A New Book for You!

 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 

1 Corinthians 13:7

My dear friend, Norm Sawyer has published his what number book is this now- 7th? 8th? I can't keep up with his fast pace of writing and publishing these days! Ironies to Contemplate is the latest treasure to hit the press, and you can check out the book and my review HERE! (I apologize that I could not get it to directly link to the book for some reason)  I've written many posts about relationship difficulties throughout the pandemic, and Norm tackles the pandemic with a Christlike perspective in a section of this book. It has been my favorite book of his so far, so I hope you'll check it out. You will be blessed so big! 

Oh, and maybe I should mention that if you do check this book out, you'll find one of my poems made it into this book! That's right, for those of you who don't know, I do write a little poetry now and then, but I don't share it with too many people. When Norm asked me to write a poem that reflected "irony", I looked through my collection and found I already had a few that fit the description. A poem previously titled "Love", became "The Heart is Real", and how fitting from the girl who all the hearts seem to find. (Yes, I'm still finding them!)

Even more profound was that the mood of this poem I had written a few years ago reflected all of the chaos going around inside of me and around me as the pandemic and all of its related issues raged on. 

 What I learned so far in life is that love of any kind will always contain irony. As one part states, "The heart is fickle, it is constant-It fails, it never fails." I can still feel this statement as it relates to what it means to me. We can love someone so much and want so much for them to return that love and they may never ever do that for us. In that respect, it fails for us. That is the fickle kind of love. But God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5, and that is the constant kind of love that will never fail. 

People will disappoint us, give up on us, treat us unfairly, misunderstand us, not even give us the time of day! They are one way on a Tuesday and completely different on a Saturday! But not God. He will always be your friend, He will never give up on you! 

I the Lord do not change. 

Malachi 3:6

Get the book, my friends and enjoy every word!

"Growing Up" in Love and Peace

 When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. 

Proverbs 10:19

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.

 Proverbs 11:2 

It's slightly ironic that both of these verses are highlighted in my bible, as are many in this particular piece. Highlighted verses in my bible usually indicate something I need to study or absorb a little deeper. I should really highlight the whole book! Here is a quote I heard myself saying after someone angered me and I let my pride speak instead of my wisdom and my patience: (this is definitely not a highlight-able quote)

"Your silence is immature and so are you. Grow up." -Jami Rogers, (so-called maker of peace) Ugh! 

I can give you at least five good reasons why I said it and at least five more why the person I said it to deserved it. But isn't that the problem? We choose to be "right" and justified in our actions instead of righteous in our behavior. So now I have regrets, not because what I said was terribly wrong or what was said to me was okay, but because I said it at all. I know better than this. The relationship in question was already in trouble, and the extra sharp words did no favors. While I don't always feel reconciliation is necessary in every situation, I do feel we should be peace-seeking, civil, kind, and forgiving as much as possible. Relationships are important to God, and representing Him should have been more important to me at that moment. Note to self for next time: Take my time to respond! Don't react. 

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written, "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. Romans 12-18,19

There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18 

I've been injured a couple of times over the past year, and I'm sure I've done my own share of piercing certain people with my harsh words. I'm trying to maneuver through territory that is still very unnavigable to me. This past year has been so disappointing, so revealing, so heartbreaking, and so very damaging, to say the least. It has been lonely, yet helpful in showing me some important things I needed to see and learn. Not all lessons come with gold stars at the end. 

Harsh words come out of a harsh spirit, and we've been living in harsh times. I've heard a lot of surprising things come out of myself and out of people who were once a great source of love, comfort, and encouragement, so it's been a very confusing time as well. I left social media because it became such a ready source of anger and brutality toward others. I need this odd new feeling to also leave me. This feeling of "one more jab" and I'm gonna lose it. Why have we become so protective over ourselves and our emotions? Because we've become very vulnerable and we aren't used to this. Some of us are seeing cracks in our faith, and some of us have no faith at all. Some have relied solely on God, some have relied on unreliable people, and some have relied on their own unpredictable selves. And all the cracks and worms are showing, like rain on a sidewalk. It's no wonder we've become quite tumultuous in our interactions, and quite fed up with ourselves in some cases. 

To speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy to all people. Titus 3:2 

 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such is as good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:19 

I don't want to fire off biting words in response to angry or even unfair assumptions made about me. I want to be able to rise above words and respond with not just grace, but wisdom. When I think of my goal in relationships, what is it?  It may feel like I just want to be right but as I sit and think about why I am so passionate about what I say, it's usually because I'm trying to find common ground somehow, and I am feeling a major disconnect. I can see it in my own words and I feel it in my heart. I've never been an angry or confrontational person, but the events surrounding this pandemic and election seem to have brought out the worst in many, and maybe even in me. 

We seem to have lost our ability to reason, see clearly, and speak with humility and gentleness to one another at a time when we need it the most. We have to do better than this. We can't let the fox in the henhouse or the enemy in the door. It's not about being right. We can't all be right and we can't all be wrong. And it can't be about "right and wrong" either.  We can't be angry and shut others out because someone isn't "on our side". We shouldn't even take sides. God is the only one who is right. He is never wrong. "My concern is not whether God is on our side; my greatest concern is to be on God's side, for God is always right." Abraham Lincoln 

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. 1 Peter 5:8 

Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away. Matthew 24:35

What seems to really bug me the most is that we are all putting such importance over temporary and changeable things, and using heavyweight words and destructive actions to "prove points" and push agendas. People are on opposite sides, expecting you to take a "side", and if you're not on theirs, you're the enemy, but it's not supposed to be a war. Or has it become one? It seems we are in a civil war of sorts between love and fear. If you're in fear, you're always hostile, angry, worried, anxious, and negative. You're worried you're not going to get your desired outcome. Fear doesn't allow for compromise, reason, or positive connection. Fear reacts, but love responds. When you respond with love, you lead with your heart, your mind, your soul, and the gifts God gave you, and you want others to benefit. Leading with love doesn't mean you have to agree. It just means you don't get to judge and you find common ground, and you give what you want to receive in return. 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13: 1-8

 That verse is read at weddings and it's taken for granted, but read what it says here! Weddings are full of love already. When we really need a crash course about love is when it's hard to remember how to do it! It's the truth of what we've been missing all along. To know that nothing will ever be more important or impactful than the love we share with people and honoring God and ourselves with our character. Love never fails, and that is a promise! Even when it doesn't "feel" very loving where you are. 

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18 

The fact that people don't agree on things politically will always be an issue. We don't have to let the stress of a pandemic destroy and dismantle years and years of good, supportive, loving friendships and relationships with family members. We need to understand that some "hills worth dying on" are simply temporary humps we might be standing on by ourselves, because we've chosen principles over people. Listen, I can be as stubborn as the day is long. I get it! But I also know when to give it up. I can also talk too much, not talk enough, say all the right things, say all the wrong things, show up and not show up, encourage people and make people mad!  I make mistakes all the time! We all do. But it really hurts me when I hurt someone else with my mistakes, and the hardest person I have to forgive in any battle is always me. 

This earth and all of its trappings, stages, platforms, and downfalls are temporary. Political problems and pandemics are also temporary. This too shall pass. But who will still be with you at the end? That's what matters. And that's why I said in anger, "grow up". What I really felt was, "I thought I mattered to you, but I guess I don't". What is said in anger is usually hurt in disguise. We all matter to God, and that is a promise. Knowing who we are in Christ helps us to handle and sustain the "attacks" from the world and others, and it helps us to remain in peace before we are tempted to stage our own "attacks".  We can be better equipped to respond in love, stay grounded in our faith, and forgive wherever necessary, including ourselves. 

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18 

For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 

2 Corinthians 4:17-18

Mercy Mercy Me

 Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. 

Proverbs 22:24 

Hatred stirs up conflict, but love conquers over all wrongs.

Proverbs 17:14 

It has been a long week of pondering the meaning of Easter, and also a challenging week peppered with the opposite of what Easter means. If ever I felt a tug-of-war in my life, it was last week and if I'm being honest, the entire year prior. I have felt moments of great love and peace, and then moments of anger and unrest. 

