Honest Reflections

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely, or unhappy is to go outside...I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles. 

–Anne Frank, The Diary of Anne Frank

I've been struggling. Sometimes I feel so defeated that I just don't enjoy the things that used to make me happy. Ironically, I miss the things that used to bring me joy. I'm just struggling. Sometimes life just deals normal "life" things, but they can drain us of energy, strength, time, joy, peace, and the spirit that makes us feel whole. Mother's day began with a 7am wakeup call alerting me that my brother was taken to the hospital and was on a ventilator, and it wasn't looking good. The next two weeks were a complicated journey for him and an emotional one for our family. He is now recovering, praise the Lord. There is more for him to do here, as I've told him. Our family, like many families, has had its share of difficult times, and as we get older, it seems to get harder. 

Part of getting older is that these urgent crises just seem to come too close together and there isn't time to even recover between them. Just when you think one thing is "over," another begins. Maybe that describes life in a sentence for some, but I haven't always lived that way–waiting for the other shoe to drop. Since 2020, I've been in a hypervigilant state, more concerned about everything. More worried, less joyful, and more alone than I've ever felt in my life. My life has changed and I'm not sure I've embraced all the changes.

I share this because even though I talk to less than 7 people on the regular, I know I can't be the only one who feels this way. Many people feel and are isolated. Maybe it's due to the fallout they experienced since the world changed so drastically, or maybe their own world changed drastically and nothing feels right, including themselves. 

As a believer in Christ, I often feel guilty that I feel weak or unsure or fearful, as I urge everyone else to lean on the Lord for strength and ability. But the truth is, it is sometimes easier to help others than it is to see what we need ourselves. Sometimes the encourager needs to be encouraged and the helper needs to be helped. Sometimes the one who seems the strongest is the one who's just been holding on really tight, trying not to break. 

I have gotten better at voicing where I'm at with my mental health, and sometimes we need to let others know the truth about that so they can try to understand.  People aren't mind readers. People also aren't our personal counselors. If a professional counselor is what we need, that is a perfectly smart and healthy resource to call upon. It helps to have an objective person to sort things out, and sometimes problems aren't as bad as we imagine them to be when understood  by someone who can put them in perspective. 

It's okay to not feel like we have it all together all the time and to not know the answers, even when we know Who has the answer. Knowing and living faith are two different things, and getting on the working path can take some time. I know this, and I also know that struggles are necessary for growth, so what I'm going through will produce something purposeful at some point. It just doesn't feel great at this moment. Romans 5:3-5 We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. 

I think it's important that while we should share our struggles with someone who truly cares for us, it is also important to take care of ourselves. Having even one trusted person to share our thoughts and hearts with will help us stay connected to someone who genuinely has our best interest at heart. Galatians 6:2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. I stress "truly cares" and "genuinely," because we really have to make sure that we don't turn to people we don't trust or who aren't invested listeners or to put it bluntly, "don't have a clue." It can cause more pain to trust in unreliable people, especially when our feelings are open wounds at times. 

It can become a vicious cycle when we are hurting to just keep getting hurt over and over. That's a pretty good sign that there is some work to be done inside, and we are not alone in this struggle, even if it feels that way at the time. I think there is a whole lot more to say on this topic, but I will leave it there for now. 

Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea resound, and all that is in it. Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them; let all the trees of the forest sing for joy. Psalms 96:11-12 

One thing that helps me when I get into one of those cycles is to get myself outside. It has always been my go-to for a healing experience, and continues to help me re-focus. Nature is God's way of comforting us. Go outside, take off your shoes, and sit with the sun on your face for just a little while. Let the birds sing you back into harmony, and take some deep breaths. Watch some clouds, feel the breeze on your face. If I had it my way, I'd live much closer to a Great Lake so I could get to the waves and the sunset every single day. That is where I feel completely free and unburdened. We all have a place that helps us heal. Let God heal you with His creation. Breathe it in! 

One breath prayer I learned is:

(Inhale) Wherever I go, Lord,

(Exhale) You are there.

Keep repeating the prayer as you breathe in and out. ( from Charles Stanley's Field Guide to God's Presence) As you breathe in and out, focus your heart and mind on Jesus and hear what He has to say to you.

Other physical ways to take care of ourselves are to make sure we are eating healthy foods, drinking plenty of water, getting adequate sleep, and getting some form of exercise. Do something we love at least once a day, whether it is reading a book, engaging in a favorite sport or hobby, or just going for a drive. My golf cart is my favorite thing right now, with my speaker in the back, playing my favorite songs while I tool around in the woods with my sweet dog, Angel. 

Keeping a gratitude journal helps us to stay focused on what we are thankful for. I start with basic things such as a roof over my head and fresh water to drink. People in many countries would love what we seem to take for granted. When we are thankful, we will find that there is much more good than bad going on, and we can feel stronger just knowing that. Just thanking the Lord for being present for every trouble is a daily gratitude we can share. I'm not a "cotton candy positive" kind of person, but I do feel that looking for the blessing in every messy situation has helped me to recover faster than I have in the past. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 

When we engage in self-care, sometimes we feel guilty or selfish, but we need to view it as a way to become our best selves. When we fill our own cups, we have more to give to others. An unhappy, exhausted individual is of no service to anyone else. I find that the reason I am struggling is because I have neglected all of the things that make me feel centered and normal, and I am now trying to pour from an empty cup. It makes me kind of bristly and tired and negative. Not fun! 

We can blame things on menopause, the economy, the weather, or whatever we want, but we're still responsible for how we care for others, and it does start with how well we're taking care of ourselves. My friend recently told me to learn the word, "NO," and I think in some circumstances, that is life-changing for those who don't set boundaries and find themselves miserable and overextended. I definitely think setting boundaries is another form of self-care we don't think about enough. That's another blog in itself. 

I wasn't going to write at all this month, as I'm overly busy and have gotten myself stuck in a bit of a flight, fight, and freeze state at times with the overwhelming things ahead. I find that if I write, it helps, so I hope something I've said here helps you as well. My encouragement to myself and to others is that "this too shall pass". I am strong, because the Lord is with me, and whatever comes my way, He will fight it ahead of me. My feelings are temporary and do not indicate truth or permanence. Blessings to you! 

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. 

Deuteronomy 31:8