A Lesson in Faith from Someone Who Needs One

 It's been a challenging week, but I am trying to stick with my Alphabet Project! I've realized as I've written on these happiness traits, that they are much like "love and marriage"- "you can't have one without the other!" To be Disciplined, you must be Consistent, to be consistent, you must be Balanced. To be balanced, you must understand Acceptance. And the concept of Eternity? Well, that's the whole alphabet all put together in one Awesome place. 

This week, I've had to keep telling myself, "faith over fear. faith over fear", as I've walked through some challenges that threaten my spirit. I've realized many times throughout my life that when I've leaned in to fear, I've found myself giving up, making impulsive decisions, and letting myself down in some way. When I've trusted God with my thoughts, decisions, or fears, I've been able to free myself of the wrestling I've done, trying to "fix" it all myself, and in my own strength. 

The truth is, I would be nothing without my FAITH. My belief that God is my creator, my Savior, my strength, and my everything, is the reason I have been able to walk through all of the things that come my way. Trust me when I say I would have given up long before now if it wasn't for the love and the grace of God carrying me through every rotten test, loss, and desperate day in my life. I hold on to God, because He is the reason I can keep going when there doesn't seem to be any good thing. He is the good thing. He shows me the good things. He reminds me that I am in fact, a good thing too. 

I can rest in Him, and in resting in my faith in God to supply my needs and my strength, I can in fact, be calmer, more content, and in peace. I know when I am not trusting, because I am fatigued, worried, grumpy, and a stressed mess. 

A short message today, but it is a simple one. I am going to let my faith carry me to a place of joy, because I know I can drop my worries at the feet of Jesus. He has it all under control. He has my best interests at heart, and He knows what I need, when I need it, and what everyone else needs too. I don't need to spin out of control, trying to fix everything that I can't fix anyway. Faith is God energy. Worrying is a waste of energy. 

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." Lamentations 3:22-23 

An E for Eternity

 We almost made it through the week without another "letter" from me. Oh, can I digress for just a moment? Does anyone else miss good old fashioned letters? I know I do. I miss writing them, mailing them, and receiving them too! There's just something about getting a handwritten letter in the mail that is just so nostalgic and cozy. Now people call them "snail mail" and "fun mail".  It's all good. Anyway, let's get on to the Happy Alphabet, and that letter is "E". "E" for "Eternal, or Eternity." Eternity is not just the wonderful perfume I wore on my wedding day. (Foreshadowing)

I have lost many things throughout my life, and I haven't always taken those losses well. Family, friendships, health, and many others. Each time I would lose some type of relationship or opportunity, it felt like the end of the world. Each time my health would fail me, it felt like every secondary loss that came with it meant my life would change forever. I got tired of feeling the rejection and abandonment feelings that came every time I was let down. I wasn't rolling with the punches anymore. I was just getting punched and bruised all over. What changed my perspective was the lens I was viewing my losses through. I was going directly to "doom" thinking. I was taking everything at face value. I was forgetting that this is not all there is. The problems of this world and the hurts in my life are temporary, so I don't need to take it all so hard. Yes, it hurts, but it doesn't need to steal my joy and my happiness with it. Have you ever heard someone say, "We live in the world, but we are not OF this world"? Well, that is what it means to see yourself as an eternal being, and not a worldly one. 

Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an ETERNAL (emphasis mine) glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18

This world is not all there is! And it's not all we are either. That is of great comfort to me, knowing that everything we are going through is temporary, will be used in some way to glorify the God we serve, and we will one day be with God, spiritually new, where none of these problems exist. To be able to look at life eternally is to understand that every small thing that upsets me is basically a waste of time. Every big thing is still big, but when viewed with God's perspective, I don't have to be crushed by it. 

When I look at things with an eternal lens, I can appreciate that my health issues are temporary.  I will either be healed here on earth or in heaven, but one day I will be restored.  The world may be an awful place where terrible things happen, but it's not our forever home if we have accepted Christ as our savior and not the world. When I look at broken relationships from a worldly perspective, there is often a lot of psychological terms tossed around, or confusion about how or who, what or why. But when looked at from God's eternal perspective, it's simple. At least in my experience (I don't speak for everyone), forgiveness is the way I can experience happiness in relationships even when they are non-existent, because I let go of them and allow God to do the healing. Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves, not the offender, and it doesn't excuse their offense, only your hold over them and their hold over you. When we let go of grudges and bitterness, we experience freedom. 

When we look at life from an eternal perspective, it can be very freeing. We are going through some life-changing events right now, and it has been difficult, to say the least. Watching others go through end of life stages is some of the most difficult things I have ever experienced. Some times there are no clear cut ways to put an "eternal bow" on any situation, and I have witnessed this firsthand. Some situations just don't make sense, and it is at these times I have heard people wonder why God would allow such things to occur. As a believing person, I understand their pain, but that is why we have to get to know Christ so that we can walk through some of these really hard times with Him.  I've been through many of those, and have all the cracks in my heart to show for it. Each time, my faith has gotten stronger, not weaker, even if the outcome wasn't what I had hoped. Trusting God doesn't mean He does what we want. It means we trust Him, and no, it won't always make sense. Thinking eternally means really thinking outside the human box, and that is not easy! 

And probably the hardest eternal perspective to see was the one I had to find during my periods of grief. One of my most faith-tested times was when I lost my brother. He was only 50, and taken suddenly and without warning. I was so hurt and so angry, and then bottled it all up for a good long time.  God heard all kinds of rebuttal from me every day! But I think back, and I'm guessing He was glad I was still talking to Him. He wants us hot or cold, and never lukewarm. I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other!  So, because you are lukewarm-neither hot nor cold-I am about to spit you out of my mouth. Revelation 3:15,16 All I can say is that through those situations, I have learned to trust God to show it to me at some point, and He will. I have had to learn to give in to His will, because believing in Him and His will for me is so much better than trusting that this world has anything long-lasting for me. 

When I lost my dad just 3 years after losing my brother, I wasn't ready to say goodbye, and I still miss his gentle voice and his loving presence every day. But knowing he is waiting for us in the eternal place of heaven, restored, is why I can rejoice here on earth. It's why I can be happy when I think of him, and even for my brother, though sad for his sons who are going on without him. I realized that both things can exist. I can be both sad and happy at the same time, and my "world" won't end. I can go on without certain friends, I can go on while certain family think what they want to think. I can go on with health issues doing whatever they're going to do. I can go on while the world rages out of my control. I can because this is not all there is. I never have to feel rejected or abandoned or hopeless for any reason. When God is the first and final stop, there is no loss at all.

Blessings to you. 

Shiny, Happy, Disciplined People

 Today is brought to you by the letter "D"! This was not a cut and dried choice, however. There were many contenders before I settled on this word. I had to start thinking about my words in the form of a question. Are _____________people (fill in the blank, happier people? Then it started making sense. To satisfy your curiosity, the other "D" words that made the list were "determined", "devoted", "deep" and I even toyed with "dimensional". After listening to Christmas music and getting my boogie on the other day, "dancing" tried to jump in there, but that's too obvious. Of course, dancing people are happier people! But here I am with "disciplined" and I'll see if I can land this plane. 

Do I believe disciplined people lead happier lives? I think they do in many ways, especially over their undisciplined counterparts. When we have self-control, we make better choices overall. When we make better choices, we are more satisfied with our outcome. When we are focused and honed in on our behaviors that lead to success, we are less apt to be led astray by nonsense, if that makes sense. Disciplined people set priorities and tend to stick with them more consistently (notice that word, "consistent) than those who willy-nilly their way through life.  To clarify, I can be both disciplined and willy-nilly, depending on my current health status, so I am not judging anyone here. We all have our reasons, and I'll touch on that later.  

