Where Did You Find Christmas?

I just don't know how to sum up the Christmas season. It was so busy and full that I just don't know where I'd start. We saw many people over the course of a week, having had 3 major family gatherings in a matter of days. We celebrated a birthday (Serena's), and exerienced a death in the family (my dad's sister).

It's no wonder that I felt that all my gears were stuck in overdrive. I had so many things to do, so many places to be, that I just froze in place, a big ball of frustration. I was trying to perform miracles, at least that's how it felt to me. When did Christmas begin to feel like I am trying to climb a mountain wearing only slippers? I wish it didn't feel that way, because the spiritual side of me loves Christmas. The rest of me isn't so sold on all the hoopla.

What I want from Christmas and what I actually experience are often total polar opposites. We chose to opt out of one of the family gift exchanges this year. It just wasn't good for us financially to participate, knowing we were trying very hard to go "credit card free" this year. Knowing we were already cutting down on our own kids, knowing we don't even buy gifts for each other. Made good sense to us. Well, it would just be nice to be understood, knowing that we are the only single income family there. Maybe that bothers me more, knowing that after all this time, they still don't understand/respect my choice to be home to raise my girls. Yep. I am the black sheep in that family.

Yes, sometimes holidays just magnify the hurts that are already there. In some cases, of course. We did have some fun visiting with our down state nephews and our two great nieces just yesterday. I think the boys would love to stay with us longer, and we would love it too. It's so hard to leave after having so much fun with them. I made chocolate chip whoopie pies and I am now back in first place where aunts are concerned. (not that it matters, right?)

Our gifts to our parents this year were anything but simple. We typed up some "kindness koupons", which consisted of various tasks we as a family are willing to do for them. I just can't wait to wash my mother in law's windows!! :) I gave my sister several of my treasured recipes and a certificate for a "hot homemade meal of your choice delivered to your door". She was pretty excited about that. We printed out several pictures of my parents and my girls to give my siblings. We also gave out our homemade salsa verde we worked so hard on this fall.

I found myself humming a Christmas song over and over these past few weeks..."Where can I find Christmas?" I think I spent a lot of time looking even though I know where it is. I spent a lot of time worrying, though I know that's not where it is. I looked at a lot of lights, heard a lot of music, sent and received some cards, and wrapped gifts. It just wasn't in any of those things, though some were enjoyable. I know now that no matter what is going on at Christmas and no matter what anyone thinks of our choices, we have to keep Christ in the heart of our Christmas or it just isn't worth it at all. And letting anything get in the way of the Real Reason we celebrate takes away the joy in our hearts.

So, I hope Christ was in your Christmas and I hope you follow Him into the New Year.