What Makes A Good Leader?

 When I think of a good leader, there are many traits I would attribute to the makeup of a person who fits that description. In fact, I found a list in an old notebook of 36 descriptive qualities of what I consider to be a great leader. I think of the people in my life who I consider to fit those qualities, my husband being one of them, and the people in the world who do not. It is interesting, to say the least, who ends up being in charge of things who don't seem well-equipped for leadership, and then we wonder why things are such as they are in those places. A mess of fear, anxiety, chaos, and unrest will likely follow a leader who has no leadership skills in order to calm the masses. I have so many examples, but we don't have all day. 

" A real leader speaks to anxiety and to fear and allays those fears, assuages anxiety." 

Henry Louis Gates 

While I have my list of leadership qualities, such as honesty, integrity, empathy, diplomacy, intelligence, compassion, cooperation, accountability, trustworthiness, loyalty, humility, transparency, etc... the Bible has its own list as well. I'd venture to say that if leaders were following the biblical version of leadership, our world would be a much more peaceful place where people feel safe, heard, and protected. This is not the case, however, and probably never will be as long as the self-driven motivators are allowed to "lead" us like power, money, and greed. (I apologize that I seem to be a bit cynical today. Did I not eat my Wheaties or what??)

Maybe as we think of some of these leaders we either respect or don't, it would be a good practice to put them under a microscope once in awhile. Do they exhibit good leadership skills as described in God's word? And if not, why are we elevating them? Why do we allow them access to powerful places? Why do we trust them with important things? I wouldn't trust them with a pet rock, and yet, here we are. (Yeah, it's more than a Wheaties withdrawal)

Good leaders in the bible are described as: 

Humble servants- But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves. Luke 22:26 

They do not tolerate wrongdoing-  So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin. James 4:17  

They are honest and open- Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight. Proverbs 12:22 

They make rules that people will be glad to follow- Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight. Psalm 119:35 

They protect their people- even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. Psalm 139:10 

They are merciful and compassionate-they will neither hunger nor thirst, nor will the desert heat nor the sun beat down on them. He who has compassion on them will guide them and lead them beside springs of water. 

They do not tempt people to do evil-And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. Matthew 6:13

They are knowledgeable and mindful- Leave them; they are blind guides. If the blind lead the blind, both will fall into a pit. Matthew 15:14

They lead in peacefulness and godliness- for kings and those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. 1 Timothy 2:2

Their words are respectful- Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly. 2 Timothy 2:16

They are hardworking- if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully. Romans 12:8 

They have good advisers around them- For lack of guidance a nation falls, but victory is won through many advisers. Proverbs 11:14 

They are faithful leaders who work based on love- In love a throne will be established; in faithfulness a man will sit on it-one from the house of David- one who in judging seeks justice and speeds the cause of righteousness. Isaiah 16:5

They have the will to serve; they're not greedy for money- Be shepherds of God's flock that is under your care, watching over them-not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not pursuing dishonest gain, but eager to serve; 1 Peter 5:2

They lead by example- not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. 1 Peter 5:3

They have skills and integrity- And David shepherded them with integrity of heart; with skillful hands he led them. Psalm 78:72

They are prudent, not hasty- Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Won't he first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? Luke 14:31

They are a good role model to anyone- Here is a trustworthy saying: whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble task. Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. 1 Timothy 3:1-3

They practice the Golden Rule- Do to others as you would have them do to you. Luke 6:31 

Who are the good leaders you know? Are you one? Do you live with one, work with one? Think on these the next time you choose someone to lead or are chosen to lead. It's something I will be more mindful of going forward. 

I don't believe most politicians fit these descriptions, sorry. That's my opinion. Pray for those who are in these positions anyway, whether you like them or not. My thoughts are that people who DO fit these descriptions would most likely not get into the grease and grime of political leadership, but would instead lead pretty cool families, like moms, dads, and grandparents, etc.. and workplaces, classrooms, churches, companies, and the like. You see my thought bubble, I hope. We can all be leaders for Christ, and hold others accountable who are in leadership positions. A good leader would expect that and answer to it thoughtfully. 

