It's fall here in Michigan, but with a second fresh blanket of snow and a single digit on the thermometer,I will challenge that title as I put on a fuzzy pair of socks. I caught myself complaining about the snow yesterday as I woke up early in the morning, prepared for a positive day. The snowy morning caught me off guard, realizing my oldest daughter, who had stayed an extra night at home this weekend, had to make the almost 90 minute drive back to her college apartment that afternoon. I had looked at the weather report the day before and didn't see anything about this surprise snow storm, and as some mothers do, I began to worry. Oh, how I love finding a surprise ten dollar bill in a winter coat pocket the first time I wear it, or come upon a sale at my favorite store, and yes, they have my size, but my zeal for surprise snow storms ranks right up there with surprise plumbing malfunctions.
My beautiful, smart, courageous daughter assured me she had driven in much worse conditions, and she would take it slow and carefully on those hilly, curvy, so-far-away-from-cell-tower roads. Yes, she would, but what about everyone else? Why should I trust that everyone else was going to be slow and careful around my precious cargo? She hugged me tight, we shared "I love yous" and I caught her hazelish, bluish-green gaze for a few long seconds. Out the door she went, and my worried mom mind wondered why she looked at me that way. She "shared her location" with me on her cell phone so I could basically be her digital passenger, watching her every stop and move, losing her only through those dead zones only open wild country provide. I prayed for her protection and safety as I do every day, yet why was I so worried? Why can't I "let go and let God"?
It took awhile after my prayer to suddenly feel peaceful. After a long, slow drive, she did make it back to college safely in time for her test. I was grateful, but I know this is something I need to work on intentionally. It's coming up a lot lately. Trust. Faith. Letting go. And these are the keys to peace, my ultimate goal. God knew all these shakeups, big and small,were going to be a part of my life one day. What I didn't realize is that I was going to try to juggle them all by myself and get myself all out of balance. I can't stop the snowstorms, I can't fix my mother's depression, I can't heal my youngest daughter's migraines, I can't stop people from doing things I wish they'd stop doing! Hey, I can't control anything. Did I just figure this out? No. I must be a slow learner.
However....the Word of God has a lot to say about my goal of peace. I can't get this through osmosis, I actually have to keep APPLYING this in order for it to take hold of my heart, soul, and mind.
John 14:27 PEACE I leave with you;my PEACE I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
He has already left me with Peace, and I lose it every time I give it up to worry.
Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love,joy,PEACE,forbearance,kindness,goodness, faithfulness.
These qualities are produced in me by the Spirit when I align myself with Christ. Again, it's already been given. It's what I have when I am more like Him in all I say and do. How can I say I trust God and then turn around and worry about the very thing I just trusted Him for? That's so worldly of me. That's me expecting God to do what the world does. Not many people in this world can be trusted-to stop at stop signs, to drive carefully on snowy roads, to be kind instead of hurtful, to keep a secret, to do what they say they will do. But I know Who can be trusted, and who comes through every time even when the outcome isn't what my worldly mind can understand. A spiritual osmosis.Letting God's way take over my spirit. Now that, I can get behind.
Psalm 29:11 The Lord gives strength to his people;the Lord blesses his people with PEACE.
Psalm 34:14 Turn from evil and do good;seek PEACE and pursue it.
Isaiah 26:3 You will keep in perfect PEACE those whose minds are steadfast,because they trust in you.
Peace is a wonderful and desired side effect of trust. It is who God is. He is not just the epitome of peace. He IS peace. If He is in me, then I am peace too. I love words that are repeated over and over in the Bible. It means it is important to get that point! God is the parent who knew we had to have things repeated over and over because we are stubborn, wayward children sometimes who don't listen as they should. I am one of those children. I am a child of one of those children, and I may have a couple of those children. But it's no excuse. We DO know better. We just need to DO better.
Lord, help us all become who you designed us to be. Refine us into the peace-seeking, Christ-minded, people-loving individuals who will continue your work here on earth. And help us to remember to trust you, seek you, and yes, even love and honor you more in all we say and do. Amen.
Let that be all for today. I'm glad to be back writing. I've had all kinds of obstacles, but I am knocking them over one at a time. Love to all and blessings to those who take the time to read.
Tuesday, November 12, 2019
Wednesday, October 2, 2019
Thankful for Hurdles?
