Good Forgiver or Terrible Fool?

Once you've forgiven someone, or think you've forgiven someone, as can sometimes be the case, there is a temptation to "clean the slate". When cleaning the slate, we let the offenses go, but also sometimes forget the habits of the offender, which can put us in a position to get hurt yet again. This is why you'll see those quotes everywhere, "Forgive, but don't be a fool", or "Don't let your forgiveness become foolishness".

There is a connection between forgiving and being foolish, because of a lack of being able to discern someone's character. Maybe we don't want to see it, or maybe we don't want to believe a person would continue to do the same things to hurt us, but more times than not, they do.  Sometimes it's intentional, and sometimes they truly just don't yet understand the extent of their actions, and therefore don't take the steps to correct them.  But what about us?

How do you forgive someone and then continue in his or her life without getting wrapped up in another one of his or her "traps"? My answer has been to place a great amount of distance between me and that person. For every action, there is a consequence, and I feel if you're willing to take a chance at losing a person's trust, then you're willing to take the consequence of also winning some distance with that person. Tough, but honest love.  "This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you", kind of love.

A relationship is going to change as a result of broken trust or a negative action. How can it not, if you truly invested in that relationship?  As I try to navigate within a damaged friendship, I try to remember what my mission is, and it keeps me from holding on to my unrealistic expectations and disappointments. As I prayed about this friendship many times, I kept being reminded that sometimes a person is brought into our lives not to help us, but for us to help them. Even though I'm the one that could use a little extra help right now, God wants my focus to be on others. Does this always make sense to me? Not really, but when I think back over the last couple of years and take all of the information in, it begins to show me a bigger picture. One that doesn't always involve me getting what I need, and feeling good all the time.

Sometimes it's in the forgiving of a person that we realize our own blessings. If someone is hurting you that much, are they really that happy? Most times they are not, and instead of reacting to the pain they inflict, sometimes it's best to just stop taking it personally and start praying for them. This person is in my heart and on my mind so much because I am praying for a resolution. Not just for our friendship, but for the person's life and for everyone in that person's life.  And because of that, it takes the focus off of my feelings, and puts it back on the bigger picture. But will I be foolish and trust that person if the same behavior starts up again? No way! Because not only would I be setting myself up for more of the same pain, but I would possibly be getting in the way of something God is trying to do in this person's life.

We need to be good forgivers, but terrible fools. Always praying instead of licking our wounds. Maybe that will be my new chalkboard message this week.