A Divided Mind

 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life...  

(beginning of Matthew 6:25, Jesus teaching about worry)

Worry divides the mind. A short statement, but one of many that I underlined years ago in Max Lucado's book, Traveling Light. Max further explains this by defining the biblical word for worry. It is a combination of two Greek words, merizo (to divide), and nous (the mind). So when we spend time worrying about anything, we are dividing our minds, or splitting them into parts. 

Think about a time when you were fretting about something. Did it feel like your head was going to explode? Did you feel like "tearing your hair out?" A lot of people describe anxiety this way. They feel like they are breaking into pieces, and can't pull it together. I have been there many times, so I understand a feeling of being split apart by worry and fear. It's not a good feeling. It's not a productive way to function. We weren't meant to live this way, and we can overcome this no matter what we are facing and no matter how the world looks right now. Worry may divide the mind, but God holds us together. Isaiah 55:8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.

How do we become worrywarts? Why are some people more prone to being a worrier while others seem to be more content? I believe it's about choices in many circumstances. What side do you want to find or see yourself on? One thing my kids may remember is when they were facing a decision to either do what they were told or do what they wanted to do, we would say, "Well, you can either take the hard way or the easy way." In our eyes, the easy way was to do as they were instructed, and not have to face the consequences–whether they were self-induced or parent-produced. It's no different when we follow the Lord's instructions. "Do not worry about your life." He's telling us–I've got this. You don't know better than I do. I am in control, and you are not, and it's for your own good.  Ephesians 1:11 In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will.  It's already been decided, His will is what we can rest in. We don't need to worry. God, who made the universe and us, already has it all figured out. Have you ever prayed for God's will to be done? It's the ultimate control freak's nightmare prayer. Yes, we must let things rest in God's hands, no matter what it is. I didn't say it was easy, did I? But the more we do it, the more God allows it to become part of who we are because we will be content as we trust Him more and more with the outcome. 

Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? Matthew 6:27 

These are the Words of Jesus Himself. He's asking us a pointed question He already knows the answer to, just like the question, "do you want the hard way or the easy way?" No, worrying adds some things, but what it adds are things we don't want–headaches, stomach issues, inflammation of our bodies, and a general displeasure with life. Jesus is right, so why don't we seem to believe Him? What can we do to add hours to our lives instead of worrying them away and getting(worried)sick about it too? What habits do we engage in that cause more worry?

This is just my honest opinion, but I think at least 90% of what we might see on social media posts and news stories either perpetuate worry or create anxiety in those who are prone to it. I left social media almost 3 years ago, and from what I hear, it has only gotten worse.  I think one thing that frustrated me the most about my time on social media were the people sharing misinformation without checking any facts first. It was always some souped-up story, and it was shared widely with everyone they knew. What was the point? It seemed to incite a lot of negativity in the comments, and sometimes a lot of re-sharing of the sinister post. This still goes on today with even more prominent characters in the public eye. It's irresponsible, it's so negative, and it's dangerous, but people continue to read it, share it, and repeat it. Why? Why is it that bad news and gossip is so shareable, but the Word of God and grace is somehow ignored or buried in there, or worse, only shared by a few (sometimes those same few)on a Sunday? There are so many positive things we could be doing, and yet somehow justify negative social media, constant news, and yucky conversations. 

 Psychology would tell us that we humans are hardwired for negativity because we "feel the sting of rebuke more powerfully than we feel the joy of praise." This is why a bad memory or a bad impression sticks with people longer than a good one. We are so self-centered that even if we are having a good day, we will focus on the one bad thing a coworker said and lament about it all day long. This is why we hold onto grudges and unforgiveness for so long too. Ugh! Why are we like this? Come on, people. We can do better than this. We were made for more than this! You should hear my Bible pages just a swishin' today, looking for the verses I need to squash this psychobabble! Genesis 1:27 So God created man in his image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. There it is! 