"Opportunity often comes disguised in the form of misfortune,or temporary defeat."-Napoleon Hill
Though a typical "self-help"quote, I think of this much deeper. For years I have waited for "my time" to come. Having been sidelined by sickness at 19, I had to withdraw from college and struggled to keep my full time job. I often spent my lunch hours resting on the break room floor in the dark. I would come home and go straight to bed. I had a very limited social life, except for the many doctors I met and the clients at work. When I did go out and have fun, I paid for it the next day, and the cycle continued until I was about 23 and went to Ann Arbor for treatment. I was never really "well" after that, still struggling with debilitating migraines for years, actually until I found a doctor just a few years ago. I know what it is to miss out on everything you want to do and people you want to see. I know what it means to lose relationships because you can't keep up with them or fulfill them the way they expect. I know how it feels to watch your future goals go up in flames because you just can't focus or stay well enough to stay in school. I have known defeat for a really long time, and yet I haven't stayed down forever. I still made plans. Call it denial, call it strength,but I don't stay down for too long to this day.
As I look back on those goal-sucking days, I've also seen where they have given me opportunities I may have otherwise missed, and found people I may not have met had it not been for my hardships. In other words, this mess has been blessed, even if I couldn't see it at the time.
As I would overcome one health hurdle, another would come along,and I'm not going to give you this speech about how I embraced the challenge and thanked God for the test. Nope. I did not! I questioned Him, got mad, had a pity party or two, got strong, got weak again, lost a little faith, found it again, grew a little understanding, found a different purpose, grieved for the life I left behind,accepted it,and moved on. Do I sometimes slip back and look a little too long at what I lost? Yes. And then I am reminded of how far I've come. And as my friend Norm wrote in a blog post he sent to me, "Turn Your Faith Back On", "May our God remind us of the giants we have slain and the victories we have won in the Lord's name. Yes, we are more than conquerors, through Christ,who gives us the victory!" Those words have rung in my ears many times as I speak to myself and to others. Don't forget the giants you have already slain! Don't sit too long and think about how bad things look or feel. The world has me convinced that I'm in bad shape. According to medical reports and some of the negativity on my support groups, I'm doomed! How easily I'm persuaded in my weakness that there's no hope, when I know better. God IS my hope and my healer and because of Him, all of this has a purpose. He has me in the palm of His hand. He knows the outcome already. He knows our favorite question is Why? It's mine. Why why why? But I'm still learning it's about trust and patience and obedience, and all the things I stink at most of the time. (you may laugh out loud. It's ok)
Why do we always assume the worst? When we are assured that He wants our best?
I'll be the first to admit that when you're doing everything you can to promote yourself to good health and you STILL are not in good shape because quite frankly, interstitial cystitis has a mind of it's own...it can be so painfully frustrating. So hard to trust. So hard to not feel alone when no physical human being in your life understands, sometimes even your physician is short with you! It's a very lonely disease. And yet, God walks beside us. He knows every pain and every tear. Every frustration, every hurdle, every injustice in our care is known to Him.
I was given this particular life for a reason. I am compassionate with others who are chronically ill, in fact, I find them to be some of the kindest people I've ever met. While I used to be physically strong and not so strong mentally, I've found the tables are turning. I've had to become strong not only to endure the pain of others in my family, but to endure my own and not bury it, but face it. A completely new concept for me. Crying was a new concept for me until 2014! The Lord has changed me and continues to change me and use my weaknesses to show me that I can be strong, regardless of what slows me down. What will become of this? That remains to be seen. My job is to continue to see that it's not a punishment,look for the blessings, and continue to thank God every day. No matter what.
Staying positive is not easy. Asking God for help is also not easy sometimes. Having pain nearly every day is no picnic. I did not plan on my life going in this direction, nor would I wish it on my worst enemy. Sometimes I wake up and for just one moment I forget I have this awful condition, but then I remember, and honestly, I go through times where it is really hard to get out of bed. But I do. And I go on. I try very hard not to submit to this disease or its mental counterparts. I know that every time I make it through one of those hard times,I'm stronger for the next hurdle, whatever it may be. Praising God for the book of Job. It's gotten me through many times! Thankful for God's Word and the people He has placed in my life to remind me I'm not alone, I'm not doomed,healing is possible,and I don't have to be depressed. In fact, I have many things to be thankful for every day!
Blessings to you and may God be with you through all of your hurdles. If you are reading this, I am thankful for you too!