When we were children, we may have associated discipline with some kind of punishment. We were told we had to clean our rooms before we could do something fun. We were given lists of chores, told to do homework before the TV could come on, or maybe discipline meant taking something valuable away for awhile.  In our home, the girls hated the sound of their dad coming up the stairs on a Saturday morning, because that meant there was work to be done! In sports, discipline meant showing up for practice and putting in all of our effort, playing hard at the games, and even working hard off the courts and fields. If you wanted to succeed scholastically, athletically, musically, or in any way at our home, you were told the same thing. You need to put in the time, the work, and the self-discipline. If you want it, you will work for it. Keeping in mind, our definition of "success" is putting in YOUR very best effort and not what others consider their best. We were not drill sergeants or Olympic coaches here, but simply parents who taught their kids that they were capable of giving their all to whatever they set their minds to. Discipline creates confidence and confidence creates security, even when the results are not what you desire. (Even if we are chronically ill, there is still something we can discipline ourselves to do, and I do)

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23 

Discipline, when done correctly, also creates confidence in boundaries.  Children who are disciplined with healthy boundaries are children who grow to depend on those boundaries as security. As adults, those same disciplinary boundaries help us to succeed on our own when there is no one telling us to study, go to bed on time, eat right, work hard, and in some cases, don't do this or that. At 53, I can still hear my parents' voices about certain things, and I am grateful that they kept me from the things that they knew were not safe or good for me. Beneath the sting of healthy discipline is love and protection. While I pushed boundaries and crossed lines as a teenager, I returned to my disciplines as an adult, praise God. Because as I discipline myself, I realize I do it out of self-respect and love. I dreaded the times I had to exert discipline over my teenage daughters, and I'm sure I looked and sounded like Shrek, the ogre while doing so. However, my protection and love for them was stronger than letting them get away with whatever was going to harm them at that time and in the future. Discipline of others and of self is never easy, but it is always rewarding. 

 because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son. Hebrews 12:6 

God will discipline us because we are His children and He loves us. He wants to protect us from the things that will lead us astray or will harm others or ourselves. I can't tell you the times God got in between me and something I thought I wanted! I didn't feel His love at the time. Much like a child facing a Shrek-like parent, I just felt punished. But looking back, I saw the love of His protection and then the action of His reward. Maybe one day I will share that story. But for today, please know that being self-controlled and disciplined is not a life sentence of boring, predictable routine, but a contented life of success. And for any parents out there, your kids won't hate you for loving them with healthy discipline. Hang in there. 

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. 

2 Timothy 1:7

Thoughts of Thanksgiving

 It is Thanksgiving Day here in America, and I'm not celebrating with the family today. They have chosen to go elsewhere, and will instead come here over the weekend. It's the third time in my entire life that this has happened, (major snowstorm, my dad's cancer surgery, and this year) and I have to say that this leaves me feeling blessed, though initially I admit I didn't take it very well! (New empty nester here-wet behind the ears) But as I sit here, I realize that I am blessed to know my family is enjoying Thanksgiving dinner with various families, they are relatively healthy in most cases, and I am at peace, knowing that the Lord has watched over all of us another year. 

There are so many hurting families around us. So many situations that others are dealing with that some of us will never know, or may never understand. These holidays can be so difficult when remembering those who were once the center of our lives, and meant so much to our families, and to those whose homes or countries are in turmoil, there is so much more missing from theirs. Yes, it can be hard to feel blessed sometimes. Pain can cloud those blessings and lead us away from being grateful, but one thing that helped me deal with the loss of my dad was thanking God for the 46 years I had him in my life and for taking him the way he had always wanted to go, even though I wanted more time with him. I had to find the blessings within the pain in order to find some kind of peace within the heartache. 

We miss those who are not here with us, but we rejoice because they are free of the toils of this world, and free of pain and disease. We know they are with God, and that gives us great peace and joy, mixed in with the sadness and nostalgia of a happier time. We honor them by repeating treasured traditions and speaking their names, making their recipes, and maybe most importantly, telling stories about them, and stopping to remember their voices and their laughter. My grandma had the best giggle, and my dad, the softest, kindest voice. My brother didn't laugh much, but when he did, we all perked up! And there are so many more we miss, whose presence meant something special to all of us, and whose absence changed us all. 

We are warm, safe, fed, clothed, loved, and free, and that is so much more than many on this earth can say. We have more than we need most days. We can complain, sure. But we can also be grateful, and it is best to find reasons to say "thank you, Lord, I probably don't deserve this." At least, that's what I say. 

 I am praising God for every blessing, and thanking Him for all the days He gave me of those who remain present in my life, even if they are no longer here in spirit or in flesh. 

May the Lord give you a heart of thanks, and a spirit of peace as you sit down today, whether you are with family, or remembering those who used to sit beside you. Know that you are not alone. God is with you. Blessings, and Happy Thanksgiving to you. 

..."Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5 

Consistently Consistent

 I remember telling a friend in an exasperated tone, "I just wish you'd be CONSISTENT with me." I thought what I was asking was simple on my end. Just be the person  you were yesterday. Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Stop being confusing and vague. The results of so many conversations were wishy-washy, wrought with questions, and of course they were, because of the inconsistency behind them all. I was asking for something I didn't realize wasn't as simple as it sounded, but I'll get to that later. But how does consistency lead to a happier life? Why are happier people those who are doing things consistently? I believe they are empowered and not overwhelmed. Succeeding and not seceding. Flourishing and not floundering. Consistent people get things done, and people who are getting things accomplished are people who just seem overall happier with their lives. What do you think? Are consistent people perfect? No! Am I always consistent? No, but I am aware that my inconsistencies with things is leading to my unhappiness or dissatisfaction within them. 

If we want to be healthier, we know it's about eating better foods and stopping our bad habits. We can't do it for just one day or even just one week, one month, or even a year. We have to show up every single day and keep repeating the same healthy habits over and over in order to be a healthy individual.  It has to become who we are and not just what we do. Same with finances. If we want to become more financially stable, we begin to save or invest, pay down debt, and we do it repeatedly and habitually. We need to change our behaviors, put in the effort, and be consistent. Consistency requires us to discipline ourselves and change the way we think about everything- food, money, relationships, health, life. That word will come up in almost anything that brings us any type of benefit- discipline. A disciplined person becomes that way by choosing to repeat the same action over and over, and they do so without having to be told. A person who sets limits and boundaries for themselves does something that an undisciplined person won't do-holds themselves accountable. Maybe that doesn't sound like it could lead to happiness, but in the end, when you set yourself up for success and then don't let yourself down, you actually find yourself a lot more fulfilled, and yes, much happier with who you are as a person. I will clarify by saying that the end result has less to do with our success, but so much more with our consistent effort. When I know I have put in consistent effort, I can handle something not working out so much better than if I had not put in the discipline at all.  

The spiritual discipline of prayer and study brings us knowledge of God and eventually the wisdom that comes from knowing how He works. When we are consistent in communing with God, our relationship with God will also become stronger and healthier. It's not about becoming more "religious" and "doing" something. It's about consistently spending time getting to know God, the way we desire to know others or want them to know us. We can become disciplined in any area of life, whether it is working out at the gym, being on time for work, or getting up early for bible study. It all begins with a choice and a consistent action to follow through. Consistency leads to strength in so many ways. It leads to stronger commitments, better choices, and those among were the other "c" words I grappled with choosing! 

Some of the quotes I searched on the subject of consistency stated that "Consistency is rare." What do you think about that? Is it rare to be consistent or just to experience people who are inconsistent? I don't know that it's rare, per se, but I do think it's challenging at times, depending on the choices we are making. I think the quote I would make about consistency is this- Consistency reveals. It reveals a desire to connect with a person if a relationship is what you want. It reveals a goal, if you are working out at the gym every week and making healthy choices at mealtimes. It reveals commitment, character, priorities, and when being a parent, it reveals patience, or none at all!  A lack of consistency reveals something too, and that's for us to decide. What do we want out of our relationships, our friendships, our careers, finances, parenting goals, health, spiritual lives?  What we are willing to put a consistent effort into will reveal what is most important to us. If we want something to change, it starts with us, and it's probably going to require us to be consistent. As I'm on week seven of a new way of eating, I'm learning that it's not easy, but I'm consistently doing it and the results speak for themselves. If I want a certain type of life, I need to put in a special type of effort. 

When thinking about what consistency can reveal, there is a flip side. When we sit back and watch who is not consistent with us, maybe we shouldn't be asking them to be a more steady presence for us, but instead just observe. It will reveal to us the truth of the relationship, and we may see our own inconsistencies within them. Perhaps it is better to see others as they are rather than expect behaviors from them that they are not capable or willing to deliver. Do we really want someone in our lives that doesn't want to be consistent with us, or continues to take us down Vague Avenue? Should we fight to keep people like that around? Probably not.  Maybe we are expecting consistency from the wrong people, and that in and of itself becomes our own inconsistent behavior. My friend was being consistently inconsistent! It's not too much to ask someone to be loving, kind, or honest with you, but it becomes a problem on our parts when we are continually asking it of a person who is obviously not committed to giving it to us.  We need to be consistent too. Show up for the people who show up for you, and don't freely give away your time to people who have demonstrated that consistency in any form is not their strength or intention. 

If I want to see my book published in this century, (and I do) I need to be writing every day. If I want to sleep better, I need to go to bed earlier every night, and on and on the list will go. No one wants better things for me than me. No one else can make your life into what you want it to be but you. If we want to accomplish a life in which we are finding ourselves in a more positive state of mind, finances, health, relationships, etc...,we need to align our choices with our desired outcomes. And keep doing it with persistence until the goals are achieved.

 If we want to consistently let ourselves down, unfortunately we can do that too, by doing nothing at all. I am choosing to invite God into my process by asking Him to help me with the goals in my life that require me to CONSISTENTLY repeat choices that will help me get there.  