I wrote a blog awhile back about anger being heavy and grace being light and I believed every word of it or I wouldn't have written it. I have spent time reading about the fruits of the spirit, and knowing that these are the keys to dealing with difficulties in our lives and with difficult people. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, and perhaps most complicated one for me lately-self-control. But as I've been dealing with more difficult people and difficult situations, I can't help but feel a little "difficult" myself. 

Mercy was something on my mind as I read the book of Matthew last week. As Jesus performed his miracles and chose his disciples, he faced all kinds of doubters and well, just plain idiots who just accused him of all kinds of lies. His friends turned on him, though he was in actuality God, sinless, and the One who would ultimately give his own life for their sins, their mistakes, their lies, and their abuses against him. And then turn around and forgive them for it. That's some amazing mercy, and Jesus wanted us to focus on that, and not just his sacrifice. He knew we would all face this same kind of treatment and He told us how to deal with people who would do the same to us. He taught us many things on His Sermon on the Mount, the most important being practicing love and humility in dealing with others. Have I conquered this yet? A resounding no. I fail every day. 

Love your neighbor as yourself

Galatians 5:14 

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. 

Romans 12:3 

I have found so many different challenges in confronting difficult people, and as a Christ follower, it doesn't automatically mean the answers are right there in my head to get it right every time.  My pride gets in the way sometimes.  I get my feelings hurt too. When my family is hurting, and I feel I need to come to the rescue, I sometimes can't be as objective as I should be. To be honest, I have a bit of the hot temper in the opening verse. I can go all "brass knuckles and nun chuks" IN MY MIND before I actually respond. I want to get to a place where anger and heart palpitations don't precede my eventual common sense, mostly peaceful responses. (depends on the day, folks) I have to get to a place where I talk to God about this part of me way before this feeling happens, because it often surprises me how angry I can feel about injustice and unrighteous things. 

My prideful defense is that I invest a lot of my heart into people. I do. And I let them go on and on about the things they "believe in", sometimes for years, all the while staying pretty quiet and neutral about my own opinions, beliefs, and thoughts so as not to "upset the apple cart", most likely. It wasn't until last year when I had enough spikes driven into my heart about everything going on in the world that I couldn't stay silent anymore, and I spoke my mind finally THIS year. And somehow, all that friendship I offered all those years, all the praying and support, encouragement, and history went down the tubes because I simply. didn't. agree. with. them. No one likes to reject or feel rejected for any reason, and a disagreement should never lead to rejection, but in this past year, conversations were very difficult with certain people and so walking away seemed to be the answer in many people's relationships, sadly. 

Sometimes grace and mercy needs to be given to yourself as well. Of course we are all allowed our own opinions, thoughts and feelings about anything we want. But in my idealist mind, I thought because I accepted their differences, they would accept mine. It doesn't always work that way. People sometimes only "love" you when you stay in your box they made for you. Like one said to me, "I can't share my daily life with you because you agree with all the things that bother me." What a dagger this was to my heart. Let's give up on our friends who have always put us in an important position in their lives, prayed for them, cared for them, and showed concern for them, simply because we don't agree with them. Sad. This is the world we live in now, where we trade in good people for political stances or as one person put it "their hill worth dying on". But friends, we can't replace good people and your favorite candidates won't be there crying with you when you lose a family member. That's the reality. 

God has given us an abundance of love, grace, and mercy, and He did it while we were still sinners. When I think about who He died for and how He was tortured, spit upon, laughed at, and left to bleed to death-all for those sins, and yet in His pain, He forgave them all. Wow. He forgave us all. He forgave the friends who have turned on me, the boy who just shattered my daughter's heart again and again. The terrible boss who mistreated my husband, the liars, the cheaters, the mean people, the horrible people. The difficult people. We may not want these people in our lives for good reasons, but because of His great mercy, we can forgive them because of who He is and because of who He made us to be. 

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 

Romans 5:8