Okay, so morally, spiritually, and intellectually, we were created in the image of the Creator of the universe. Ahem, excuse me, but that's amazing. I don't know about you, but I can't get over it. THIS is how we are actually described in the Bible: God's workmanship (Eph. 2:10), A branch of the true vine (John 15:5), A child of God (John 1:12) A Saint (1 Cor. 1:2), heirs (Rom. 8:17), a temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 6:19), the righteousness of God (2 Cor. 5:21), chosen, holy and blameless (Eph. 1:4), an ambassador for Christ (2 Cor. 5:20), Redeemed and forgiven (Eph. 1:7), and more that I didn't even list. Hmm...I did not see "Worrywart" on that list. Let's remember who we are! Again, a child of the One True King, in case it slipped your mind from last week. 

It kind of embarrasses me to think of all the stuff I say when I look at that list. I clearly need to remember who I am. This doesn't mean we are perfect people and I am far from it. But this means God sees us as His light, and if I want to reflect that light, I need to be more of what He sees than what the world sees or what I see in it. I can't be unforgiving with one part of me while being loving with the other. Knowing the truth is part of solving this issue, at least with me. James 3:9-12 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

In the case of these rampant social media posts, we need to be responding with a godly answer even if we're not communicating with people who know the Lord. We can probably figure out why we don't see a lot of  this on negative posts. Grace is sometimes seen as "flip-flopping," weakness, fence-sitting, or my personal favorite, "head-in-the-sand." So if you're not raging on an issue one way or the other, people automatically assume you don't have a brain or a spine. Peace comes at a price, at least with the world, but peace is priceless when you understand that it has nothing to do with what you gain on this earth. Whatever side you fall on, whether it's a wordy worrier of the world, a careful minded person, a fire and brimstone Bible banger, or whatever you may be, the best thing to do is to meet people where they are, and not where you'd like them to be. At the end of the day, it won't matter what people think. They're going to think it anyway. But it does matter what God thinks, so mind what and how you say things, what you choose to share, and how you approach others. 

We are reminded that it is really easy to sin when we get in our flesh and our self-righteousness. We think, "I just know I'm right about this issue, so I'm going to blast this particular person, issue, or even on the faith side, I'm going to preach this or that, forgetting that God doesn't need a sidekick." (my dear friend and mentor taught me this) But the problem is, no matter what we're going to say, if we don't go to God about it first, we might make a mess of things.  2 Timothy 16-17 Avoid Godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly. Their teaching will spread like gangrene. Our careless talk is described like a disgusting disease that spreads and takes people with it. Even if we think we are right about something, sometimes we need to be careful with HOW we say what even God says in His Word. We can't use His Word as a weapon against people just to get our own point across. Sometimes when we are worried about something, we get a little wordy. Oh, yes, I've done all of this! I may do it again maybe today or tomorrow if I'm not mindful. Proverbs 10:19 When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. 

If we're going to trust anyone to get us through these world messes, let us trust God. There is too much faith and admiration placed on individuals to get us through hard times without the realization that all of these individuals are just flawed human beings. They do not deserve to be put on pedestals. Not politicians who make vows to fix everything just to get votes. Not newscasters who run to every battlefield because they are paid to do so, and not every leader, just because they are "popular" for some unknown reason. This materialistic world is built for success and advancement, not so much for humility and kindness, sadly. If the kind and humble were in charge, we'd never hear about how they changed the world. We would just start to see it.  How popular was Jesus when he walked the earth? Jesus tells us in John 3:19-21 This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God." Jesus said it Himself. Some people just don't want truth or light, and will choose to stay in the dark with their sin. We need to stop giving more power to the powerful, and give that admiration and faith to the One who actually changes things in this world. Psalm 100:1-3 Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the Lord is God. It is hw who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. And as my friend Norm reminds me all the time, let's pray for our world leaders, that God would guide their hearts to righteousness. 

So what are we? Lightness or darkness? A worried, divided mind will eventually take people with it. Romans 16:17-18 I urge you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them. For such people are not serving our Lord Christ, but their own appetites. By smooth talk and flattery they deceive the minds of naive people.  We have to be filled up with the Word of God so that our minds automatically know what God says about it. If you know what God says, you question what the world says. If you know what God does, you will question what the world says to do. We have to have our minds made up ahead of time so that we are prepared in times of stress and anxiety. I do believe worrying can lead to other deceptive things, and can also lead others astray in the process. When we trust that God is in control, we don't have to try to control everything and everyone around us. Psalm 22:28 for dominion belongs to the Lord and he rules over the nations. 

