Happy New Year, I think...
I've been taking some time away from here, but not time away from my writing, of course. Between sickness, another wedding, and sickness before and during the wedding (yeah, that was me), holidays, and life in general, it got really crazy between September and now.
I began the new year with an intense Interstitial Cystitis flare, and what that means if you don't know what that condition is, is intense pain in the bladder area with little to no relief for days on end. It taxes me physically, mentally, and in every other way.
I can't speak for others who deal with chronic illnesses, but I have heard others describe it that same way, and my heart goes out to them. While we should not and cannot compare our life situations, feelings, physical conditions, or any other "thing" with one another, we should hold space for those who suffer in any way. Suffering seems to be a common thread we all share these days. John 13:34 A new command I give you: Love one another. Supporting and loving people through pain is one way to help them heal.
I came back here briefly to share a website that I came across while scrolling the internet, looking for help for a family member going through a serious illness. I found what I needed, but I also found something I needed too.
It's not always easy to talk about pain. There will be people who dismiss it because it makes them uncomfortable. Compare it, because there is "always someone worse off than you, doncha know?" Or my favorite, "but you don't look sick, you were fine yesterday," and all the ones that fit in that category. Or "people who don't talk about their pain are so strong!" Here's the problem, no one should be judging anyone else's pain. Ever.
Pain is pain. It is there to express–physically, emotionally, spiritually. If you feel safe to express it, I hope the person on the other end is lovingly receiving it and nurturing you in a way that makes you feel supported and heard. A broken leg is understood, right? People often get up out of a chair so that person can sit. Rides are offered, and casseroles are made. But when those of us with invisible illnesses walk in a room, it is just that-invisible. We need to be able to share, because the things that we feel in our bodies can be pretty hard to handle in the mind. We feel that because we "look fine on the outside," we won't be understood for the pain we are experiencing, and it's because we've been shut down for it many times. People who have chronic pain are often accused of taking too many pain medications. That may be so, and there are those of us where pain medications are not even effective and we still get side-eyed at the doctor's office because we have chronic conditions and mention pain. This, among many other reasons is why we don't get to judge other people and their pain. WE don't know the story, let alone the whole story. I know my story, and I know that I appreciate being understood. It just makes life easier for me.
And why is it so important that pain is understood? I'm learning that it has to do with pride, performance, and purpose. Because we want people to know that we aren't doing something in the world because we're sick, not because we can't. It matters what people think because we think we're being measured by others and not by what GOD thinks. That's a big oops, and yet pain is what makes that so much more evident. Pain makes me more aware that the purpose I have in this world is somehow diminished because I can't do this and I can't do that, and I haven't even thought that maybe that pain is for something bigger because the pain keeps me from everything and everyone, so how could it? Pride keeps us working toward an image in our minds that we think we and others have of us, instead of the one God has for us, and I'll be the first to admit it is a hard lesson. The world is a messed up place!
I believe God heard the cry of my soul, because somehow I came across a website called chronic-joy.org. Tears came to my eyes as I read the description of the Christian woman who is behind it, and the challenges she faces. As I read the titles of the materials that are available, I suddenly felt another human being understood the battles I face alone. The loss of hope, and constant seeking of my worth among a world that bases success on outward accomplishments.
There are days I am on the mountain, and days I am in the valley. There are helpful lessons in both. There also needs to be love and purpose in both. Yes, God is always there, even when I feel alone in my pain, and some people in pain experience a loneliness that can't be explained. I will keep seeking my healing and keep praying for the ones around me who are also dealing with illnesses, conditions, and judgments beyond their control. Job 42:10 After Job had prayed for his friends, the LORD made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before.
God bless you if this is your journey, and check out the website at www.chronic-joy.org for more information.
