Family Matters

 Be who you are and say what you feel, 

because those who mind don't matter 

and those who matter don't mind. 

–Dr. Seuss

I'm back! At least for now. We were so thankful for our oldest daughter's wedding and all of the family that came and shared their love and support with them (it was a "family only" wedding, so not too large). We became one big family with our daughter's in-laws and our new son-in-law, who we already loved, appreciated, and adopted as our "son" long before the wedding day. We are grateful that our daughter entered into a family that truly loves and appreciates her as the special person she is. It's all we ever prayed for when asking God to bless her with the right husband and family to support her one day. They are a very sweet couple! Serena loves her new "brother" and has embraced him into our family as well. This is what we hoped for. Angel still barks at him when he walks through the door, but he still loves (and tolerates) her anyway. Jesse's parents and brother spent Thanksgiving with us last year, and we are looking forward to more family gatherings with them! Their very large family has embraced Natalie as one of their own, as ours has Jesse! 

My sister has been through some pretty serious medical issues, as has my brother, who nearly left us on mother's day this year, leaving them both with some physical limitations. We have learned through loss and serious illness not to take each other for granted. Not only were both of them present, but my sister showed up to decorate, fixed some dress issues Natalie was having, and came to help clean up the day after the wedding. We are a small family with compromised health and very limited resources (a lot of widows and very few men), but one thing I have learned is that when someone needs something, we manage to pull it together for each other. My aunt was also recently hospitalized, but was also there helping to decorate. She is the "Lucy" to my mom's "Ethel" and they always laugh non-stop when they get together. My cousin showed up to help decorate, and took pictures all throughout the wedding and reception, and I'm so glad she did, because I was so stretched from running all around that I didn't have time to take any! I know someone was praying for me, as my usual chronic condition was giving me a break, enabling me to do all I needed to do for the wedding preparations. Praise God. 

I say all of this because all that the newlyweds noticed is that everything was exactly as they imagined it. They were surrounded by people who loved them and they could finally relax and enjoy this anticipated day. 

I opened with the quote above because in my family, we've been through some "stuff". We've all said things to each other that weren't so cool. We've done things, been through things, said stuff, did stuff, you get the idea... But even through all of the muck and mire, it has never stopped us from holding each other up and showing up for each other. We may not always function properly, but when it comes to love, we know how to show it and be there for each other and for that I am grateful. In the end, we matter to each other. When someone matters to you, you want to show up for them in the best way you can. 

Family can be a complicated thing, can't it? You have so much and so little in common. You can offer so much, but you can either withhold or overload. It's a plethora of wisdom, knowledge, help, companionship, yet so many within seem to sit without. It's a strange dichotomy of love and avoidance. The people who matter don't mind, but the people who mind don't matter. 

Many of you reading this have not felt like you've been accepted into a family or been understood by people the way you want or need to be. It's true that some people just get overlooked for no good reason. I have found the reason sometimes is that we need to seek the Lord for His security and not try to go looking for it in people, no matter who those people may be. If it's your own family, your spouse's family, your friendships, your coworkers, I know, I get it....sometimes you just feel like you're the square peg everywhere. I assure you, you are not. 

I've spent too long trying to fit my square into the roundness of others, and believe me, it's a losing battle! Instead, I have to go to God and say, "Work this out in me, because I can't go on like this. I can't define it, I can't live it, I can't put it into words, and I don't want to be it anymore. I'm tired of it." So let God have it, and ask God to protect you from the snares that it leads to, because when we look for approval and love or acceptance from others, we will also find our rejection and our wounds there. 

We all take each other for granted. Maybe in different ways, maybe we're all to blame. But to appreciate, one person has to go toward and the other has to respond. And if not, may we learn how to forgive and move on. 

It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in humans. 

Psalm 118:8