Thoughts of Thanksgiving

 It is Thanksgiving Day here in America, and I'm not celebrating with the family today. They have chosen to go elsewhere, and will instead come here over the weekend. It's the third time in my entire life that this has happened, (major snowstorm, my dad's cancer surgery, and this year) and I have to say that this leaves me feeling blessed, though initially I admit I didn't take it very well! (New empty nester here-wet behind the ears) But as I sit here, I realize that I am blessed to know my family is enjoying Thanksgiving dinner with various families, they are relatively healthy in most cases, and I am at peace, knowing that the Lord has watched over all of us another year. 

There are so many hurting families around us. So many situations that others are dealing with that some of us will never know, or may never understand. These holidays can be so difficult when remembering those who were once the center of our lives, and meant so much to our families, and to those whose homes or countries are in turmoil, there is so much more missing from theirs. Yes, it can be hard to feel blessed sometimes. Pain can cloud those blessings and lead us away from being grateful, but one thing that helped me deal with the loss of my dad was thanking God for the 46 years I had him in my life and for taking him the way he had always wanted to go, even though I wanted more time with him. I had to find the blessings within the pain in order to find some kind of peace within the heartache. 

We miss those who are not here with us, but we rejoice because they are free of the toils of this world, and free of pain and disease. We know they are with God, and that gives us great peace and joy, mixed in with the sadness and nostalgia of a happier time. We honor them by repeating treasured traditions and speaking their names, making their recipes, and maybe most importantly, telling stories about them, and stopping to remember their voices and their laughter. My grandma had the best giggle, and my dad, the softest, kindest voice. My brother didn't laugh much, but when he did, we all perked up! And there are so many more we miss, whose presence meant something special to all of us, and whose absence changed us all. 

We are warm, safe, fed, clothed, loved, and free, and that is so much more than many on this earth can say. We have more than we need most days. We can complain, sure. But we can also be grateful, and it is best to find reasons to say "thank you, Lord, I probably don't deserve this." At least, that's what I say. 

 I am praising God for every blessing, and thanking Him for all the days He gave me of those who remain present in my life, even if they are no longer here in spirit or in flesh. 

May the Lord give you a heart of thanks, and a spirit of peace as you sit down today, whether you are with family, or remembering those who used to sit beside you. Know that you are not alone. God is with you. Blessings, and Happy Thanksgiving to you. 

..."Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5 

Consistently Consistent

 I remember telling a friend in an exasperated tone, "I just wish you'd be CONSISTENT with me." I thought what I was asking was simple on my end. Just be the person  you were yesterday. Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Stop being confusing and vague. The results of so many conversations were wishy-washy, wrought with questions, and of course they were, because of the inconsistency behind them all. I was asking for something I didn't realize wasn't as simple as it sounded, but I'll get to that later. But how does consistency lead to a happier life? Why are happier people those who are doing things consistently? I believe they are empowered and not overwhelmed. Succeeding and not seceding. Flourishing and not floundering. Consistent people get things done, and people who are getting things accomplished are people who just seem overall happier with their lives. What do you think? Are consistent people perfect? No! Am I always consistent? No, but I am aware that my inconsistencies with things is leading to my unhappiness or dissatisfaction within them. 

If we want to be healthier, we know it's about eating better foods and stopping our bad habits. We can't do it for just one day or even just one week, one month, or even a year. We have to show up every single day and keep repeating the same healthy habits over and over in order to be a healthy individual.  It has to become who we are and not just what we do. Same with finances. If we want to become more financially stable, we begin to save or invest, pay down debt, and we do it repeatedly and habitually. We need to change our behaviors, put in the effort, and be consistent. Consistency requires us to discipline ourselves and change the way we think about everything- food, money, relationships, health, life. That word will come up in almost anything that brings us any type of benefit- discipline. A disciplined person becomes that way by choosing to repeat the same action over and over, and they do so without having to be told. A person who sets limits and boundaries for themselves does something that an undisciplined person won't do-holds themselves accountable. Maybe that doesn't sound like it could lead to happiness, but in the end, when you set yourself up for success and then don't let yourself down, you actually find yourself a lot more fulfilled, and yes, much happier with who you are as a person. I will clarify by saying that the end result has less to do with our success, but so much more with our consistent effort. When I know I have put in consistent effort, I can handle something not working out so much better than if I had not put in the discipline at all.  

