this is so much bigger than I can handle. Please take this burden and carry it for me. It is breaking my heart to try to carry it all. I know God sees what is happening here and He is the only one who knows the truth, the solution, the outcome, and the reasons and purpose for it all. The best I can do for others is to be my best self, the best representation of Christ, and what I can't handle should be given to God to handle instead. No more Twitter raging. When I let it go and let God truly take it, I am free to do the things I am best at and God is going to do His thing anyway. 

Be blessed as we enter another year. This year has to be better, right? I'm believing it will be for us all. Let us approach each other with love, care, respect, and real decency. We were created for so much more than this world can ever offer.