"Growing Up" in Love and Peace

 When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. 

Proverbs 10:19

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.

 Proverbs 11:2 

It's slightly ironic that both of these verses are highlighted in my bible, as are many in this particular piece. Highlighted verses in my bible usually indicate something I need to study or absorb a little deeper. I should really highlight the whole book! Here is a quote I heard myself saying after someone angered me and I let my pride speak instead of my wisdom and my patience: (this is definitely not a highlight-able quote)

"Your silence is immature and so are you. Grow up." -Jami Rogers, (so-called maker of peace) Ugh! 

I can give you at least five good reasons why I said it and at least five more why the person I said it to deserved it. But isn't that the problem? We choose to be "right" and justified in our actions instead of righteous in our behavior. So now I have regrets, not because what I said was terribly wrong or what was said to me was okay, but because I said it at all. I know better than this. The relationship in question was already in trouble, and the extra sharp words did no favors. While I don't always feel reconciliation is necessary in every situation, I do feel we should be peace-seeking, civil, kind, and forgiving as much as possible. Relationships are important to God, and representing Him should have been more important to me at that moment. Note to self for next time: Take my time to respond! Don't react. 

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written, "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. Romans 12-18,19

There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18 

I've been injured a couple of times over the past year, and I'm sure I've done my own share of piercing certain people with my harsh words. I'm trying to maneuver through territory that is still very unnavigable to me. This past year has been so disappointing, so revealing, so heartbreaking, and so very damaging, to say the least. It has been lonely, yet helpful in showing me some important things I needed to see and learn. Not all lessons come with gold stars at the end. 

Harsh words come out of a harsh spirit, and we've been living in harsh times. I've heard a lot of surprising things come out of myself and out of people who were once a great source of love, comfort, and encouragement, so it's been a very confusing time as well. I left social media because it became such a ready source of anger and brutality toward others. I need this odd new feeling to also leave me. This feeling of "one more jab" and I'm gonna lose it. Why have we become so protective over ourselves and our emotions? Because we've become very vulnerable and we aren't used to this. Some of us are seeing cracks in our faith, and some of us have no faith at all. Some have relied solely on God, some have relied on unreliable people, and some have relied on their own unpredictable selves. And all the cracks and worms are showing, like rain on a sidewalk. It's no wonder we've become quite tumultuous in our interactions, and quite fed up with ourselves in some cases. 

To speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy to all people. Titus 3:2 

 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such is as good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:19 

I don't want to fire off biting words in response to angry or even unfair assumptions made about me. I want to be able to rise above words and respond with not just grace, but wisdom. When I think of my goal in relationships, what is it?  It may feel like I just want to be right but as I sit and think about why I am so passionate about what I say, it's usually because I'm trying to find common ground somehow, and I am feeling a major disconnect. I can see it in my own words and I feel it in my heart. I've never been an angry or confrontational person, but the events surrounding this pandemic and election seem to have brought out the worst in many, and maybe even in me. 

We seem to have lost our ability to reason, see clearly, and speak with humility and gentleness to one another at a time when we need it the most. We have to do better than this. We can't let the fox in the henhouse or the enemy in the door. It's not about being right. We can't all be right and we can't all be wrong. And it can't be about "right and wrong" either.  We can't be angry and shut others out because someone isn't "on our side". We shouldn't even take sides. God is the only one who is right. He is never wrong. "My concern is not whether God is on our side; my greatest concern is to be on God's side, for God is always right." Abraham Lincoln 

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. 1 Peter 5:8 

Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away. Matthew 24:35

What seems to really bug me the most is that we are all putting such importance over temporary and changeable things, and using heavyweight words and destructive actions to "prove points" and push agendas. People are on opposite sides, expecting you to take a "side", and if you're not on theirs, you're the enemy, but it's not supposed to be a war. Or has it become one? It seems we are in a civil war of sorts between love and fear. If you're in fear, you're always hostile, angry, worried, anxious, and negative. You're worried you're not going to get your desired outcome. Fear doesn't allow for compromise, reason, or positive connection. Fear reacts, but love responds. When you respond with love, you lead with your heart, your mind, your soul, and the gifts God gave you, and you want others to benefit. Leading with love doesn't mean you have to agree. It just means you don't get to judge and you find common ground, and you give what you want to receive in return. 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13: 1-8

 That verse is read at weddings and it's taken for granted, but read what it says here! Weddings are full of love already. When we really need a crash course about love is when it's hard to remember how to do it! It's the truth of what we've been missing all along. To know that nothing will ever be more important or impactful than the love we share with people and honoring God and ourselves with our character. Love never fails, and that is a promise! Even when it doesn't "feel" very loving where you are. 

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18 

The fact that people don't agree on things politically will always be an issue. We don't have to let the stress of a pandemic destroy and dismantle years and years of good, supportive, loving friendships and relationships with family members. We need to understand that some "hills worth dying on" are simply temporary humps we might be standing on by ourselves, because we've chosen principles over people. Listen, I can be as stubborn as the day is long. I get it! But I also know when to give it up. I can also talk too much, not talk enough, say all the right things, say all the wrong things, show up and not show up, encourage people and make people mad!  I make mistakes all the time! We all do. But it really hurts me when I hurt someone else with my mistakes, and the hardest person I have to forgive in any battle is always me. 

This earth and all of its trappings, stages, platforms, and downfalls are temporary. Political problems and pandemics are also temporary. This too shall pass. But who will still be with you at the end? That's what matters. And that's why I said in anger, "grow up". What I really felt was, "I thought I mattered to you, but I guess I don't". What is said in anger is usually hurt in disguise. We all matter to God, and that is a promise. Knowing who we are in Christ helps us to handle and sustain the "attacks" from the world and others, and it helps us to remain in peace before we are tempted to stage our own "attacks".  We can be better equipped to respond in love, stay grounded in our faith, and forgive wherever necessary, including ourselves. 

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18 

For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 

2 Corinthians 4:17-18