The spiritual discipline of prayer and study brings us knowledge of God and eventually the wisdom that comes from knowing how He works. When we are consistent in communing with God, our relationship with God will also become stronger and healthier. It's not about becoming more "religious" and "doing" something. It's about consistently spending time getting to know God, the way we desire to know others or want them to know us. We can become disciplined in any area of life, whether it is working out at the gym, being on time for work, or getting up early for bible study. It all begins with a choice and a consistent action to follow through. Consistency leads to strength in so many ways. It leads to stronger commitments, better choices, and those among were the other "c" words I grappled with choosing! 

Some of the quotes I searched on the subject of consistency stated that "Consistency is rare." What do you think about that? Is it rare to be consistent or just to experience people who are inconsistent? I don't know that it's rare, per se, but I do think it's challenging at times, depending on the choices we are making. I think the quote I would make about consistency is this- Consistency reveals. It reveals a desire to connect with a person if a relationship is what you want. It reveals a goal, if you are working out at the gym every week and making healthy choices at mealtimes. It reveals commitment, character, priorities, and when being a parent, it reveals patience, or none at all!  A lack of consistency reveals something too, and that's for us to decide. What do we want out of our relationships, our friendships, our careers, finances, parenting goals, health, spiritual lives?  What we are willing to put a consistent effort into will reveal what is most important to us. If we want something to change, it starts with us, and it's probably going to require us to be consistent. As I'm on week seven of a new way of eating, I'm learning that it's not easy, but I'm consistently doing it and the results speak for themselves. If I want a certain type of life, I need to put in a special type of effort. 

When thinking about what consistency can reveal, there is a flip side. When we sit back and watch who is not consistent with us, maybe we shouldn't be asking them to be a more steady presence for us, but instead just observe. It will reveal to us the truth of the relationship, and we may see our own inconsistencies within them. Perhaps it is better to see others as they are rather than expect behaviors from them that they are not capable or willing to deliver. Do we really want someone in our lives that doesn't want to be consistent with us, or continues to take us down Vague Avenue? Should we fight to keep people like that around? Probably not.  Maybe we are expecting consistency from the wrong people, and that in and of itself becomes our own inconsistent behavior. My friend was being consistently inconsistent! It's not too much to ask someone to be loving, kind, or honest with you, but it becomes a problem on our parts when we are continually asking it of a person who is obviously not committed to giving it to us.  We need to be consistent too. Show up for the people who show up for you, and don't freely give away your time to people who have demonstrated that consistency in any form is not their strength or intention. 

If I want to see my book published in this century, (and I do) I need to be writing every day. If I want to sleep better, I need to go to bed earlier every night, and on and on the list will go. No one wants better things for me than me. No one else can make your life into what you want it to be but you. If we want to accomplish a life in which we are finding ourselves in a more positive state of mind, finances, health, relationships, etc...,we need to align our choices with our desired outcomes. And keep doing it with persistence until the goals are achieved.

 If we want to consistently let ourselves down, unfortunately we can do that too, by doing nothing at all. I am choosing to invite God into my process by asking Him to help me with the goals in my life that require me to CONSISTENTLY repeat choices that will help me get there.  

