Winter of Challenge

It's another deep freeze day here and school was cancelled once again. The last basketball game was cancelled because the other school was cancelled yesterday. After the game on Wednesday, we drove an hour there and back in snowy, drifty weather. It has been a winter of challenges in so many ways to do many people. The cost to heat our home at 64 degrees has been the highest in our 8 years here. And yet they continue to raise gas and propane prices.  When is compassion and mercy stronger than the almighty dollar? If we're struggling with a good income, what is happening to those who are less fortunate? It is scary to think. We are all hard-pressed in our own ways right now. But my word this month has been my Serena's middle name-Hope! Hold On, Pain Ends! God is faithful to us every day and our struggles are proof that we are always working to do the right things and not give up! I keep reiterating this to my sister who is recently separated and starting life and her business over once again. We are helping her to focus on her daily blessings and to show her that positive can come from negative if we are hopeful and faithful! So, snow and ice, move on over, because we know you will soon end. But we will prevail and rejoice in the sun!! 

Brother Tim

After we learned of my brother's irreversible heart damage and subsequent "6 months to live" diagnosis, I began my letter-writing campaign to him. It's a campaign for not only the healing of his physical heart, but also for his spiritual heart. I pray for him daily, that his eyes would be opened, his heart would be softened, and he would invite Jesus to be The Lord of his life. To right his wrongs, to be redeemed, to be reconciled, to feel the love that God has always had for him. To know his purpose in his life, to forgive himself and move past the pain of his former life. I want him to be free, and yet he views "religion" as restrictive. So I add to that prayer that God would gently woo him to Himself in a way that a relationship ( not religion) is meant to be. It's a big order, but not too big for our God, who views this all so differently than we ever could. My brother has lived a hard life of addiction and the hurt that comes with it. But I want him to know without a doubt, before he leaves this earth, that God never gave up on him and never stopped loving him. And there is great freedom in letting God take the reins. Take the reins, my brother. 

Hope!

What a nice treat to see 10 robins visiting my Crabtree today!! Spring is either coming or the birds have gone crazy. It's still pretty cold here. 

Hold on, spring (hope) is on the way! 

Sigh

I've been on a healthy eating plan since the 6th of January, and although I know I'm doing a good thing for myself, I remain frustrated. Not only have I merely lost 6 pounds in that time, I don't feel any better.  

This has been the story of my life and I'm tired of it. I was a sickly kid, underweight, always missing school, one infection after another. My teenage years included allergies and migraines, which have hung around. I am tired all the time. I want to be active and energetic, but if I try to remember a time I was like that, the memories are short, vague, and sprinkled with sickness. Maybe I was 5 or 6 I don't even know. I start the day feeling okay, even after a not so good night of sort of sleep, but my battery dies quickly after lunch. I find myself wearing out faster as I get older, and it scares me to think that one day I will just curl up in a rocking chair! I don't envision this life for myself. I want to know what "normal" people feel like. People who can run and play and not feel sick afterwards. People who make plans and get to keep them. I cancel a lot. People who can remain positive. I struggle with this, as my physical and mental states are at war. 

I want to be one of those people who works out at 6am or takes a class in the evening. I just don't feel well. And it's been my entire life. 

I'm just venting today, really. I know there are those worse off than me. Truthfully, I might understand them a bit too well sometimes.  I keep going, but sometimes I wonder if I never feel any better, will I one day just give up? I hope not. 

Something is Changing

Natalie has been doing a one on one study with our new youth pastor's wife. The study is on discipleship. Natalie is a naturally quiet person (outside the home) and she wanted to learn how to better lead her fellow students to knowing God. One of the hindrances to that has been our lack of a church. We haven't necessarily been opposed to our former church, but we haven't felt compelled to darken the doorway either. In a sort of limbo, we've been praying about where God would lead. 

Well, last Thursday when I picked Natalie up from her study, she explained that to be a disciple, she needed to go to church. I agreed with her and explained that her dad and I felt it was important too. We then got into a very mature discussion about why we felt the church was no longer our home. She listened intently, took a breath, and said, "it always felt like home to me." 

Honestly, first time I've heard that! Usually getting two teens to church without complaining was like trying to nail jello to the wall! My girl is growing in The Lord. 

And she made me think. We are praying again that if God takes us back to that church that he would renew our hearts and minds and help us to focus on growing, not the old things from before. That we would expect nothing but what we are first willing to give. 

I'm also so very grateful to you, Angela and SirNorm, for the insight that has been playing like a recording in my head! Wise words from the two of you have really helped Steve and I make some headway with the whole church issue. Your words and prayers are very much a blessing! 