Though a typical "self-help"quote, I think of this much deeper. For years I have waited for "my time" to come. Having been sidelined by sickness at 19, I had to withdraw from college and struggled to keep my full time job. I often spent my lunch hours resting on the break room floor in the dark. I would come home and go straight to bed. I had a very limited social life, except for the many doctors I met and the clients at work. When I did go out and have fun, I paid for it the next day, and the cycle continued until I was about 23 and went to Ann Arbor for treatment. I was never really "well" after that, still struggling with debilitating migraines for years, actually until I found a doctor just a few years ago. I know what it is to miss out on everything you want to do and people you want to see. I know what it means to lose relationships because you can't keep up with them or fulfill them the way they expect. I know how it feels to watch your future goals go up in flames because you just can't focus or stay well enough to stay in school. I have known defeat for a really long time, and yet I haven't stayed down forever. I still made plans. Call it denial, call it strength,but I don't stay down for too long to this day.
As I look back on those goal-sucking days, I've also seen where they have given me opportunities I may have otherwise missed, and found people I may not have met had it not been for my hardships. In other words, this mess has been blessed, even if I couldn't see it at the time.
As I would overcome one health hurdle, another would come along,and I'm not going to give you this speech about how I embraced the challenge and thanked God for the test. Nope. I did not! I questioned Him, got mad, had a pity party or two, got strong, got weak again, lost a little faith, found it again, grew a little understanding, found a different purpose, grieved for the life I left behind,accepted it,and moved on. Do I sometimes slip back and look a little too long at what I lost? Yes. And then I am reminded of how far I've come. And as my friend Norm wrote in a blog post he sent to me, "Turn Your Faith Back On", "May our God remind us of the giants we have slain and the victories we have won in the Lord's name. Yes, we are more than conquerors, through Christ,who gives us the victory!" Those words have rung in my ears many times as I speak to myself and to others. Don't forget the giants you have already slain! Don't sit too long and think about how bad things look or feel. The world has me convinced that I'm in bad shape. According to medical reports and some of the negativity on my support groups, I'm doomed! How easily I'm persuaded in my weakness that there's no hope, when I know better. God IS my hope and my healer and because of Him, all of this has a purpose. He has me in the palm of His hand. He knows the outcome already. He knows our favorite question is Why? It's mine. Why why why? But I'm still learning it's about trust and patience and obedience, and all the things I stink at most of the time. (you may laugh out loud. It's ok)
Why do we always assume the worst? When we are assured that He wants our best?
I'll be the first to admit that when you're doing everything you can to promote yourself to good health and you STILL are not in good shape because quite frankly, interstitial cystitis has a mind of it's own...it can be so painfully frustrating. So hard to trust. So hard to not feel alone when no physical human being in your life understands, sometimes even your physician is short with you! It's a very lonely disease. And yet, God walks beside us. He knows every pain and every tear. Every frustration, every hurdle, every injustice in our care is known to Him.
I was given this particular life for a reason. I am compassionate with others who are chronically ill, in fact, I find them to be some of the kindest people I've ever met. While I used to be physically strong and not so strong mentally, I've found the tables are turning. I've had to become strong not only to endure the pain of others in my family, but to endure my own and not bury it, but face it. A completely new concept for me. Crying was a new concept for me until 2014! The Lord has changed me and continues to change me and use my weaknesses to show me that I can be strong, regardless of what slows me down. What will become of this? That remains to be seen. My job is to continue to see that it's not a punishment,look for the blessings, and continue to thank God every day. No matter what.
Staying positive is not easy. Asking God for help is also not easy sometimes. Having pain nearly every day is no picnic. I did not plan on my life going in this direction, nor would I wish it on my worst enemy. Sometimes I wake up and for just one moment I forget I have this awful condition, but then I remember, and honestly, I go through times where it is really hard to get out of bed. But I do. And I go on. I try very hard not to submit to this disease or its mental counterparts. I know that every time I make it through one of those hard times,I'm stronger for the next hurdle, whatever it may be. Praising God for the book of Job. It's gotten me through many times! Thankful for God's Word and the people He has placed in my life to remind me I'm not alone, I'm not doomed,healing is possible,and I don't have to be depressed. In fact, I have many things to be thankful for every day!
Blessings to you and may God be with you through all of your hurdles. If you are reading this, I am thankful for you too!
Thursday, September 19, 2019
50 and Unapologetically Me
Have a seat at my kitchen table. Here's your coffee and cinnamon roll. This one's personal...
Wow. Where have I been lately? I have missed writing here! Summer went by way too fast, and fall is creeping in like a sneaky sneakerkins, and I turned 50 last week! I aged while you were waiting for me to post again! As I enter this new colorful season and also a new season of my life, I find myself making some major changes, though not visible to anyone but me.