So if we're not worrying about every disaster we see or every situation we hear about, what are we doing instead? If we want to help instead of worry, we can find many ways by helping others, whether by volunteerism, donations, or other needed services. But another thing we can do is to pray. While there are many people in the world who may scoff at the notion of "thoughts and prayers," there are others who know and believe that genuine prayer is powerful. Prayer is direct communication with God. Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. When we go to God humbly in prayer, we are believing in faith that He hears us and will answer us. He will remove our worries, prepare us for battle, and help us to overcome barriers in order to help others. It's no small thing to pray or for someone to pray for us. Matthew 11:28-29 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Jesus doesn't promise to remove the burden, but He does promise to help us carry it. I do believe this prayer extends to how we find the state of our world. We are not expected to carry the burdens of the world any more than we carry our own personal ones. God is with us wherever we go. 

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Come and see the works of the Lord, the desolations he has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear, he burns the shields with fire. "Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." 

Psalm 46:1-10 

With God, We've Got This

 Lord, I have heard of your fame; I stand in awe of your deeds,  O Lord. Renew them in our day, in our time make them known; in wrath remember mercy. Habakkuk 3:2 

Rampant fear is commonplace in the world today, as is a deep suspicion of all things political, media-driven, or just authority or people in general. It's exactly the kind of vulnerable environment in which Satan thrives—terrified, worried, discordant, paranoid—a cushy domain for working his own personal terrorism upon each individual. Sometimes people aren't aware enough of his tricks, and though Satan doesn't deserve our full attention, he does warrant the acknowledgement that his loser behind has no business being anywhere near us. When we allow fear and lies to override our faith, we leave ourselves open to his attacks by allowing doubt and anxiety to crowd everything we know to be true about and from God. 1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 

Fear is a death sentence delivered directly from the enemy. I know that was a bold sentence, but if we live in constant fear or always bent out of shape about something, we're not really living from a place of trust in God to take care of us. One way I think of it is that love increases–adding lightness and brightness, but fear shrinks us into the shadows–small and dark. Fear is a thief and a liar, while love gives, and tells the truth. Fear steals the peace that God gives us freely. John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. Fear makes us believe we have to do something in our own strength, instead of relying on God for His. Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Does this mean that if we have faith, we will never be afraid? Of course not. We all face difficult situations in life that can leave us fearful, but we are to trust God with our fears. Psalm 56:3 When I am afraid, I will trust in you. 

In fact, Habakkuk, though he had a strong relationship with God, came to him with fear and  big complaints, much like many people do. I see fear and questions about God's competence all the time in comments while reading news stories. I know, why do I even scroll down that far? But it seems that some people want to blame God every time there is a big, bad event.  "If God was real," they say, "why would He let these terrible things even happen?" I like those kinds of questions better than some of the other comments, actually. At least it leaves room for an intelligent answer. When Habakkuk posed similar questions to God, God actually replied. His first complaint–Habakkuk 1:1-4 How long, O Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, "Violence!" but you do not save? Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong? Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and conflict abounds. Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails. The wicked hem in the righteous, so that justice is perverted. Can you relate to Habakkuk's frustrations here? He was living through some troubled times himself, and he was struggling with a broken heart by what he was seeing around him, much like many of us still are to this day. But he responded by going to God with his questions! He took his heart full of concerns straight to God and waited for His answer. He went directly to the Source. 

God answered Him in the same way He answers us, because although we live in a different time period than that of Habakkuk, we are still struggling with the same kinds of world problems. Violence, corruption, wickedness, liars, and people seemingly getting away with all of it, all while the innocent suffer. This is what was frustrating Habakkuk too. The Lord answered–Habakkuk 1:5- Look at the nations and watch–and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told. I am raising up the Babylonians, that ruthless and impetuous people, who sweep across the whole earth to seize dwelling places not their own. While Habakkuk was confused by what God was doing, in the end, God in fact did exactly as He said He was going to do. Habakkuk 2:3-4 For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it certainly come and will not delay. See, he is puffed up; his desires are not upright–but the righteous will live by his faith. 