 I urge then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people-for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.  1 Timothy 2:1-4

An Encouraging Word

There is something infinitely healing in the repeated refrains of nature. The assurance that dawn comes after night, and spring after winter. 

Rachel Carlson 

It's apparently spring, but looking outside today, one would think it's mid-December. It's hard to feel encouraged about tulips and green grass when it's a winter wonderland scene out every window. Again. But in typical Michigan fashion, you blink, and boots turn to flip flops, sweaters turn to tee shirts, and the temperature soars from 34 to 43. Nope, that wasn't a typo. HaHa, not to worry. We've been through this before, and it always turns to summer eventually! 

We'll get there. The sun just needs a little encouragement. The greeter at the store last week was cheerfully waving at everyone walking out, saying, "Here comes the sun! Have a great day everyone!" I don't know about the rest of the customers, but she made me smile. We all need a little encouragement sometimes. To smile, to shine, and sometimes to just want to get out of bed. I get out of bed for coffee, but sometimes I peek out to see if the sun is shining first! It makes a difference! 

I thought about encouragement a lot this past month. As I sat quietly and a bit distantly with some family at the viewing for my mother-in-law, I looked around at all the different types of encouragement. Some people need to talk, walking around and shaking hands or hugging one another. Some need to sit quietly with their thoughts. Some offer encouragement by walking in the door, offering support quietly, and then walking out again. It comes in all forms, but no one should decide what kind of encouragement or support is "best" or even "right". 

 When we expect people to act a certain way, we're expecting them to "do as we do," and we're not  accepting them as they are, and for who they are. As I got teasingly called out for "hiding in a corner," I thought to myself, honestly, if there was a place to hide, I'd be there. As a person who likes to hide her emotions, a nice dark corner would be lovely.  Is there a rule book for how to act at all these difficult life things?  It's not a social event. It's not a party. It's not a place where we're feeling jovial and outgoing. And to be honest, if you are a jovial and outgoing person, and that's what you bring, then good on you, because that is what can be needed at these times! But for me, after all we had gone through for the two days before, I had made my rounds, and I was just being quiet, approachable and warm, and my presence wasn't about me. Sometimes people are tired, not feeling well, have just had a bad day, or whatever. If we just accept them as they are, it makes it easier for people to just be themselves in whatever condition in which they show up. I guess years of needing this acceptance is why it is easier for me to spot it when it is needed, but I think everyone needs it, whether they show it or not. We need each other, and I believe God designed us this way for a reason. Our expectations, so needlessly placed on others, keeps us from accepting them as they are. It puts a big wall between them and us. 

As I've written here before, everyone handles loss and the impending grief differently. Some people attending these types of things are very uncomfortable around mourning people or around death in general. They may be dealing with their own confusing feelings, and not very adept at responding to the unknown feelings of all of the people around them. It can create anxiety in certain people. I know my good friend, Norm calls me out for this, but it really is about LOVE. I'm sorry, Norm, but if we stay in "love mode," it makes it all the more difficult to be negative and cantankerous. Negative thoughts  won't become words at all, and they won't affect people. If we just put the love on and leave everything else behind, it's all good. Isn't life easier when we just love people and we're not always trying to fit them into our own expectations? It's okay to cry, not cry, laugh, not laugh, sit, not sit, eat, not eat, and it's especially okay and delightful to see precious great-grandchildren giggling and playing. They lifted so many spirits those two days! I'm not offended by the teasing, by the way, but I recognized how it bothered me and brought to mind other instances where I've been called out for being too "me."

The more I think about encouragement, the more it leads me to acceptance, and when someone feels accepted, they just feel loved.  Like, hey, you don't have to be anything different or better, or fix this or that. I just like you the way you are! This is the Fred Rogers way, and why he was so popular on TV! This morning the enemy had a little field day with my mind, and said, "hey, remember all those people who rejected you? I can list their names for you...here we go!" And on and on the old names were flashing in my mind. Yep, I had their acceptance at one point in my life and now I do not. They also had mine, and probably still would.  I never stopped my love, I just noticed when theirs disappeared, and so I moved along. The enemy wanted me to ruminate about it and wonder if it was something I said, something I wrote, something I did or didn't do, blah blah blah, but I finally quieted the lies.

