I think God is a big basketball fan. I really do. He has been to all of the girls' games...even a scrimmage! He has sat and cheered with us, for sure, but I think he whispers to the coach too! :)
Each game, I've told you before, I pray for the girls. I always pray for Natalie to have "a moment", and I don't care what it is. The fun part is watching to see what that moment turns out to be. It's not always scoring points or getting to play a bunch.
As the season comes to a close these next couple of weeks, Natalie just seems to be getting warmed up! The coach has been playing her more, leaving her in longer, and she has been scoring! Her defense has gotten so much tougher, and she's cutting girls off (a good thing in basketball), knocking the ball away from the other team, and making it really hard for the other team to shoot!
Last night she made two really cool baskets from her usual "spot". I felt myself smile a real smile. Not the one I have on my face, but the kind you feel in your heart and your eyes! She has worked so hard to prove herself and to be valuable to her team. I guess that's what it means when you say a player "has heart". Well, now she's got game to go with it!
After the game, she received hearty congratulations from former coaches, and friends' parents, grandparents, classmates, and us, of course! She got a big bear hug from her best friend...who is NOT a hugger, but is one of many of our really good athletes on the team.
Nat used to complain that she's not a natural athlete. While many of her classmates are natural athletes, she has had to work twice as hard just to be half as good. That has turned out to be a blessing for her. And oddly enough, a blessing for me too. I used to be frustrated, watching her sit the bench, or watching everyone beat her down the floor while she struggled to just keep up. I used to feel anger toward the coaches who didn't give her a chance or believe in her. I knew how much she wanted what the other girls could just do without effort. I watched her keep trying, while other girls could rest. That was so not easy! I stayed with her after practice to work on volleyball serves because she wanted to be better for her team. She wouldn't give up!
While some will still say winning is everything, or winning is more important, I have to guess that maybe they've never had to be on the other side. Maybe they're used to being first string or having a naturally athletic child. They don't know what it feels like to watch a kid work twice as hard and still not get to play. I can tell them what winning really feels like because I've been on both sides. I was a high scorer on my volleyball team in high school, then watched my kid sit the bench. That is a test, my friends! It's a test of humility and grace.
I have to say I had my own "moment" during Serena's Saturday games. I was talking with a mom who was very frustrated about some things regarding the game. I saw myself in her. I heard the anger, but I saw the hurt, and I knew exactly what she was feeling. I patted her and said, "it's okay, mama. Just cheer on your girl. Nothing else matters!" It's something that took me a couple of years to learn. I hope she gets it faster than me!
And last night's moment? Well, I know what Natalie's moments were, but I had some of my own too. After I got Natalie home, she walked into my arms and let me hug her for a good long time. She said, "hug me harder. My back really hurts." I told her I would hug her so hard that her spine would straighten right out!" She was sweaty and hot and I didn't care. That's what I call a "moment"!
Rock on, Number Eleven!!
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Sunday, February 5, 2012
To Forgive is Divine.....and stinkin' hard too
I kind of regret my post from Friday. In fact, when my computer took forever to post it, I disconnected my computer, hoping it would mess it up altogether. I was feeling frustrated and a bit fearful, a bit angry, and sometimes when I share those things, it helps me. Maybe it's not so helpful to others. I really kick myself when I think I have done something out of impulsive thinking. It's something I've worked on for years.
This morning in church, the message was on forgiveness. Oh, brother....this is my doing, everyone, I thought! But I know, we all fall short. We all offend someone at some time, and we all get offended. One of the many perils of our humanity, I suppose.
I should probably update the situation...Serena did apologize to her teacher for being disruptive. And something happened. The teacher apologized to her for giving her the detention. They then enjoyed school activity night by dancing to YMCA together. So for now, the situation is re-stabilized. I'm not sure I have faith that this won't head downhill again,but I have to take it for what it is today, and try to let the rest go.
So in church this morning, Pastor talked about how believers should come to reconcile. The key word being "believers". Well, I'm trying to forgive a non-believer who continues to throw stones. How do you stop feeling angry at someone who just won't stop being offensive? One day I feel I've let it go and forgiven it, and a week later, I'm annoyed yet again! It would be so much easier to forgive someone if you could just move millions of miles away! Or if they would...even better!!:) See what I mean?
I have experience in this forgiveness department. I have been forgiven and I have done the forgiving. I have forgiven people who didn't even know they were offensive to me because I was asking God to help me see them through His eyes. I just didn't want to feel that anger anymore. I guess it takes me awhile to forgive, though I know God forgave me in less than a heartbeat's time. And I didn't deserve that. I continue to annoy Him. I throw stones.
