Feeling Like Fall

 I feel like the season of Fall, in a way. I have been quietly waiting my turn to emerge, while the heat of summer rages on. I have so much to say and nothing to say just yet. I am shifting inside, while on the outside showing only subtle signs of change. As a saying goes, "All the trees are losing their leaves, and not one of them is worried." Oh, to feel a freedom like that. Suddenly, I think that's the word I feel. A little worried and a little trapped. A September birth was very fitting for the personality I would become. Some people call it a "Virgo" trait. I'm not really into that, though I do fit some of those deeply analytical traits, much to the chagrin of those who know me best. My tightly held leaves are falling, and I don't like change very much. I know better than to worry or to feel trapped. Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 

Suddenly, everything is changing at once, and they're not just those involuntary ones that are going on because I'm no longer of child-bearing age. We have Eve to thank for those fires of hell going in our bodies. Many things have changed in my life over the course of just 10 short years. Being of this annoying analytical type, I do tend to think deeply about where I've been, what has happened, where I'm going, but also who is around me. More importantly, who is still around me. When I think about my circle, it has gone from a cacophony to a whisper, just like the sneaky passage from summer to fall. And just as the seasons shift without so much as a sigh and we all accept this, I've learned that this too, is just part of life. I have to give these feelings over to God several times a day, and pray for peace, as sometimes unplanned chaos shakes me, and I feel like worry is winning.  Romans 8:37 No, in all these things, we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

Seasons of change always remind me of all the people who used to be in my life, and it's like watching the leaves gently drift from my maple trees one at a time. One day the tree was a beautifully colored, leafy display to be admired, but I blinked, and the tree was nearly bare. Just a few bright leaves clung precariously to the highest branches. At every age, I think I've learned it never gets easier to accept that people are going to reject us, leave us, or dislike us, and there is nothing we can do about it. Whatever the reason, and we may never even know, there will be people who will judge us who may never get close to our hearts and know who we are.  Truth be told, we all like to be comfortable, and that includes being around people who make us feel good about what we know, believe, trust, and feel. We are all human in that way. I think as the world gets tougher "out there," it's getting even more common or simple to want to find people who reflect back what is easier for us to accept or believe rather than challenge us to think something that opposes it. We just don't want to be challenged very much anymore. Life is just too hard. I'm not saying I feel this myself, it's just something I'm observing, but maybe I'm buying into it subconsciously too, I don't know. It might require some deeper thought. 

What's tough is finding out that people who once made you "comfortable" or people you thought "had your back" or even loved you or were in your life for a long time, are the ones who one day shoot porcupine quills at your heart. The ones you thought knew you and your heart, made a conscious choice to leave you, right? It's shocking, but becoming more and more prevalent these days. Yeah, It happens to everyone, and that's why we need to know the character of God, and have a personal relationship with his Son. Just like when we inevitably lose people we love to death, the comfort of the Lord is what gives us hope and strength to carry on. Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you. 

So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God. Romans 5:11

To me, a friend is one you can trust to make you comfortable AND also make you uncomfortable with hard situations and the truth, all because you stand securely in the knowledge that you are loved and accepted by that friend. You can love someone and disagree passionately and still have a great relationship with them. It's not an oxymoron! I will sound like a broken record at times, but if a relationship can't handle the real person we are inside, then maybe we haven't been our real selves— tip-toeing around the other person being a people-pleaser—or they just don't respect us, or vice versa. In short, it's not healthy, real, or true. So if we find friends who love us—truly love us—then we don't need to be constantly worried that they'll "discover" the truth one day that we are really giant ogres and leave us!  Ask God and trust God for those people, and He will put you in positions to find them. In the meantime, we can ask Him to give us maturity, wisdom, strength and courage to be the person of good character He made us to be, so that we are ready to recognize and nurture those friendships He gifts us! 

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24 

 I have been very busy with the harvesting of all that is left in my garden and things going on in my life, and trying to keep it all up. The large fields around our property are aglow with the many beautiful colors of approaching fall. Football season has started, there are good things on the horizon in my family, and I have so much to be grateful for. God has been my steady and dearest Friend my entire life. He reminds us all to look to Him for all of our needs, including constant companionship and provision through every season of our lives. In seasons of great change, chaos, and uncertainty, it is the Lord we can count on for stability and peace.  Numbers 6:26 the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace. Thank you Lord, for my blessings, and thank you for your promise of peace. 

We are not to depend on the fickleness of people, no matter how much we may love or like them, or think they can fill all of our needs.  People may leave us—some do—but God never will. Does that mean it won't hurt when you look around and your wide circle has become small? I will say from experience that it is wise to keep your circle whatever size it needs to be in order for it to be healthy, real, honest, and secure with the values in your life that are important to you. Seek out friendships that are honoring to God and to you and your other relationships, and let those go that become unhealthy or compromise you in any way.  Love one another, yes. But to invite unhealthy relationships into your life for the sake of "loving one another," or "being a good Christian," no. You'll hear me say that ad nauseum. I think it is wise also that if someone is crazy enough to leave you, let them. It makes room and time for the someone who will value what you have to give!! I am on your side today, friend! 

The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. Proverbs 12:26 

Don't look too long at who left, but take care of the ones who stay, and be a  committed friend to the ones who take care of your heart. When I typed that sentence, certain people came to mind, and you will know who your friends are when you read it as well. It doesn't matter if you have 1, 3, or 33, as long as they are real. (Keep shaking the tree. The ones at the top are always the best.)  Seriously though, may God bless you with a harvest of colorful, real and true friends and family who love you as deeply and truly as your heart loves.  

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6