B is for Balanced

 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23 

I believe happy people know how to keep their lives in a healthy state of balance.  Have you ever heard the phrase, "everything in moderation?" It's kind of the same thing. It means there is an intentional effort to maintain a healthy amount of each of the elements of our lives. Work, Home, Family, Relationships, Rest, Community, etc.. We all have responsibilities and interests of all different kinds and trying to keep up with them all at the same time can be exhausting and challenging.  I call it "juggling and trying to keep all the balls up in the air." Drop one ball and all of them come tumbling down. There is a sense of anxiety and stress about juggling, though, and life doesn't have to be that way if we insert a sense of priority intention into every area of what we commit ourselves to. It's easy to get overwhelmed if we don't know how to prioritize or eliminate the things that don't need our commitment or attention. If we are working too much, our families may begin to suffer from our absence. If we spend too much time shopping, our bank accounts as well as our time may get out of balance. If we are worrying, fretting, complaining, and venting, we are going to find ourselves out of balance emotionally and probably affect the balance in our relationships. If we begin to isolate ourselves socially, we will soon find ourselves out of balance where any relationships are concerned. A lack of balance can create havoc anywhere-our physical health from a lack of exercise or medical attention, our marriages from a lack of time or from too much arguing, our bodies from too much stress, too much eating, not enough water, and sometimes not enough rest and quiet time. And certainly, not enough time with God and hearing what He has to say to us. God will always want us to put Him first, and when we do that, all other things will fall into place. But seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33 I don't know how many times I have caught myself flustered and sputtering about something, and didn't stop to pray about it first. God will bring balance to a life that nothing and no one else can. He says, "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10

I believe a happy person is one who knows their own limitations, respects their own time and that of others, and knows how to form the word, "NO." Spreading ourselves out too thin in order to please everyone else is a great way to get out of balance, and also a way to build up resentment when you're not really doing things out of the spirit in your own heart. 

 It is a balanced person (not a perfect one) who will strive to prioritize their spiritual life, family life, work duties, home care, personal desires, community life, and still manage to find time for others when the need arises, because it allows for hiccups and emergencies to occur. Many years ago, I used to follow a cleaning website called flylady, and the goal was to break down the daily chores in a manageable fashion. The most important takeaway for me was that the first thing you did each morning was shower and get dressed all the way to your shoes! Maybe this fits into more of a prepared person's lifestyle, but I believe a balanced person would also be ready for anything the day would throw at them, and having your shoes on would certainly bring you peace at a time of crisis. You just never know when you'll be running out the door. I don't do this, by the way, but I can see where it could be beneficial. At least I no longer care if I am showered or made up before I run out the door in my slippers. Standards have changed, people. Sorry if you have to see me out there. 

 Balance allows for wiggle room, because we won't try to cram too many things into our lives that we don't really have time for.  A person who is balanced also values and uses time wisely.  Remember that teacher back in grade school who used to write that on the report card-"uses time wisely"? Well, I was a daydreamer in some of my classes, so there was that. I didn't do well in the classes where I couldn't balance my daydreaming time with my listening time! HaHa

 A balanced person takes time for self care as well as time for hobbies.  I don't believe this comes naturally to most people. Some of us can't tell ourselves "no" when it comes to working, and some of us just can't relax. There are a lot of guilt-ridden people who believe they aren't allowed to enjoy themselves! The Lord has given us talents and gifts that we are to share with others and yes, for our personal enjoyment too. Some of us need to be disciplined to work more, and some of us need to be disciplined to play more! There are many areas of our lives that could use some equilibrium, and it's for our own benefit that we should keep striving for that. We are a very unbalanced group of humans sometimes, but with God's help, we can overcome ourselves. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11 

I focused a lot on the balancing of time here, but there are so many areas of life where balance can be a gamechanger. Be blessed and strive for a place of stability where you've been a little off kilter. I'm checking myself too!  May God help all of us balance our lives for His purpose. 

My Life as A New Intermittent Faster

 Greetings and salutations, friend(s)! I'm back today because I can't stay away. I am feeling empowered and enlightened today! Those are two of my new favorite buzzwords lately, because since I started Intermittent Fasting a month ago, that is how I've been feeling! Friends, I am SHOWING UP in my life in a whole new way, and NO, this is not a sponsored blog. LOL 

Food can be a way of soothing, medicating, and "helping" us tolerate or deal with uncomfortable emotions. It can be a way to relax when we are stressed. Food can get us through rough patches in relationships, tough times with tough situations, because it covers up a whole mess of what we don't want to deal with underneath. Many of us can become dependent on food to comfort us through life and not even realize that is what we are doing, but the rate of obesity-related illness in our country should be an indicator that there is a big problem with this issue. 