Sweet 16

I love to plan parties, decorate, and do my own cakes. I was fretting over the fact that 16 had to stand out and be special. Once I started looking through my own supplies and added a few new ones, it all came together nicely! I used my Cricut cutter to make the big cutouts on the front of the table. I added some medallions to the plain paper fans just to customize them, and hung them from the light fixture with shiny ribbons. I threw in a hot pink boa from the dress up box to complete the princess look. 

I repurposed a knick knack stand that I found at my mom's house one day. I spray painted it black, pulled off the straps, added glitter and rhinestones and poof! A cupcake stand fit for a princess! The cupcakes looked like big roses, with a candy pearl center and silver cake sprinkles. It was easy and fun to do and Natalie loved it. Now on to planning the next party! 

31

Serena got to be a starter tonight! She played really well too! She scored, fouled, blocked, and most of all, she had fun. We're pretty proud of our girl! We braved a very bad snowstorm to drive the long hour through cornfield country. I was a nervous wreck there and back, but I wouldn't miss a second of watching our girl play and have fun. And that parent who chews out the coach? She tried chewing him out after the game and he wouldn't have it. He walked away saying," I'm not gonna listen to you go on and on about how your kid didn't get to play. Tell her to pay attention in practice." I thought it was pretty silly of her anyway. Her kid started the last four games. Gimme a break! 

Sweet 16

Nattie( wearing the tiara), turned 16 on Saturday! We gave her a very special day, starting with a balloon attack on her bedroom door. We had lunch with her grandparents at Olive Garden, then enjoyed a nice evening at home with cupcakes and music! She treated us to a live performance in the music room and it was so fun to be the cheering audience. This girl is so incredible! We are very proud to have been given such a beautiful blessing by God. 16...wow. The time really flew, but I'm learning to embrace change and the growth that will soon take her from my nest. I won't like it, but I'll learn to accept it. For her sake! 

Life isn't fair, it's true

Patience, patience. I nearly lost mine at the game tonight after Serena played a mere 3 minutes the entire game. Found out another parent used the old "squeaky wheel gets the grease" tactic, and her daughter has started 4 games in a row. Wow. If she was a better player, maybe... But to strong arm the coach? No, we would never stoop that low and disrespect our daughter's ability to work for her own play time. I can see her frustration, as she's doing the right thing while someone who is cheating is actually getting ahead. I am proud of my daughter's work ethic and her integrity. I wish I could say it inspires me to do better, but right now it makes me want to pop her coach right in the nose!!! She deserves the time that is freely given to another out of fear. Wrong!! Unfair!! And yet her dad and I experience unfairness nearly every day. There is no shortage of disappointments in this world. However, there does appear to be a shortage of goodness, morality, honesty, righteousness, and values. That is one minority I am going to strive to be in, no matter how much it hurts. But oh, God, please get us through jr. High basketball....

Hearts

I am a collector of unique hearts, and since nature's hearts have been a bit frozen, I'm seeing them in the house as well. 

Here is one made by Angel, in her food dish. A stretch? I don't think so! 

Here is one that formed in my dish water as I went to do something else for a moment. Coincidence? I think not. 

A stray ice cube that melted on the floor left this pattern on the paper towel. Crazy? Nope. 

I smile every time I see a heart-- an oil spot in the parking lot, a smudge on a mirror, a spot of chipped paint on the wall, anything that looks like a heart. Because in my mind, what I choose to believe, is that these hearts are to remind me that God loves me-through big ways and through small, seemingly insignificant ways. I choose to look for them and I always find them. It's just kind of cool the way God finds ways to communicate his love to me. What ways does God show his unique love to you? 

Sports mom

Sigh. We drove an hour to go and watch Serena play less than 5 minutes. She plays post, and out of a 15 girl team, she is one of 5 in that position. She continually works hard in practice and has made so much progress in the way of playing more aggressively. She doesn't miss a practice, is a team captain, and encourages everyone else. And yes, she plays well. I am really sick of being all humble and dignified about this. I am tired of telling my kids to give 150% while coaches repeatedly give them nothing. It happened with Natalie, who because of her scoliosis, we knew she only had junior high sports to be part of. It broke my heart that she had so little play time, yet played like a champ. Ask anyone. It's not just a mom thing. So why do they continually get overlooked? Shame on you coaches who treat junior high sports like the Olympics!! This is a time to learn that hard work= play time. And let me just say we have won only one game and it was the worst team in the league. We are not awesome by any stretch. 

I am not one of " those moms" who chews out the coach because my daughter didn't get to play enough, but I fear it might just come to that if I have to sit there and see what I continually see. 

I am aware that I am being hypocritical about this. I constantly tell my girls what the Bible tells us about this very thing, "never tire of doing what is right." 

