I Confess, Therefore I'll Heal

 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. 

James 5:16 

Confession is healing. I said that the other day to someone who is very very good at confession. To let others in on what is in our hearts and to be transparent about our transgressions is to be completely vulnerable and as some people describe, "raw". What separates us from Christ is our sin, but what draws us back to Him is our repentance- our confession and regret that we know what we did was wrong, and to turn away from that wrongdoing. And not all confession is about what we did "wrong", but maybe the wrong that was done to us and needs to be shared. What is shared in the light can be healed. What is hidden in the dark will stay hidden and will continue to hurt us. 

What can attract people to us is the willingness to be honest and real about our own vulnerabilities and transgressions. Oh, but it's not as clear-cut as I just made it sound!  I can remember many times in small groups or just a circle of women where some very heavy confessions were being shared among us. I was taken aback at first, because my family just didn't share like that. I never opened up to anyone like that! We kept all our family "laundry" and emotions very close to the vest and what was said at our dinner table stayed at the dinner table, so to speak. 

You just didn't tell people the kinds of things I was hearing, and I wondered how they could trust people not just to keep it to themselves, but to really trust them with their hearts and what was inside them. I was still learning how to trust God with my life, how on earth do you trust women you barely know with the contents of your fragile heart? It was something I just couldn't reconcile in my head. They could open up to me, but I couldn't share with them. It just didn't happen. I kept myself nice and quiet, tidy, buttoned up, and bottled up. Nothing to see here!

These  women had something I still lacked. They had complete trust in the women around them, even me. And as they shared their stories, I felt a place opening up in me I never knew existed. I suddenly realized it was possible for me to speak-if I wanted to, and someone would listen. These were women who knew what it meant to share burdens and how healing it was to open the wounds to others. They knew that telling their stories would lead to someone getting help, or growing in their faith.  I was still "back at the drugstore". (the reference I use when I'm completely lost and clearly out of my league)

These women weren't sharing in the town square. They were sharing in the safety of a God-loving group, hoping to heal themselves and the others who were witnessing there. They weren't worried about who was going to tell, although that is a no-no. They were there as witnesses for Christ. People who share their sins, their mistakes, their hurts, their major setbacks, and their weaknesses. People who allowed Christ to come in and heal them from all of it and set them free. 

 No one had ever shared such delicate openness with me before, though I can tell you with certainty that what was said in those groups many years ago will go to my grave with me. I look back at my old self and I wish I had been better prepared for those days, but I was who I was-an emotionally guarded, quiet, new-in-the-faith, highly anxious, very green and in-need-of-a-mentor woman back then. You know what you know when you know it, you know? And then you grow. And I took my time growing. 

I want to digress a bit and just say that throughout my childhood, as certain things were going on at home, I would come to school crying. In grades 4 and 5 (ages 10 and 11), I can remember trying to talk to my teachers about what I was upset about and neither was compassionate, understanding, or willing to listen. In fact, the fourth grade teacher was so angry at me for crying during class that she made me read an entire chapter while sobbing the entire time. After that, she separated me from the class in a desk facing the wall. While I've recovered from this memory and forgiven old Mrs. Bluehair for her lack of love and compassion, bordering on abuse, I do know that my "shut down" defense came directly from these types of adults in my life. 

What I've learned by now sharing my stories is that keeping them tightly wound inside only hurts me. A released tear feels so much better than the one you're trying to keep inside. You know that feeling in your chest and the ache in your throat when you're trying not to cry? I know it well, and I'm tired of it, friends. I have shared intimate details of my life with people and then they've proved themselves not to be worthy of that information. But I do hope that somewhere down the line that information helps them somehow and maybe God will use it for their good and their growth, like others lives were used for mine. Not everyone will appreciate or respect our stories in the moment they are told, but that's okay. It's not always about "us". But it is always about what God wants to do with us, and it's not always comfortable and easy, as we all well know. 

Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy. Proverbs 28:13 

Today, I urge you to confess. Let it all out. Give it to God, tell it to someone you love or trust. Tell them what is on your heart, whether it's something that you've done and you need forgiveness, or it's something that was done to you and you need to forgive and let it go for good. I've been to many ladies' events where the speaker told an entire auditorium something I would hedge on saying in a room of two, but I found it so inspiring and freeing to be in the presence of such an honest and true confession. To understand that the story or the "secret" no longer has a hold on you and to know that you don't have to be ashamed or held hostage by the "things you did or do" or "what was done to you" or "your past" is to trust in a redeeming God who gives you mercy, forgiveness, and grace. In the end, what others think or judge just doesn't matter. 

