As I sit here, contemplating after a restless night of sleep,my thoughts are drawn to what keeps me awake at night. It's hard not to think about pain in your body when it begs to be felt,and it becomes pain in your mind when it just won't cease,day after day. And in some cases, like mine, off and on for five years. I see it on social media nearly every day. Someone posting about a flu bug, a migraine , recovery from surgery,or some other mental pain or struggle. Why do we want our pain known? Why do we share pain with our 500 friends and strangers? Why in the midst of vomiting or the "worst migraine ever" would someone stop and share that on social media?
Attention? Commiseration? Self-Centered and self-focused people? Sympathy? These are the reasons I often hear from others, but I happen to see it differently. Because I suffer from a painful and debilitating chronic illness, maybe my perspective isn't so jaded by that shallow kind of thinking. Every sufferer of any painful thing, whether it is a simple cold or a tragic case of terminal cancer needs the same thing. Love. Every sufferer needs love. This is one of those late-night thoughts, accompanied by physical pain. Feeling pain physically weakens the body, but it also can cause the heart and mind to hurt as well. Sometimes we reach out to God in our pain, and sometimes we reach out to others. When we reach out to others, particularly on social media, it may not look like a request for love, but that is the hope of what will be received, even if it's from a stranger. Someone who is hurting needs someone to care, and if they ask and no one answers, it adds to the emotional pain. And sometimes, as in my case, it exposes the fact that we were relying on people a little more than we realized for the relief of our pain.
Philip Yancey, author of Where is God When it Hurts, details this concept using 1 Corinthians, when he explains, "That is what a suffering person needs: love,and not knowledge and wisdom. As is often his pattern, God uses very ordinary people to bring about healing. We meet suffering people in every school, in every church, in every public building, as well as in every hospital. All of us will one day join them...every person will do battle in these frontiers-fear, helplessness, meaning, and hope. Our response to struggling depends largely on the outcome of our struggle in those frontiers."
Those words- fear, helplessness, meaning, and hope really brought to mind the whole concept of any struggle, including my own with chronic illness. I thought about what dispels fear for me-prayer, mostly, and what empowers my fear-negative thinking. I thought about feeling helpless, which I often do, and what makes me feel empowered with strength-focusing on what I can do, versus making mental lists of what I cannot do. I thought not about the meaning behind this illness, because I will may never know that, but the many things it has taught me, and the people I will touch along the way. Some things it has shed light upon that I am glad to have learned, and others not as easy to learn-the fragilities of myself and the humanness of others. And then there is hope. That small word that carries the big meaning of "expectation" that in itself carries its own power. Have I forgotten to have hope? Yes, we all have, and we all do, and this is why we must share and sometimes shoulder each other's burdens. Whether it's a cold from which you will recover or a chronic or terminal illness, the presence of love is hope to the mind, the body, and maybe even more importantly, the heart of any sufferer.
I have always struggled to share my health crises with anyone not close to me, but because of my writing, and prayer requests among friends, more and more people have come to learn about my condition. I chose to share my blog posts on social media in an effort to share my journey, and to hopefully gain insight from friends. What I didn't realize was that I was also subconsciously seeking that same love/hope that I knew others were needing when doing the same. I knew I would have some who would comment and offer to pray, and I could almost predict their names. But in the back of my mind, I also knew there would be those who would read it and choose to ignore it. There are those who choose not to read it, and believe me, I know how many hours there are in a day and I understand. People in pain, who choose to share their pain, don't just do it for sympathy and "likes", and even if they do, you can bet even that is a call for love. When I realized many people had read my post and only a few had chosen to acknowledge my pain, it hurt deeper than I was prepared to handle. Why would you ignore someone's pain on purpose?
It all comes down to that word. LOVE. We share because we need someone to care. We are made by God to love and be loved. We all want to feel like we matter! People who are in pain can often feel alone- "No one knows how this feels." Loneliness can increase the feelings of fear-"Do people even care at all?" Fear then feeds the feelings of hopelessness- "I am never going to get better", and down down down they go until they're all the way to the bottom. It's not just grasping at straws for help. Sometimes there's nothing anyone can do to help. It's grasping at people for love! It's a silent, but loud, "I'm feeling helpless! I'm feeling scared! I'm feeling alone and no one gets it. I need love! Someone please care!"