When food is removed from the equation, we are left with a strong desire to eat. That can be a good thing, because with that feeling comes our own power to deal with the things we've been pushing down with food. We find our own strength to deal with the things we pushed off on food to handle for us. When we can't reach for a Snickers or a potato chip after that difficult phone call at work, we are pushed to take a deep breath and use the strength we have inside of us instead. 

When food is taken away, it's like the lights are turned on to the things I tolerated before that I don't want to tolerate anymore. My eyes are more open to the goals I want to achieve and the obstacles that are in front of me, and the ones I placed there myself. I really felt weighed down not just by the extra 20 pounds that I had on me, but by the lack of control I felt about it all. I numbed myself with snacks and candy because I couldn't cope with my feelings. But it turns out, I can because here I am doing it. 

When I first started this program, I decided to try the "ease-in approach," because I really didn't think I could do this. I don't know why I thought that, maybe because I have failed at every single "diet" I've ever tried. (Diets are a joke, by the way) For the first 3 weeks, I eased my way into it with a low-carb breakfast or lunch, drinking only water or tea all day, plus my morning coffee, then I enjoyed a regular dinner in the evening. No snacks, no soda, etc. I made it to week four, and I had a really busy day in which I was unusually energetic with my chores, and before I knew it, it was 4:30, and I realized I hadn't eaten all day. 

I was pretty shocked at myself, so I decided I would advance to a different version of fasting which is called OMAD, or One Meal A Day. In this plan, you fast for the desired number of hours. For me, it has been about 20-22 hours a day. I then have an eating window of about 2 hours a day. I make sure to hydrate all day long, with only clear water or iced or hot tea or coffee, and then have a normal dinner in which I eat what I like with no diet restrictions. I make sure to include all the food groups, plus dessert if I want, and have enough calories so that I'm within a healthy limit for my body. And in this plan, if you want a Coke or a donut, you can have it at that mealtime. This is not a "food is the enemy" or feel guilty if you eat something "bad" plan. I choose to eat healthy foods, but I don't restrict myself, and that helps me make better choices. As a menopausal, weight loss-resistant female, this has been a life-changer for me! If someone invites me to a birthday party, I can adjust my eating schedule so that I can attend the party, eat cake with everyone else, and then get right back on my plan the next day. This has been the most realistic, do-able lifestyle I've ever done, and yes, I've lost a respectable amount of weight in a month! For more information on Intermittent Fasting, check out Gin Stephens' book, Fast Feast Repeat in which she details the science behind why this works. There are also great podcasts and YouTube channels out there on the subject. I learned about it as much as I could before I started the program to make sure it was right for me. I'm still learning as I go! 

Many of us feel out of control about things in life, and the truth is, there are many things we can't control. We can't control other people, the economy, society, family members, politics, the weather, and on and on our lack goes. But the one thing we can control is ourselves. We can control our reaction to all of those things and we can control what goes into our bodies. When I began to take back control of my body, I also took back control of my mind. The discipline that it requires to tell ourselves "No" to food is the same discipline it requires to tell ourselves "no" to a lot of the things we've been allowing that we know are not serving us well. 

I am excited that I am finally seeing success with my weight loss since entering my 50's, and I am feeling hopeful that this is the long term plan that I can maintain. I finally have the mental freedom that every fad diet has never allowed me to have, and I'm not walking around saying, "I can't have this, I can't have that," all while munching on carrots and celery. Life is too short, friends! Live it empowered and be as healthy as you can be! 

My New Project: Day One

 Greetings and salutations my faithful follower(s)! My absence has been due to what all of you face every day-life's unexpected and expected challenges, distractions, interruptions, frustrations, and well, the not-so-easy stuff of life. But I'm here today, and hopefully I will be back again soon, because I have some new things to share! 

I've had a project on my mind for awhile-maybe for about 6 months or so, and it's been nagging at me to get on here to share. I wasn't sure what format I was going to share it in, whether it would be a vlog, a blog, a book, or a podcast, but as it unfolds, it will tell me itself. Maybe it will just be shared here and go no further, who knows. 

