Gate Finder

"Many will see the fence. Few will find the gate and walk through." 

Profound, isn't it? What great philosopher said that anyway? I'm sorry to have to disappoint you, but that basic quote was typed into the "notes" section of my iPhone in the middle of the night when it came to me in a sleepy stupor. Strange quotes and even music and lyrics I've never heard before often come to me in the night and I don't always get the chance to write them down or memorize the tune before they are gone forever.

Don't let me fool you. When I read that message in the morning, it didn't take me long to figure out that it was a Biblical reference to Jesus, teaching about the way to heaven.

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction,and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. Matthew 7:13

But the way I think I was meant to interpret it was in a way to help me get through something I had been praying about that night. I've started paying more attention to these messages and trying to take a moment to record them better so I can give them more thought. I'm not sure how to remember the songs. If I start humming or singing into my phone in the middle of the night, Steve may have me committed to the insane asylum. Do those even still exist? Maybe I'll google that before I decide to start my humming. Whether to keep a harmonica or a ukulele beside the bed-now that is a question! Oh, I just got a visual of this going down!

When I think about fences, I remember the wooden privacy fence that encircled two thirds of our tiny rental home we resided in when we were first married. Neither one of us grew up with fences around our homes,and it felt restrictive to us. We almost had the urge to tear the fence down!  But instead,  that October we tore out the truckloads of weeds and wild blackberries and all kinds of brush that just grew all over the yard and fence. Once we did that, we found beautiful peony bushes were growing all along the fence, so we cleaned out around them and made it look nice. That following June we were treated to an explosion of beautiful peony blooms all along the fence line. We could even see them from our extremely tiny bedroom from which we could also probably wave goodbye to the private neighbors on the left. We waved hello from the living room to the private neighbors on the right. Fast forward slightly, we ended up moving in August and we decided to take a slip of one of the peonies with us to the home we were buying. Twenty five years and 2 homes later, that fence peony is still blooming its beautiful soft pink flowers.What we learned about fences? They don't make friendly neighbors. They don't help you make friends at all! They isolate you into keeping to yourself!

What is a fence anyway? A way to keep things in or a way to keep things out? Maybe both? What did my sleepily-typed quote mean as it pertains to me? What does your fence mean to you? Fences can be boundaries, but without gates they can be prisons. Have I been seeing my restrictions and limitations as a gate-less fence? If I'm being honest with myself, I have to say absolutely! When I compare the "old" me to this "new" me, it is so impossible not to go there. But what I think this message is telling me is I need to stop looking at the fence and find a gate. Not only do I need to find a gate, but I need to walk through it. Fences are isolating! Gates are freeing!

What does that look like when I am stuck with this chronic, debilitating condition? I started thinking. Okay, God, Giver of messages, I'll bite. Considering I have trust issues and you've called me out on it now, I'm guessing you want me to stop looking at what I can't do and start focusing on what I can do. Oh, I get it, it's not as simple as it sounds, so we're going to break this down so simple me can get it.

FENCE: "I can't exercise anymore because of pain". GATE: Are there any exercises you CAN do? Yoga,maybe? arm weights?
FENCE: "Leaving the house for any length of time is nearly impossible. I have no social life anymore." GATE: Are there any friends who are willing to Skype? Message? Visit? (and oh, heavens if they do anything in person, I need a warning! LOL)
FENCE: "This is only going to progress and get worse. Then what am I going to do?" GATE: Live in the present moment only. Rely on God for what you need only. Don't borrow trouble.
FENCE: "I am losing who I used to be." GATE: Do what you love and you will return to yourself.

In other words, I need to stop building fences and start looking for gates in order to help myself get through the weeds and the wild brambles of these challenges I face. I also believe the more fences we build around ourselves, the harder it is to keep our faith intact. Maybe God is reminding me of this too, in Matthew 7:13.  God knows I am really struggling through this and He's trying to reach me on any level He can to get me to get this message through my thick head. I'm not a slow learner, but getting me to apply what I learn? Oh my, just plan on calling me stubborn and throwing wet sponges at me for the whole day.

Some people's children, let me tell you....yes, that is me. I never used to be this way. Don't check with my mother on that, by the way. But trials tend to press us and stretch us and pour acid on every weakness and expose us in ways we never imagined! I say "us" because I'm really hoping I'm not alone in this battle. Please tell me trials aren't all easy and smooth and fun for you! If they are, I want to be your student! Ha Ha

Here is what I do know for sure, and I'm standing on these promises today: (and let me tell you, bros and sissys, there are so many, it was hard to choose!)

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." 1 Peter 4:12-13 

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away,yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 

Today, I am a gate finder.  It involves intentional thinking and the tossing of weeds and brambles. I can do this! And so can you!
Be blessed.