There it is. Wait for it, God told him. In due time, In My perfect timing, In My perfect plan. I will work it out. In the long run, those people who are seemingly getting away with everything will certainly be punished. We can't forget that God hates sin way more than we ever could! Even if we don't see the justice in the end, we are assured that He will take care of the wrongdoings of this world. Why that timing and sometimes His method makes no sense to us is the great mystery, right? We can't begin to comprehend God's ways because we are not God. What will bring peace in these types of situations is to humble ourselves and put our trust in the Lord, and not lose our cool every time we're not happy with the way things are going. Patience? Yes, that too. Heaps of that. Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 

Habakkuk concludes his conversation with God by praising Him for answering his questions and acknowledging that He trusts that He is in control. Habakkuk 3:16-18 I heard and my heart pounded, my lips quivered at the sound; decay crept into my bones, and my legs trembled. Yet I will wait patiently for the day of calamity to come on the nation invading us. Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.  There it is. He will rejoice and he will be joyful in God, no matter what. That is the faith that gives him peace. That is the same faith that will give us peace when we are staring down our own lack and calamities. 1 Peter 5:6-7 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.  I don't know about you, but I'm not going to give the devil a foothold in my soul by freaking out over the wretched condition of the world. 1 John 4:4 You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. 

We can choose to ruminate on all the negativity in the world and scream that the sky is falling every time something terrible happens. There are people who do this, and don't even realize how much of their physical, spiritual, and emotional energy is wasted by recanting bad news and fretting over every tribulation they hear. The other choice is to take our concerns to God, trust Him to work those issues out in His time for His purpose and for our good, and then trust for those things to take place. Then praise Him in all circumstances, because it will do our achy breaky heart a lot of good. It will brighten, lighten, and free up all those small dark, shadowy, scary places that fear would have us pinned. We can't possibly understand the wisdom of God and why things don't happen in our human time frame. That doesn't mean He's not doing some major behind-the-scenes work. God's grace will help us get through anything coming our way if we just hold on to Him. With God, we've got this. 

Thank you, Lord, for showing us in your Word what you've already done, so we can expect what you're going to do, even if we don't know what that looks like yet. Help us to put our full trust and faith in your plan instead of our own. In Jesus' name, Amen. 

Who Am I and Who Are You?

 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, "Where are you?" Genesis 3:8-9

Where are you? It's the simple question God asked Adam in Genesis 3:9, soon after he and Eve had wrongfully eaten from the tree in the middle of the garden—the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Adam, knowing he had sinned against God, was hoping to get away with it by hiding from God. He then blamed Eve for giving him the fruit. The old sin, shame, and then blame someone else game.  I often wonder, what would have happened if he would have been honest in the very beginning. Honest with God, honest with himself, and honest with Eve. We can't picture it, because the world we live in is the result of those sins. We can only try to imagine what could have been. 

What would have happened if Adam would have said, "Nope. Not gonna eat that. Not on my fig watch, cutie." Before I get in trouble for not holding Eve accountable, I will just assert that the question "Where are you?" was directed to Adam, and that's where I am focusing, for the most part. I am well aware that it was Eve who was first approached by the serpent. Genesis 3: 4 "You will not surely die," the serpent said to the woman. "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." She heard God's instructions, but was tempted by having more, as many of us are still today. As a married couple, God gave them responsibilities first as individual people, and then oneness as a united couple. Genesis 2:24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. Not only are they accountable for their own individual sins, but they were to help each other stay out of trouble. In this instance, it went sideways fast. I've said before that I am no theologian, but it seems to me that they didn't protect each other here. When we don't heed blatant warnings, we will suffer the consequences. We often take people with us—people we love and people we don't even know. Our sin rarely just affects us personally. Satan easily made the sin so attractive to Eve, and the instruction God gave her went as easily out the garden gate. It's these types of diversions that we still face today, and if we're not careful, we can start justifying them and hiding them just like Adam. For direction, wisdom, and important decisions, seek out the Lord's help, because we see early in creation how cunning and crafty Satan is. Psalm 32:8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. 