So we will suck it up, tell her to work just as hard, be just as kind, and respect your coach. Even though I know it will not result in an immediate award for her. The reward will come later. I know this because when Natalie went through it, she taught me that because she was treated like that, she became a better person, not a bitter one. She's amazingly humble and has a kinder heart than mine.  I'm a mom first and when I feel my kids are missing out when they are trying their hardest, I can't explain the anger I feel! Mama bear- at it's worst! 

It brings me back to what has become a broken record in my head, the phrase we often utter to our girls, "life isn't fair". 

No, it isn't. But lessons come in the hard times and growth happens when we stick to doing the right thing. Growth is never fun, it is always painful, frequently unfair, and sometimes it's just downright stinky. But when we get past it, we can look back and be glad we didn't blow up, didn't quit, didn't make a fool of ourselves, and didn't tire of doing what was right. 

And most of all, I want to look back and remember her junior high sports with a good attitude. 

C-c-c- Cold!!

Yesterday's post was a little heavy and the day before that was about bacon. I think winter is finally making me lose what little mind I have left! Tonight as we left Serena's basketball game I found myself extremely annoyed. By what? The sound of cold packed snow under our feet!! That squeaky annoying freezing sound!! I'm tired of it. I actually started googling California real estate. I'm moving to Glendale. 

Searching

I've always been curious about how people choose a church to attend. It got me to thinking about our last 3 churches. Yes, three. Church- hopper? No. But satisfied? No. Not yet. Why? I wish I knew. Maybe I'm just not the church type. I wasn't raised in a church after the age of 9. My parents left the Catholic Church and we never attended again. I guess I started getting the wrong view of church and haven't necessarily felt proven wrong yet. Maybe it's my thinking and not so much theirs. Whatever the reason, God is on it. I've asked him to lead us to where we would best serve him. We were on fire in our first church and left because it began to feel like " religion". We left the second because it lacked what the first one taught us: relationship. The third brought us back to relationship, but lacked in areas we are starving for. Still.

So how does one find a church? A place to belong. Fellowship that makes you feel like family. Classes to help you grow. No cliques! Being loved AND included. And most importantly, worship that pleases God and stirs your spirit to grow and flourish. Is there such a thing or does this exist only in fairy tales? I've been told as much. Every church has it's downfalls. It's just deciding what you can handle and what distracts you to the point where your service is hindered beyond repair. 

I've read the chapter in Rick Warren's book, Purpose Driven Life about fellowship. I realize that my lack of spiritual maturity is the cause of my own intolerance at church. I don't blame everyone else, although I am a little disappointed by people at times. 

I go back to the original reason for finding a church to attend: we needed something. And when we were well-equipped, we served. We even served when we were totally unprepared! We understood the whole giving without receiving thing. But we soon began to feel empty again. Gone were the classes that originally drew us to our third church. And eventually gone was the pastor who taught us that we didn't have to be perfect to be there. We just had to be there.

 At the end of our time there,I felt like a car running out of gas. Slowly chugging, desperate to go just a bit longer, sputtering, then abandoned at the side of the road. And while we were told at this very church that we were part of the church family, very few people asked why we left. Funny, if my family missed a few holidays, I think I'd care to ask why. Is " church family" just another word in the dictionary of "Christianese"? We leave. No questions asked, our mailbox gone. Poof! Time to search again. Oh, but we'll always be welcomed back. Really? Why don't i believe that? Because truth speaks and actions back it up. Because in my experience, if people care, they ask questions. 

 So do we take yet another chance on church or do we avoid being disappointed? What does God say? I know he wants us in fellowship with others on his behalf, so I believe he will answer our earnest prayer to lead us to a church home. 

I'm not sure where that will lead, but I have my own criteria in mind! He is probably laughing at me already. While my faith is strong, my ability to act on faith needs some work. If God wants us somewhere, I'm afraid he's going to have to get out the bullhorn to make sure we hear right this time. 

Searching....what led YOU to the church you call home? 

Fakin'

As we were shopping for our weekly healthy items, I stopped to say hello to my old friend, Bacon. I miss you, I said sadly. Then I looked over at a section of turkey bacon. I called my hubby over. " look at this turkey, trying to be bacon!" He smiled. " I mean, really. Why does the turkey bacon need one of those fat viewing windows anyway? " Will turkey bacon ever measure up to the real thing really? I think not, and I told it so as I walked away. I'm not falling for that fakin' bacon!  But boy, the real thing sounds so good!! 

Super Bowl

Tonight we are hosting the youth group for the Super Bowl. I always enjoy having kids here, and I've started taking a picture of the piles of shoes whenever they come. It's a joy and a blessing to share our home with them tonight. The drums and guitars are getting a lot of use! It's a cacophony of wonderful sound: pong pong, air hockey, darts, music, and most of all laughter and cheering. Oh yeah, I think there is a game on too!