The Lord keeps giving me the word "alphabet", and as these life challenges arise, I keep getting key words, phrases, and life lessons along with them. This has been going on for quite some time, so I started writing them down. This has been life-changing and very freeing for me in many ways. 

Secondly, I started a new way of eating, which is new to me anyway. I started Intermittent Fasting, or IF, and have found that my mind has become much clearer, a lot of my physical symptoms are starting to lessen, and I am becoming more self-disciplined. I never thought I would be able to pull this off, but here I am, a month later, free of the old "diet brain" I used to put myself through for years. My eyes are brighter, I'm sleeping better, (and that's saying a lot for this menopausal chick!) and even though the tests are pretty rough and close together, my moods aren't too shabby these days! 

So, on to the project! 

I've been thinking a lot about what makes a person "happy". What constitutes a life filled with contentment, satisfaction, and an ability to rise above circumstances, and still be a pleasant person to be around. I'm always conflicted on whether I should use the word "happy" or "joy" because they are similar emotions with different meanings. Happiness is an external emotion generally dependent on temporary circumstances, while joy has a spiritual nature, based on a selfless gain, and it chooses to see the good in things, even if that doesn't necessarily "feel" good, because it leads to Who is good. Joy is also deep contentment, much like happiness, as some people who have gone through great sorrow have also experienced great joy. Weeping may stay for the night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalms 30:5  I take notice of people who have been through tragic or life-altering situations and I pay attention. What are they doing to make it through each day? How do they cope? What are they doing differently and if they are thriving, how can I be more like them? As a chronic illness warrior, and a person who struggles with other things, I don't want my problems to become my labels. I don't want those things to be how others see me or know me. As I googled one of the authors of a favorite devotional series, I learned she has struggled her whole adult life with chronic illnesses and has had many challenges. Who would know it by the incredible writing she has done? She has not made that her platform. One mistake I make and others make is assumptions. While I don't want my illnesses to define me, it is also difficult to hear someone "expect" me to be 100% functional because they see my house clean on a Saturday, or heard I went shopping on a Tuesday. We don't know the daily details of anyone's lives. Assumptions are not wise. Anyway, I digress. 

For the sake of my project, I will attempt to produce 26 traits beginning with each letter of the alphabet.  Today's Word for a "happy" life is ACCEPTANCE, though there are so many great "A" words from which to choose. While I will try to keep future posts shorter, I won't promise anything! I'm hoping this will be a weekly post, but it could be daily, if the pen strikes. 

Acceptance. People aren't always going to accept who we are, what we do, what we've chosen, who we've chosen, or even what we wear, say, eat, believe, think, or look like. That's a given in life. One of the biggest things people want is to be accepted by others, and to me, if we can get past always wanting and needing that to be happy, we can truly be free to be who we are meant to be. The kind of acceptance I'm referring to here is accepting that some things will never be the way we envisioned them, some people will never be who we thought they were going to be. Life isn't going to turn out the way we had it on our vision boards, and all of that is okay. We don't have the body we always wanted, the hair we thought we had to have, the money we always thought was important, the person we had our eye on, that house on the hill, and the car with all the trimmings. Acceptance can be that the person we depended on is now ill and unable to be who we need, or they've passed on and we have to do it all now. But we are doing it all, making necessary changes, and it's going to be okay. Acceptance is that we didn't get the promotion, or even the job, but we shifted our thinking, rerouted, and found a different path to take. Accepting that who we are, what we have, what we've been given, and what has happened in our lives is all for a very specific purpose is very freeing, and it's one step closer to being able to be happy and content, even if things don't turn out the way we want. When we know that God accepts us in exactly the condition we come to Him in, we can better accept the mess we are and the flawed beings around us. Doesn't it feel better to accept people where they are rather than try to change them into what you think they should be? Yikes. That's God's job, and so are we, full of flaws and mistakes, yet He sees as beautiful. We could take a cue from Him in acceptance!

Oh God and Heavenly Father, grant to us the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed; courage to change that which can be changed, and wisdom to know the one from the other, through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen. 

                                                                                                                                                                                     The Serenity Prayer