Until we meet again. Yup, I'm taking a break from my blog. I am getting busy with school stuff, for one thing, but for another, I don't know who is reading it anymore, and that makes me a bit nervous. My family doesn't read it. Friends I've had for years don't read it. Makes me sort of wonder who I'm pouring my thoughts out to, and who is reading the details of my life. Is it doing any good? Well, if I have to ask, then probably not. Believe it or not, I have very few close friends on Facebook. Not to be rude, but why would they care about what I'm doing anyway? Maybe it's just me and my natural private nature. If people don't say hello to you in the street, if they don't call you, they don't email you, then why would they care to "friend" you on Facebook? The million dollar question to me. I think they're just nosy. Or lazy. Or phony. Yes. You will miss my honest snarkiness. Then again, maybe not. I don't know you. Or do I?
So, I'm going to give myself a nice long break, focus on doing some projects around here, and stay busy running kids here and there. If there's anything else to report, you might just here it right from the horse's mouth. Or not. Who really knows? My life really isn't all that exciting, as you may have noticed. Two years of blogging and 4 followers should tell you that.
Bum Ba Dee Da Dum......Until we meet a----gain!!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Spinning and Crashing in Peace
Sometimes life feels like a car hydroplaning on a road in the middle of the night. You're skidding sideways, spinning around, then slowly you stop. You're either going in the same direction, facing an entirely different direction, or you're totally confused as to where you are altogether. If you're lucky, you didn't hit anything and you didn't pee your pants along the way. Then there are the days you actually crash. Not good days.
I've had a lot of spinning days lately. We have been so caught up in going from one thing to another, each one requiring me to dig deep for something, whether it's extra money for something, extra energy, extra time, extra patience, or a little sanity. I am really really tired.
My dear old dog of 14 cuddly years has been having a rough time adjusting to elderly life. She's shaky, tired, needs constant attention, and she doesn't always sleep well. She sometimes goes potty while she's still lying down, then she can't get up. Forget what this is doing to my back, my house, my sleep. I am slowly losing my precious best friend. This stresses me out to no end. I couldn't care less about getting dog poo on me anymore. I just love her too much to care.
Natalie is at youth retreat this week. Her first time away from home for 5 long days. I'm losing my little girl as well. At least that's how it feels. She's going away to Junior High this year. No more room mom duty for me. It's a whole new life for both of us. Did I mention I have a hard time with change? I miss my girl.
Serena has wanted to leave her school for the past two years, and we can't afford to send her where I would like to send her. I'm not looking forward to starting a new year for the second year in a row. Serena has seemed to get the short end of the stick in a lot of areas where Nat was blessed. It is sad, and yet I am without guidance as to what to do. I've been praying about it for so long, and I don't feel peace about it yet. It's so confusing. My job is to protect her, to do my absolute best to provide what she needs. Not so she's happy, but that she's getting what is good for her. Home schooling is not an option for me. I can't be consistent when my health is all over the place. Sometimes I am in a corner, yelling to get out.
There has been little relief with my PT these days, and I will be going to the next step of finding out what is causing all the trouble. It is frustrating to have followed all the rules, missed out on countless activities with my kids, and I still don't feel right. I'm getting tired of feeling trapped.
My brother will be released from re-hab soon. I fear he is not ready. I fear for what happens next. I fear for what it means for his life and his family. Again. There are no clear answers, no promises, no assurances. It scares us all.
You may arrive at some incorrect conclusions as you read this. No, I am not depressed. I am not sad. I am not losing my mind or my faith. I feel joy every day. I feel gratitude every day. I pray and thank the Lord every day. But if I told you my life was perfect and I only told you the "good stuff", my life would be a story book to you. I don't know about you, but I learn very little from those "happy ending" books. I learn from the pain of others more than anything. I wouldn't know the wisdom of an overcomer if they hadn't been through pain first and then shared it with me. They inspire me, not the Suzy happy drawers types.
You are not alone, whether you are spinning or crashing. God is there for the good and the bad, and this world is not supposed to keep us comfortable or happy. As long as we are here, bad stuff is going to happen. I choose to love my life anyway because God gave me a life, and I will enjoy it for His Glory. Not mine.
