Heart DNA Test

In the same way, though there are many of us, we are one body in Christ, and individually we belong to each other. 

Romans 12:5 

I am 66.8% British and Irish, 28.4% French and German, and 1.2% Spanish and Portuguese. I learned this when I sent my DNA to 23 and Me a few years ago. After my dad passed away, I was even more interested in finding out where I came from ancestrally. My dad had many Native American traits and was told he had a Native American great great grandmother somewhere down the line and I was always curious if that was true. I was not surprised to see the Irish and German, as my dad's parents were of Irish and German descent, and My mom's dad was of French descent. I have no idea where the rest of my soup comes from, but it sure is interesting and fun to see all of my "relatives" popping up on my report!

This is the first time I've publicly shared that I sent my DNA off to be tested, because there are many negative opinions out there about doing such a thing. However, I don't share those same opinions. Do you find sometimes that you keep yourself tight-lipped about things in your life because the people around you have strong judgments or opinions? Or maybe you don't feel free to be yourself because who you are many not be "accepted" by those around you? Are you staying quiet so as not to ruffle feathers even while having your own feathers blown about? 

Maybe it happened after turning fifty, but I got really tired of living my life to appease others in order to escape their judgment. It just seemed they could say and do anything they pleased, and I didn't care. But the minute I expressed an adverse or unpopular opinion, I was then the target of  harsh judgment. The problem is we stay in the company of people we don't actually trust, maybe just because they are people we were around for so long. I can honestly say I've been convicted of this now and I can't do it anymore. It feels very inauthentic to be among people I can't be my actual self around. The funny thing is, the minute I pushed back, I heard, "we must have different Biblical views". No, that's not it. But that was the first place I got attacked. See, after that, I wasn't willing to have the conversation anymore. Sometimes you have to know when to stay in a conversation and be heard and sometimes you know when it's going to be futile. This was futile. 

People need to know the difference between a few things in order to be a person that can be trusted. A person I trust does these things:

1. Presents and checks facts before speaking or sharing information. Facts are facts. They are not variable or disputable. They are verifiable and provide crucial evidence for support of your argument. If you don't have facts, you don't have an argument. If your "facts" come from shaky sources, your facts are simply hearsay. You can't make facts up just because you want them to be true. Facts are often found in more than one source of information, and aside from the Bible itself, most sources are biased and you need to check way more than one. A trusted person would tell me this. Even the best doctor has told me to get another opinion. 

2. Does not mix prejudice with those facts. You have to realize that you have built in biases and judgments that can hinder your ability to see what is true and real, even if you don't like it. Integrity is very important in a person who is trusted. Being able to be objective is very important if you want to be trusted. (understanding certain topics have no objectivity, such as football, snow, and junk food)

3. Does not use the Bible as a weapon. Does not misuse Scripture to fit their own narrative. Does not take Scripture out of context. Attacking others with the Bible does not help them learn. Have you tried bopping a child on the head with a math book lately? All they know is you gave them three whacks, it hurts, and they still hate math homework. The Bible is the worst thing to slap anyone with. I've been hit with it recently and I'm a Christ follower. I hate what Bible thumping is doing to those who are already afraid of churches and God. Represent Jesus, not your stuffy judgments and recited verses. I assure you each time I "attacked" with a Bible verse in the past, I got sufficiently swatted back, and rightfully so. Thank God for that learning experience, however, that trust was lost. 

4. Asks a lot of questions before responding or reacting to the problem. A trusted person wants to understand before they respond. Firing off emotional responses leads to more emotional responses and before you know it, it's an after-fireworks festival of sulfur smell. Calmly given and sought out information leads to a better and more healing conversation. A trusted person takes time to respond if he or she doesn't have the right emotional state or mindset in which to answer at that time. 

5. Creates solutions and invites others to help with solutions. If we are solution-minded, we are already doing the right thing! We are already going in a positive direction if we ask, "hey, what can we do to make this better?"

6. Eliminates stress by creating peace in his or her own life by whatever means necessary. This could mean a healthy lifestyle, removing toxic people, keeping life in balance, staying off social media, blocking negativity on said social media, prayer, knowledge seeking, etc. A person I trust is always improving his or her own life by taking the steps necessary for self-care. They are drinking water, eating healthy, at the gym or walking every day, reading positive things, doing positive things, sharing positive things, and helping someone in some way. 

Does this describe you?  Are you a trusted person? I know who I described, and I chose him as my mentor because this is who I want to pattern myself after. These are the habits I want to establish and maintain, and perhaps that is why certain things are becoming more and more intolerable to me. Are certain conversations and topics becoming more intolerable to you? It's not your menopause, your PMS, your short temper, your "Irish", your genes, your whatever. Maybe it's you finally changing and deciding what you will and won't accept into your life, and that is a good thing. I am constantly learning where I need to improve in my life, where I made a mistake, could have done better, or wish I had just let sleeping dogs lie! But that is life when you are still learning and I believe we learn at every age and we don't ever stop. 

I am on the path to perpetual peace. It's in the byline of my blog! I won't accept less than a peaceful path, but even I know that the journey to peace is an un-blazed trail at times. We have to be willing to have uncomfortable conversations, break certain ties to things that no longer serve our being, develop habits that grow us, and choose to be a trusted person to all who interact with us. 

America is in a chaotic mess right now, and its people are as divided as the East is from the West.  That doesn't mean I have to be as miserable as our situation looks. The hope we have is that when you get to the bottom, you have only one direction, and that is up. But what a tough climb that will be. It will take a lot of strong trailblazers and climbers to navigate the climb. Some of these conversations have been extremely difficult and some will be impossible for awhile. Some friendships will not be intact after all is said and done. Sometimes things have to hurt before they can heal and lessons will be learned from every failing. I believe in grace, and I also believe in making sure we take care of ourselves as America also begins to heal. Sometimes grace means taking a pause from those relationships that are not bringing out the best in either one of you or draining you of your peace. Pray and ask God to help you maneuver your way through any difficult relationships you may encounter and ask Him your role in that partnership. As my mentor helped me realize, we don't have to feel guilty for leaving a toxic relationship. It's okay to take care of our own hearts too. 

Be in peace, be a blessing, be a trusted person, and look for the trusted people in your life. I love mine and am so thankful for my mentor and dear friend, Norm Sawyer!