I Know What I'm About....Few Others Do...

Just popping in because I miss "real writing". Facebook, though I've given it the college try and enjoyed some of the stuff, truly, it hasn't been good for me.  It brings out a side of me I don't like! It irritates me most of the time. Turns me into "judge judy", though I do enjoy her. I try to post positive things and sometimes I post something after a conversation with a certain person just to let them know I'm still thinking of them. That part of it seems okay so far.

Somehow being "included' on Facebook actually makes me feel more isolated. I can't explain it, but it doesn't meet a need in me. It creates a void. My favorite part of Fb so far has been being able to interact with my family more. My sister, aunt, cousins, nieces, and nephews....one of which I've never met, but he"friended" me. Maybe that's why I won't delete my account. It's at least a bridge to maybe having  a relationship with a brother I haven't seen since I was about 10....and his 4 beautiful children I've never met. Have I ever told you how much that hurts? Maybe I just can't...I loved being an aunt to my other nieces and nephews. I say that in past tense because it's been so long since they've "needed" me. Those years of being the "favorite aunt" are long gone, and they went too fast. (I became an aunt at 11,  hardly time to do what I would certainly be able to do today) Maybe Facebook makes me see what and who I've missed...what I wish I could have done...maybe I'm just going through my "change", as my mother likes to point out often. No, mom, I'm pretty sure I'm just deep.

Facebook serves to "unite" people, but somehow it makes me feel divided.  Who is "friends" with who, who hasn't "friended" you, who you are trying to "hide" from your timeline.... (I had to do this....it was so annoying...I'm sorry)  And what about those high school friends? I don't know about you but I am NOT the same person I was in high school, so I actually feel like I have no friends left from high school. In the last few years I have listened to God's leading as far as who should be in my life and who should not, and it's not always easy to see that face popping up on my screen. No, I don't want to friend you right now. Or ever.

Is that healthy? Is it Godly? Hmmm....I know, I know, I know....mercy, love, gentleness, kindness....and all the virtues I strive to develop. Sometimes you have to toss the things out that don't allow you to be what you want to be. I think I need to either limit my facebook time or get off altogether because it seems to do more harm to my spirit than good. Is it facebook's fault? Of course not, but it has been linked to depression. Having gone through that before, I can honestly see where that can happen, especially with teens. 

A long time ago, I felt God directing me to be more "myself". And since then, I have lost friends! It was a real time of feeling rejection from people. It's hard not to. Rejection has been in my life for as long as I can remember, and it is a stronghold for sure. You have to be deliberate about the situations you get into. Careful about the people you allow into your life and heart. Always checking yourself to make sure you stay rooted in Christ. It's a big job, and right now, Facebook isn't helping me.  But I have to say, I would rather be "me" than have a bunch of phony people around me.

Sigh...was this post about facebook? I don't know.....

Break Time

I'm doing it again....wondering why I keep up with my blogging. So, I'm taking a nice break, especially while hubby is home for a week. I've lost my readers to Facebook, I guess! I went on Facebook recently, and it's just not as personal as a blog. I know it's faster, but it's less interesting for sure. It's fun sometimes, but it's not my style. I am a writer at heart. Maybe this is God's way of saying, "do something different with your writing." Who knows. Either way, I'm taking a break.

For my two A's who read me most, thank you. I will be back...at some point. Just need a break. I will still be writing over at Miss Angel's Neighborhood...unless that tanks too.

Thanks! 

Return to Grateful

Awhile back, I asked God to help me in an area of my life. I mean, I really asked him! I didn’t just say, oh, my weight, my finances, my this, my that….I asked Him for specific help in one specific area. And then I waited. I spent some time being frustrated by what I thought was His silence. What I was really frustrated with was the fact that He was working some things out and preparing my heart. What I thought was a major inconvenience and a real downer was actually God humbling me. God took some things from me. I got confused. He replaced those things with different things. I began to see and understand.  Then I watched and I waited for the next lesson. It came. And then another. Even though things did not (and do not always) appear to have really changed the way I wanted them to, I began to have faith and hope in God’s power to change me. A little at a time.

Some of the things he took from me were material. Some were desires of mine. He replaced them with peace and a knowing that at the right time, He would provide. He wanted me to change the way I thought about a few things. I did.  There are things He has asked me not to do, and I haven’t done them. And because I have obeyed in this area, He is giving me peace about it.  He is giving me better than I had before.

On my weak days, I feel a little self-pity, a little panic, a little anger. But then I remember how far God has brought me and I return to grateful. Blessed. Patient. Obedient.

There are a lot of things in our flesh we may want “fixed”. We may even make a list of what we’re going to do and how we’re going to do it. We think if we join this or join that we’ll lose weight, and blah , blah, blah. Trust me. Unless you are on board, really on board about the change you want to see in your life, you can forget it. God will not just wave a magic wand and change you. He will see how much you trust Him to help you achieve that change. You have to move. Then He will move, and you better be ready and willing to go wherever He takes you.

We would all love a miracle, but the real lesson learned of any difficult thing is how strong did I become because of this situation? How much closer did I get to God because of my struggle? Who can I help now that I know just a tiny bit more than before?  I think the biggest lesson I learn in anything is, It’s not about me. The more I turn inward, thinking of me and what I want, the more God reminds me that it’s not about me. He then has to remind me not to look around at others and compare myself to them, good or bad! He reminds me that He has a purpose for me, He has things appointed for me, He has a plan and a timing that is mine and no one else’s. I need only keep my eyes on Him and my heart open to His lead.