Peace: It's All About Us (In Three Parts!)

 We have lost sight of the fact that we human beings are, in one respect, like small animals without even any fur or sharp teeth to protect us. What protects us is not our viciousness, but our humanity; our ability to love others and accept the love that others want to offer us. It is not our toughness that keeps us warm at night, but our tenderness which makes others want to keep us warm. 

Harold Lyon, Tenderness is Strength

PART ONE: It's Not All About Us

Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Philippians 4:5

In a world where war, civil disputes, serious crime, and conflicts are constant and inevitable, we are surrounded by viciousness, violence, and hate.  Because of instant technology, we have access to violence and anger updates 24/7 on our phones, in our homes, and at our jobs. If someone famous, or anyone really, makes a terrible gaffe at 9am, the entire world will know about it by noon the same day.  We are inundated with bad news and gossip if we allow ourselves to engage. And even if we try not to, someone will most likely inform us of something we don't even care to know. My husband was pumping gas and was subject to a man's ranting about gas prices and whose fault it really was! Not eager to have a negative discussion with a complete stranger, and thankful for the loud trucks drowning out his complaints, he simply nodded and carried on. We don't have to engage in every discussion we are invited to, remembering some people just want to vent. (Remember this for later on)

This is what the Lord Almighty said: 'Administer true justice; show mercy and compassion to one another. Do not oppress the widow or the fatherless, the foreigner or the poor. Do not plot evil against each other.' Zechariah 7:9-10 

Jesus was the example of true justice, mercy, and compassion. He put us above His own interests, and we weren't exactly the examples of great friends and family when He did that for us. He gave all of his life so that we could have any life of our own at all, let alone any of those rights, privileges, and ambitions we are always squawking on about. We complain about all the negativity in the world, but don't even realize that we are becoming the bullhorn and billboard for it as we repeat it over and over. We sometimes get so stuck on ourselves and our own selfish ways that we forget the state of others altogether. We forget to ask someone how they are doing before we dump a load of garbage on them. We forget to consider that not everyone sees something the same way we do, and therefore may not respond in the same way, and get annoyed at them. We get tunnel vision easily when we are all about ourselves and our own interests. Not only do we forget others, but we forget God too. 

Once we take our eyes away from ourselves, from our interests, from our own rights, privileges, ambitions-then they will become clear to see Jesus around us. Mother Teresa

2020 was a time when mob mentality became stronger for some than family and friendship ties. When people began to bond over hating the same things, instead of loving the same thing. It's never a true connection to just jump in a group of strangers and hate on something together, though people who don't have something more solid to hold onto may find it's the best connection they've ever had. If we are in Christ together and being who He says we are, then we would not be hating at all, but finding our way back to each other in a way that glorifies Him. If we love Him and if we love each other. When you begin to put your own interests above the people you say you love, you no longer consider that person. They become collateral damage in your quest to prove something that is clearly more important to you than them. 

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind and love your neighbor as yourself. Luke 10:27 

 That is not just a command, but also an individual decision that we each need to make in order to have true and meaningful relationships with others, and common respect among strangers. (Yes, I just referred to love as a decision, because it is) Anything else we may forge will eventually break and be floating on the surface. If we are not rooted in Christ, we will be uprooted at the first signs of a storm. This is how my friendships were tested in 2020. One would survive, and one would not. God was in one, but not the other. 

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others. Philippians 2:3,4 

 PART TWO: The Silent Goodbye 

My decades-long friendship went off the rails after a few exchanges that finally resulted in a complete derailment and fire. Looking back, I would have engaged much differently, however, at the time I allowed my emotions, ego, and pride to do as they pleased. All of those things, when combined with those of another, will never result in a positive conversation or resolution of any kind. And God was not invited to the conversation. Big mistake. At that point, it was two people speaking into the wind, going in opposite tornadic directions. I couldn't blame the other person for choosing not to respond to me ever again. What I was hoping to accomplish was one thing, but my wounded self said another. 

I've done similar things with friends in the past. I haven't always had the best relationship skills. I didn't always know the Lord. I was defensive, insecure, wore my heart on my sleeve, and was very prideful. My wounded ego caused me to be hurt easily, so even if told the truth, I wouldn't probably take it well. How can I fault someone for reacting the exact same way I have done in the past? I used to be like hugging a porcupine. I used to be hiding behind a huge brick wall that I built around myself.  I used to be smiling with my arms folded to keep everyone out and then cry when they left. I get being protective of yourself and fighting hard for the things you believe. Until I met God and let Him guide and love that wild part of me.  So, yeah. I should have been the one to know better how to speak, respond, and let things go, but the old me let her wounds talk instead because I was speaking out of sheer hurt and rejection and a mixture of anger and disappointment. The new me also knows that when God allows someone to walk out the door without even looking back after a decades long relationship, maybe He was holding the door, and He also holds the key should there ever be a knock. 