I decided I have spent way too much time worrying about what others think. I have spent too much time trying to please others, keep the peace, not upset someone, blur my boundaries in order to maintain a relationship, caring about who cares about me and who doesn't,and many other things that stole my own peace. I was accepting less than I expect and who does that? Someone who doesn't love themselves enough to set healthy boundaries. Someone who needs the approval of others. Someone who is afraid to let go and reach for the unknown. Someone who hasn't been trusting the voice inside of her enough for way too long. Someone who needs to spend more time with God and less time listening to the world. Well....SCREEeeeeeCH! Those are my brakes you just heard. Who do I want to be? Who am I from here on out? A fifty year old who knows herself or a fifty year old still searching and still being disappointed? I think I know which one I am going to be!
I have that darn ole chronic illness of mine, and I have enough pain and fatigue just fighting that almost every day. I decided that on my good days, I don't want to spend it with negativity, and I started to notice that negativity in areas of my life. With certain people, with certain activities, and my own thought patterns. I do have control over my own interactions, thoughts, relationships, activities, and actions. I may not have control over the way my body wakes up every day, but I can approach it without all that other stuff in the way!
People don't realize the energy it takes for a person who has any chronic condition to function physically, let alone socially, emotionally, and every other -ally. For anyone to criticize you for not showing up to their event, without first understanding your need to spend time with your family when you are well, or recharge your batteries tells me they don't respect your friendship or the boundaries you have in place. I love a friend who understands that I may feel great at 6pm, but start flaring at 7pm! I love a friend who understands that I may cancel plans because my kids decided to come home and surprise me. Any new empty-nester gets this. It's lonely! When my kids come home, I need them! I'm not going to apologize for wanting to be with my family. I'm just not. I love a friend who respects my priorities as I respect theirs. Please be understanding of people if they can't come to all of your functions or if they cancel last minute. Try not to take it personally. Grace is a wonderful gift to give someone, especially if you know they already miss so many things! I'm lucky to get out to the grocery store! And I only go there because I'm sure of where the bathroom is...sigh. I should add that I'm tired of explaining....
I'm also setting goals to find time for the things I enjoy that involve me. Just me. What helped me do this was writing the foreword for Norm's book this summer. It made me realize I hadn't done anything that didn't involve doing something to help my husband for his work, my kids for their school, my mom for her church, my home, the yard, or a friend for something else. I rarely get to the things that matter to just me. Don't get me wrong, I love to serve others! But- I need my own goals too. I have pushed myself aside for so long that I don't even know what I like to do anymore. I'm just ready eddie for whoever needs whatever! It's no wonder I can't sit down and find time to write! I don't prioritize myself as far as life goals. I know other women in this predicament as well. And before you think it's selfish to do so, I used to think that way too, hence the reason I don't have a life of my own! It's not selfish. It's necessary. I'm tired of not having things that pertain to "me" and "me" alone, and it's not as easy as I thought it would be, even with the kids away at college. Now I realize part of that is dealing with my illness. I don't have as many good days as I would like, having not entered into remission yet. When I do have a good day, I have a whole bunch of work to catch up on! This illness zaps my energy and abilities, and I don't like to go on and on about that. But it is worth noting that it's like having bricks tied to your feet and trying to win a race with world class sprinters. And there are a lot of people out there just like me. And they look normal on the outside too. I'm much more mindful of the overtired, overworked, overwhelmed, under-stimulated person out there.
Life is more than this! God made us with a purpose, and it's our job to go after that with a passion. This is my goal.
Fifty brought with it some challenges,but my strength has increased. As you may be able to discern, I've become a little more strong in verbalizing my thoughts. I don't think that's a bad thing, and as you get older, life gets shorter. I think more people should say how they are looking at a situation, or how something made them feel. The undertow and the undermining people carry around is so evident, why not speak it instead? Why not say your disappointment and say it in a way that it can be relieved or worked out together? Why not verbalize your anger respectfully instead of going silent? Why not state your position instead of folding your arms and unfriending everyone?? I don't get why people are so afraid to just be what God made them to be-thinking, feeling, emoting, speaking humans. Do we lose control sometimes? Of course, and then there's a thing called Grace. We need maturity to get us through life,and understanding, and compassion and forgiveness for others and ourselves. I know it's not always simple. I've made so many mistakes with people and most of them didn't let me rectify them. But you know what? That's on them, not me.