B is for Balanced

 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23 

I believe happy people know how to keep their lives in a healthy state of balance.  Have you ever heard the phrase, "everything in moderation?" It's kind of the same thing. It means there is an intentional effort to maintain a healthy amount of each of the elements of our lives. Work, Home, Family, Relationships, Rest, Community, etc.. We all have responsibilities and interests of all different kinds and trying to keep up with them all at the same time can be exhausting and challenging.  I call it "juggling and trying to keep all the balls up in the air." Drop one ball and all of them come tumbling down. There is a sense of anxiety and stress about juggling, though, and life doesn't have to be that way if we insert a sense of priority intention into every area of what we commit ourselves to. It's easy to get overwhelmed if we don't know how to prioritize or eliminate the things that don't need our commitment or attention. If we are working too much, our families may begin to suffer from our absence. If we spend too much time shopping, our bank accounts as well as our time may get out of balance. If we are worrying, fretting, complaining, and venting, we are going to find ourselves out of balance emotionally and probably affect the balance in our relationships. If we begin to isolate ourselves socially, we will soon find ourselves out of balance where any relationships are concerned. A lack of balance can create havoc anywhere-our physical health from a lack of exercise or medical attention, our marriages from a lack of time or from too much arguing, our bodies from too much stress, too much eating, not enough water, and sometimes not enough rest and quiet time. And certainly, not enough time with God and hearing what He has to say to us. God will always want us to put Him first, and when we do that, all other things will fall into place. But seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33 I don't know how many times I have caught myself flustered and sputtering about something, and didn't stop to pray about it first. God will bring balance to a life that nothing and no one else can. He says, "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10

I believe a happy person is one who knows their own limitations, respects their own time and that of others, and knows how to form the word, "NO." Spreading ourselves out too thin in order to please everyone else is a great way to get out of balance, and also a way to build up resentment when you're not really doing things out of the spirit in your own heart. 

 It is a balanced person (not a perfect one) who will strive to prioritize their spiritual life, family life, work duties, home care, personal desires, community life, and still manage to find time for others when the need arises, because it allows for hiccups and emergencies to occur. Many years ago, I used to follow a cleaning website called flylady, and the goal was to break down the daily chores in a manageable fashion. The most important takeaway for me was that the first thing you did each morning was shower and get dressed all the way to your shoes! Maybe this fits into more of a prepared person's lifestyle, but I believe a balanced person would also be ready for anything the day would throw at them, and having your shoes on would certainly bring you peace at a time of crisis. You just never know when you'll be running out the door. I don't do this, by the way, but I can see where it could be beneficial. At least I no longer care if I am showered or made up before I run out the door in my slippers. Standards have changed, people. Sorry if you have to see me out there. 

 Balance allows for wiggle room, because we won't try to cram too many things into our lives that we don't really have time for.  A person who is balanced also values and uses time wisely.  Remember that teacher back in grade school who used to write that on the report card-"uses time wisely"? Well, I was a daydreamer in some of my classes, so there was that. I didn't do well in the classes where I couldn't balance my daydreaming time with my listening time! HaHa

 A balanced person takes time for self care as well as time for hobbies.  I don't believe this comes naturally to most people. Some of us can't tell ourselves "no" when it comes to working, and some of us just can't relax. There are a lot of guilt-ridden people who believe they aren't allowed to enjoy themselves! The Lord has given us talents and gifts that we are to share with others and yes, for our personal enjoyment too. Some of us need to be disciplined to work more, and some of us need to be disciplined to play more! There are many areas of our lives that could use some equilibrium, and it's for our own benefit that we should keep striving for that. We are a very unbalanced group of humans sometimes, but with God's help, we can overcome ourselves. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11 

I focused a lot on the balancing of time here, but there are so many areas of life where balance can be a gamechanger. Be blessed and strive for a place of stability where you've been a little off kilter. I'm checking myself too!  May God help all of us balance our lives for His purpose. 

My Life as A New Intermittent Faster

 Greetings and salutations, friend(s)! I'm back today because I can't stay away. I am feeling empowered and enlightened today! Those are two of my new favorite buzzwords lately, because since I started Intermittent Fasting a month ago, that is how I've been feeling! Friends, I am SHOWING UP in my life in a whole new way, and NO, this is not a sponsored blog. LOL 

Food can be a way of soothing, medicating, and "helping" us tolerate or deal with uncomfortable emotions. It can be a way to relax when we are stressed. Food can get us through rough patches in relationships, tough times with tough situations, because it covers up a whole mess of what we don't want to deal with underneath. Many of us can become dependent on food to comfort us through life and not even realize that is what we are doing, but the rate of obesity-related illness in our country should be an indicator that there is a big problem with this issue. 

When food is removed from the equation, we are left with a strong desire to eat. That can be a good thing, because with that feeling comes our own power to deal with the things we've been pushing down with food. We find our own strength to deal with the things we pushed off on food to handle for us. When we can't reach for a Snickers or a potato chip after that difficult phone call at work, we are pushed to take a deep breath and use the strength we have inside of us instead. 

When food is taken away, it's like the lights are turned on to the things I tolerated before that I don't want to tolerate anymore. My eyes are more open to the goals I want to achieve and the obstacles that are in front of me, and the ones I placed there myself. I really felt weighed down not just by the extra 20 pounds that I had on me, but by the lack of control I felt about it all. I numbed myself with snacks and candy because I couldn't cope with my feelings. But it turns out, I can because here I am doing it. 

When I first started this program, I decided to try the "ease-in approach," because I really didn't think I could do this. I don't know why I thought that, maybe because I have failed at every single "diet" I've ever tried. (Diets are a joke, by the way) For the first 3 weeks, I eased my way into it with a low-carb breakfast or lunch, drinking only water or tea all day, plus my morning coffee, then I enjoyed a regular dinner in the evening. No snacks, no soda, etc. I made it to week four, and I had a really busy day in which I was unusually energetic with my chores, and before I knew it, it was 4:30, and I realized I hadn't eaten all day. 

I was pretty shocked at myself, so I decided I would advance to a different version of fasting which is called OMAD, or One Meal A Day. In this plan, you fast for the desired number of hours. For me, it has been about 20-22 hours a day. I then have an eating window of about 2 hours a day. I make sure to hydrate all day long, with only clear water or iced or hot tea or coffee, and then have a normal dinner in which I eat what I like with no diet restrictions. I make sure to include all the food groups, plus dessert if I want, and have enough calories so that I'm within a healthy limit for my body. And in this plan, if you want a Coke or a donut, you can have it at that mealtime. This is not a "food is the enemy" or feel guilty if you eat something "bad" plan. I choose to eat healthy foods, but I don't restrict myself, and that helps me make better choices. As a menopausal, weight loss-resistant female, this has been a life-changer for me! If someone invites me to a birthday party, I can adjust my eating schedule so that I can attend the party, eat cake with everyone else, and then get right back on my plan the next day. This has been the most realistic, do-able lifestyle I've ever done, and yes, I've lost a respectable amount of weight in a month! For more information on Intermittent Fasting, check out Gin Stephens' book, Fast Feast Repeat in which she details the science behind why this works. There are also great podcasts and YouTube channels out there on the subject. I learned about it as much as I could before I started the program to make sure it was right for me. I'm still learning as I go! 

Many of us feel out of control about things in life, and the truth is, there are many things we can't control. We can't control other people, the economy, society, family members, politics, the weather, and on and on our lack goes. But the one thing we can control is ourselves. We can control our reaction to all of those things and we can control what goes into our bodies. When I began to take back control of my body, I also took back control of my mind. The discipline that it requires to tell ourselves "No" to food is the same discipline it requires to tell ourselves "no" to a lot of the things we've been allowing that we know are not serving us well. 

I am excited that I am finally seeing success with my weight loss since entering my 50's, and I am feeling hopeful that this is the long term plan that I can maintain. I finally have the mental freedom that every fad diet has never allowed me to have, and I'm not walking around saying, "I can't have this, I can't have that," all while munching on carrots and celery. Life is too short, friends! Live it empowered and be as healthy as you can be! 

My New Project: Day One

 Greetings and salutations my faithful follower(s)! My absence has been due to what all of you face every day-life's unexpected and expected challenges, distractions, interruptions, frustrations, and well, the not-so-easy stuff of life. But I'm here today, and hopefully I will be back again soon, because I have some new things to share! 

I've had a project on my mind for awhile-maybe for about 6 months or so, and it's been nagging at me to get on here to share. I wasn't sure what format I was going to share it in, whether it would be a vlog, a blog, a book, or a podcast, but as it unfolds, it will tell me itself. Maybe it will just be shared here and go no further, who knows. 