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12 

We weren't actually fighting about political sides, masks, the government, or any other hot-button pandemic issue. I cared about my friend regardless of their position on any of those things. We were fighting against the very things that were put there in order to cause division among us all. They were angry and fearful and so was I, but about completely opposite things, and I no longer recognized my friend as someone I even knew, and that was the element I was fighting. I was fighting someone I could no longer find a common ground with, and it scared me. They no longer saw my decades of trust, my acceptance, my respect, or any of the good they once believed in. They saw me as an adversary, and there was nothing I could say or do to change that. That was so confusing to me, and God does not bring confusion into relationships. That comes from an evil place. 

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:18 

 I eventually re-approached the situation in the softest way I could with this person, and I have not and probably will not hear back. It is impossible to resolve issues with those who close off from you entirely. Something that has been fiercely difficult for me to learn through this experience is that no matter how much we want explanations or closure in a situation, we are not always owed that, and even if we think we are, we may not always have the benefit of that. We have to just pick up and move on. This is one of those situations where grace steps in and allows me to put the band-aid on the blister and wait for it to heal, understanding that others will not always be involved in helping us heal the wounds they may have salted. We may not be 100% responsible for the rub, but we are responsible for our healing. Part of that healing is being willing to forgive myself for my part, forgive the other person, and ask God to work out the rest. We should always desire to be at peace with everyone with whom we interact. This is how we show the light of Christ. 

The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15:4

We can trust God for healthy friendships and for positive interactions. We can ask Him to guide our conversations with outsiders. It has been a difficult season of engaging with others. This experience served me well only in that it shed light on the fact that gentleness is not only a better way to approach others, but it is necessary. In a time when people aren't agreeing about some very hot topic items, we need to be aware that our words can not only offend, but they can also heal. Even though I am sad about the broken friendship, I realize that in trusting God for my relationships, there is a purpose for every bad experience we go through with people too. I didn't intend to hurt my friend, and they didn't intend to hurt me. But what is done with that hurt will be in the growing of our character and how we conduct ourselves going forward with others. It is imperative to have a friend you can trust, and someone that can not only speak truth into your life, but someone who also allows you to speak truth into theirs. I thought I had that with this person, but some very fundamental things were missing. 

 

PART THREE: Be The Light 

My dear friend Norm (www.sirnorm.com) became my dear friend because he cut through my garbage and told me the truth. He told me the truth because he cared about me and the state of my life and hoped/knew that I would receive it.  In accepting that wisdom and accountability, the friendship grew, and so did my knowledge of myself and God. (I'd like to think!) . It can be intimidating if you allow your pride to hear that wisdom speaking into your life and you're still wanting to hold on to your own ways of thinking and doing things. But it can be very freeing to listen and put new action into place when someone who is succeeding in life wants to help you succeed too. It is a rare find to have a friend who tells you the truth these days, or to be allowed to speak truth to someone. We have to humble ourselves if we ever want to grow and become better, and honestly, to become closer to people. I thank God that Norm listens to the Lord and relays His word to me. That is how I can trust Norm's wise guidance. If we want to help our friends, we should be praying for them. As Norm puts it, our friendship holds up to God's scrutiny because God is also in the friendship. Perhaps this is the ultimate reason we need to pursue godly friendships. My friend was not open to a friendship with God, and when push came to shove, the traits of a godly friendship were not there to save our crumbling relationship. My advice to any who may be going through a friendship trial is to do as I've been doing, pray for that person. It's really a very loving thing to do for anyone. 

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24

It won't be our viciousness in how we fight for things, our hills we die on, our stubbornness and firmly planted feet, that will show how much we believe in a thing or love a person. It will be our gentleness, our tenderness, and our willingness to be humble and soft at at time when it would be easier to be ferocious and self-righteous. We need to understand that "keeping the peace" doesn't mean being quiet. It means knowing when to speak and with the wisdom you've attained from God, how to speak it with love. To allow a person to be who they are, while still loving them enough to confront a negative behavior because you actually care about their peace and well-being too. And if you get pushback, to be able to leave your pride at the door and let the results rest with God. That's the peace we can all have when we let God be the light in us. 

