It's Not That Easy to Just "Let Go"...

"Sometimes people are a lesson, and sometimes they are a blessing." That's a quote I've seen around, and although I'm sure whoever said it had an experience to back it up, I wonder- can a person be both a blessing and a lesson? I guess I'm assuming the lesson is a hard one, and not one that you necessarily wanted to learn. I'm assuming the blessing is a good one too, picturing something pleasant and wonderful.  But sometimes, blessings and lessons don't come exactly as we imagined.

I have a person in my life, or at least was in my life for a time, that I considered a blessing. Everything seemed wonderful and things were pretty as a picture, for lack of a better image. But as time went on, the edges of the picture began to curl. The picture itself began to show wear, and the person in the picture began to fade. What I thought was real was just an image and what I had left in my hand was a piece of empty paper. What I had left in my heart was a very hard lesson.

As I reflect over the past couple of days of my "love" and "expectations" posts, I wonder how this fits in. How do you truly move on when you realize that a person you care about doesn't care about you at a time in your life when you need it most? I think it has happened to many of us. It's a hard lesson, and it's one that has caused us all to question ourselves, and to definitely question that other person or people, in some cases. How do you really make it okay to be okay with not getting the response you expected/needed/wanted? Does it become unhealthy to hold on to hope? Does it mean you don't think enough of yourself? Does it become codependent when you can't let go? I have asked myself these and many other questions when struggling to cut the chains of a person who clearly has already cut mine, or at least I feel they have, based on results. And what do you do if it's a family member or members? It's not that simple to just "move on" and "let go" in some cases.

So what makes us unable to move past a person who we wanted to make amends with, but he or she just doesn't seem to want the same with us? What if that person is a family member and your personalities are just so different that you just can't find a spot to land on together? Sometimes peace is found in just understanding that there are things we can do something about, and there are things we just can't fix on our own. My daughters have been through this, I have been through this, and we will all continue to face these same relationship issues for our whole lives. There is a time to fight for the people in our lives, and there is a time to gracefully let them walk away. I wish I had a clock to show me exactly the timeline of where all of that takes place, because in between is a whole lot of confusion and hurt.

I attempted something in order to bring some peace to myself, and instead it brought another lesson. I was looking for an answer, and I got one, just not the one I was hoping for. But because it was something I had been asking for in prayer, I had to also call it a blessing, because it may have been God's way of answering my questions. I just didn't like the way it was delivered. It was hurtful, like a band-aid being torn off without a warning. I think it was God's way of telling me, "I've shown you this person's colors. Don't repaint them. Don't excuse them. Don't tolerate this.This is not good for you. Please pay attention."

I heard the lesson. I understand. Sometimes we work so hard trying to look for the good in someone because they were once so good, and we hope it's still there somewhere. I hate giving up on people, because I know sometimes life is harder for some,  but I also know it is not healthy to remain in a friendship or any type of relationship with a person who inflicts hurt, whether intentionally or not.
I tried very hard to be a blessing to this person, who now treats me as if I am an acquaintance down the street. The person who once cared about every one of my medical appointments has not even asked the question "how are you", and my father died in January of this year. Even when given a blatant opportunity to ask, instead talked about a recent vacation. And you might want to ask me why it is so difficult of a decision to let this person go. Because I always believe the best of people and it's always so hard to believe the worst. But this time, I have to, because I have to surround myself with people who lift me up and not people who aren't interested in the most significant things in my life. It's called survival. I have to take care of myself this time.

So if you have any reservations about letting someone go, just remember your worth, and remember your focus. It should be on those who truly invest in you. It may be hard to forget the hurt someone has caused, because though we want to forget, a broken toe always commands more attention than a healed one. But we must consider our blessings first. Who is there when you fall? Who shows up for you? Who asks, how are you? Who really loves you?? Those are the people who deserve your time, attention, and focus. And all of the time in the world can't fix the people who don't appreciate you right now. If you're a believer, as I am, let them go, let God fix them, and you go off and be at peace. They may never appreciate you, may never know your worth, and may never return, and we just have to be okay with that. And the reason we can be okay is because we are already getting what we need. God will make sure of it if we only trust Him with that part of our lives.