The Lord keeps giving me the word "alphabet", and as these life challenges arise, I keep getting key words, phrases, and life lessons along with them. This has been going on for quite some time, so I started writing them down. This has been life-changing and very freeing for me in many ways. 

Secondly, I started a new way of eating, which is new to me anyway. I started Intermittent Fasting, or IF, and have found that my mind has become much clearer, a lot of my physical symptoms are starting to lessen, and I am becoming more self-disciplined. I never thought I would be able to pull this off, but here I am, a month later, free of the old "diet brain" I used to put myself through for years. My eyes are brighter, I'm sleeping better, (and that's saying a lot for this menopausal chick!) and even though the tests are pretty rough and close together, my moods aren't too shabby these days! 

So, on to the project! 

I've been thinking a lot about what makes a person "happy". What constitutes a life filled with contentment, satisfaction, and an ability to rise above circumstances, and still be a pleasant person to be around. I'm always conflicted on whether I should use the word "happy" or "joy" because they are similar emotions with different meanings. Happiness is an external emotion generally dependent on temporary circumstances, while joy has a spiritual nature, based on a selfless gain, and it chooses to see the good in things, even if that doesn't necessarily "feel" good, because it leads to Who is good. Joy is also deep contentment, much like happiness, as some people who have gone through great sorrow have also experienced great joy. Weeping may stay for the night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalms 30:5  I take notice of people who have been through tragic or life-altering situations and I pay attention. What are they doing to make it through each day? How do they cope? What are they doing differently and if they are thriving, how can I be more like them? As a chronic illness warrior, and a person who struggles with other things, I don't want my problems to become my labels. I don't want those things to be how others see me or know me. As I googled one of the authors of a favorite devotional series, I learned she has struggled her whole adult life with chronic illnesses and has had many challenges. Who would know it by the incredible writing she has done? She has not made that her platform. One mistake I make and others make is assumptions. While I don't want my illnesses to define me, it is also difficult to hear someone "expect" me to be 100% functional because they see my house clean on a Saturday, or heard I went shopping on a Tuesday. We don't know the daily details of anyone's lives. Assumptions are not wise. Anyway, I digress. 

For the sake of my project, I will attempt to produce 26 traits beginning with each letter of the alphabet.  Today's Word for a "happy" life is ACCEPTANCE, though there are so many great "A" words from which to choose. While I will try to keep future posts shorter, I won't promise anything! I'm hoping this will be a weekly post, but it could be daily, if the pen strikes. 

Acceptance. People aren't always going to accept who we are, what we do, what we've chosen, who we've chosen, or even what we wear, say, eat, believe, think, or look like. That's a given in life. One of the biggest things people want is to be accepted by others, and to me, if we can get past always wanting and needing that to be happy, we can truly be free to be who we are meant to be. The kind of acceptance I'm referring to here is accepting that some things will never be the way we envisioned them, some people will never be who we thought they were going to be. Life isn't going to turn out the way we had it on our vision boards, and all of that is okay. We don't have the body we always wanted, the hair we thought we had to have, the money we always thought was important, the person we had our eye on, that house on the hill, and the car with all the trimmings. Acceptance can be that the person we depended on is now ill and unable to be who we need, or they've passed on and we have to do it all now. But we are doing it all, making necessary changes, and it's going to be okay. Acceptance is that we didn't get the promotion, or even the job, but we shifted our thinking, rerouted, and found a different path to take. Accepting that who we are, what we have, what we've been given, and what has happened in our lives is all for a very specific purpose is very freeing, and it's one step closer to being able to be happy and content, even if things don't turn out the way we want. When we know that God accepts us in exactly the condition we come to Him in, we can better accept the mess we are and the flawed beings around us. Doesn't it feel better to accept people where they are rather than try to change them into what you think they should be? Yikes. That's God's job, and so are we, full of flaws and mistakes, yet He sees as beautiful. We could take a cue from Him in acceptance!

Oh God and Heavenly Father, grant to us the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed; courage to change that which can be changed, and wisdom to know the one from the other, through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen. 

                                                                                                                                                                                     The Serenity Prayer 

Life is Good

 I was not one of those little girls who dressed up like a bride or played "wedding" with my Barbies. In fact, I kind of ditched the Barbies, and was that little girl getting her knees dirty and taking off on her bike. But that's neither here nor there... I may not have ever envisioned myself as a bride, but I always treasured my baby dolls, and could always picture myself as a mother. From the time I was very little, that's all I wanted for my birthdays and Christmas-baby dolls. I would give them baths, put real powder on them, put them in little outfits, and swaddle them in blankets. For my eighth birthday, I got a little carriage, and I can remember pushing my dolls up and down the sidewalk, the little mother that I was becoming. 

I wouldn't become a real mom until I was married for a few years, and then Natalie came along when I was 28. I had decided to quit my full time job to stay home and take care of her. Soon, I was bathing, powdering, swaddling, and pushing my own little one down the sidewalk in a stroller-her little feet kicking out of the bottom, reminding me that she was very much real, and I was her mother. 

We would welcome Serena into our family 22 months later, and she completed our little family. Our world revolved around those little girls. These children, that through the grace of God we created, would be our family. And our future. We would look at them sometimes and think, "what are they going to be like at this age, or that age...", and we just couldn't picture it. It always seemed so far off. It always seemed like they'd be babies, toddlers, then school age, then teenagers forever, until one day, they weren't. They went to bed babies one night, and then woke up toddlers, and on and on the process went, until the moment we find ourselves in today: An empty, empty nest. 

All I can say is that when you're enjoying time, it goes by really fast. When you're not, it drags on and on. Having our girls under our roof went by at lightning speed. We used to complain about having so many places to go in a week, and running them all over the place, but secretly, we enjoyed every moment of it. Being a parent is something that gave me purpose, and has helped me reach a depth of love in me that I didn't know was possible. Bearing a child, raising a child, and then having to let them go out into the world...yeah, it's bittersweet. Knowing when to hold on tight and when to let go, I'm not sure we ever really get the hang of that as Mamas. Sometimes we hold on in our hearts while our hands let go, because our kids need us to let them go. And eventually, seeing them go and be happy helps us settle our feathers and fly on too. After all, it's our job to teach them to fly, not keep them under our wing too long. 

It's something we've spent their whole childhoods preparing them for, but not one minute preparing ourselves for. We set them on the proverbial edge of the nest and pushed gently as they walked up to the college dorm room, and then cried our hearts out as we walked away. And then again and again, as more life events present themselves. So joyful for the newfound freedom and experiences they are living, and proud of their growth, but knowing that it leads to more distance for the parent birds, and wondering what to do with that space. I still pull out too many plates at dinner sometimes, and want to buy their favorite foods. 

I've spent my life raising my girls, and healing from chronic illness at the same time. I know what it means to adjust, struggle, restart, wait, and trust. Right when I decided I was going to attempt to go back to work, I was afflicted with an illness that took many months to regulate. Looking back over the years I have spent at home, raising my kids and being here while my husband traveled extensively for work, this was my purpose, and it served me well throughout my healing times.  All of the struggles I faced have prepared me for what I hope to be a new phase in my life of just being available for my family. I have wisdom to share, time, cooking skills, love and encouragement, and my lap will never be too small for those girls to curl up in! 

My husband and I thought about an "Empty Nest Bucket List", but all we've had so far is a lot of broken appliance situations, and maybe these are the distractions we needed to keep us from crying. HA! We all went up north for Labor Day, and the toilet quit working with 8 of us up there. Um, Sir, how dare you...Got home, and my washer started making this hellacious grinding noise when it was supposed to be spinning (hellooo 4 loads of cottage laundry...whaaaat). My vacuum died, need I go on? These are just the surface issues going on that I'm willing to discuss. Life is full of fun sometimes, isn't it? 

I described myself as a menopausal volcano the other day. Can anyone relate? I'm doing random shopping trips for fall decor for stress relief. I am watching lots of YouTube. Life is good, people. Life is good. 

Just Be Yourself?

 

From the time we are little, someone is always telling us, "Just be yourself!" No one ever completes that statement with, "and some people still won't like you! You will never fit into everyone's idea of who they want you to be, so yes, "be yourself," because who else would you be if not the unique person God created you to be? I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:14 But it can be challenging to encounter people, even friends and family with whom we withhold our true selves, because we're afraid if we are "ourselves," they will run for the hills. Well, they might, and some do.  It's a risk we take in order to be genuinely the people we know we are inside, but it's not easy to disappoint people, lose relationships, and sometimes have to reap those consequences.