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16

You deserve to know that what you say and how you feel matters.  What happened to you is significant, no matter how big or small, and it is worth telling and someone will listen. Whatever you did or are currently doing is not too big for you and God to handle together. As I get closer to God and understanding how to trust Him even more with my life, I find myself telling Him more and more about me. It's funny because He already knows. But that is the cleansing part of confession-to reveal and completely clean your heart and mind and to leave it all on the floor-for Christ to fight the battle. 

I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins

Isaiah 43:25

Be blessed, friends, and know that you matter! You are loved. You are special, deserving of love, and you were created for a purpose!! Your words count, your feelings and thoughts are important, and your tears are collected in a bottle. There is nothing about you that God doesn't already know and love. 

 

 

The Wise Choose Peace

 I saw a true tweet today. "Social media is not social. It is a cesspool."  It is quite a cesspool, or a "disgusting, corrupt place" or "underground container for the temporary storage of liquid waste and sewage." As I say when taking out the smelly trash, "Lovely." No matter who you choose to follow, there is an overwhelming amount of negativity and doom on the average feed. Why we choose to contribute to it by ingesting it daily boggles my mind. 

It isn't in fact, "social", because no one is really interacting. They are simply tossing out their own beliefs and opinions, sometimes in "ALL CAPS LOCK" to strangers just to make themselves feel better. There are no intelligent discussions, no eye to eye conversations of heart to heart proportions. No meeting of the minds. Just a smearing of yuck being passed around like "hey, smell this milk. I think it's bad." Call me cynical, but it's pretty bad. 

My curiosity serves as somewhat of a social experiment, or food for my writing in a way. I wonder what makes people think the way they do, and then I quickly get a brainache when I realize it's impossible to really understand it. 

Some people just want to follow others who are just as angry as they are about all the same things, but don't have any solutions. Others spew hate, rage, and other forms of vitriol and toxic language without any regard to reason or sensibility. The amount of people liking and sharing those types of posts is very telling to the contagiousness of rage and the companionship of lies. 

If you are as angry as they are, they accept you. If you try to reason with them, they call you a traitor. One who desires peace or unity is a sellout, yet those who are constantly warring are seen as "radicalized". If you are a Christian, they really give you a hard time. There is no shortage of name-calling and finger-pointing on social media, but there is a real lack of solution-seeking and positivity. 

All I can see is chaos no matter what you SAY you believe. Everyone says they want the same thing, but no one can agree on what that thing is, and no one can agree on the best path to get there and no one can provide a solution for any of it. That is the biggest lack of wisdom I've ever seen and they all think they have the answer. Funny how that works. I don't even have to choose a side to tell you that both "sides" are doing the same thing. They just have opposite beliefs. They both feel as passionate about what they believe. It doesn't make it the right way to go about it! And yes, in the middle of all of that chaos, there are lies mixed in. And they don't seem to care about what is true anymore as long as it fits the comfort of their belief system. It doesn't make me question at all why I've hated politics my entire life. And now what politics has become is even worse and I hate that even more. I don't enjoy chaos of any kind. Does anyone, really? 

There can be no wisdom found in chaos. Wisdom does not exist where there is anger, hypocrisy, aggressiveness, toxicity, a lack of mercy, partiality, hatred, impurity, prejudice, jealousy, selfishness, bitterness, envy, confusion, conflict....need I go on?  There is no justice found where there is no peace. 

Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness. 

James 3:18 

Do you want to be heard? Tell the truth. The actual truth. 

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is Christ. 

Ephesians 4:15 

Don't antagonize people. Stop looking for a fight every time you turn around. 

It is to one's honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel. 

Proverbs 20:3 

If you don't know what the truth is about something, don't share it until you do. Sometimes when we are passionate about something, we overlook facts. It is important to be honest and understand that there is a difference between how things seem and how things are and it's up to us to get the truth straight. Don't accept a "version" of the truth just because it confirms what you already believe. We need to challenge ourselves. Knowledge is power and there is power in growing in wisdom. 

The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge, for the ears of the wise seek it out. 

Proverbs 18:15 

Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men, from men whose words are perverse. 

Proverbs 2:12 

A friend recently told me that of course truth is important, but "everyone's truth is different". I found this interesting and the discussion that ensued exhausting. But I think the point was made, that people will accept the truth that best suits them and their belief system. I believe that truth is truth. What is delivered by the news and sometimes our well-meaning friends and family is a version of facts and fiction blended together with opinion and experiences and biases. It doesn't make it "true", and that's why we need to acquire knowledge, and protect ourselves from the cesspools of garbage. 