Pastor explained that it's pretty self-centered of us to not forgive someone or to not overlook an offense. We are to be kind and loving people, just as Christ was and is. Ooh...busted. Yet again. When the wrath of my impatience rears its ugly head and I know that I still haven't forgiven someone, I am so mad at myself. It is my ego, saying, "but you're not wrong...they are!" Make them accountable! Make THEM apologize! It just doesn't matter who is right. It only matters that I don't let this take a bitter root in me. Then, as Pastor put it, it becomes a big bag of HATE, and we weren't meant to carry that around.
I've heard it explained that forgiveness doesn't mean you have forgotten how someone hurt you. It doesn't mean that you downplay what they've done. Somehow, they will still reap consequences from it, just not from you. That's God's job. I've also been told that just because you forgive someone, doesn't mean you should resume a relationship with them. Think of a divorce, or if someone injures your child. You have to let the offense go, but in no way are you saying things will go back to being the same. And I guess that's part of the consequence. Yours and theirs.
So I need to find a way to forgive, yet be able to share space with these people without further tension on both our parts. I have been praying about it for 4 months, and I have another prayer partner helping me. She told me the other day that she's been praying for absolute misery for them. "Um,why?" I wanted to ask, but then she explained before I could get the words out. She's been studying about how to pray for the lost, and one way is to pray that they will become so miserable that the only thing they can turn to is God.
I have God, and I know how hard these things can be! So, I guess I can find it in my heart to continue to pray for the lost and pray that God will help me forgive them and be the woman he wants me to be, no matter what man tries to do to me!
This morning in church, the message was on forgiveness. Oh, brother....this is my doing, everyone, I thought! But I know, we all fall short. We all offend someone at some time, and we all get offended. One of the many perils of our humanity, I suppose.
I should probably update the situation...Serena did apologize to her teacher for being disruptive. And something happened. The teacher apologized to her for giving her the detention. They then enjoyed school activity night by dancing to YMCA together. So for now, the situation is re-stabilized. I'm not sure I have faith that this won't head downhill again,but I have to take it for what it is today, and try to let the rest go.
So in church this morning, Pastor talked about how believers should come to reconcile. The key word being "believers". Well, I'm trying to forgive a non-believer who continues to throw stones. How do you stop feeling angry at someone who just won't stop being offensive? One day I feel I've let it go and forgiven it, and a week later, I'm annoyed yet again! It would be so much easier to forgive someone if you could just move millions of miles away! Or if they would...even better!!:) See what I mean?
I have experience in this forgiveness department. I have been forgiven and I have done the forgiving. I have forgiven people who didn't even know they were offensive to me because I was asking God to help me see them through His eyes. I just didn't want to feel that anger anymore. I guess it takes me awhile to forgive, though I know God forgave me in less than a heartbeat's time. And I didn't deserve that. I continue to annoy Him. I throw stones.
Pastor explained that it's pretty self-centered of us to not forgive someone or to not overlook an offense. We are to be kind and loving people, just as Christ was and is. Ooh...busted. Yet again. When the wrath of my impatience rears its ugly head and I know that I still haven't forgiven someone, I am so mad at myself. It is my ego, saying, "but you're not wrong...they are!" Make them accountable! Make THEM apologize! It just doesn't matter who is right. It only matters that I don't let this take a bitter root in me. Then, as Pastor put it, it becomes a big bag of HATE, and we weren't meant to carry that around.
I've heard it explained that forgiveness doesn't mean you have forgotten how someone hurt you. It doesn't mean that you downplay what they've done. Somehow, they will still reap consequences from it, just not from you. That's God's job. I've also been told that just because you forgive someone, doesn't mean you should resume a relationship with them. Think of a divorce, or if someone injures your child. You have to let the offense go, but in no way are you saying things will go back to being the same. And I guess that's part of the consequence. Yours and theirs.
So I need to find a way to forgive, yet be able to share space with these people without further tension on both our parts. I have been praying about it for 4 months, and I have another prayer partner helping me. She told me the other day that she's been praying for absolute misery for them. "Um,why?" I wanted to ask, but then she explained before I could get the words out. She's been studying about how to pray for the lost, and one way is to pray that they will become so miserable that the only thing they can turn to is God.
I have God, and I know how hard these things can be! So, I guess I can find it in my heart to continue to pray for the lost and pray that God will help me forgive them and be the woman he wants me to be, no matter what man tries to do to me!
Friday, February 3, 2012
School Woes
God's been trying to teach me some things, but I don't have them all figured out yet. I bet I'll be saying that same thing 2 months, 5 years, 20 years from now! So, I don't get too terribly discouraged anymore.