It's always a good idea to be who we truly are, but it's not always easy. It's also not always easy to convey who we truly are, because the world (including people we know) loves to slap labels on us like a USDA ham. Oh, you're a Christian, you say? You must do this, think this, believe this, voted for this, and for sure, you're going to force all this on me too, because that's what people like you do!  Or, Oh, you're a Christian, you say? You must be a radical to think that way. You're probably judging everything I say and do, aren't you? For sure you think you're better than me!  And on and on all the stereotypes go, until you can't even say hello without hearing what they thought of your inflection. Sometimes I use a good ole fashion, "Yello" just for kicks.  I could say I have brown hair, and people would argue with me. That's okay, because some days, I don't even recognize this color either. Carry on, hecklers. It's true, there's nothing we can do about stereotypes, except agree to stop submitting to them ourselves. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7

My personal pet peeve is having many chronic illnesses, and knowing people judge us so harshly without ever knowing our personal stories and struggles. The fact is, people are going to judge us and still talk about us, whether they have all the facts or not, and there's nothing we can do about it. Social media has also made it even easier to treat people horribly without ever even meeting them in person. So if strangers hate us without even knowing us, how much more hurtful is it when the people who know us or claim to know us, treat us in kind? 

How is it that we have people surrounding us in our lives that are supposed to be friends and family, but we can't have honest conversations with them for fear of negative consequences or abandonment? I observed a conversation on television recently and I was blown away by the fact that it was a rather difficult and honest conversation between two people who didn't know each other well, but they were able to continue a productive conversation. There were some hurtful words exchanged. I know some people that if I had said those very words, they would not only be angry with me, but they would get up, walk away and keep on walking. In fact, I've experienced it. And you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. John 8:32 Why can't people care enough to stick around and have difficult, but necessary conversations? Maybe they have a fear of not only hearing what you have to say, but fearing their own response. They would rather sacrifice the relationship than hunker down and figure it out, because they don't want to be honest with themselves or you. It is said that "People who can't communicate think everything is an argument", and I think there is truth to that too. I would much rather have uncomfortable, but open and honest words with you than not have a relationship, if it meant working out a problem that would help us understand each other better. There is freedom in having an open and honest, truthful conversation, even if it's not easy.  

Just be yourself. Well, who is that anyway? It is me, without the labels of the world, for one thing. And it is you, without all the titles that are imposed on you by the world. So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27 God created us in His image, and while I can't even begin to fathom that picture, I know it didn't include all the mess we call ourselves and each other sometimes. It didn't involve judging each other to the point of ridiculousness. It sure doesn't mean living in fear of sharing who we really are, and if we did that instead of holding up our shields of protection, maybe our relationships would become more genuine too. We shouldn't have to be afraid that telling a friend of 30+ years one thing about ourselves would end the whole friendship, but yet we do, because it happens. And if we keep doing it, we might find ourselves alone, and yes, that happens too. But one thing to remember is that if we open up to people and they choose to cut and run, it is their fear that makes them go, and not our honesty. Keep choosing to be yourself no matter the consequences.  I believe that honesty attracts honesty, and God will slide the right people into our paths who will give us the relationships that honor our heart's desires. 

"Be yourself. People don't have to like you, and you don't have to care." 

Writer's Block

 Okay guys, here it is. You know I have a lot of chronic conditions, but this one's a biggie-I've got writer's block. Bad. I can't come up with a single, clever, wordy thing, and nothing is breaking this horrendous wall of nothing. Thank God for this computer to write all of this nothing on. 

August is a very busy time for me, historically. It's when I have to meet with all my specialists, and now I have an extra one at the end of the month, my new cardiologist.  My garden is producing everything at the same time, which means canning and freezing and pickling galore. Two prominent people in my family both moved at the same time, requiring our services, so that has been a few weekends of chaos and busy, including food prep and miscellaneous. I now have to make extra room in my previously emptied basement for more furniture that has required that newly opened space. Hah! Thank God for my specialists, my garden, Steve, and enough space to put extra things. 

For the faint at heart, skip the next part, but menopause, need I say more? Is it an Australian summer here or an Arctic winter? My body flips from one to the other 24/7, resulting in a lack of sleep! Headaches, weight gain, fatigue (duh), and a general ew, Eve, why did you touch that fruit, just about sums it up. Thank God I don't have to deal with people all day in this uncomfortable state. 

So, I'm going on no energy, just became an official empty nester, and I'm wordless and my clothes are too tight. I'm so blessed. Thank God I have you to tell all about it. 

Joy is Contagious....But You Have to Catch it First

 Where is your joy? Where do you find it, or rather, who or what supplies it? It's a good question to ask ourselves, and even more important is the answer. Joy is described as a feeling of great pleasure and happiness. Being group-hugged by my family makes me feel incredible joy. Watching my insanely happy ,fluffy white dog come bolting toward me every time she sees me reflects not only her unrelenting joy, but ignites mine as well. I'm not sure there is a finer joy than the sweet smile on a baby's face when you smile at them, but I'm sure we could put our heads together and come up with hundreds of thousands of pure joyful moments. Things that make us happy are the best things! I love to watch people talking about the things that bring them joy. They turn into beacons of light, shining and reflecting on everyone around them. 

That's the great thing about joy. It's contagious, or it should be, anyway. It's also self-generated, to a point, and then passed on to others. When a baby first discovers her toes with her hands, and then brings them to her face for a closer look, what a joy it is to see her face light up with amazement. Secondhand joy can be just as exciting as our own, and sometimes even better. It's when we experience joy bubbling up within ourselves, and then oozing onto others, creating a shared moment of intense glee.  When we are happy to see the joy in others-in their love for God, for others, nature, in their accomplishments, their blessings-we will share that same passionate happiness inside too. There is a reason for the saying, "Jumping for joy", because it is a feeling of intense happiness. When is the last time you felt this way? Did you know you could create this feeling on your own? 

Groups of believers who unite in demonstrating the mind, love and purpose of Christ bring joy to others. Philippians 2:2

The bible defines joy much the same way, except that joy is dependent on who the Lord is, not who we are, and not what is happening around us. True joy comes from God, His presence, and living hopefully and confidently in His purpose for our lives, no matter what happens. 

The joy of the Lord is my strength. Nehemiah 8:10 

Joy is a choice, as is happiness. We can either sit around and grumble and whine about everything that is wrong with everything and everyone, including ourselves, or we can discover our toes and be joyful. When we find ourselves feeling surrounded by enemies or being too focused on negativity, we need to make a conscious decision. Are we going to sit and stew, or are we going to be thankful about the things that God has done for us already? Do we have a working body? A place to sleep? Hot water and food? A car to drive? A friend? A pet? Hobbies? Interests? Nature to observe? Are we loved? Yes. That's a given, because God loves us already. We have so much already to be grateful for, and yet we sometimes get so focused on all the things that hurt us and steal our joy right out of our hearts. We steal our own joy sometimes worrying about what we don't have. And even if there are some things we need, but we don't have them yet, we can still find a way to be thankful and trust God for those needs. 

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4 

 Joy is a fruit of the spirit that we received with our salvation.  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Galatians 5:22-23 It is one thing that can give us peace within a storm, even when the storm rages on, because it is within the storm that we find our strength, and our strength is God. Joy is not often immediate, but it is everlasting when viewed spiritually. Joy and happiness are not interchangeable. No one is happy when difficulties arise in life, but if we know that trials are going to reap eventual joy, we can rest in that. We can trust God for protection and shelter as we go through the storms of life, and they will be rough at times. Life can be hard, people can be tough, a health crisis is scary, and there is a lot of sadness to spread around, but we can still have our gratitude, create our own happiness, and rely on the Lord for what we need, inside. When we are peaceful in our gratitude, despite our needs, others will see that as joy. When we are relying on God, in spite of our circumstances, we will be able to share that with others as joy. Joy is gratitude. Gratitude is joy. 

Why is it that we have such a hard time leaning on God when things aren't going "our way"? Isn't that when we should be spending more time with Him? Yes! When we are feeling joyless and weak, we need to spend abundantly more time praying and more time leaning in to our blessings that God has given us. This is not the time for "woe is me" thinking, or the "why me?" mentality.  Forget the woes and whys, the complaining, and negative thought train, and begin to dig out the joy. Thank you, Lord, that I have a voice with which to speak, and help me to use it for thanking you for taking care of me, instead of complaining.

Dealing with daily chronic pain and illness and joy don't always go hand in hand as seen by the world. To be honest, there are days I don't feel very helpful,  productive, or "happy" by the world's standards, whatever those are. But inside, I know where to find joy, and I can be at peace, when I choose to stay there.  I trust what God is doing with me, because I know I have a greater purpose. He's not going to leave me hanging. I may not know what my outcome is going to be physically, and sometimes I get frustrated with myself, my conditions, limitations, and doctors, but I don't get frustrated with God. I understand that I may be going through this for the sake of others, and each day I am grateful for what I'm NOT going through. 

I remind myself that this world is not all there is, and however I choose to use this struggle will either be for my benefit or my deficit as a person. I find joy in His love for me, and I seek out the many things that bring joy to my heart-nature, animals, music, gardening, reading, laughter, writing, baking, and creating paper art. I look for ways to stir my heart and stimulate my mind, and I believe the Lord helps me with this so I can encourage others to find their joy and passions as well. 