God gave us a really cool mind and he gave us curiosity and the ability to seek out knowledge. Part of seeking knowledge is to become wise, and in becoming wise we become something really awesome called peaceful. A peaceful person with wisdom is not argumentative. A peaceful, wise person is not combative, insecure, fretful, hypocritical, worried, partial, confused, bitter, prejudiced, rage-filled, suspicious, and closed-minded. A peaceful, wise person is not yelling on social media, sharing unsubstantiated information, or using information to create conflict or unrest in others. A peaceful and wise person is concerned about the information they share with others and makes sure it is responsible, helpful, and sincere. I would call that person a "pure heart" and not a "troublemaker". Do you have anyone like this in your life? Are you this person? 

A peaceful, wise person demonstrates humility. And until we see more humility in our solutions in the state, the country, and the world, we will continue to stir up cesspools of stinking waste.  There are a lot of people who don't seem to value peace. They see peace as being meek, weak, neutral, or uninvolved. It's sad, really, that those who don't understand the gentleness of peace also don't understand its power. There are also many, sadly, who don't know Jesus, or have a really skewed idea of who he is, according to my social media observations. He is the ultimate example of humility and where power exists in peace. He is the ultimate example of how to change the world without creating chaos in people. We can live out that example by getting to know the character of Jesus. 

For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.

Mark 10:45

If you stuck with me this long, thank you for reading. I know it was long, but I've had so much on my mind lately. This past year has been a year of revelations and realizations and many "come to Jesus" moments. It has opened my eyes to the hurts of the world around me and the plights of others in countries still struggling with the issues America has rarely seen but is now having. It seems we are taking our turn, and it is all on us. The fault and the solutions weigh on us being able to work together as one, and the evidence shows that it won't happen without consideration and cooperation. And peace can't happen without wisdom. There are not two Americas, but as long as we continue to live as such, we are weak, vulnerable, partial, chaotic, full of conflict, selfish, combative, and without peace. Pray with me that we get it together. I pray regularly for the state of our world. I don't know why things happen as they do, but I do believe God has a purpose for everything that happens. 

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have everlasting life. 

John 3:16 

For more blogs on the topic of Truth, check out Sir Norm's Proverbial Comment

He Loves You With His Heart

My son, give me your heart and let your eyes delight in my ways. 

Proverbs 23:26

It is almost Valentine's Day, and whether you celebrate it with a love, alone, or not at all, there is Someone who celebrates your heart every day!  He created you, loves you, and blesses you just because you're His. He is always with you and if you pay attention, you may just see where He celebrates His love for you in a very special way. 

He may send you some love in a heart-shaped cloud, on those nights you are gazing in wonder at His beautiful sunset-painted skies. 

or maybe as you look up to thank Him for a beautiful day. 

The flowers you planted will bring you His joy, because He sees how much you appreciate his creation and all its colors. 

And when He sees the hope in the seeds you plant...awaiting a bountiful garden. His joy is there. 

and that walk on the beach will remind you He is always there...When you are looking up and when you are looking down. He goes wherever you go. 

And you will feel His presence, as He hears the prayers your heart cried as you stood on these solid rocks, calling out to Him as if His very voice was in the waves. That heart-shaped rock He gave to you as a promise that He is solid and His love is true, and yes, He heard you. 

He loves you. 

 

Heart DNA Test

In the same way, though there are many of us, we are one body in Christ, and individually we belong to each other. 

Romans 12:5 

I am 66.8% British and Irish, 28.4% French and German, and 1.2% Spanish and Portuguese. I learned this when I sent my DNA to 23 and Me a few years ago. After my dad passed away, I was even more interested in finding out where I came from ancestrally. My dad had many Native American traits and was told he had a Native American great great grandmother somewhere down the line and I was always curious if that was true. I was not surprised to see the Irish and German, as my dad's parents were of Irish and German descent, and My mom's dad was of French descent. I have no idea where the rest of my soup comes from, but it sure is interesting and fun to see all of my "relatives" popping up on my report!

This is the first time I've publicly shared that I sent my DNA off to be tested, because there are many negative opinions out there about doing such a thing. However, I don't share those same opinions. Do you find sometimes that you keep yourself tight-lipped about things in your life because the people around you have strong judgments or opinions? Or maybe you don't feel free to be yourself because who you are many not be "accepted" by those around you? Are you staying quiet so as not to ruffle feathers even while having your own feathers blown about? 

Maybe it happened after turning fifty, but I got really tired of living my life to appease others in order to escape their judgment. It just seemed they could say and do anything they pleased, and I didn't care. But the minute I expressed an adverse or unpopular opinion, I was then the target of  harsh judgment. The problem is we stay in the company of people we don't actually trust, maybe just because they are people we were around for so long. I can honestly say I've been convicted of this now and I can't do it anymore. It feels very inauthentic to be among people I can't be my actual self around. The funny thing is, the minute I pushed back, I heard, "we must have different Biblical views". No, that's not it. But that was the first place I got attacked. See, after that, I wasn't willing to have the conversation anymore. Sometimes you have to know when to stay in a conversation and be heard and sometimes you know when it's going to be futile. This was futile. 