However, I don't quite get what I'm supposed to be learning. I had a feeling way back when Serena was in 3rd grade that there was something "off" about school. At the time I wasn't sure what to do. Take her out, transfer, home school, stick it out. Here I am 3 years later, still wondering if that was a nudge and I missed it. I didn't have that same feeling about Natalie at all. In fact, she thrived in school and has been sailing away ever since. She loves school, the teachers love her, she has lots of friends, she does very well, and is very happy.
I can say most of the same things about Serena. However, it seems she's not a "class favorite" as Natalie was with two certain teachers. I may be wrong to assume this, as I know I'm supposed to think the best of people, but I have a feeling it has something to do with me, and I'm probably right. I don't want to think she's being treated unfairly, but something in me just doesn't feel right. I know not to always trust my "feelings", but I have pretty good instincts when it comes to my kids.
Serena and her entire class was given an anger-driven detention by a teacher having a bad day. She was present in a class when another teacher interrupted a class with an angry tirade toward one student. We have visited the principal's office and Serena now has a standing invitation to our school's social worker due to her fears of these things being directed at her at some time. Her citizenship grades by these 2 teachers are lower than what any of the other teachers assign. These two teachers are friends. Should I be suspicious and accusatory? Probably not, but when it comes to my kids,the "rules" go out the window sometimes. I'm supposed to protect her, and school shouldn't be a war zone. She should be able to trust the adults leading her. And so should we.
I picked her up on Thursday and the first thing she told me was that she was given detention for talking. Serena has never had a detention in her life, and most teachers would be shocked by that. She said her teacher seemed to be having yet another one of her bad days. Is my child capable of talking in class? Yes. But detention for it after never getting in trouble? I think it's odd. Nevertheless, I told her she must apologize to that teacher for disrupting the class,while i once again bit down hard on my fiery tongue.
So, is God trying to tell me I didn't listen to him by allowing these things to happen? It just seems she's not where she should be. It seems wrong somehow. I don't know if it's my own emotions or his guidance. Is God trying to get me angry so I'll take notice? This is where I get pretty lost! I feel that these situations have compromised her chances to be a board scholar, a golden rule recipient, and other achievements awarded by teachers. I can't help but think that they are being unprofessional and insensitive, and I can't really share why I believe that, but I do have my reasons. Valid ones at that.
But does it really matter that I'm right? No. She is all that matters, and I hope and pray the answers are clearer to me so that I do what is right.
However, I don't quite get what I'm supposed to be learning. I had a feeling way back when Serena was in 3rd grade that there was something "off" about school. At the time I wasn't sure what to do. Take her out, transfer, home school, stick it out. Here I am 3 years later, still wondering if that was a nudge and I missed it. I didn't have that same feeling about Natalie at all. In fact, she thrived in school and has been sailing away ever since. She loves school, the teachers love her, she has lots of friends, she does very well, and is very happy.
I can say most of the same things about Serena. However, it seems she's not a "class favorite" as Natalie was with two certain teachers. I may be wrong to assume this, as I know I'm supposed to think the best of people, but I have a feeling it has something to do with me, and I'm probably right. I don't want to think she's being treated unfairly, but something in me just doesn't feel right. I know not to always trust my "feelings", but I have pretty good instincts when it comes to my kids.
Serena and her entire class was given an anger-driven detention by a teacher having a bad day. She was present in a class when another teacher interrupted a class with an angry tirade toward one student. We have visited the principal's office and Serena now has a standing invitation to our school's social worker due to her fears of these things being directed at her at some time. Her citizenship grades by these 2 teachers are lower than what any of the other teachers assign. These two teachers are friends. Should I be suspicious and accusatory? Probably not, but when it comes to my kids,the "rules" go out the window sometimes. I'm supposed to protect her, and school shouldn't be a war zone. She should be able to trust the adults leading her. And so should we.
I picked her up on Thursday and the first thing she told me was that she was given detention for talking. Serena has never had a detention in her life, and most teachers would be shocked by that. She said her teacher seemed to be having yet another one of her bad days. Is my child capable of talking in class? Yes. But detention for it after never getting in trouble? I think it's odd. Nevertheless, I told her she must apologize to that teacher for disrupting the class,while i once again bit down hard on my fiery tongue.
So, is God trying to tell me I didn't listen to him by allowing these things to happen? It just seems she's not where she should be. It seems wrong somehow. I don't know if it's my own emotions or his guidance. Is God trying to get me angry so I'll take notice? This is where I get pretty lost! I feel that these situations have compromised her chances to be a board scholar, a golden rule recipient, and other achievements awarded by teachers. I can't help but think that they are being unprofessional and insensitive, and I can't really share why I believe that, but I do have my reasons. Valid ones at that.
But does it really matter that I'm right? No. She is all that matters, and I hope and pray the answers are clearer to me so that I do what is right.