Hopeful Shoes

 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5 

To glory in my sufferings, now who would really want to wear those shoes? Someone who can imagine and desire the end result, that's who. The end result, meaning the kind of character and personal growth that is developed when I choose to trust God with the disappointments, the injustices, the emotional and physical suffering, and the adversities in my life. Kind of like our parents told us to do our chores as children because it would "build character". Well, it did, didn't it? Why would suffering build my character? If I choose to allow it, I will focus on what God is trying to do with my life going forward, and I will continue to grow in new directions instead of  simply fixating on the suffering part. If I do nothing but complain or stay angry, I can't learn anything new in that position, and eventually I feel my faith would probably suffer as well. 

And we know that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28 

I've been shocked by trials, and I've been numbed by them. If I'm honest with you, I probably live in fear of them, but I know that's a dichotomy in itself. I want to grow, but I'm afraid of what it takes to grow. Ever hear of growing pains? Maybe that's where they got their name! I've had to learn to cry (I was never one to cry before 2014), put actual spoken words to my feelings (writing is easier), express emotions I am not comfortable with (anger is not fun), and I've had to learn to trust God with every uncertainty, every uncomfortable feeling, and every wrong move. Every time I plan a "strategy" in my head that I know is something I've already prayed about, it's just me not trusting God for the plan He already has in mind. I have to remember, God knows I'm suffering. He knows I hurt. But He also knows that if I see it through, He will use this to change me for the better. 

The trials of life are never-ending. I've never met a person with a trial-free life, and the more people I meet, the more I see that my suffering doesn't even compare to theirs, not that it is something to be compared. I've witnessed people who were very strong in the face of great trials, who claimed their trust in God for this amazing confidence. People who have been able to walk through devastating losses and situations, who were still standing at the end, praising God for the blessings they were able to see and receive in spite of it all. Their situations didn't change, but they sure did. That's why you'll hear me say often, "I don't know how I'd get through any of this without God." I want to be that peaceful person claiming my faith. 

Sufferings don't always have to involve great tragedies and loss, or even my health to threaten my faith. As I mentioned above, sometimes I start developing "strategies" in my mind to try to "fix" things that if I was honest, are probably beyond repair! It's that hopeless maniac in me that still thinks "all things are figureoutable". I fester and fixate on old messed up relationships or current relationship issues, that honestly, I couldn't fix if I tried again and again. I have already given these relationships over to God, yet I continue to turn the issues over in my mind. Why? 

For the same reason that I want to be healed physically. To feel better about the whole thing! The wait is excruciating sometimes when I've asked God for help and I'm still in the waiting room. But faith not only asks, but it requires me to wait. Faith requires my trust, and it also asks me to do what I can do in the meantime and stop whatever I've been doing that isn't being patient and faithful. 

This can be applied to my attitudes about the state of the world as well. I can still have such a negative response whenever I hear something on the news that makes me angry, so obviously I haven't trusted God with that yet either. And maybe I haven't fully forgiven who and where I need to forgive. That's a big one. I have work to do. 

I have to take my own responsibility when it comes to healing emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I can't be negative, angry, unforgiving, and full of impatience, thinking that is the perfect set up for God to bless me with any kind of peace, spiritual wisdom or a healing touch. And I don't think I really live that way as a rule, but I have to be careful not to get in that kind of mindset in any way, shape or form. There is no fear in facing trials or suffering when I can accept that my life is firmly in His grip for my good. No matter what is going on on the outside, I can still be grateful and thriving on the inside, and that is the hope I stand in. Those are the shoes I want to wear! 

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12