Check in

I'm back for a bit mostly to check in and say hello, hope you all enjoyed the holiday season! 

We are still without an internet provider since ours went out of business. Frustrating...

Christmas was unusual this year in many ways. The "cliff notes" version is that sickness prevailed and we didn't go anywhere. There were some ups, some downs, another loss in the family, though not by death, and I am happy that 2014 is over. Enough said. 

On a good note, I was able to get in some cross country skiing, until my boot broke. Typical. But I was thrilled, nonetheless, that I am not confined to a chair, wishing I was dead. So, there's that. 

I have lost 10 pounds, which was a surprise! I don't make a habit of weighing myself, but I consider that a really nice way to start the year. Thank you, medication! One good side effect. 

Since my brother passed 2 months ago, 2 fine friends have sent me books on grief, and it has helped me very much. Not just the books, but the sweet gesture. Most people have stopped mentioning my brother to me. In fact, no one asks. I guess they are afraid to upset me. It's okay. I do understand that. I think that's why hugs and smiles are the world's best communication tools. 

I have found myself very preoccupied lately and not really joining in with my family as much. I think it's a bit of my "turtling" kicking in. I tend to bury the emotion, but then disconnect. Gotta work on that. I get a little robotic in the winter... Not enough sun to keep me going. 

I face the new year with trepidation, not expectation. Hoping for a better year, but afraid even to hope for that. I looked back over the things I prayed about over the last year and found many of my prayers were answered with an opposite result.  I find myself wondering about that. 

Hope your year is blessed.