Some people share because they want people to know they are in pain,and pain is something no one wants to face alone . On social media, you will often see people posting, "Share this so you'll know someone cares and is always listening" It's a suicide awareness posting. However, we need to be more than ears and words and social media postings. I know I'm not the only one who feels these things as a chronically ill person. I want to do my best to actually reach out when someone is hurting, and I hope I recognize it when I see it. Chronically ill people, who often look very healthy, by the way, may not call you and tell you they are hanging by a thread. Suicidal people rarely reach out to others for help. Grieving people don't always call and tell you how lonely they feel. We have to be better at recognizing when someone needs our love. It is our job to reach out and be the one who helps, prays, supports, and simply gives love.
There can be blessings in pain. Sharing those blessings is just as important as sharing the pain. People who give love to you want to know how it affected you or your situation. It is a return on the love that was given, and we need to remember the importance of that return. It's a way to glorify God and show how He is working through people. I want people who prayed for me to know that my body or mind is better than it was two days ago,because I want them to see the power of God and love in action. I want them to know that they made a difference in me. Love often changes my perspective and my direction just from one thing a person says or does for me. We underestimate what we can do for others, thinking our small prayers or actions can't possibly help a person. Oh, but we can! Love.
This is not the life I always imagined, but it's what I've been given, and my job is to figure out how to live it the best way I can. How to share my pain in a way to move others to love and how to reach out to God in the midst of my pain so that the lack of action in others doesn't become my loneliness. How to trust God with the fears that threaten me so that I can fully trust Him for the healing in me, and while I wait, show love and compassion to those who are healing. This pain must have a purpose and my sharing of it must continue to be my positive purpose as well. God has already placed people in my life who have helped me through this challenge. Because of that, I can keep trusting Him for those who will be here at the right time, and I can forgive and release those who are not meant for my personal journey.
I know my love has a purpose, and I will continue to give that away freely. I believe God has a purpose for everything we go through. Remembering that I must share all of my pain with Him, expecting His love in return, reminds me that I don't ever need to feel unloved, helpless, fearful, or hopeless as I face this and any challenge.
Attention? Commiseration? Self-Centered and self-focused people? Sympathy? These are the reasons I often hear from others, but I happen to see it differently. Because I suffer from a painful and debilitating chronic illness, maybe my perspective isn't so jaded by that shallow kind of thinking. Every sufferer of any painful thing, whether it is a simple cold or a tragic case of terminal cancer needs the same thing. Love. Every sufferer needs love. This is one of those late-night thoughts, accompanied by physical pain. Feeling pain physically weakens the body, but it also can cause the heart and mind to hurt as well. Sometimes we reach out to God in our pain, and sometimes we reach out to others. When we reach out to others, particularly on social media, it may not look like a request for love, but that is the hope of what will be received, even if it's from a stranger. Someone who is hurting needs someone to care, and if they ask and no one answers, it adds to the emotional pain. And sometimes, as in my case, it exposes the fact that we were relying on people a little more than we realized for the relief of our pain.
Philip Yancey, author of Where is God When it Hurts, details this concept using 1 Corinthians, when he explains, "That is what a suffering person needs: love,and not knowledge and wisdom. As is often his pattern, God uses very ordinary people to bring about healing. We meet suffering people in every school, in every church, in every public building, as well as in every hospital. All of us will one day join them...every person will do battle in these frontiers-fear, helplessness, meaning, and hope. Our response to struggling depends largely on the outcome of our struggle in those frontiers."