People need to know the difference between a few things in order to be a person that can be trusted. A person I trust does these things:

1. Presents and checks facts before speaking or sharing information. Facts are facts. They are not variable or disputable. They are verifiable and provide crucial evidence for support of your argument. If you don't have facts, you don't have an argument. If your "facts" come from shaky sources, your facts are simply hearsay. You can't make facts up just because you want them to be true. Facts are often found in more than one source of information, and aside from the Bible itself, most sources are biased and you need to check way more than one. A trusted person would tell me this. Even the best doctor has told me to get another opinion. 

2. Does not mix prejudice with those facts. You have to realize that you have built in biases and judgments that can hinder your ability to see what is true and real, even if you don't like it. Integrity is very important in a person who is trusted. Being able to be objective is very important if you want to be trusted. (understanding certain topics have no objectivity, such as football, snow, and junk food)

3. Does not use the Bible as a weapon. Does not misuse Scripture to fit their own narrative. Does not take Scripture out of context. Attacking others with the Bible does not help them learn. Have you tried bopping a child on the head with a math book lately? All they know is you gave them three whacks, it hurts, and they still hate math homework. The Bible is the worst thing to slap anyone with. I've been hit with it recently and I'm a Christ follower. I hate what Bible thumping is doing to those who are already afraid of churches and God. Represent Jesus, not your stuffy judgments and recited verses. I assure you each time I "attacked" with a Bible verse in the past, I got sufficiently swatted back, and rightfully so. Thank God for that learning experience, however, that trust was lost. 

4. Asks a lot of questions before responding or reacting to the problem. A trusted person wants to understand before they respond. Firing off emotional responses leads to more emotional responses and before you know it, it's an after-fireworks festival of sulfur smell. Calmly given and sought out information leads to a better and more healing conversation. A trusted person takes time to respond if he or she doesn't have the right emotional state or mindset in which to answer at that time. 

5. Creates solutions and invites others to help with solutions. If we are solution-minded, we are already doing the right thing! We are already going in a positive direction if we ask, "hey, what can we do to make this better?"

6. Eliminates stress by creating peace in his or her own life by whatever means necessary. This could mean a healthy lifestyle, removing toxic people, keeping life in balance, staying off social media, blocking negativity on said social media, prayer, knowledge seeking, etc. A person I trust is always improving his or her own life by taking the steps necessary for self-care. They are drinking water, eating healthy, at the gym or walking every day, reading positive things, doing positive things, sharing positive things, and helping someone in some way. 

Does this describe you?  Are you a trusted person? I know who I described, and I chose him as my mentor because this is who I want to pattern myself after. These are the habits I want to establish and maintain, and perhaps that is why certain things are becoming more and more intolerable to me. Are certain conversations and topics becoming more intolerable to you? It's not your menopause, your PMS, your short temper, your "Irish", your genes, your whatever. Maybe it's you finally changing and deciding what you will and won't accept into your life, and that is a good thing. I am constantly learning where I need to improve in my life, where I made a mistake, could have done better, or wish I had just let sleeping dogs lie! But that is life when you are still learning and I believe we learn at every age and we don't ever stop. 

I am on the path to perpetual peace. It's in the byline of my blog! I won't accept less than a peaceful path, but even I know that the journey to peace is an un-blazed trail at times. We have to be willing to have uncomfortable conversations, break certain ties to things that no longer serve our being, develop habits that grow us, and choose to be a trusted person to all who interact with us. 

America is in a chaotic mess right now, and its people are as divided as the East is from the West.  That doesn't mean I have to be as miserable as our situation looks. The hope we have is that when you get to the bottom, you have only one direction, and that is up. But what a tough climb that will be. It will take a lot of strong trailblazers and climbers to navigate the climb. Some of these conversations have been extremely difficult and some will be impossible for awhile. Some friendships will not be intact after all is said and done. Sometimes things have to hurt before they can heal and lessons will be learned from every failing. I believe in grace, and I also believe in making sure we take care of ourselves as America also begins to heal. Sometimes grace means taking a pause from those relationships that are not bringing out the best in either one of you or draining you of your peace. Pray and ask God to help you maneuver your way through any difficult relationships you may encounter and ask Him your role in that partnership. As my mentor helped me realize, we don't have to feel guilty for leaving a toxic relationship. It's okay to take care of our own hearts too. 

Be in peace, be a blessing, be a trusted person, and look for the trusted people in your life. I love mine and am so thankful for my mentor and dear friend, Norm Sawyer!