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 3-4

 Choose gratitude, and let the joy of the Lord be your strength. 

Politics, Religion, and Ice Cream...Sort Of....

 It's been a really rough few years, and I don't see it getting any easier any time soon. Everyone has had a challenge of some kind before 2020 even happened, for sure, but it certainly added an element of disaster that changed everyone in some way. While I don't like to focus on all the negativity, I can say with certainty that many of us are not the same people we were before the world changed us physically, emotionally, socially, scholastically, politically, economically, and spiritually, among so many other ways. I can't begin to list them all properly, as I haven't personally experienced the trauma that has gone on around me, but it can certainly be felt and seen. 

Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. Colossians 3:2 

I think back to how I personally could have handled things better in each of those categories, and I know I could have done better and I continue to seek ways to do better now and in the future. Hindsight is 20/20, after all, ironically. And maybe that's the key for all of us in order to move forward in each category-ask ourselves what we could have and should have done better, and what we can do now in ourselves to make a positive change for the better. While I'm not a "woo woo" kind of person, I do believe that any change does begin with an intention and a decision, and rarely do we change because someone forces us to, or coaxes it out of us. 

Rarely will I change my opinion, my beliefs, or even my eating habits, just because of the strong opinions or coaxing of others. Does that ever work for you? Probably not, or rarely, and if it does, it's because that person carries some major weight and wisdom in our lives. Even still, we must desire it first, and set an intention to change our lives because we want to do it for ourselves and no one else.  Hence, the state of the world today. There are a lot of people who think they are right, and will continue to fight for it even if it means hurting everyone in their path. If everyone does that, no one wins. That's kind of where the world is right now. It is where personal relationships also end up, in many cases. It's where countries are and some will go.  

It's where we will all be, and as much as I believe God is the answer, there are so many who say, "God who?" or blame God for not intervening in some of these atrocities. And still so many on various other paths who believe in God, but can't agree on what that means, what that looks like, and how to come together in that belief. I've heard from a few Christians who feel that the church has failed the people during this difficult time, and I've heard former and non-believers express very extreme opinions on Christianity that do not reflect my experiences or beliefs/practices at all. Can I just deduce that it has been an incredibly difficult time to exist as a person, and we all have some gentle sorting to do. 

Remember the former things of old; for I am God, and there is no other, I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, 'My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose.' Isaiah 46:9-10 ESV 

We can be selfish beings, and it shows. I'm guessing I don't need to provide examples. Just watch the news and you'll see it every day. Take a drive and you'll experience it. Some people just don't care about the rights of others, and it has seemingly become worse due to the last couple of years. People are arguing in churches, schools, communities, families, and everywhere about everything, and it has become a battleground to even say what we think, let alone what we believe. We are walking timebombs, walking on landmines, it seems, and some of us are stepping gingerly, while others continue to stomp. When will we find peace in all of this mess? How can we be different than what we see out "there"?

Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you. 2 Corinthians 13:11

I also believe we are giving, caring beings.  There are some highly considerate, sensitive people here who listen and don't take everything to heart. I believe those are the people we can count on for real change. They are the ones who can take all the chaff out and keep the grain and see the best in everything no matter what is happening. They are the ones who can find the helpers in a storm because they aren't all caught up in the chaos. Even if we are those chaos-glass wearing people now, I believe we can become the helpers if we change the way we look at the world as a whole, and accept people as the same flawed beings that we are, just trying to figure things out, with too many life-changing hits going on at once. Life may have been very difficult for people prior to 2020, and then things were made so much worse. Not everyone is prepared for that type of a load. Some people are crushed by it. 

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8 

We all handle heartache and loss differently. 2020, no matter how people acted, was a time of devastation, heartache and loss. Some people responded with anger because that's how they've been conditioned to respond to those kinds of emotions, and this was a completely new and helpless situation. If anything, we should have all learned about grace, but if some haven't yet, it's hopefully coming. Grace will help the stragglers get through all the nasty emotions 2020 left behind. I labeled my grace, "Covid Grief", because we lost two family members, and it affected everyone uniquely. It's a different kind of grief because the world doesn't ever let you forget what's happening. It's on the news, in the stores, it's everywhere, and the division it caused drove the grievers into unrelenting silence about their own loss. So when grieving the loss, it's a cruel and constant reminder, and a much different healing path for those going through it. To see this was to teach me to be more aware of all the other unique situations and emotions involved surrounding 2020, and to be open to learning instead of judging. We can open our eyes and our minds and become helpers instead of those who contribute to the hurt, even unknowingly. This is how we affect change in ourselves and eventually others. 

I believe we are capable of evoking a change in people, but that it takes kindness and forgiveness to allow it to take place. When people of opposite faiths can be friends and find things in common, or when people who don't agree on political platforms understand that they can still get along, and when people can stop judging each other long enough to see the damage that judging does. When people stop judging others, period, we can allow each other to just care about each other and rest in that. When compassion wins out over controversy, amazing things can happen. 

There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor? James 4:12 

I have felt very judged, and therefore was released from friendship, and quite honestly, I'll just say this-it's a bunch of hooey. Who were they to decide that my thoughts and opinions were "less than", and therefore, I don't measure up, and I belong in the trash bin? Is that what we do with people we've known for years? Do we talk to other people behind their backs and whisper, "I think she's a Democrat!" All the while, clutching pearls and fainting on couches. My goodness, what a world we've become when we can't even come to our so-called friends and ask actual questions because we're too afraid of the answers. 

Not one person asked me one important question, which leads me to believe a lot of assumptions have been made due to my dislikes of certain political things and people. Hello, we are allowed to dislike people and politics. It's just not fair when I did it, I suppose. (sarcasm intended) It was normalized way before 2020, and it seems even more commonplace now, but we have to get to a point where it stops dividing and hurting people. We will always be very different people with very different beliefs, but why does that have to be the MOST important thing? Yes, certain issues are very important, and some more important than others, but why the vitriol? Why the spewing of hate? Why the disconnect? It's not a bubble we live in where all of our friends are just like us and we want to all think alike to stay comfy. But I think that's the goal of many. I agree, it's a great feeling to be validated, but there's no learning, and you won't grow or advance in your knowledge.  A plant doesn't grow in the shade. They have to endure a lot of hot sun, cold nights, rain, and pests to produce good fruit. Maybe some people just don't desire growth, I don't know. One of my friends challenges me. If I say something wrong, I know I'm going to get a lesson and let me tell you, I don't forget it. I'm a changed person for it. We need to actually crave people who change us for the better, not avoid them or clip them from the vines in our lives. 

What is more important to me than politics will ever be is my family. If you were to drive past my house, you won't see any type of political promotional signs because we don't support candidates of any party. But when my daughter graduated from college, we had a sign made with her name on it, because she graduated in 2020 without a ceremony, and she's one of the MOST important and influential people in my life whom God has entrusted to me. If you see signs in front of our house, they will be supporting people that I love. Not hate or anti-anyone or anything, not using profanity, and not supporting politics. Will I ever see any politician as someone to worship? Not while I'm still breathing. No human should be worshipped, yet here we are. Between politicians and celebrities, it's pretty ridiculous what we consider worthy of our worship. I suppose that's me being "judgy", but also factual. I only worship God. He's the only One worthy of my worship. People can be really wonderful, but you want to be careful not to place anyone on a pedestal or think they are the ones who can save or ruin the world. Only God has that kind of power and we are not to worship anyone but Him. 

But Peter and the apostles answered, "We must obey God rather than men. Acts 5:29 

When people are willing to have open and honest discussions instead of leaving when they make wrong assumptions, a couple of things can happen. One, they learn something, which can be good or bad, depending on their perception and openness. Two, they give respect to the person in that relationship that they invested in all those years. It says they care enough to discuss hard topics maturely instead of getting angry and deciding that person is no longer worthy of their time. And maybe if they'd ask questions instead of suppose, assume, and judge, they may just learn a little something new and surprising about someone besides their own self. Just a thought. I'm actually not a Democrat, but if I was, so what? Are we through? I know Democrats who don't vote straight ticket because they don't believe every single thing that every Democrat believes, and yet that blows the minds of some. Really? My dad didn't subscribe to every Democrat belief either, yet no one ever asked him, just judged him for what he wasn't.  My husband is a mixed voter as well, just like me. It's like only believing one thing, one way, your whole life. I don't think that way. I can't even imagine it. It's like only eating one flavor of ice cream for the rest of my life! No can do, my friends. There are some things I like better that Republicans support, and some that Democrats believe. It's just called being an American and having the right to vote the way you choose, but my goodness, there are some people who would fall over dead if you told them this. Does this blog need a trigger warning?? 

