Staying

I have been a stay-at-home mom for over 18 years. I think that might be a rarity in these times, but I'm still not regretful of my decision to stay home and raise my children into their teen years. I know what a lot of people think of stay at home moms, and I've been at the receiving end of some unfair judgements over the years. I haven't enjoyed that part of it at all, but like any job, you get some co-workers and bosses you don't enjoy being around, and you learn to cope with them and their bad attitudes toward you.
I think what people choose to do with their lives is their personal choice. Whether you choose to work or not while raising children is a decision no one can make for you. Just like no one has any business criticizing what you choose to study in school or what job you choose to take as long as it is a healthy contribution to society. I'm not sure why some people are still so quick to tell a woman she should be out working instead of home raising her kids, as if she's doing something wrong by raising her family. Then there are the women who make the working women feel bad by working instead of staying home!
What I say to all of that is, women are doing each other a great disservice when they fail to support one another. Plain and simple. Stop putting each other down and just accept each other for the hardworking moms and women that they are trying to be, no matter what they are doing. And maybe help instead of criticize? There's an idea.
I also get criticism for being unhealthy. As if I can help that. People with invisible illnesses can relate to this. People look at you and because they "can't see" what's wrong with you, and in fact, you look pretty darn healthy, they think, "you should be out working!" Well, thank you for diagnosing me, because my doctors get paid to not know everything, and I'm still not 100% and I would love to feel the way I look some days. I do the best I can with what I've been given. Not that I owe anyone an explanation. I wish understanding came in a box. I would give it away for free.
Sometimes instead of support, people like to tell you how worse off someone else in their family is. Oh, this one is always so helpful. I haven't heard from you in years, but you decide to come along and tell me how worse off your family member is than me. Okay. I suppose I'm supposed to feel.....hmm...worse about that...or better about me....either way, I didn't feel supported at all, and that person is even further down my friend prospect list. Mission unaccomplished. Sometimes I really do run out of grace for people, sadly.
So, my biggest job as a stay at home mom has actually been what I've been doing for the past 4 years. Counseling teens. Every day for the past several months, I have been spending over an hour after school with one or both of my daughters going over the day, trying to break down the events of the day into manageable portions. Trying to help them extend the grace to those who I would rather spank, to be honest. Catching them at a time when the full weight of the day falls heavily on their shoulders and home is a place to let it all go and feel the safety of family. I don't always have the answers, and quite often I am a quivering mess inside as I listen to the issues they deal with and the feelings they go through. What hurts them hurts me, and while I try to hide what I'm feeling so I can maintain stable, my heart is breaking inside.
I would not quit this part of my job for anything. Not for a job that paid so much that we could have gone on all those vacations we dreamed about that we never took. For all the "toys" we could never buy, and quite honestly, we don't care to buy. We have lived on one income for 21 years and chose one luxury. Our home, because we knew we would be rooted here the most.
And honestly, I don't care what people think of what I do with my time. If they want to think I'm spoiled because I "get to stay home", they obviously don't know me or my situation at all.  I keep my circle small for a reason. No one knows the real sacrifices every mother makes until they become a mother who sacrifices something very real to them. Whether it's health, time, money, or relationships.
People will think what they want to think. It's a lesson I'm trying to teach Natalie right now as she is going through something very difficult. She wants so much to "tell her side of the story", because people are treating her differently based on hearing just one side, which she feels is not accurate. But doing so is not doing what I've told her to do, which is to keep other people out of it, and to take the high road and just continue being yourself with everyone. Eventually, truth prevails, and people who choose to believe bad things about you without looking at you aren't really worth your friendship anyway. Such a hard lesson to learn, and yet, she has to get it now before it stings into adulthood, which is when I learned it.
Sometimes just knowing the truth about ourselves and our actions, and knowing the people who love us and God Himself knows the truth and the truth in our hearts has to be enough. Sometimes there is nothing more we can do. We can't change people. We can't stop people from judging, from thinking what they want to think. From cursing us behind our backs. But we can ask Him to help us focus on those who don't do that to us, and pray for the rest.
I'm really not that good at extending grace sometimes. I have good days and bad, I'll admit it. I am a justice fighter too sometimes. I want people to know the truth!! But I know it's not the right approach. Sometimes we have to wait on God to make things right, and watch for Him to bring us peace throughout the situation as we wait on Him.