 Love is a revolving door. People come, people go, and the ones who stay are meant to stay, and there is peace in looking forward without malice. I don't slam the door on relationships or people, and I welcome people into my life who want to be here. I'm not perfect, and I am far from being the social butterfly I once was, but I try, despite my shortcomings, to be a friend.  In fact, my dear friend, Patty and I spent over an hour on the phone last week trying to get caught up. I adore friends who don't place constraints and expectations on me to do, to be, to whatever, but who just allow me to be myself, even if that doesn't fit into their idea of "friend." We've managed to be friends for over 45 years now because we've always just loved each other as is through all the mountains, valleys, and changes in life. 

 I remember saying in a low moment to good friend Norm, "I feel alone." He said plainly, "I've been here the whole time." He was right. I was so fixated on all the people who walked away that I didn't see the ones who had been standing there by my side the whole time. Let's not get in the habit of rearview-mirroring our lives. That's one way to miss out on everything good in life. If it's one thing I've managed to take away is that the best way to be satisfied in any relationship is to focus on what you have to give, and not what you're going to get back. Know how to handle the actions that harm you, whether you caused them yourself, or they were brought on by someone else. Know when to apologize, accept an apology, forgive, and know how to respond to a person's pain appropriately. That last one, right? That could be a whole book, and probably is. As much as I encourage you to listen to others, I implore you to also listen to yourself. When I become a little more self-aware about my own shortcomings, then I am more able to make changes. With God's help, we can be directed to the qualities that help us to encourage others, and the traits that He knows are keeping us from a better relationship with others. 

 We can't change people, but we can change ourselves, and if we put as much energy into changing ourselves as we do thinking about what we want other people to change, wow-we would be amazing! We can heal from the things we think have broken us. We don't have to be a "hot mess express" with no redemption! I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13 We can feel hurt from the ones who left us, but know that if we have God, we already have a friend who will never leave. When God removes people from our lives that we never imagined losing, we have to take a look from God's point of view. Sometimes the answers will be much clearer there. 

That's all I have for today. It's been a pleasure sharing my snowy spring thoughts with you, friends. Hope you're enjoying warm sunshine and flowers, wherever you are, and may you be encouraged by the love of the Lord, who provides all you need. 

Until We See Her Again

 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. 

Psalm 147:3 

These past few days have been a whirlwind, and we are now finally settling in to breathe and absorb another change. Last week we were called and informed that Steve's mom may only have hours left with us, and so we spent Thursday evening with family by her side. It wasn't until we were home on Friday afternoon that the Lord took her home and away from her suffering here on earth. She had spent the last few years struggling with memory and breathing problems. While we are sad and will miss her presence here, we know that in heaven she is restored with Jesus, and that gives us peace. We know as believers, we will see her again, and we will just miss her until then. We have her legacy in each of the special people she has left behind. I had the honor of spending time with most of them over the last few days and sharing many fun memories with them. She and I had gotten closer over the last several years, and I will miss chatting with her about anything and everything. It is a hole that will be deeply felt in the family, as Steve's dad stated so well. 

Our children stayed with us over the weekend and we enjoyed that time together. Let us not forget how much our presence means to others at all times. It was the love that kept us going forward through all of these difficult periods in the last few years. It was the prayers of our friends and family members who understood what we needed and provided that patience, strength and comfort.  Never underestimate what you are able to provide. It may just be a hug, a card, a prayer, or a text, but it will not be forgotten. Just being present is more than enough if it's all you have to give. 

May God bless all of you who consoled us, and may you be consoled by the help and prayers of others who stand for you when you need them. 

"The Lord bless you 

and keep you;

the LORD make his face shine on you 

and be gracious to you;

the LORD turn his face toward you

and give you peace."

Numbers 6:24-26