As an Independent, I can vote however I want for whoever I want in any party, based on how I feel they are prepared to handle the office they are running for or for what and who they support or don't support. I get to choose based on what I feel, not what any one party decides FOR me. It's my right as an American to vote red, blue, purple, green, fuschia, or not at all. I don't have to be one or the other or anything, and if you want to be mad about it, that's your right too, but it's kind of silly, if you ask me. But you didn't, so...please vote however YOU want, but don't vote just because you think that's the way you have to or that's the way you're being told, or good ole Uncle Pete told you that's what you have to do. We just have so much information available to us now, and some of it is actually close to being true. (LOL My oh my, she's snarky today). Just please don't lose friends and family over something like politics, because in the grand scheme of all things holy, life is way, way more important than this. 

Being a Republican or a Democrat should not mean someone should make you feel ashamed or arrogant or loud or quiet or whatever about the party you follow. Yet, people have become either closeted or explosive about such things due to the vitriol surrounding political beliefs and parties as of late.  It also should not mean you subscribe to EVERY single belief of the party, yet, people make assumptions and judgments and suppositions, so there you go. It is actually possible to open your mind enough where new ideas can creep in, and your brain can't fall out, you learn that people with other beliefs, thoughts, and opinions are actually NOT your enemy, and life goes on without the constraints of hate and judgment. But those are just my opinions and personal judgments, of course. I choose peace. I choose connection. If I hadn't hung out with people "different than me", I may never have become a Christian, and let me tell you, even Christians differ, one from another. Don't try to label and stereotype us either. I can say all the same things about religion that I've said about politics. We all know how touchy these subjects are, and yet, is anyone really having meaningful conversations or just assumptions about them? We are all like ice cream flavors in some ways too. Don't get me started. But if you did, it would be a really great conversation! 

The times have shown us that there are many people who are sworn to keep this country divided. I will not be a part of that. Not EVERY Republican is ___________(fill in the blank), and not EVERY Democrat is_______________(fill in the blank), not every Christian is _______________,etc... and it's high time we stop with the stereotypes and garbage that has landed us here. We need a voice of reason, and I can only think of One that can actually make a difference here on earth. Let us keep HIS voice as the primary voice of reason in our hearts and minds. 

Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD, the people whom he has chosen as his heritage. Psalm 33:12 

Be blessed and get out and enjoy some ice cream, wherever you are. In Michigan it is HOT this week! 

We Need the Prayers of Each Other

 "When we get to heaven and see who was praying for us and when they were praying for us, we will be both surprised and humbled. None of us are sufficient in ourselves. We need the prayers of each other." Charles Stanley 

And when he had taken it, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb. Each one had a harp and they were holding golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of God's people. Revelation 5:8 

 Tucked into a bulging old bible of mine are letters from certain people, photos, handwritten names, newspaper clippings, and various other paraphernalia, representing people that I have prayed over. Some have left this earth, some are still struggling, and some I don't even know. What a strange realization it is to imagine that they will one day know who was praying for them and when. I have never thought about this until now. I naturally assumed that God would always be the only One who would know the subject and content of all of our prayers. I know praying for others is important, but when I thought about it this way, it took on a whole different meaning. Our faithful prayers are eternal. 

Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. Colossians 4:2 

When we pray for another person, whether it is someone we know well or even a complete stranger, it draws us closer to that person. It places them on our minds and in our hearts. It shows we care for them, and it is one way we can show our love for others and our faith in God. It can give us peace, knowing that we are trusting God to help in a situation that we are not equipped to handle on our own. We intercede for others with prayers of healing, protection, salvation, blessings, and any number of requests we may bring to God on another's behalf. It could be someone we see on the street, or a family member that we've been praying for over many years. Prayer is something we should be in the habit of doing continually, and without worrying that it's being done perfectly. I consider it an honor to be asked to pray for someone, and I take it seriously. This is a request I am taking to God, and I'm believing He hears me. 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6 

Sometimes when I am praying for a person, I have no idea what is going on in their lives. I just sense that I am to pray for them, and I do. I may never hear from them or know what is happening, and it's not for me to know. It is a privilege to pray for someone, as it is bringing a person to the Lord and not only asking Him to bless that person, heal them, watch over them, or whatever the prayer may be, but expecting Him to follow through!  It is most humbling to pray for someone we consider evil, or an enemy. It's not easy to pray for someone who is hurting you or others, but we are called to do just that.  We don't get to decide who gets prayer and who doesn't. It's up to God to decide vengeance and retribution on enemies. Personally, I don't feel I have enemies in the true sense of the word, but this world sure does, and we are expected to pray for them too. 

But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. Matthew 5:43

I am praying for someone who is no longer actively participating in my life, but as long as God keeps bringing this person to me, I will keep asking God for whatever He puts on my heart for this person. It doesn't matter if you're speaking, on good terms, or if you even know what the person is going through. If a name continually comes to you from God, consider it a request to pray. I don't know what it all means, and I may find out one day, and I may not.  Who knows-maybe I'll be the surprised and humbled one. One thing these prayers have done so far is softened my heart toward this person, and enlightened me to some things I hadn't realized before. 

 With God, nothing we learn is ever wasted. My prayers for this person may never change them, but they may change me, and sometimes that is the power of prayer.  When God is in a prayer on either end, there will be an answer. I've often heard people say God's answer can be "Yes", "No", or "Wait", but I think another one of God's popular answers seems like silence. He often gives us what we need and not necessarily what we want, and it often feels like silence. It's not waiting. The answer was there all along. We just didn't want to hear it. If our own prayers for others change us for the better, that is an answer. Sometimes in praying for someone else, God will show us where we lacked effort or any number of convictions, if we're paying attention. 

Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16 

When someone tells me they are praying for me or my family, I am very grateful. To take my concerns to the Lord on my behalf says to me that they care, and that they have listened to me.  They love and support me and want the best for me and my family. I couldn't ask for more than that. When blessings come my way, and even if the outcome isn't what I expected but I'm still okay, I know it's because those prayers of the faithful are being heard and answered. I am feeling the love behind those prayers and God's peace is resting on me. It's another opportunity to give all the credit and praise to God, and thank them for their willingness to pray.

This is not to say that all we need to do to help others is pray for them and then leave them alone. Prayer IS powerful on its own, of course, and so is jumping in with hands and feet to help others. God prompts us to pray, and He also equips us to help wherever possible, and we should be using our abilities to help others when they are struggling or in need. I thank God for all the helpers who jump in and for those who pray and for the ones who are able do both of those things very well. It's important that when "thoughts and prayers" are being criticized in the mass media, to understand just how powerful a prayer from a righteous person can be, and that those who pray also understand how to put actions behind a prayer, and not become too complacent in their prayer life. 

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. James 5:16 

I am praying for you, all who are reading this. I pray that you may have hope and peace, despite the state of this world, knowing that the Lord is, without a doubt, all that you will ever need.  May He bless you with the desire to know Him and love Him more, and to greet each day with gratitude and praise. 

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12 

 

It's a Mistake- Not the End of the World

 All men make mistakes, but only wise men learn from their mistakes. Winston Churchill 

A mistake repeated more than once is a decision. Unknown

If you're like me and willing to admit it, you've made some mistakes in your life.  People make mistakes all the time simply because we are human. Some of us own up to those mistakes and take the steps to refine our character or repair any damages we may have caused, while others may shrink in fear of their mistakes or continue to repeat the same ones over and over. Whichever camp we find ourselves in, wise or unwise, mistakes are not the end of the world or even the end of us. We are not losers if we make them, and we are not perfect if we seemingly skate through life never making one. I laugh because we should all realize that no one is perfect, but it would be nice if we could live a flawless life sometimes and just avoid all the muck and mire we create. 

We can sure beat ourselves up over our mistakes, though, can't we? From the minor mishaps to the really big doozies, and those are all subject to our own definitions, some of us have a really hard time with our own slip-ups. When our imperfections lead to outward mistakes, it can be a sticky situation for those who like to hide behind a perfect facade of "having it all together."  Pride is one of our most obvious mistakes, because it fools us into thinking we are fooling everyone else! Funny thing about pride; it's pretty transparent, and the wise always see right through it. 

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 

1 John 1:8-9

Admitting we made a mistake is never easy, especially when we have to admit that the mistake could be a result of a string of behavior or emotions that we haven't addressed.  Continuing to replay the incident over and over in our minds and assaulting ourselves with punishment only keeps us parked in a state of self-loathing and unforgiveness. Pride often keeps us from telling anyone about the mistake, rectifying the mistake, or dealing with it at all. Of all the people to tell about our mistakes, God is the One who can actually handle them. If we go to God with complete repentance in our hearts, and a desire to change, He will forgive us and show us what we need in order to move forward, but we will have to go about things His way instead of the way we've been going. We have to believe that with God, we will be able to make this mistake something good, and even if not good, we will be a better person at the end of it, regardless of the outcome. Some of my mistakes didn't feel good at the end of the lesson, but it was a consequence of my own doing, and I don't think it was supposed to feel good. I think it did what it was meant to do, and I learned. I'm never doing that again! 

