He Changed Me

Do you make New Year's Resolutions? I've probably mentioned this a time or two in the years I've been blogging, but I don't make them, nor do I "start diets"! 

Not anymore, anyway...

Last year at this time, i had just spent the first Christmas with my brother's wife and two sons, without my brother. I remember them walking through my front door and it was the most surreal experience. For one, my sister-in-law, in the 25 years of being married to my brother, had never come with him to a family visit, much less to my home. Jeff had only been to my home twice in the few years he had recently started coming back to see us again. 

As we made our way back to my parents home for the family gathering that day, I kept my mask of smiles on and held myself together, but inside was a storm, and it was about to blow. 

Part of that storm was realizing that I could easily be in Lisa's shoes. I could be a young widow. I could also leave someone a widower, as the obvious heart conditions were making themselves known in our family. 

I began to pray for health, even as my health was deteriorating at that time. I had a new condition beginning, which is still ongoing as I write this, but I became most concerned with my weight and my heart health, considering how Jeff had passed so suddenly. 

I didn't have to make a resolution about exercise, giving up sweets, drinking more water, eating healthy. It became so important to me to do those things because I could see the pain in those three faces and I felt it. There was nothing I could do to change it for them, and as much as I nag Steve about his eating habits, it has to come from him. This change came from God helping me to do what I could do. 

When I mentioned to my neurologist that my medication was making me lose weight, he said, "could be, but you have a really healthy lifestyle". I was so used to diet failures of the past that I couldn't even admit I finally did something right on my own! 

Sure, I don't eat a lot, but others point out to me, when you are smaller, you don't require as much fuel! Oh yeah...

So I can give the medicine all the credit I want, but the fact is, I'm putting in all the effort! I'm not eating junk. I'm exercising. Plain and simple. I want to be here and do what I can for those faces who look to me for everything they need. 

My brother's influence in my life was short on earth, but will live on in me as I continue to stay healthy and hopefully stick around for his boys too. 

Don't make "resolutions". Look around you and see what changes you.