You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:14-16 

To You, With Love

 I watched a good old classic movie recently, To Sir with Love, (1967) starring one of my all-time favorite actors, the late Sidney Poitier. He was a recent graduate who couldn't get an engineering job, forced to take a teaching position in a London school for unruly students. He handled them with grace, dignity, class, and the occasional rare loss of temper, all of which earned him the respect and eventual love of all the students and staff. 

In trying to reason with two angry young men, he told one young man, "Yes, I'm sure that IS the way you see it." He then turned to the other young man and said, "And I'm sure that's the way YOU see it." The one boy blurted back, "Is there ANY other way to see it??" He simply responded, "Well, I guess you'll have to find out for yourselves." 

He asked the boy ,who out of self-justified anger, had attacked a male teacher, "Were you acting like an adult when you did that?" The boy then couldn't justify his behavior because the question was suddenly turned to HIS behavior instead of how angry he was about what the teacher had done. Suddenly he was convicted. He knew he was wrong, even though he was still angry about what the teacher had done. Both things became true for him. The teacher was wrong, but so was he, and he was responsible for HIS own wrong reaction, not the actions of the teacher. 

There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death. Proverbs 16:25

I thought about how both of these and many situations in the movie applied today. In so many situations over the last two years, going on three, there has been so much anger and blame. So much, "The way I see it", "The way you see it", and no possible way that there is "any other way to see it." Will we ever find out for ourselves if we keep to our own ways of thinking? No. When we get stuck in our own thinking, we can get pretty trapped. We start to believe our own lies to ourselves when we say them enough times, because being wrong takes us down a road that is frightening and unknown. If we're wrong about what we believe, then that changes everything! But as these students began to see, the changes they began to make opened up their hearts to become more loving people. 

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. 

Isaiah 55:8 

Will we ever see the consequences of our own behavior when we are constantly looking at the wrongs of those who "made us" do what we did or say what we said? Can we correct what we don't acknowledge? There are a lot of "disruptive students" in the world right now, trying to ruin it for those who are peaceful, for sure. It is the student who makes the correction that learns from his mistake. The person who extends grace is the one who learns that not all people will choose to correct their mistakes.

Thus I will punish the world for its evil and the wicked for their iniquity; I will also put an end to the arrogance of the proud and abase the haughtiness of the ruthless. Isaiah 13:11

Like Sidney's character stated, "I believe one should fight for what one believes. Provided one is absolutely sure one is absolutely right." Have we been absolutely sure we are absolutely right about what we are fighting for or do we just believe it to be right? There is a difference.  As I've said before, and it's an unpopular opinion, sometimes our human beliefs are strong, but w-r-o-n-g. There may be a few facts blended into the smoothie, but when you really shake it down, it's not enough to make it actual truth. We have to be careful that what we are fighting for is actually worth fighting for, and not just right-fighting for because it's the "way we see it." We can't change the division in the world by standing on our own side, pointing a stern finger at the other side in judgment. I am hopeful that people actually want to bridge that gap, and not just pull people over to their "side." Maybe I'm just an idealist. 

I can tell you with absolute certainty that I don't know what I am "right" about as it pertains to the world and its events. People are fickle, and we cannot put our faith in politics or any one person or people. I don't know what is going to happen in my own life from one minute to the next, how could I predict what's going to happen anywhere? Yet people talk as if they have a crystal ball somewhere. How do they know? It's clear that no one knows the right answers to everything.  We cannot claim to love and honor God and others while we are defacing people, property, and spewing hatred and nonsense. That's not wisdom. That's not intelligent. That's not humble or peaceful. It's ugly and foolish, and my eyes and ears shrivel at the sight and sounds of it. May our mouths do the same. 

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. Philippians 4:8

 No matter what the world looks like or what my own life is going through, I can trust that God is not surprised, nor is He without a plan. If anything, the more out of control the world seems, the more I trust that God knows more than anyone ever will about my future. Why would I trust anyone with my life other than the one who created it? If we love and trust God, we have to hold ourselves to His standards. We have to trust what He says and be who He says we are. 

It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God-that is, our righteousness, holiness, and redemption.  1 Corinthians 1:30 

"Is there any other way to see it?" "I guess you'll have to find out for yourselves." The young teacher was urging them to see it right then and there, but they couldn't just yet. What will it take for us, for the world, for whoever in your life that is still stuck, to "see it?" There are some things we just have to learn for ourselves, and boy, those lessons have been hard these last couple of years if we've been open to learning them. 