Those words- fear, helplessness, meaning, and hope really brought to mind the whole concept of any struggle, including my own with chronic illness. I thought about what dispels fear for me-prayer, mostly, and what empowers my fear-negative thinking. I thought about feeling helpless, which I often do, and what makes me feel empowered with strength-focusing on what I can do, versus making mental lists of what I cannot do. I thought not about the meaning behind this illness, because I will may never know that, but the many things it has taught me, and the people I will touch along the way. Some things it has shed light upon that I am glad to have learned, and others not as easy to learn-the fragilities of myself and the humanness of others. And then there is hope. That small word that carries the big meaning of "expectation" that in itself carries its own power. Have I forgotten to have hope? Yes, we all have, and we all do, and this is why we must share and sometimes shoulder each other's burdens. Whether it's a cold from which you will recover or a chronic or terminal illness, the presence of love is hope to the mind, the body, and maybe even more importantly, the heart of any sufferer.
I have always struggled to share my health crises with anyone not close to me, but because of my writing, and prayer requests among friends, more and more people have come to learn about my condition. I chose to share my blog posts on social media in an effort to share my journey, and to hopefully gain insight from friends. What I didn't realize was that I was also subconsciously seeking that same love/hope that I knew others were needing when doing the same. I knew I would have some who would comment and offer to pray, and I could almost predict their names. But in the back of my mind, I also knew there would be those who would read it and choose to ignore it. There are those who choose not to read it, and believe me, I know how many hours there are in a day and I understand. People in pain, who choose to share their pain, don't just do it for sympathy and "likes", and even if they do, you can bet even that is a call for love. When I realized many people had read my post and only a few had chosen to acknowledge my pain, it hurt deeper than I was prepared to handle. Why would you ignore someone's pain on purpose?
It all comes down to that word. LOVE. We share because we need someone to care. We are made by God to love and be loved. We all want to feel like we matter! People who are in pain can often feel alone- "No one knows how this feels." Loneliness can increase the feelings of fear-"Do people even care at all?" Fear then feeds the feelings of hopelessness- "I am never going to get better", and down down down they go until they're all the way to the bottom. It's not just grasping at straws for help. Sometimes there's nothing anyone can do to help. It's grasping at people for love! It's a silent, but loud, "I'm feeling helpless! I'm feeling scared! I'm feeling alone and no one gets it. I need love! Someone please care!"
Some people share because they want people to know they are in pain,and pain is something no one wants to face alone . On social media, you will often see people posting, "Share this so you'll know someone cares and is always listening" It's a suicide awareness posting. However, we need to be more than ears and words and social media postings. I know I'm not the only one who feels these things as a chronically ill person. I want to do my best to actually reach out when someone is hurting, and I hope I recognize it when I see it. Chronically ill people, who often look very healthy, by the way, may not call you and tell you they are hanging by a thread. Suicidal people rarely reach out to others for help. Grieving people don't always call and tell you how lonely they feel. We have to be better at recognizing when someone needs our love. It is our job to reach out and be the one who helps, prays, supports, and simply gives love.
There can be blessings in pain. Sharing those blessings is just as important as sharing the pain. People who give love to you want to know how it affected you or your situation. It is a return on the love that was given, and we need to remember the importance of that return. It's a way to glorify God and show how He is working through people. I want people who prayed for me to know that my body or mind is better than it was two days ago,because I want them to see the power of God and love in action. I want them to know that they made a difference in me. Love often changes my perspective and my direction just from one thing a person says or does for me. We underestimate what we can do for others, thinking our small prayers or actions can't possibly help a person. Oh, but we can! Love.
This is not the life I always imagined, but it's what I've been given, and my job is to figure out how to live it the best way I can. How to share my pain in a way to move others to love and how to reach out to God in the midst of my pain so that the lack of action in others doesn't become my loneliness. How to trust God with the fears that threaten me so that I can fully trust Him for the healing in me, and while I wait, show love and compassion to those who are healing. This pain must have a purpose and my sharing of it must continue to be my positive purpose as well. God has already placed people in my life who have helped me through this challenge. Because of that, I can keep trusting Him for those who will be here at the right time, and I can forgive and release those who are not meant for my personal journey.
I know my love has a purpose, and I will continue to give that away freely. I believe God has a purpose for everything we go through. Remembering that I must share all of my pain with Him, expecting His love in return, reminds me that I don't ever need to feel unloved, helpless, fearful, or hopeless as I face this and any challenge.
1 comment:
Thank you Jami for this real word.
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Words Matter. Choose them carefully.