Many Sides of Lonely

 "Look for yourself and you will find loneliness and despair. But look for Christ and you will find Him and everything else." 

C.S. Lewis 

Some time ago, the U.S. Surgeon General released an advisory calling attention to a new epidemic--Loneliness. In addition to loneliness, there is a lack of connection and isolation among our people in this country. Apparently it is evident enough that there are now recommendations being put in place in order to help all of us in this country tackle this crisis. While there are many conditions exacerbated by and caused by social isolation and loneliness, I have to wonder how they tracked this epidemic back to lonely people. Who was paying attention to all of them in the first place? (#sarcasm) How is this a new problem? People have been lonely since the beginning of time. Elijah was known as "God's lonely man." He suffered from hopelessness and depression. Moses was lonely. Adam was lonely. Job and Jeremiah were lonely. Even Jesus was lonely at a time when He needed His Father the most. We were not meant to be alone, and when we are faced with it, some of us don't know what to do with ourselves. But I believe by all of these Biblical examples, that what we do with our loneliness is what will make us who we are, and no amount of governmental program or social connection can remedy what God already has in mind for us.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalms 147:3 

The question isn't "why are people lonely?" I think the reasons are obvious in a lot of cases, but there are deeper concerns, I think, in a world where change is going at a million miles per hour and people can't keep up. We aren't just lonely for the people we miss, the connections we had, the familiarity we came to count on, but we become nostalgic for the things and the people who made us feel safe. Maybe I don't speak for everyone here, but I have felt a definite shift. I am a self-professed, people-loving lone-wolf, and I'm not necessarily lonely. But the changes in this world have left me feeling uneasy and lonely for a time and a place, and for people who once made me feel that things were okay. I believe we can feel lonely for something, but not alone. Lonely for, but not lonely. Maybe even lonely for the former self we used to be, before a lot of changes took place and changed us and our worlds. Social connections and programs can't fix what we can't even define. There are deep needs not being met within us, and some of us don't even know what those needs are or Who can complete them. 

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. 

Psalms 68:5

 Most of us are surrounded by social connection and to be honest, some of us avoid it for a reason. I don't always want to see the foolish things that are being said about the decent things of this world. Sometimes it's easier to step back from the things that break my heart than to try to fight them. But it's lonely to have to carry that feeling around all the time, tiptoeing around, whereas before, sharing myself was fairly carefree and comfortable. Some of us are just lonely for our "former normal." For easy companionship and conversation, health, comfort, security, safety. Just speaking for myself-the things I enjoyed then that I don't have in abundance now. We can be lonely for people, places, and the "before all of this happened "-whether that is personal illness, a death, a pandemic, or a major life upset. Maybe that's nostalgia in some sense, but in other ways, it can also be a loss of innocence and peace for the way life was before it all went to pieces. 

  I have felt less alone sometimes when I'm by myself, doing something that I love. We can feel alone in crowds. Alone on social media. Alone at family functions. Lonely in groups of friends. Alone at church. Alone in a marriage. Alone at work. Just plain alone anywhere, doing anything.  Adding more parks and libraries and more digital connections probably won't  change that for the majority of those people. People need to feel accepted, understood, welcomed, and dare I say, loved. One reason people feel lonely is because they don't feel wanted, noticed, seen, heard, cared for, or known. Something that made me feel lonely recently is when I shared the two Covid deaths that occurred in my family, it was like I said nothing at all. Crickets. When personal opinions or beliefs supersede human emotion and we are unable to extend compassion to a hurting individual, we have allowed our hearts to harden to the needs and feelings of others. There is becoming a great shortage of empathy in the world, and many more will become lonely as a result of that epidemic in itself. We have to be aware of the behaviors we are engaging in that are contributing to the loneliness of others. Denying love and attention because of our own rigid fill-in-the-blanks beliefs is one. I can't say enough that love is what unites people and it will take the sting out of everything! We don't have to agree to love! Do I have to go down that road again? Norm really doesn't like it when I go on and on....LOL no worries, I'll just let God tell us. 