I believe that you can't trust who you don't know personally. If you don't know who God is, why would you put your faith there? In the same way, if you don't know a public figure, why would you put your trust there?  Why are people so quick to trust someone they don't even know to the point of fighting their friends and family over them? It's a real headscratcher. Humans are fickle and well, human. We all are subject to temptation and mistakes and all kinds of good and bad deeds. We can be the fool or the fooled. The good news is, we have the ability to know many things about God by reading about the things He did and the character of who He is. God never changes. He is always the same. If you are saved, you have within you the Holy Spirit, which resides within you, and an added benefit of knowing the Lord and how He moves within you. 

People will always let us down, no matter how well we may think we know them. If we put our faith and our trust in people, we can be guaranteed to be disappointed every time. But if we put our trust in God, we will always be secure. Like Sidney's character teaching real-life skills to unruly students, God is the Teacher who reminds us that we are never alone in this big messed up world. 

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33

A Tortoise Kind of Life is the Life for Me

 As I've observed the world, I've often said restaurant tables are made for a certain number of people (booths are great for 2 and 4, not so great for 3 and 5), clothes are for certain sizes (forget if you're a long-legged or otherwise growing 12 year old with a restricted dress code at school), and there is no such thing as "one-size-fits-all." The world is also set up for mainly the healthy, the smaller, the young, the fast, and the busy. Steve and I recently witnessed a near head-on collision happen right in front of us, as a truck impatiently passed us and three other vehicles on a double yellow line with a curve, making an oncoming jeep drive right off the road. What makes people feel like they have to be in such a hurry all the time? Why is it so hard to be patient? Why do they need to get it now, do it now, hear it now, say it now, feel it now, get there now, have it now, now now now, or else? Believe me, slow feels so much better, even if you have to slow down because your body made you do it. 

Natalie and I had an appointment last week, and as we sat at a fairly quiet rural area stop sign, several cars were just spaced so that I would have had to pull out and accelerate quickly in order to not cause the oncoming car to slow down. I decided to just enjoy the time sitting there, chatting with Natalie at the stop sign. We had enjoyed some time shopping and talking over coffee, and we were in no hurry to get home.  The next thing you know, we hear "BEEP BEEP!!" behind us. You've got to be kidding. So, I "BEEP BEEPed" on back, because I'm the friendly sort, and I decided to believe that the other driver was simply trying to get my attention to say "HOWDY doo, young lady!" Right? Do people not realize that horns are to warn other drivers that we are about to crash, and not to be used as a tool to tell other drivers to move because you're an impatient sod? Or to say "hello" back, in this case. (insert smile and wink) Other drivers don't get to tell us when to pull out, especially in front of other cars. Rule #1  or so in the "Mom's Rule Book of Driver's Education." We only move against our will for Emergency vehicles, rogue idiots, UFOs and animals. Period. Two beeps. Really, Harold? It's not New York City. It was a Thursday in Michigan. I'm having too much fun today. 

 The speed limit went up to 75 awhile ago, and people drive 90 and faster as a rule. Not me, I don't want to wear out my car. It would probably pass out at those speeds anyway. Pass me all you want, just stay away from me with your loony driving. Have you ever seen the TV show, Mythbusters? What's pretty funny is that the people who are passing everyone like they're on their way to the biggest sale at (Who Cares, You Don't Even Need It Store), we always seem to end up at the red light at the SAME TIME. Hello, crazy driver over there on my left, eating that taco.(insert smile here)

As I've gone to different places, I've made key observations of how people move in and out of buildings, parking lots, how they cross streets, shop, and even drive. Yes, the world is not too accommodating for people who need a little extra space, a little extra time, or even a little extra help. Gas stations are often some of the worst places to navigate, and I've said to myself, "If I ever become a bazillionaire, full service stations will come back!" It's tough to think of chronically ill or otherwise ill people coming home from hospitals, or the elderly pumping gas, when it's such a simple service to provide. And a job many used to rely on for income. The world has increasingly become so fast, but our bodies and minds don't continue to speed up. They eventually slow down. We all do. Some of us sooner than we plan. This world we created of fast-Eddie everything will eventually wear us all out! We can't keep up. Sometimes I just long to be a snail, or maybe a tortoise. They always get to take their time, and no one cares at all! 