My intention was to write about the topic of staying true to yourself, but instead, the question of "who are you?" came to my mind. I think God asking Adam "where are you" is along those same lines. God knows everything, so of course He already knew Adam was hiding from his sin. In essence, He was asking, Who are you, Adam, and what are you doing? What are you doing with the life I gave you? Are you going to mess up everything I just gave you for one delicious bite of a stupid fruit I told you not to even mess around with in the first place? These are good questions to ask ourselves as well. Where am I, and what am I doing? Who am I following? Can I confidently say, "Here I am, Lord. Here is what I'm doing. With the talents and resources you gave me. With the upbringing you placed me in. With the body you provided me. With the people you placed around me. With all the blessings and the challenges you have walked me through. HERE I AM, Lord." If not, what am I  saying? How easily can I be diverted when the right decisions are right in front of me? Well, sin is easy, that is true, but I'm not tackling that huge topic today.

This big question definitely has something to do with being "true to ourselves," but being true to who we are has everything to do with who God designed us to be. Who we are truly is who we were destined to be when God created our being. Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." We were known, set apart, and appointed as prophets. That's pretty cool. Great, but what does it mean to be true and honest with who and where we are? Being true to oneself and knowing who we are starts with an actual personal relationship with our Creator.  It's not only knowing Who created us, but knowing His character too. Genesis 1:27 So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.  We were created in the image of God. As a non-theologian, I can only simply surmise that we were made by love, to love, because of great love. 

What happens as we travel throughout life is we take on a lot of garbage and lose sight of that great love along the way. Some of that garbage is the result of Adam and Eve's choice in the garden. Sometimes we do what Adam did. We start blaming someone else for our lame mistakes. How we were raised, we weren't given enough, we had to pay our own way, we struggled, didn't get to go here or there, didn't have what our friends and neighbors had, stress made us eat too much, drink too much, do this or that, and on and on the excuses go for why someone should see why we need a break or shouldn't have to work as hard to get to where that "god" is, whatever it may be in that person's life.  I know that didn't sound very compassionate, but when we start blaming everyone else for why we don't have something or feel we deserve something better for doing nothing, it is really a root of being ungrateful for what we've already been given. It's like Satan doesn't even need to do his dirty work because we're already sitting around being lazy, ungrateful swine. It's like we are born with our eyes focused on God, but as we grow and fall in love with the world, our eyes turn away, much like Adam and Eve's did in the garden. 

I thought about what Eve must have been thinking as she stood there in this absolutely perfect garden that God had provided for her and her new love, and still she wanted something MORE. Adam enabled her by going along with the quest for MORE when he agreed to eat the fruit too! What if they had both been grateful for what they already had? What if they had looked around and said, "What a gorgeous place! And if God has blessed us with this, we must take care of it!" They had healthy bodies, fresh water and food, and a place to live with no shame. How many people do you know who already seem to have enough, but just seem to want more, more, and more? Or what they had was already good, but they keep throwing it away to get something even "better"? Are we those people too? It's a gratitude deficiency. When we become more aware of God's hand and His will and purpose over our lives, it will become even harder to lust for everything, wallow in self-pity, or place blame on others when we are unhappy, because we TRUST in Him to work everything out for our good. Romans 8:28-29 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. It's not necessary to have all the things and place unnecessary blame when we are trusting God for whatever the outcome may be.  The fact that we are just as predestined, called, and foreknown as Adam and Eve, should tell us that we are loved and have a purpose much higher than we can even comprehend. Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. 

The key to being true to ourselves is being grateful. At the heart of gratitude is humility, and being humbled prepares us for the kind of service God will use us for. When we know God better, we will get a sense when we are not being true to the person we are called to be. Elijah heard it as a still small voice, 1Kings 19:12-13 and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice. So it was, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave. Suddenly a voice came to him, and said, "What are you doing here, Elijah?" God wants us to be genuine and He will speak to our hearts if we are listening for His voice. 

Who are you today? You are a child of the One True King. That I know for sure. 