Whatever happens is supposed to happen, but I don't have to like it! I don't have to smile through it if I feel like crying. It hurts! I can be real. And I can be grateful all at the same time.
Peace to you in all your life's spins and crashes!
I've had a lot of spinning days lately. We have been so caught up in going from one thing to another, each one requiring me to dig deep for something, whether it's extra money for something, extra energy, extra time, extra patience, or a little sanity. I am really really tired.
My dear old dog of 14 cuddly years has been having a rough time adjusting to elderly life. She's shaky, tired, needs constant attention, and she doesn't always sleep well. She sometimes goes potty while she's still lying down, then she can't get up. Forget what this is doing to my back, my house, my sleep. I am slowly losing my precious best friend. This stresses me out to no end. I couldn't care less about getting dog poo on me anymore. I just love her too much to care.
Natalie is at youth retreat this week. Her first time away from home for 5 long days. I'm losing my little girl as well. At least that's how it feels. She's going away to Junior High this year. No more room mom duty for me. It's a whole new life for both of us. Did I mention I have a hard time with change? I miss my girl.
Serena has wanted to leave her school for the past two years, and we can't afford to send her where I would like to send her. I'm not looking forward to starting a new year for the second year in a row. Serena has seemed to get the short end of the stick in a lot of areas where Nat was blessed. It is sad, and yet I am without guidance as to what to do. I've been praying about it for so long, and I don't feel peace about it yet. It's so confusing. My job is to protect her, to do my absolute best to provide what she needs. Not so she's happy, but that she's getting what is good for her. Home schooling is not an option for me. I can't be consistent when my health is all over the place. Sometimes I am in a corner, yelling to get out.
There has been little relief with my PT these days, and I will be going to the next step of finding out what is causing all the trouble. It is frustrating to have followed all the rules, missed out on countless activities with my kids, and I still don't feel right. I'm getting tired of feeling trapped.
My brother will be released from re-hab soon. I fear he is not ready. I fear for what happens next. I fear for what it means for his life and his family. Again. There are no clear answers, no promises, no assurances. It scares us all.
You may arrive at some incorrect conclusions as you read this. No, I am not depressed. I am not sad. I am not losing my mind or my faith. I feel joy every day. I feel gratitude every day. I pray and thank the Lord every day. But if I told you my life was perfect and I only told you the "good stuff", my life would be a story book to you. I don't know about you, but I learn very little from those "happy ending" books. I learn from the pain of others more than anything. I wouldn't know the wisdom of an overcomer if they hadn't been through pain first and then shared it with me. They inspire me, not the Suzy happy drawers types.
You are not alone, whether you are spinning or crashing. God is there for the good and the bad, and this world is not supposed to keep us comfortable or happy. As long as we are here, bad stuff is going to happen. I choose to love my life anyway because God gave me a life, and I will enjoy it for His Glory. Not mine.
Whatever happens is supposed to happen, but I don't have to like it! I don't have to smile through it if I feel like crying. It hurts! I can be real. And I can be grateful all at the same time.
Peace to you in all your life's spins and crashes!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Envy
It's a bit green...it's human.....it's........ENVY!
"ENVY IS THE ART OF COUNTING THE OTHER FELLOW'S BLESSINGS INSTEAD OF YOUR OWN" - Harold Coffin (wow...what a last name, eh??)
Isn't that the truth? If you're too busy wanting what someone else has, you don't even see what you have! When we were building our home back in '04 and '05, I was obviously excited every time a shipment came in. One day some cabinets came in while someone was visiting. I eagerly opened the box and said, "hey, check these out." She reluctantly looked at them, said not a word, and that was that. Over the course of the next few months, it became clear that that person was not happy for us. She became critical of our decision to build a house. Okay, so you didn't like the idea....be happy for me anyway! That's a friend, right?? Not if envy gets in the way.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not miss Suzy Perfect Pants. I've had my own issues with envy...like those working moms with all the cute clothes!! All those trips to Disney that double income families take....people with awesome in-laws who love them! I too could get caught up in all of that if I take my eyes off the blessings I already have...
