What I Learned From Waiting

It has occurred to me that everything good in my life is something I had to wait for. I was the youngest of 4, sometimes 5, so waiting was just as common as breathing for me. I waited for my sister to be done with her bike so I could ride it. (I did not like her bike at all, and it was given to me as a birthday regift. Could be related, ya think?) So, I waited for my brother to get tired of his ten speed before finally claiming it for my own. I waited and waited for my babysitting money to pile up, then I went and purchased my first new bike on my own. It was worth it. I was always saving for something, never careless with money at all. I valued things because I had to wait for them. My parents would say to me constantly, "it's good to want". Yes, I got tired of hearing it, but it was often the "wanting" I was coveting, not the item itself. Oddly enough, the real goodness turned out to be the wait.

There is nothing in my life that I've ever gone through that came easy or fast for me. It seemed I was always waiting for something or someone, and while others seemed to breeze by, I was still waiting. I'd like to say how it has taught me endurance and patience, but it was mostly frustrating at the time! It's only now that I can see where the waiting was the necessary piece of every puzzle I would one day put together.

I got sick in college and was forced to quit. I waited and waited while doctor after doctor seemed to mess with me, then tell me to try this drug and simply wait. My life sat on hold for years as I waited. Years I can't get back. I met Steve while I was waiting. Guess it wasn't so bad to wait after all, right? I waited patiently while he did what he needed to do to create a stable life for us before we could be married. I waited forever it seemed! It turns out I needed that time of waiting to be completely sure he was the one for me. By the way, he still is.

We bought our first house while renting in Midland. We waited for a closing that never seemed to happen, then had to move in with my parents after only a few months of marriage as our rental house was going up for sale. We waited again, frustrated that we couldn't just jump into that house and start our lives. We waited to have children because we wanted to be ready, then found we would still be waiting as it didn't happen for quite awhile. At this point in my life, I was sick and tired of being left waiting, but I knew enough to accept whatever would be. I was so familiar with this loser concept of waiting that I began to feel it was a heavy cloud over me. I began to feel picked upon, singled out, and it made me feel small and insignificant. It was so unfair! Yes, waiting can do that to a person's spirit if they're not careful.

We finally had the baby we wanted, and turns out, we didn't have to wait long at all for baby #2! The one time I could have used the extra waiting.....oh well. We planned and waited for years to build our dream home and let me tell you....waiting was torture through the whole process. We had one builder. One! We hired out some of the bigger jobs, and did much of the work ourselves with the help of our dads. We waited for help that didn't come. I can tell you that all that waiting made us appreciate our new home even more. I am still waiting for some trimwork though...

There are things in my life that I begged God to fix, cried out to him in desperation and tears, and still he made me wait. It was only through my waiting that I could see His power and His hand over me. I really had to understand that I wasn't in control, and I couldn't do it on my own. He took this headstrong, stubborn, independent girl and put her in a time out! As soon as I acknowledged Him and gave Him the glory for all I had waited for, I finally felt the peace that comes with waiting. Yes. Peace. Not frustration. I'm not saying waiting is easy. We waited for months for my uncle's healing, and instead watched him leave this world. Was the waiting worth it then? I have to believe there is a purpose in everything we wait for, whether it's what we want or not. It's got to be that way, to show God we trust Him with everything in our lives. Yes, I can wait, and it won't make me feel small and insignificant or forgotten anymore. I'm guessing the longer I wait, the greater the glory will be, because that is the proof I have seen so far.

There are worse things than having to wait for something. Keep waiting and you will see.