My mistakes were made because I was insecure,and I think a lot of people feel that way. They just want to know they belong, and so many people just aren't willing to give that away. I gave away so much love to a person that I hurt myself in the process! I did this time and time again with people,and I stopped kicking myself for it after awhile,because I realized something. I was made to love. But not everyone was ready for that love I was trying to give. I wanted to be that "Special whatever" to someone because it was such a void in my life, and I was willing to blur all my boundaries for those people, but in the end, I missed all the red flags because I didn't see that I wasn't loving myself enough to see it wasn't real. This is huge, friends. It was a huge revelation to me, and it helped me get over the loss of some (what I thought were)very dear friends to me. I would have moved the sun and earth for them,but when I really needed them, I could see I wasn't as important to them. I needed God to show me that I was the one going wrong so that I could fix me. I now keep my boundaries safe and it is harder for me to make friends because I don't reach out as much (hard to get out when you're chronically ill anyway),but that's okay too. I always say I'm my own best friend and I enjoy my company very much. I'm delightful and I'm hilarious. LOL.
At 50, I still have a very small circle of friends,but I feel loved finally for who I am, because I am able to be completely myself with them, and no matter how warty and imperfect I am with them, there is nothing I can do that would make them stop loving me. One of them has been with me since childhood. They have been with me through the deaths of my precious family members,my illnesses,and now I'm going to walk with one as she just lost her mother this past weekend. But this is how God has redeemed those lost relationships in my life. He helped me realize who I am, who I was trying to be, and brought me new people who appreciated the love I freely give. I know what it feels like to be given up on, and I know what it feels like to be appreciated.
I'm a bit regretful that it took me all these years to figure things out, but I guess I've always been a late bloomer and people tell me I look young all the time, so why not "50" to start over, right? For now, I am planning to enjoy the fun my 50's will bring. Maybe weddings? Grandchildren? Trips? A move? Weight gain from menopause? A cure for IC? Another dog? A published book?? OOH!! The possibilities have me very excited to start this next decade. What I won't be doing is giving up on me, selling myself short, spending time being negative,or wasting time being anything less than what I was made to be!
Blessings to you and yours!
Wow. Where have I been lately? I have missed writing here! Summer went by way too fast, and fall is creeping in like a sneaky sneakerkins, and I turned 50 last week! I aged while you were waiting for me to post again! As I enter this new colorful season and also a new season of my life, I find myself making some major changes, though not visible to anyone but me.
I decided I have spent way too much time worrying about what others think. I have spent too much time trying to please others, keep the peace, not upset someone, blur my boundaries in order to maintain a relationship, caring about who cares about me and who doesn't,and many other things that stole my own peace. I was accepting less than I expect and who does that? Someone who doesn't love themselves enough to set healthy boundaries. Someone who needs the approval of others. Someone who is afraid to let go and reach for the unknown. Someone who hasn't been trusting the voice inside of her enough for way too long. Someone who needs to spend more time with God and less time listening to the world. Well....SCREEeeeeeCH! Those are my brakes you just heard. Who do I want to be? Who am I from here on out? A fifty year old who knows herself or a fifty year old still searching and still being disappointed? I think I know which one I am going to be!
I have that darn ole chronic illness of mine, and I have enough pain and fatigue just fighting that almost every day. I decided that on my good days, I don't want to spend it with negativity, and I started to notice that negativity in areas of my life. With certain people, with certain activities, and my own thought patterns. I do have control over my own interactions, thoughts, relationships, activities, and actions. I may not have control over the way my body wakes up every day, but I can approach it without all that other stuff in the way!
People don't realize the energy it takes for a person who has any chronic condition to function physically, let alone socially, emotionally, and every other -ally. For anyone to criticize you for not showing up to their event, without first understanding your need to spend time with your family when you are well, or recharge your batteries tells me they don't respect your friendship or the boundaries you have in place. I love a friend who understands that I may feel great at 6pm, but start flaring at 7pm! I love a friend who understands that I may cancel plans because my kids decided to come home and surprise me. Any new empty-nester gets this. It's lonely! When my kids come home, I need them! I'm not going to apologize for wanting to be with my family. I'm just not. I love a friend who respects my priorities as I respect theirs. Please be understanding of people if they can't come to all of your functions or if they cancel last minute. Try not to take it personally. Grace is a wonderful gift to give someone, especially if you know they already miss so many things! I'm lucky to get out to the grocery store! And I only go there because I'm sure of where the bathroom is...sigh. I should add that I'm tired of explaining....