1. The privilege of staying home, no matter the sacrifice (trips and clothes)
2. A great set of parents, awesome husband, loving kids, great friends who are like family (perfect in-laws are overrated)
3. A family cottage, camper, and a woodsy backyard.(Who needs Mickey Mouse anyway?)
Why would envy be such a problem if you're so happy in your own life? I think one of the reasons is that we walk around hoping and dreaming for that one thing that will "complete" us, whether we think it's the job, the kids, the house, the car, the love of family, etc...But what really completes us is having God at the center of our lives. If we don't focus on Him or His blessings that He has already given us, we become self-centered...too worried about what everyone else has. Then we become spiteful, bitter, angry, jealous. Kinda hard to walk around joyfully blessed when you're in that state of mind!
And yet, we've all been there at one time or another. Forgetting Who is in control. Forgetting Who has blessed us with exactly what He wants us to have and at the time He planned them for us. Forgetting that by putting others ahead of ourselves, we will be happy for them no matter what they have when we don't have it yet!! We have to have faith that if it's meant for us, God will bring it to us at the right time. In other words, we can't go around whining about what someone else got! It just keeps the blessings from yourself even longer!
Be happy for your friends when they get what you've been waiting for. God will shine on you and bless you for your genuine love for that friend. And if you're hurting over the one thing you've always wanted and didn't get, maybe it's because there is something even bigger and better in store for you!!
And to all of you Disney goers, please bring me back some Mickey ears next time, ok?? I'll think of you every time I wear them! And I'll want to hear all about your trip! :)
"ENVY IS THE ART OF COUNTING THE OTHER FELLOW'S BLESSINGS INSTEAD OF YOUR OWN" - Harold Coffin (wow...what a last name, eh??)
Isn't that the truth? If you're too busy wanting what someone else has, you don't even see what you have! When we were building our home back in '04 and '05, I was obviously excited every time a shipment came in. One day some cabinets came in while someone was visiting. I eagerly opened the box and said, "hey, check these out." She reluctantly looked at them, said not a word, and that was that. Over the course of the next few months, it became clear that that person was not happy for us. She became critical of our decision to build a house. Okay, so you didn't like the idea....be happy for me anyway! That's a friend, right?? Not if envy gets in the way.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not miss Suzy Perfect Pants. I've had my own issues with envy...like those working moms with all the cute clothes!! All those trips to Disney that double income families take....people with awesome in-laws who love them! I too could get caught up in all of that if I take my eyes off the blessings I already have...
1. The privilege of staying home, no matter the sacrifice (trips and clothes)
2. A great set of parents, awesome husband, loving kids, great friends who are like family (perfect in-laws are overrated)
3. A family cottage, camper, and a woodsy backyard.(Who needs Mickey Mouse anyway?)
Why would envy be such a problem if you're so happy in your own life? I think one of the reasons is that we walk around hoping and dreaming for that one thing that will "complete" us, whether we think it's the job, the kids, the house, the car, the love of family, etc...But what really completes us is having God at the center of our lives. If we don't focus on Him or His blessings that He has already given us, we become self-centered...too worried about what everyone else has. Then we become spiteful, bitter, angry, jealous. Kinda hard to walk around joyfully blessed when you're in that state of mind!
And yet, we've all been there at one time or another. Forgetting Who is in control. Forgetting Who has blessed us with exactly what He wants us to have and at the time He planned them for us. Forgetting that by putting others ahead of ourselves, we will be happy for them no matter what they have when we don't have it yet!! We have to have faith that if it's meant for us, God will bring it to us at the right time. In other words, we can't go around whining about what someone else got! It just keeps the blessings from yourself even longer!
Be happy for your friends when they get what you've been waiting for. God will shine on you and bless you for your genuine love for that friend. And if you're hurting over the one thing you've always wanted and didn't get, maybe it's because there is something even bigger and better in store for you!!
And to all of you Disney goers, please bring me back some Mickey ears next time, ok?? I'll think of you every time I wear them! And I'll want to hear all about your trip! :)