Jesus replied: "'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself'. Matthew 22:37-39

 I think of these situations because I live some of these things. I have to plan every outing ahead of time, and prioritize my comings and goings. I may not be large, elderly, or in need of help, but being someone whose health often dictates my abilities, it's always on my mind. It can be very stressful to have an event coming up, because I'm not always at my best, and pushing through it is exhausting. Having a long way to walk or no place to park is a problem when your health is compromised. I love to walk, by the way. At least, I used to.  I used to walk so fast that people couldn't keep up with me- couldn't catch up to me in stores to say hello! (that wasn't deliberate-I was just always on the go!) Sometimes I wonder if having these illnesses was part of my purpose. Was I meant to slow down for a reason? Slowing down makes you think a whole lot about everything. You gain perspective about yourself, others, and life. My afflictions have changed me for sure, but I think they have changed me for the better in many ways. 

 I had an appointment at a large building last week.  It was raining AGAIN, and I had found the rare close parking spot. As I got closer to it, a truck turned the corner from the other side, and I anticipated that if I drove up there, it would be a stand-off for the spot. So, I decided to just pull into a different spot.  I had just been listening to a podcast about MERCY. (insert laughter here) Even though walking can sometimes irritate my own condition, I do it all the time, and there is always someone worse off than me! I said aloud, "You need it more than me, my friend!"

So, fun facts, I tried to pop open my princess pink umbrella, and it looked all crazy because it wouldn't open all the way. I half-considered trying to use it that way and then just tossing it into the bushes, and acting like I didn't know whose insane umbrella was ditched there. But before I could hatch my evil plan, I realized I left  my keys in the ignition. So, as I was trying to manipulate the now-fighting-me umbrella, I realized I couldn't reach my keys without getting back in. I had to figure out how to close the angry umbrella to even get back in the car, retrieve my keys, get back out, then open the back door to see if I had another umbrella. That was a workout in itself.  I found another umbrella, but it was on the passenger side. I couldn't reach it from the driver's side, so, you guessed it, I had to get in again! I was still in a "mercy" mindset, so I was actually laughing at myself through this whole situation, thinking how ridiculous I must look to anyone who may be bored enough to watch.  The good news was that I had forgotten that I had that brand new umbrella, and that's when I found it. I popped open that bright floral umbrella right over my now soaked head, and the people who got that great spot were already in the building. They may have even been laughing at me the whole time. Who knows? Ha Ha What a fun day! 

As we head out and about, we should just be aware of how people move. Be more patient as we drive and park, help someone at the grocery store (at 5'7, I am the one getting the top shelf items for little old ladies), be patient behind the slower people at the stores, on the road, at the doctor's office, everywhere. We are NOT in that big of a hurry, unless we are on fire, bleeding, or in labor. And believe me, I've been in at least two of those situations while riding and driving. It's still better to be patient than not. Of all the impatient people, I think the worst are probably on the roads, and here we all are driving tons and tons of steel killing machines with murderous attitudes behind the wheels. It truly is about being merciful, patient, and understanding that wherever we think is so important to be is probably not. We really don't know who just had a battle with a seemingly cute, sinister umbrella in their car. 

There are people who find it impossible to slow down and enjoy life, and I feel the saddest for them. Life speeds by so quickly because we are running at top speeds to keep up with all these fast things. For some reason, some people equate "fast" with success, but I see "fast" as time stealing away my days, and snatching my experiences and dulling my senses. Sure, you can drive through our woods pretty "fast" driving in the ATV, but you will miss everything. You'll miss the emergence of fiddleheads, the rare lady slipper, the elusive morel mushroom, a sleeping fawn, the shapes the clouds make when the breeze is just right, and the trills and songs of the many kinds of birds, the sounds of your feet on all the different types of terrain. It is heavenly and begs to be noticed and savored! And so do the relationships with your friends, your family, even strangers with sparkling eyes behind counters. Savor all the moments and take as much time as you want and need.  As my dear friend showed me, putting your bare feet in soil can be life-giving even if just for a moment to take time with your Creator. He wants every moment and every minute.  When the Lord "honks", we will be able to hear Him if we are taking time out to listen! 

In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly. Psalm 5:3

You can go fast through life, or you can take your time. But your choices will shape you, and I think we are seeing the consequences of a lot of disappointing choices around us these days. We need to take the time to look up, look around, and yes, smell the roses, look into people's eyes when they are speaking to us, and breathe deeply. We don't have to set our pace with the world's pace. We can choose what we engage in and what we leave behind.  We can choose mercy with others or we can choose judgment. A too-busy person has no time for others, and so an overly busy person also has no time for mercy. A person who takes time for others will also take time to put them first. Let's slow things down. If we want better experiences, we have to make better choices with our time. 

And just be kind. It is that simple.  It is true as the saying goes, most people are fighting a battle we know nothing about. Some of us don't even know what our own battles are about, let alone what others are fighting. Let's be kind. 

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:3,4