Carry Them In Your Heart

 I heard someone say recently something along these lines, "She gave you her open heart. You broke it. Don't expect her to be the same again with you. When she gave you her heart, that was a gift. You didn't treat it like a gift. Her heart will never again be that open to you, and now you're paying the price of never knowing her like that again." I feel this. Can you? As both a recipient of hurt and a deliverer of it, I can feel the pain of not being able to trust again someone who betrayed my open heart. I also know the pain of not being able to win over a person whose heart I broke. Both are equally painful, because a person's heart is something we must treat with respect, care, and the utmost compassion. If we don't, we will know and feel the consequences of our actions. 

Love one another. John 13:34

I saw a comment recently that read something like this, "I hurt my friend. When I realized how much I had hurt her, I apologized, but she didn't accept it, and our friendship ended.  I had to sit in those feelings for awhile and realize that just because I saw how my actions affected her, and just because I apologized, it didn't mean she had to accept either of those things. I had to move on." This is maturity, and it's not easy. We think because we discovered the wound that we can just magically bandage it up, rid ourselves of the heavy guilt, and move on. But it doesn't work that way. Our damage we inflict on others is far-reaching, even if we don't realize it at the time. Even if that friend would have accepted the apology and forgiven her, that friendship may never be the same again, because the relationship trust has been compromised. I've been in a friendship where I accepted an apology and gave forgiveness, but I can tell you to this day that I don't even know why the friendship actually ended. It hurt immensely at the time, because she just started avoiding me. Today we are cordial, but it could never return to what it was. This is a person I let into my heart and my life, whose family I loved like my own, and poof—one day she just decided she was done with me. People do this all the time. To me and to you. But it's not what God commanded of us. It's not loving at all. It's messy and painful, and it breeds contempt if we let it.  

My heart has been open, broken, confused, and deserted time and time again. How about you? It's the price of being born a human. We are not AI-assisted robots, unfortunately. This is not a 2024 revelation. We all go through painful situations that involve other people. We cause them, and we are the recipients of them. In fact, I used to write profusely about relationships because it was how I worked through some of those difficult times. I've been told I give too many chances. I kind of giggle at that. Really? I mean, I give at least 17, and then after that, forget it! I'm only going to give you 100 more! Sigh....I know. But if you've been here long enough, you know I just want the best outcome for you and for me. To me, the best is always to figure it out and be buddies, right? Yeah, ideally, but it doesn't always work out like a movie ending, I get it. Relationships will always be difficult, because people (we) are not perfect. We are not, but God is. God can heal what we break on a daily basis. Thank you, Lord, for giving us eternal chances. 

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalms 147:3

People are unpredictable. People are going through things we know nothing about, and they may not share everything with us. People come and people go. People leave our lives because things are happening in theirs that have nothing to do with ours. Sometimes the things happening in our lives make those things hurt even more, because we sometimes need people right when they leave us. Timing is everything, isn't it? Being and feeling lonely are two different things. I learned that too. I can be lonely for a time when I was surrounded by lots of friends and activities, but I can also appreciate that my life has now quieted enough to narrow down the things that I have had to focus myself on. I have learned the value of having a few close, dedicated friends, rather than the revolving door I once had. Throughout all of those years, I have seen many versions of myself, and who I am today is not who I was during those friendships. I would like to think that I have grown, matured in my faith, and become more understanding and loving and strong. This is what we must do each time we encounter hardships with people or we will become bitter.  We can thank each person we encountered for what we learned from them, forgive them for what we perceived as a hurt, apologize if necessary, and then keep it moving. We need to keep growing into who God made us to be, and not get sidetracked by the past and the things that hurt us there. Isaiah 43:18 Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32

Some relationships will stand the test of time. They will endure the mistakes and the missteps we make, and they will give us the grace we don't deserve. They will grow stronger after a disagreement, rather than colder. Yes, there are those kinds of people. There are the people of our hearts, who long to keep getting to know us, who want to be there when we are going through life changes, and cheer us on when the world can't wait to jeer us. I have a few of these, and I am so grateful. My family contains some of my besties! Don't overlook the most obvious, faithful Friend of all. When we love like Jesus, we become the best friend we can be. We leave our egos at the door and simply give our hearts to the one who needs it more than we do. God says it best in Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. If a friend loves at all times, then I still carry those old friends who don't count me, because I still love them, and I probably always will. They all gave me something in my heart worth keeping along the way. 

God bless you in the New Year! May you feel and know the friendship of God.