I'm also setting goals to find time for the things I enjoy that involve me. Just me. What helped me do this was writing the foreword for Norm's book this summer. It made me realize I hadn't done anything that didn't involve doing something to help my husband for his work, my kids for their school, my mom for her church, my home, the yard, or a friend for something else. I rarely get to the things that matter to just me. Don't get me wrong, I love to serve others! But- I need my own goals too. I have pushed myself aside for so long that I don't even know what I like to do anymore. I'm just ready eddie for whoever needs whatever! It's no wonder I can't sit down and find time to write! I don't prioritize myself as far as life goals. I know other women in this predicament as well. And before you think it's selfish to do so, I used to think that way too, hence the reason I don't have a life of my own! It's not selfish. It's necessary. I'm tired of not having things that pertain to "me" and "me" alone, and it's not as easy as I thought it would be, even with the kids away at college. Now I realize part of that is dealing with my illness. I don't have as many good days as I would like, having not entered into remission yet. When I do have a good day, I have a whole bunch of work to catch up on! This illness zaps my energy and abilities, and I don't like to go on and on about that. But it is worth noting that it's like having bricks tied to your feet and trying to win a race with world class sprinters. And there are a lot of people out there just like me. And they look normal on the outside too. I'm much more mindful of the overtired, overworked, overwhelmed, under-stimulated person out there.
Life is more than this! God made us with a purpose, and it's our job to go after that with a passion. This is my goal.
Fifty brought with it some challenges,but my strength has increased. As you may be able to discern, I've become a little more strong in verbalizing my thoughts. I don't think that's a bad thing, and as you get older, life gets shorter. I think more people should say how they are looking at a situation, or how something made them feel. The undertow and the undermining people carry around is so evident, why not speak it instead? Why not say your disappointment and say it in a way that it can be relieved or worked out together? Why not verbalize your anger respectfully instead of going silent? Why not state your position instead of folding your arms and unfriending everyone?? I don't get why people are so afraid to just be what God made them to be-thinking, feeling, emoting, speaking humans. Do we lose control sometimes? Of course, and then there's a thing called Grace. We need maturity to get us through life,and understanding, and compassion and forgiveness for others and ourselves. I know it's not always simple. I've made so many mistakes with people and most of them didn't let me rectify them. But you know what? That's on them, not me.
My mistakes were made because I was insecure,and I think a lot of people feel that way. They just want to know they belong, and so many people just aren't willing to give that away. I gave away so much love to a person that I hurt myself in the process! I did this time and time again with people,and I stopped kicking myself for it after awhile,because I realized something. I was made to love. But not everyone was ready for that love I was trying to give. I wanted to be that "Special whatever" to someone because it was such a void in my life, and I was willing to blur all my boundaries for those people, but in the end, I missed all the red flags because I didn't see that I wasn't loving myself enough to see it wasn't real. This is huge, friends. It was a huge revelation to me, and it helped me get over the loss of some (what I thought were)very dear friends to me. I would have moved the sun and earth for them,but when I really needed them, I could see I wasn't as important to them. I needed God to show me that I was the one going wrong so that I could fix me. I now keep my boundaries safe and it is harder for me to make friends because I don't reach out as much (hard to get out when you're chronically ill anyway),but that's okay too. I always say I'm my own best friend and I enjoy my company very much. I'm delightful and I'm hilarious. LOL.
At 50, I still have a very small circle of friends,but I feel loved finally for who I am, because I am able to be completely myself with them, and no matter how warty and imperfect I am with them, there is nothing I can do that would make them stop loving me. One of them has been with me since childhood. They have been with me through the deaths of my precious family members,my illnesses,and now I'm going to walk with one as she just lost her mother this past weekend. But this is how God has redeemed those lost relationships in my life. He helped me realize who I am, who I was trying to be, and brought me new people who appreciated the love I freely give. I know what it feels like to be given up on, and I know what it feels like to be appreciated.
I'm a bit regretful that it took me all these years to figure things out, but I guess I've always been a late bloomer and people tell me I look young all the time, so why not "50" to start over, right? For now, I am planning to enjoy the fun my 50's will bring. Maybe weddings? Grandchildren? Trips? A move? Weight gain from menopause? A cure for IC? Another dog? A published book?? OOH!! The possibilities have me very excited to start this next decade. What I won't be doing is giving up on me, selling myself short, spending time being negative,or wasting time being anything less than what I was made to be!
Blessings to you and yours!