In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 1 Peter 1:6-7

When we make a mistake or keep making the same mistakes, sometimes it's a way for God to show us that we need to make a real change in an area of our lives that we have been neglecting.  Maybe it's our studies, our physical health, our finances, relationships, career, but God will use our mistakes to grow us, protect us, and show us those areas where we have lost focus.  It's always amazing to me to see what God has done with my errant behavior, after I asked for help. It's never what I expect!  We only have to be willing to allow Him to come in and rearrange our thinking and maybe a few out of place areas of our hearts. It doesn't feel great at the time, but if we are patient and can understand that the outcome is for our benefit, we will allow it. Like a parent who says, "this is building your character", is God who actually does build our character. 

 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6-7 

I didn't even know I was contributing to my own downfall until I kept making the same mistakes over and over. We aren't always aware of our own missteps. This is pretty evident in the world today. We are pretty shortsighted sometimes when it comes to our own lives. I saw the quote, "Don't cling to a mistake just because you spent a long time making it," and it's so true. Sometimes we think it's so far gone that we should just go with whatever we find ourselves stuck in. We don't stop and take our own inventory but we do a lot of complaining about the things that aren't working, and we criticize others to oblivion. We make a lot of excuses for our own behavior and we can even make them sound pretty credible and valid as a way to protect them. It's not easy to admit our faults to ourselves sometimes, but if we want to overcome them, we have to get real. We have to be courageous if we want to change, and we also have to humble ourselves and care more about what God knows than what other people think of our missteps! It's not about them. 

Treat people who make mistakes the way you would want God to deal with you when you make mistakes. Unknown 

 Personal mistakes can be an accurate barometer of our own lives. What keeps repeating that is not contributing to a successful, joyful existence?  Is it overeating or overspending, or constant issues in relationships, career problems? Are there feelings of anger, rejection, jealousy, envy, bitterness, and other self-destructive thoughts? What is the common denominator? Pray and ask God for enlightenment. Admit to God what your weaknesses are, and if you aren't even aware of them, ask Him to show you what they are and then listen. Ask Him to give you strength and clarity and the knowledge to move out of that messy life into a fruitful one.  Life is not just "happening" to us. There are things we are allowing because we are not aware of how we are contributing to our own issues. There are mistakes we make out of a lack of wisdom and knowledge, and there are some we make because we fail to pray, think, and wait.  God's word is available to us, and God is available to us to get us through all the areas of our lives that threaten to trip us up and knock us right over.  

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:5 

God will give you wisdom and direction if you show Him that you want to do things His way. We'll still make mistakes, after all, we are still human. But we can get right back on track with the growth of our character and the faith that we are intentionally building with God. It's not our mistakes that will define who we are. It is how we rectify our mistakes and the person we are becoming along the way. We don't need to waste time running from problems, hiding behind pride and false humility, or pretending we never make a mistake. While it is so important to get real with ourselves in order to see where we got off track, it is also just as imperative to be gentle and forgiving with ourselves as we open up new territory. A mistake is not the end of the world, and it is not the end of us. It can be the beginning of change, if we choose to see it that way. 

All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16

Take Me Where Your Heart Is

 "Love seeks one thing only: the good of the one loved. It leaves all the other secondary effects to take care of themselves. Love, therefore, is its own reward." -Thomas Merton 

Everything I've learned about love throughout my life has been through experience-trial, error, a little success, and lots of failure. Love is one of those things you can't learn or be by watching. It is an active, all hands-on, mind, soul, heart, and body invested, vulnerable immersion. Sometimes it feels like the biggest, warmest hug ever, and sometimes it leaves you completely shattered, tear-stained and broken, but the end result doesn't change. It's still love at the end, because love will always have its way. So was it really failure? Maybe the desired outcome wasn't what I expected, but love did its job while it was there. 1 Corinthians 13:8 Love never fails. 

As people, we can be fickle, narrow-minded, impatient, downright rude, and do I even need to say this-not always loving or even well-intentioned.  Sometimes we rely selfishly on our opinions and our "feelings" instead of doing and saying what is right.  We're not exactly reliable when it comes to following our hearts or even our brains! We've gotten ourselves lost so many times even the best GPS couldn't get us out! We make so many faux pas when it comes to relating with others. We can be sizzling hot messes at times. Prideful, angry, egotistical, right-fighting, unloving dolts. 

But we were created by God because he wanted us-these completely imperfect beings. We were created by and for love, and Jesus died for us because He loved US. That is an amount of perfect love we cannot even grasp or measure. And even after all that, our imperfect love has a purpose too, and a great one at that. So even if we make mistakes in love, it can still turn out good because love has redemptive qualities, and we can show vulnerability through those mistakes. When we let our guards down and put our hearts on the line, we can allow God to be seen through our messes.  When we love like Jesus, it's a beautiful example of what God had in mind for us, because it reflects His love for us, and shows others how to love too. 1 John 4:7-9  Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 

Loving people can actually come fairly easy, but sometimes liking them can be another story! I mean, just smile at me, and I will immediately like you. Make me laugh and it's instant love! Most of us are pretty easy to win over.  It's the human part of us that looks to common interests and shared values to bond us together, and then we become friends. It's so easy to love our friends because they are like us, and it's not work to accept them. But we weren't asked to just love our friends. We were commanded to love people we don't like, and that includes enemies, and those horrible people "out there." Matthew 5:44-46 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get?

There are some things people do that are heinous and terrible, and we shrink at the thought of them, let alone loving people like that. What does it look like to love one another when we are clearly living in a world full of evil? All I know is that the first One to put evil to rest was the love of God. If we are to love like Christ, then it makes sense to be compassionate when given the opportunity to love in those difficult situations. We have to remember that we are not alone in fighting the evil in the world. Ephesians 6:10-11 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.  I probably say this too much, but our job is not to judge and prosecute other people. It is to love people, and when we do that, we are in a better position to change situations and help what is going on around us. Judgment only creates rigidness, where love creates flexibility, opportunity, and action. I hate evil and wrongdoing just as much as anyone does, but the source of evil should be our main target. Ephesians 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 

Do you love people who don't love you back? I think most people can think of someone, whether family or friend, who we continue to reach for, and they prickle at our attempts. We can still love someone, even if it's not returned, because we were created to love, and love is at its heart, goodness and kindness. It doesn't matter if it is unwanted or unreturned, because the act of loving is something we are and not something we do. We don't give love to someone to get something back, and if we are, then we need to reevaluate. If we're wanting returns on all our love investments, it has become conditional at some level. If pure love is always in our heart, we will always walk away having been what we set out to be, even if we walk away empty-handed or alone. We can still "seek the good of the one loved" and keep them in our prayers, even if they aren't in our physical lives.  Hey, did I say it was easy? 

My "first love" just dumped me one day without an explanation. I wanted to scream, "Hey, wasn't I even worth a goodbye?", but I eventually accepted God's decision. Real love is respectful. Compassionate. I wasn't ever going to find it there. It took too long for me to forgive, but love does that too. Love is calm, deep, and soft-hearted, so that we can have the ability to forgive when it is hard. Love transforms us into gentler, more humble people, and gives us the confidence to be good to those who aren't good to us. Forgiveness allows us to move on and love again too, in due time.  That's how powerful love can be, if we allow love to live fully into our hearts. If we allow God completely into our lives. Luke 10:27 He answered, " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind' and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself." 

I believe love is its own reward, and I am also a subscriber of "it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." I've sat through enough weddings and funerals to experience the depths of these transformations of love. At a recent wedding, the officiant spoke such powerful words of the union of love, that I actually felt the presence of God right there in the building. God IS love. He is there in the covenant of the sweet marriage of two young souls. At the memorial service where grief hangs, heavy and deep. He is everywhere, whether we are rejoicing or in sorrow.  Ephesians 3:17-19 And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. 

Love should always make you better. It should always bring out the best version of you. It is self-disciplined, doing the right thing even when it's hard, and is honest and kind. It is compassionate, thoughtful, considerate, willing to listen and willing to communicate and comprehend, and determined to seek peace in all situations. Love is patient and it is persistent. While it may retreat, it never gives up, because love loves even when it isn't loved. It is trusting and protective of itself and its own, and protects others. Love admits mistakes, corrects them, and seeks forgiveness as well as forgives.  Love will sacrifice without a second thought. Love wants you to be closer to God. Love believes actions but has little faith in words. Love is patient and love never fails.  (1 Corinthians 13: 4-8)