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 

1 Peter 4:8 

Many in the Bible were described as walking alone, or set apart from man. When God had a big job for someone, He took them away from everyone else, and it was a very difficult period of  loneliness. Those people had the advantage of knowing God asked a very important task of them, and yet, they still struggled with extreme loneliness. Think on this. How many deeply felt battles have you been fighting, seemingly alone? Is it something God is asking you to do, and He needs to set you apart in order for you to be able to accomplish this? Who understands loneliness better than the man who died while hanging on a cross while crying out, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" Mark 15:34 

If we're always surrounded with things and people in order to curb our loneliness, maybe we're missing the spiritual point. If everything in my life has a purpose, then maybe the loneliness has a purpose too. It is possible that in order for me to learn some things and to grow the way God wanted me to grow, He had to remove me, remove something, or use the situation I was in for my good. I don't believe we are meant to be alone in this world. God provided people for our enjoyment and our help. But sometimes we need to put the small broken pieces together in order to see the bigger one, and endure a long season of hardship so that we can feast. Loneliness is no different than any other hardship.

We need companionship, and God wants us in community with others, but I also know He doesn't bring them to our doorsteps! If we need people in our lives, we need to reach out too. If we are in need, we need to assume that they are in need of companionship as well. Loneliness can make us myopic, thinking we are the only ones feeling all alone. Not true. As I've stated many times in my journey as a chronic illness warrior, I have learned how to be alone and not make it my cross to bear. You may say, yes, but you have your husband. That is true, but his body isn't the one doing the sick stuff. Mine is. :) If any of you experience illness as a chronic visitor, then you know that making and keeping physical friendships is a challenge for a time. I've learned the friendship I need to develop most in that time is with God and myself, and I'm still learning what I need to know from both of us. 

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

Isaiah 41:10 

Here's the thing about loneliness. People define it very differently according to what they are going through, and the circumstances as well as the solutions may not be the same. Children going through friendship problems can be just as lonely as a new mother without friends, and I know, because I have been through both of those things! Loneliness can either make you stronger, or it can drag you down into the pits of despair. It can be an outward expression of an inward feeling sometimes, as well as a circumstantial one. What do you think God would say about it? Ask Him. Pray and invite God into the loneliness you feel, and ask for a solution. Cry out to Him! He is listening. 

Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. 

Psalm 25:16 

While I understand and respect the governmental purpose for the parks and programs, I understand even further that God's purpose for us is even more productive. When we ask Him for people, He brings us people. When we ask Him to fill our time, He fills our time. If we are still lonely, that's on us! There is always someone to help, someone to feed, someone to reach, someone who needs what we have, and if we're still lonely, well then it's time to apply for that greeter job at Walmart!! They are some of the most jovial people who greet me. When we start looking for God's solutions and God's purposes, and we stop lamenting, we realize we aren't as alone as we think we are. I always laugh when I hear someone say, "wherever you go, there you are." If you're going to spend time alone, you should like who you are. 

God has been with us since we took our first breaths. As I've stated before and I'll remind you again, words from my dear friend and brother Norm, "You and God are a majority." If you have God, you are never alone. Are you sitting alone at home on Friday night? Yeah, maybe. But you have the power to change that. There are things to do "out there," and if you are like me and it's a little tough to get out there, then invite someone in, or call up a friend you haven't talked to in awhile! Read books on faraway places, find a hobby, adopt a pet from a shelter, volunteer to sort clothes at a mission, deliver meals on wheels or read to kids at the local school. If you don't want to do any of that, then you can't complain about being lonely either. We just can't have it both ways! (tongue in cheek, smiling at you) My point is, yes, we all go through periods of life where life is just quiet and devoid of people. I've been in that spot for awhile now. I've spent that time learning and developing in some areas where I may not have, had my health been in tact, who knows. I left social media, and while I've had certain people tell me they miss me there (and I miss them too), I can't go back to that now. I have become accustomed to my quieter life, and I am more in touch with the things I need to do to keep myself healthy. Do what works for you, but do something! 

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 

1 Peter 5:7 

I went through long periods of loneliness, beginning way back in 2012, and as I look back through all of the circumstances, I can see where God was illuminating the dark spaces. Please understand that I only speak for my own experiences here. I don't know what each one of you have experienced. All I can assure you is that God showed up for me and He continues to be my Guide. I now understand that if I am feeling alone, it is because He may be pulling me aside for something and He needs my attention. I will now place my energy within His grasp. I only suggest that you would consider doing the same. "look for yourself and be lonely. Look for Christ and you will find Him and everything else."  

If you are feeling like you are alone in this thing called life, reach out to those closest to you. Technology has allowed us to send a message in a second. We don't even have to talk on the phone anymore. Maybe that's the problem....I don't know. But don't sit there, waiting for someone to come over or call you first. We are imperfect humans, all trying to make it in this messy world. We all have hurtful days. We're all going through stuff we don't talk about! People are not mind-readers! But God is, and with His grace, and just one friend, it can make the difference. I pray you are all blessed and feeling loved today. 

 And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. 

Matthew 28:20